I am having an annual assessment for my current occupation this Wednesday, so I am supposed to study. I can't. I just can't. I need to write this. Well, due to Tun M's recent fever, I can safely quote him on writing more because he loves to write.
Here goes. I shall write this in a most reflective manner possible, mainly because it involves each of us Malaysians. If you're not a Malaysian, just read this to kill time.
Problems with Malaysians today.
Blame the parents. Or blame the previous government for the last 61 years. Malaysians only know how to ASK. LIKE A BEGGAR. There I said it.
Do you know why Malaysians remain as a developing nation despite our rich source?
Corruption? Partly.
We can't conveniently blame our current nation's state to the corrupted officials. Yes they are the ones who openly stole our money. But they would have never been able to do that if we did not allow them. We were the ones that allowed them to do so.
Yes, it is us Malaysians. We are at fault.
Why?
Because we only know how to sit there and expect people to give everything to us. We depend on the government for everything. From 1957, we depended on the British to give us independence. It was only an effort from the late Tunku Abdul Rahman's side to fight for independence. From the very beginning, the people there already had it easy. Independence without shedding a blood and sweat.
Over time, Malaysians (I shall use Malaysians here so as not to incite any racial hate) became so dependent on handouts that the corrupted government decided to use this to their advantage. The previous wins for BN was mainly due to government giving handouts (cash, rice, water supply) to the people, making them believing that there is such thing called free lunch in this world. They, citizens of Malaysia, were reduced to being beggars, believing that they exist just to exist unless some Good Samaritan in the guise of a government gave them something out of the ordinary. As the result, they felt that they do not have to work hard because they will be fed by the government. Such is past.
Due to this "give me" mentality, Malaysians here were so lazy to do blue collar jobs that the government decided to hire foreign labour instead. This is why nowadays in KL we see Bangladeshis, Indonesians and Burmese as cooks for local cuisines. They were the ones preparing Malay food, mamak food, Chinese food etc. We see Nepalese working as security guards in commercial buildings and banks. Our safety were in these foreigners' hands. Why? Because Malaysians are too proud to do those jobs. They do not want to work hard for their own nation yet want to reap all benefits. I can safely say that the foreign labour are the main contributors to building MRT, LRT and high-rise buildings. Oh and roads. For us spoilt Malaysians to drive onto, and then contribute to accidents due to their own lack of common sense on the road.
In Malaysia, we have cleaners in fast food restaurants who clear our tray. I think this only happens in Malaysia. In first world countries like Taiwan, Korea, Japan and Australia, customers clear their own trays. In Malaysia also, we have grass cutters and plumbers attending our households and gardens. You don't see this in developed nations like Australia or England. Your house, your responsibility. Each resident of a household is responsible for cutting grass, while the other person is responsible for fixing a blocked sink. Again, this is apparent that Malaysians are too lazy to even cut grass or clear up their tables in a fast food restaurant.
Need me say more?
Yes, of course.
I find being a Malaysian pretty shameful lately. We want a 93-year-old old man to implement abolishing GST, yet we do not do something to contribute to this. As Malaysians, I believe our role is so much more than just colouring our finger with indelible ink. We do not need to wait for a group of elders to help us abolish GST and clear off RM600 billion worth of debt. We do not just sit there and complain to a 93-year-old man regarding the expensive price of goods.
We can do much more than that. Malaysians good in economics and finance, contribute. I do not know how to contribute as I am not an expert in this, but surely there is something I can contribute to. Malaysians having abundant knowledge on technology, be part of digital advancement of the nation. Malaysians well-equipped with education, contribute to education paradigm shift.
Maybe I should reconsider taking Masters. Just maybe.
Malaysians, please walk the talk. Work, not complain.
Sunday, May 20, 2018
Saturday, May 12, 2018
Why Malaysians Forgive Tun Dr Mahathir (TDM)
"A pen is mightier than a sword."
One of the reasons why Tun Dr Mahathir (TDM) was so articulate and eloquent (he still is) is due to his excessive writing habits in the 70s, as claimed by his truly in his Instagram account. If he was able to write so many despite being a busy doctor, there is no reason why I could not get up and write this piece of essay.
Now, as the title goes, I believe that there are still some individuals out there who still could not forgive TDM and wondered why majority of Malaysians did. They could not understand why Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim (DSAI), the man whom TDM sent to jail decades ago, decided to forgive him and let him anchor the party he led during his tenure in prison.
But why?
After all, TDM was the one who started the racism shit, taking away rakyats' (Malaysians) freedom of speech and then oppressing them over the years (Ops Lalang, ISA, DSAI scandal etc), mega corruption and mostly just himself being power hungry. Najib just continued his legacy right? Melayu mudah lupa ke? (Do Malays forget easily?)
Yes he did.
And now he is paying the price of it. He became Prime Minister twice in Malaysia, but under different circumstances. When he first took over the role in 1981, Malaysia was in good hands under Tun Hussein Onn, who was Bapa Perpaduann (Father of Unity) back then. The value of MYR was almost equal to SGD during that time, and was trading steadily around 1:2.5 for USD:MYR. One can own a house with only RM10k needed. Of course one may argue that there was recession in 1980s during his tenure, but at least that happened DURING his tenure, not inherited by previous ruler. At present, Malaysia has a total national debt (not including gross external debt) of RM648 billion. And to whom Malaysians owe the most money to, among the RM648 billion? EPF (Employee Provident Fund) and PTF (Pension Trust Fund). In layman's terms, our future money. Government owes us Malaysians money. It makes sense if government is borrowing Malaysians' funds for development of the country. But, what type of development does our country experience? For transportation, we have inconvenient railway lines of which majority of Malaysians prefer to depend on their own vehicles due to convenience. Going digital? Long way to go, as compared to our tiny island neighbour. Health? Using others' technology. Oil and gas? Mostly dependent on contractors (no offense really). So where does the money go to? And now TDM had to lessen the huge debt which was not in balance with our country's treasury. A huge headache for him to inherit.
Then again, why was he willingly taking the trouble to inherit the shit (which people might argue that it was caused by him at the first place) at an age of 93? Malaysia might be the next Greece if he didn't do something, but why him?
Some time ago, TDM apologized after years of criticizing Najib's shortcomings in administrating the country. To me, it began to hit him that his past doings of corruption and money laundering (with his minister friends whom I shall not name) for decades finally took a toll in Malaysia...in the hands of greedy Najib. He began to see the rotten side effects of corruption. Malaysia, a country with high potential of development and success, is currently a laughingstock, with its economy slowly being penetrated by PRC investors. Malaysian pride were all flushed down the drain. No one cares about Twin Towers anymore when there were news of 1MDB scandal everywhere, which even involved international celebrities (Leonardo diCaprio, Miranda Kerr). And he could see Malaysians' spending power decreased significantly every year, to the point of resorting to #2kerja (doing 2 jobs) just to cope with increasing daily expenses.
Honestly, I was doubting his intention in apologizing and him re-entering politics. But if you actually used your brain to think through, it does not make sense for him, a 92-year-old retiree, to shoulder the responsibility while trying to correct the wrong. To someone like him, it is not worth going through all the trouble wasting energy and brain cells to take over a country full of debts and lost confidence. With millions of eyes (especially MPs in the cabinet from his own team) watching him, it doesn't make sense for him to try to embezzle government's funds. For his son? Perhaps, maybe 20 years down the road which was a very uncertain thing so there is no way for him to put on such a huge risk for something uncertain. Any possible agenda? I honestly do not know. He may have some agendas that you and I cannot think of, but to me if it does not concern us rakyat, then why should it matter?
I only know that he walks the talk. He wanted to bring down Najib and the totalitarian government, and he did. He stepped up into politics, joined the campaigns, faced snide remarks and humiliation by Malaysians whom he used to serve for and gave endless talks in an opposition party, of whom those people used to hate him to guts. He walked through the fire and went through all the trouble, just to keep his promise to the rakyat. And he did. He worked immediately after having his Prime Minister post officiated just to keep his promise to the rakyat. He immediately requested for Royal Pardon towards DSAI by Yang di-Pertuan Agong (YDPA) right after becoming the Prime Minister, just to keep his promise to DSAI and Pakatan Harapan (PH) members.
He is a man of his words. So there is every single reason why we can take his apology, word by word to heart.
Now that I see glimpse of hope in Malaysia, I wish to be part of the contribution towards advancement of Malaysian economics. I wish. I wish. I wish. I believe there will be opportunities.
Thank you, TDM for restoring faith towards Malaysians. Thank you, TDM for keeping your promises.
One of the reasons why Tun Dr Mahathir (TDM) was so articulate and eloquent (he still is) is due to his excessive writing habits in the 70s, as claimed by his truly in his Instagram account. If he was able to write so many despite being a busy doctor, there is no reason why I could not get up and write this piece of essay.
Now, as the title goes, I believe that there are still some individuals out there who still could not forgive TDM and wondered why majority of Malaysians did. They could not understand why Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim (DSAI), the man whom TDM sent to jail decades ago, decided to forgive him and let him anchor the party he led during his tenure in prison.
But why?
After all, TDM was the one who started the racism shit, taking away rakyats' (Malaysians) freedom of speech and then oppressing them over the years (Ops Lalang, ISA, DSAI scandal etc), mega corruption and mostly just himself being power hungry. Najib just continued his legacy right? Melayu mudah lupa ke? (Do Malays forget easily?)
Yes he did.
And now he is paying the price of it. He became Prime Minister twice in Malaysia, but under different circumstances. When he first took over the role in 1981, Malaysia was in good hands under Tun Hussein Onn, who was Bapa Perpaduann (Father of Unity) back then. The value of MYR was almost equal to SGD during that time, and was trading steadily around 1:2.5 for USD:MYR. One can own a house with only RM10k needed. Of course one may argue that there was recession in 1980s during his tenure, but at least that happened DURING his tenure, not inherited by previous ruler. At present, Malaysia has a total national debt (not including gross external debt) of RM648 billion. And to whom Malaysians owe the most money to, among the RM648 billion? EPF (Employee Provident Fund) and PTF (Pension Trust Fund). In layman's terms, our future money. Government owes us Malaysians money. It makes sense if government is borrowing Malaysians' funds for development of the country. But, what type of development does our country experience? For transportation, we have inconvenient railway lines of which majority of Malaysians prefer to depend on their own vehicles due to convenience. Going digital? Long way to go, as compared to our tiny island neighbour. Health? Using others' technology. Oil and gas? Mostly dependent on contractors (no offense really). So where does the money go to? And now TDM had to lessen the huge debt which was not in balance with our country's treasury. A huge headache for him to inherit.
Then again, why was he willingly taking the trouble to inherit the shit (which people might argue that it was caused by him at the first place) at an age of 93? Malaysia might be the next Greece if he didn't do something, but why him?
Some time ago, TDM apologized after years of criticizing Najib's shortcomings in administrating the country. To me, it began to hit him that his past doings of corruption and money laundering (with his minister friends whom I shall not name) for decades finally took a toll in Malaysia...in the hands of greedy Najib. He began to see the rotten side effects of corruption. Malaysia, a country with high potential of development and success, is currently a laughingstock, with its economy slowly being penetrated by PRC investors. Malaysian pride were all flushed down the drain. No one cares about Twin Towers anymore when there were news of 1MDB scandal everywhere, which even involved international celebrities (Leonardo diCaprio, Miranda Kerr). And he could see Malaysians' spending power decreased significantly every year, to the point of resorting to #2kerja (doing 2 jobs) just to cope with increasing daily expenses.
Honestly, I was doubting his intention in apologizing and him re-entering politics. But if you actually used your brain to think through, it does not make sense for him, a 92-year-old retiree, to shoulder the responsibility while trying to correct the wrong. To someone like him, it is not worth going through all the trouble wasting energy and brain cells to take over a country full of debts and lost confidence. With millions of eyes (especially MPs in the cabinet from his own team) watching him, it doesn't make sense for him to try to embezzle government's funds. For his son? Perhaps, maybe 20 years down the road which was a very uncertain thing so there is no way for him to put on such a huge risk for something uncertain. Any possible agenda? I honestly do not know. He may have some agendas that you and I cannot think of, but to me if it does not concern us rakyat, then why should it matter?
I only know that he walks the talk. He wanted to bring down Najib and the totalitarian government, and he did. He stepped up into politics, joined the campaigns, faced snide remarks and humiliation by Malaysians whom he used to serve for and gave endless talks in an opposition party, of whom those people used to hate him to guts. He walked through the fire and went through all the trouble, just to keep his promise to the rakyat. And he did. He worked immediately after having his Prime Minister post officiated just to keep his promise to the rakyat. He immediately requested for Royal Pardon towards DSAI by Yang di-Pertuan Agong (YDPA) right after becoming the Prime Minister, just to keep his promise to DSAI and Pakatan Harapan (PH) members.
He is a man of his words. So there is every single reason why we can take his apology, word by word to heart.
Now that I see glimpse of hope in Malaysia, I wish to be part of the contribution towards advancement of Malaysian economics. I wish. I wish. I wish. I believe there will be opportunities.
Thank you, TDM for restoring faith towards Malaysians. Thank you, TDM for keeping your promises.
Sunday, March 25, 2018
Significance of Good Friday
Lent is ending and Good Friday is approaching.
For a person who got closer to the world of Christianity (and still attempting to get even closer) only years after baptism and rigorously memorizing Bible verses, I find that people somewhat glorified Christmas more than Good Friday, which was the very reason how Christianity existed. I received snide remarks regarding Christians as sadistic hypocrites who glorify a man's death. Little did they know that the death was birth of everything else in this world.
Allow me to explain, so please hold your guns. For non-believers, I always believe in freedom of will, so you can always choose to disagree.
Throughout the stories in Old Testament, we read stories about the vital characters, themselves and nothing but themselves and how much God gave them (wisdom, wealth, kingdom, power, life, miracles), only asking for His people to glorify Him in return. These were the typical stories of what God can give and how much can a person take but not give in return. How people sin and become greedier and greedier despite God giving everything they asked for. Human nature. In fact, all God have ever asked for in return was obedience.
Then enter Jesus. He was just like any other man out there. Born in a manger out of wedlock by a Mary who claimed to be virgin. A plausible story could be her stating that to avoid being stoned/ostracized as she was engaged to Joseph, as she was possibly raped and at that time, the society was a full-fledged misogyny to the core so regardless of whether she was raped or not, no one there was to save her. It could be God's way of creating such way to give birth to Jesus. Then again, we cannot deny that God is capable of creating miracles (Sarah giving birth to Isaac at the age of 90) so she really could be conceived as a virgin from a holy seed planted in her womb.
Then the story started to sound different from here. Suddenly, the story focuses on how Jesus gave everyone else without asking for anything in return. He performed miracles out of the blue like walking on the water. He fed five thousand people with a few small fishes and several loaves of bread. He healed a blind man by simply spitting on the soil and rubbed it into the man's eyes. He taught people the proper God's teachings on how to become a better person instead of embroiling themselves deeper into a pit of greed and all other deadly sins because I lazy want to list them all here. He healed a man with leprosy while others avoided him like a plague. And the list goes on. Long story short, the story of a man named Jesus focused on how much He gave the people instead of how much God gave Him.
While He was alive, He taught us unconditional love. He taught us on values to become a better person and to be closer to God. He healed the sick and fed the hungry. He defended a woman who was accused of adultery when everyone else condemned her for it, by reminding us that all of us are sinners and we are no less better than her. He washed His disciples' feet and fed them with bread and wine, when it was usually the other way round.
Yet, people still sin. People still stray away from God.
So, Jesus ultimately gave us His final gift because all us humans were stubborn creatures. He gave us His own life. He gave us His own life in a most degrading manner possible, which was to die as a criminal. Jesus was wrongfully framed by the Pharisees for a crime He did not commit and was sentenced to death unjustly. I know, at one part he cried out, "Father, why have you forsaken me?". This was from someone who gave and gave and did nothing but giving everything yet God allowed Him to die.
Jesus died because of a crime He did not commit. It was how He died without committing a single sin. Jesus was born as a perfect man without sin. All He did was to give. Yet God did not perform miracles on Him when he was unjustly sentenced to death, by crucifixion. Why God gave everything to those characters in Old Testament when all they did was to take, but did nothing to save Jesus?
Because Jesus had to die. He had to go through a life as a perfect man, only to be killed for a crime he never commit. Ladies and gentlemen, this was how Jesus died shouldering all our sins even though he never commit a single sin throughout his life. It was a painful decision for God to make. To ultimately create a man in a most perfect form. Since men are created based on mirror image of God, then Jesus must be created based on mirror image of perfect God. Therefore, whatever He did was whatever exactly God himself would do should he be a human instead of a god. That was how a human being, although looking like all of us, was capable of giving and giving, be it miracles or valuable teachings, without asking anything else in return. Jesus was God Himself in the form of a man.
Alas, men being men, were too self-absorbed to see all these. They were so focused on themselves that they could not see that God was with them all the time, or more specifically, God's son, since that said son was born out of a normal human being's womb. God, not knowing anymore what to do, had Jesus carrying out His final mission, which was to sacrifice himself. By letting Himself being unjustly sentenced by the Pontius Pilate, who was afraid of the people out there, God was essentially letting us see how human beings were so afraid of losing their own side of humanity - sin that they abandoned God. Pontius Pilate's action was what most of the people did, which was to abandon God so that they can remain humanly and full of sins. Jesus, a perfect man, who had zero sin in him, had to bear trillions of sins so that the rest of the human beings are free of sins. That way, they can only find their way back to God.
The part where Jesus cried about being forsaken by His father showed us the consequences of sin. By allowing ourselves to be filled with sins, we are getting further away from God. Because Jesus had never sin before, He have always been connected to God. However, right before He died, God left him because of all the trillion sins He was bearing.
Needless to say, Jesus died. I do not know why He died on a Friday. Based on my own theory though (can always disagree with me!), since God created the world in six days, I assume that man and woman was created on the sixth day. So Jesus died on the fifth day, the day before man was created. Jesus had to die on the day before man was created so that a new, sinless man can be created and reborn again. And this is baptism, to die as a sinful person and reborn as a sinless person who accepted Christ as his/her saviour. I am not sure on the auspicious date for baptism though, as I am not entirely knowledgeable regarding the timeline and all.
I believe as a Christian, Jesus has already created the bridge between us and God. And that is when us Christians can feel God's presence around us. As a Christian, it is important for us to recognize the sins and avoid it however possible because sin is what drives us away from God. Never let Jesus' sacrifice be in vain, so that is why Good Friday is so significant to every Christians.
Of course, there are times when we question our faith, with myself included. We are after all, just ordinary human beings who wants to receive. Like how in relationships where a man and a woman need to voice out each other's insecurity, we should voice out our shaken faith to God and pray for Him to guide us back to Him.
Throughout this essay, the one vital drive that brings Good Friday is none other than love. Quote 1 Corinthians 13:13, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Jesus was an embodiment with these three things; love overpowers the other two though. Jesus had faith that human beings will someday turn back to God, which was why he never stopped giving and teaching. Jesus often hoped that people will acknowledge Him as God because clearly He was made in the image of God and performing miracles as a God. But most of all, Jesus loved us all that He had to die for us so that we finally notice Him and go back to Him.
Because nothing speaks louder than love when someone keeps giving and being taken advantage of, yet continues giving without getting anything back in return.
And this is Godly love.
Amen.
For a person who got closer to the world of Christianity (and still attempting to get even closer) only years after baptism and rigorously memorizing Bible verses, I find that people somewhat glorified Christmas more than Good Friday, which was the very reason how Christianity existed. I received snide remarks regarding Christians as sadistic hypocrites who glorify a man's death. Little did they know that the death was birth of everything else in this world.
Allow me to explain, so please hold your guns. For non-believers, I always believe in freedom of will, so you can always choose to disagree.
Throughout the stories in Old Testament, we read stories about the vital characters, themselves and nothing but themselves and how much God gave them (wisdom, wealth, kingdom, power, life, miracles), only asking for His people to glorify Him in return. These were the typical stories of what God can give and how much can a person take but not give in return. How people sin and become greedier and greedier despite God giving everything they asked for. Human nature. In fact, all God have ever asked for in return was obedience.
Then enter Jesus. He was just like any other man out there. Born in a manger out of wedlock by a Mary who claimed to be virgin. A plausible story could be her stating that to avoid being stoned/ostracized as she was engaged to Joseph, as she was possibly raped and at that time, the society was a full-fledged misogyny to the core so regardless of whether she was raped or not, no one there was to save her. It could be God's way of creating such way to give birth to Jesus. Then again, we cannot deny that God is capable of creating miracles (Sarah giving birth to Isaac at the age of 90) so she really could be conceived as a virgin from a holy seed planted in her womb.
Then the story started to sound different from here. Suddenly, the story focuses on how Jesus gave everyone else without asking for anything in return. He performed miracles out of the blue like walking on the water. He fed five thousand people with a few small fishes and several loaves of bread. He healed a blind man by simply spitting on the soil and rubbed it into the man's eyes. He taught people the proper God's teachings on how to become a better person instead of embroiling themselves deeper into a pit of greed and all other deadly sins because I lazy want to list them all here. He healed a man with leprosy while others avoided him like a plague. And the list goes on. Long story short, the story of a man named Jesus focused on how much He gave the people instead of how much God gave Him.
While He was alive, He taught us unconditional love. He taught us on values to become a better person and to be closer to God. He healed the sick and fed the hungry. He defended a woman who was accused of adultery when everyone else condemned her for it, by reminding us that all of us are sinners and we are no less better than her. He washed His disciples' feet and fed them with bread and wine, when it was usually the other way round.
Yet, people still sin. People still stray away from God.
So, Jesus ultimately gave us His final gift because all us humans were stubborn creatures. He gave us His own life. He gave us His own life in a most degrading manner possible, which was to die as a criminal. Jesus was wrongfully framed by the Pharisees for a crime He did not commit and was sentenced to death unjustly. I know, at one part he cried out, "Father, why have you forsaken me?". This was from someone who gave and gave and did nothing but giving everything yet God allowed Him to die.
Jesus died because of a crime He did not commit. It was how He died without committing a single sin. Jesus was born as a perfect man without sin. All He did was to give. Yet God did not perform miracles on Him when he was unjustly sentenced to death, by crucifixion. Why God gave everything to those characters in Old Testament when all they did was to take, but did nothing to save Jesus?
Because Jesus had to die. He had to go through a life as a perfect man, only to be killed for a crime he never commit. Ladies and gentlemen, this was how Jesus died shouldering all our sins even though he never commit a single sin throughout his life. It was a painful decision for God to make. To ultimately create a man in a most perfect form. Since men are created based on mirror image of God, then Jesus must be created based on mirror image of perfect God. Therefore, whatever He did was whatever exactly God himself would do should he be a human instead of a god. That was how a human being, although looking like all of us, was capable of giving and giving, be it miracles or valuable teachings, without asking anything else in return. Jesus was God Himself in the form of a man.
Alas, men being men, were too self-absorbed to see all these. They were so focused on themselves that they could not see that God was with them all the time, or more specifically, God's son, since that said son was born out of a normal human being's womb. God, not knowing anymore what to do, had Jesus carrying out His final mission, which was to sacrifice himself. By letting Himself being unjustly sentenced by the Pontius Pilate, who was afraid of the people out there, God was essentially letting us see how human beings were so afraid of losing their own side of humanity - sin that they abandoned God. Pontius Pilate's action was what most of the people did, which was to abandon God so that they can remain humanly and full of sins. Jesus, a perfect man, who had zero sin in him, had to bear trillions of sins so that the rest of the human beings are free of sins. That way, they can only find their way back to God.
The part where Jesus cried about being forsaken by His father showed us the consequences of sin. By allowing ourselves to be filled with sins, we are getting further away from God. Because Jesus had never sin before, He have always been connected to God. However, right before He died, God left him because of all the trillion sins He was bearing.
Needless to say, Jesus died. I do not know why He died on a Friday. Based on my own theory though (can always disagree with me!), since God created the world in six days, I assume that man and woman was created on the sixth day. So Jesus died on the fifth day, the day before man was created. Jesus had to die on the day before man was created so that a new, sinless man can be created and reborn again. And this is baptism, to die as a sinful person and reborn as a sinless person who accepted Christ as his/her saviour. I am not sure on the auspicious date for baptism though, as I am not entirely knowledgeable regarding the timeline and all.
I believe as a Christian, Jesus has already created the bridge between us and God. And that is when us Christians can feel God's presence around us. As a Christian, it is important for us to recognize the sins and avoid it however possible because sin is what drives us away from God. Never let Jesus' sacrifice be in vain, so that is why Good Friday is so significant to every Christians.
Of course, there are times when we question our faith, with myself included. We are after all, just ordinary human beings who wants to receive. Like how in relationships where a man and a woman need to voice out each other's insecurity, we should voice out our shaken faith to God and pray for Him to guide us back to Him.
Throughout this essay, the one vital drive that brings Good Friday is none other than love. Quote 1 Corinthians 13:13, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Jesus was an embodiment with these three things; love overpowers the other two though. Jesus had faith that human beings will someday turn back to God, which was why he never stopped giving and teaching. Jesus often hoped that people will acknowledge Him as God because clearly He was made in the image of God and performing miracles as a God. But most of all, Jesus loved us all that He had to die for us so that we finally notice Him and go back to Him.
Because nothing speaks louder than love when someone keeps giving and being taken advantage of, yet continues giving without getting anything back in return.
And this is Godly love.
Amen.
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
Penning Down 500 Days of Summer's Thoughts
Watched and rewatched 500 Days of Summer at different phase of life. I did not like it previously because it strayed away from the happily-ever-after usual. I like it currently though, because it reflects a part of growth in our lives.
We have been Tom before. Undeniably, we were also Summer. Let me jot down what I thought about both of these characters and why we could be either one of them, or both in many cases.
1) Tom
Someone who believed in true love and The One, which was greatly influenced by skewed idealism of a movie and pop songs. Someone who was in denial and often brushed off the bad things in life so that they remain happy by focusing only on the good things. Someone who believed in fairy tales and going against all odds so that he could finally reap the reward - together. And Summer fitted all these perfectly in his book. Why?
Summer was very beautiful.
Summer did not believe in love.
Summer was adventurous and daring. She brought out the dreamer side in him.
Summer constantly reminded him that they were never exclusive for each other.
Sounds familiar? It was similar, if not identical to fairy tales and hopelessly romantic novels. Two people who were completely opposites and were not supposed to be together due to internal or external issues, but ended up together anyway despite all odds. Like Romeo and Juliet (they died together so it counts), who were not supposed to be together because of societal pressure. Then again, how well did Romeo and Juliet knew each other? How sure were they in love? They just knew they were attracted to each other and they wanted to be together, against all odds. This was what was instilled into Tom's fragile mind. Romance, and happily ever after. Summer had the "not exclusive" barrier and Tom decided that it would be him to break the barrier, and who knows, one day the barrier will be broken and they would end up together. Very romantic. Besides, someone shy as Tom were taken aback by Summer's advances, which perhaps was never experience before. Similar to a pampered princess who never experienced adventure until she met a peasant. A great modern fairy tale to write on, except it was not a fairy tale in reality.
We were like this.
It took Summer and heartbreak for Tom to realize that love did not happen like fairy tales. We have to work for what we want. What if Tom was more assertive and made the call in their relationship? What if Tom went for his calling and decided to be an architect because he knew that was what he was good at? What if Tom was more confident in himself and made it clear with Summer from the start that it was either labels or nothing? What if Tom man up and told Summer he wanted to be with her as his boyfriend when she asked him whether he liked her or not?
Would it make any difference? Perhaps Summer would still reject Tom regardless. But at least there was a closure from the start, and therefore there would not be a need of 500 days so that he could finally see Autumn (pun intended).
But.
We never know. And this is life. Full of uncertainties. And opportunities seldom come twice. So we either wait for the opportunity, or we create it.
2) Summer
Summer was one screwed up individual. She was a confused lost puppy, who did not have a good childhood to begin with due to her parents' divorce at her very tender age. As a result, she created a barrier in her heart to prevent anyone from hurting her.
Somehow she believed in love though, as much as she denied it even from the start. Her previous relationships and how she mentioned "life" when Tom asked about how her relationships ended. There was a melancholic look in her eyes, indicating that as much as she loved her exes, they did not end well. It was probably because she did not want them to end at the very first place.
Throughout the course of the series, it was clear that Summer was attracted to Tom, and still attracted to him even after she was married. We could see that Summer tried. It was pretty obvious when a girl opened up her vulnerability to a man. Sadly, Tom did not, I repeat, DID NOT listen to her. What a woman wants in a man is for him to listen to her. Tom did not truly get to know her as a person inside out. Perhaps this was why Summer would never be sure of him.
So she did get married in the end. Was the marriage happy? Perhaps. Was Summer happy? I personally do not think so. She was hung up with "what if" with Tom so hard for her to wait for him at his favourite spot. Good for Tom because he finally had his closure. But good for Summer? No happily married woman would wait for her ex-fling at his favourite spot and held his hand after. Was Summer impulsive when she married the man? Perhaps. Perhaps she was brought upon the idea of love by Tom so much that she carried it with her and married herself to a man who asked her about the book. It could be Summer who ended up in love with the idea of love because of Tom's influence, not so much on the man himself.
I realized a pattern of insecure people. They would very much push away someone they deeply cared a lot about, in fear of getting hurt in return. Summer was one of them. She was impulsive and acted without thinking beforehand. Then when she stopped and thought back she decided to protect herself by fending off the people who made a huge impact in her heart. She was hurt before, and she would not allow herself to be hurt anymore.
I was both Tom and Summer. Not that I was exactly them, but there were pretty much similar in both aspects.
From this movie and my experiences though, I learned that love was not enough to keep a marriage. Love was never enough to keep two people together. There were too many things to consider, especially when we are looking for lifetime commitment. For those seeking thrill and excitement, go ahead and date as many as you want.
So, which one are you? :)
We have been Tom before. Undeniably, we were also Summer. Let me jot down what I thought about both of these characters and why we could be either one of them, or both in many cases.
1) Tom
Someone who believed in true love and The One, which was greatly influenced by skewed idealism of a movie and pop songs. Someone who was in denial and often brushed off the bad things in life so that they remain happy by focusing only on the good things. Someone who believed in fairy tales and going against all odds so that he could finally reap the reward - together. And Summer fitted all these perfectly in his book. Why?
Summer was very beautiful.
Summer did not believe in love.
Summer was adventurous and daring. She brought out the dreamer side in him.
Summer constantly reminded him that they were never exclusive for each other.
Sounds familiar? It was similar, if not identical to fairy tales and hopelessly romantic novels. Two people who were completely opposites and were not supposed to be together due to internal or external issues, but ended up together anyway despite all odds. Like Romeo and Juliet (they died together so it counts), who were not supposed to be together because of societal pressure. Then again, how well did Romeo and Juliet knew each other? How sure were they in love? They just knew they were attracted to each other and they wanted to be together, against all odds. This was what was instilled into Tom's fragile mind. Romance, and happily ever after. Summer had the "not exclusive" barrier and Tom decided that it would be him to break the barrier, and who knows, one day the barrier will be broken and they would end up together. Very romantic. Besides, someone shy as Tom were taken aback by Summer's advances, which perhaps was never experience before. Similar to a pampered princess who never experienced adventure until she met a peasant. A great modern fairy tale to write on, except it was not a fairy tale in reality.
We were like this.
It took Summer and heartbreak for Tom to realize that love did not happen like fairy tales. We have to work for what we want. What if Tom was more assertive and made the call in their relationship? What if Tom went for his calling and decided to be an architect because he knew that was what he was good at? What if Tom was more confident in himself and made it clear with Summer from the start that it was either labels or nothing? What if Tom man up and told Summer he wanted to be with her as his boyfriend when she asked him whether he liked her or not?
Would it make any difference? Perhaps Summer would still reject Tom regardless. But at least there was a closure from the start, and therefore there would not be a need of 500 days so that he could finally see Autumn (pun intended).
But.
We never know. And this is life. Full of uncertainties. And opportunities seldom come twice. So we either wait for the opportunity, or we create it.
2) Summer
Summer was one screwed up individual. She was a confused lost puppy, who did not have a good childhood to begin with due to her parents' divorce at her very tender age. As a result, she created a barrier in her heart to prevent anyone from hurting her.
Somehow she believed in love though, as much as she denied it even from the start. Her previous relationships and how she mentioned "life" when Tom asked about how her relationships ended. There was a melancholic look in her eyes, indicating that as much as she loved her exes, they did not end well. It was probably because she did not want them to end at the very first place.
Throughout the course of the series, it was clear that Summer was attracted to Tom, and still attracted to him even after she was married. We could see that Summer tried. It was pretty obvious when a girl opened up her vulnerability to a man. Sadly, Tom did not, I repeat, DID NOT listen to her. What a woman wants in a man is for him to listen to her. Tom did not truly get to know her as a person inside out. Perhaps this was why Summer would never be sure of him.
So she did get married in the end. Was the marriage happy? Perhaps. Was Summer happy? I personally do not think so. She was hung up with "what if" with Tom so hard for her to wait for him at his favourite spot. Good for Tom because he finally had his closure. But good for Summer? No happily married woman would wait for her ex-fling at his favourite spot and held his hand after. Was Summer impulsive when she married the man? Perhaps. Perhaps she was brought upon the idea of love by Tom so much that she carried it with her and married herself to a man who asked her about the book. It could be Summer who ended up in love with the idea of love because of Tom's influence, not so much on the man himself.
I realized a pattern of insecure people. They would very much push away someone they deeply cared a lot about, in fear of getting hurt in return. Summer was one of them. She was impulsive and acted without thinking beforehand. Then when she stopped and thought back she decided to protect herself by fending off the people who made a huge impact in her heart. She was hurt before, and she would not allow herself to be hurt anymore.
I was both Tom and Summer. Not that I was exactly them, but there were pretty much similar in both aspects.
From this movie and my experiences though, I learned that love was not enough to keep a marriage. Love was never enough to keep two people together. There were too many things to consider, especially when we are looking for lifetime commitment. For those seeking thrill and excitement, go ahead and date as many as you want.
So, which one are you? :)
Sunday, March 04, 2018
The World of Uniccus
Kay was staring outside the window of her dark, cold room. There were three little children cycling so perfectly. No signs of wobbling. No signs of imbalance. Just children perfectly cycling as if they were cycling on a straight cable. Were they that perfect from the start? Were they even supposed to be perfect?
Kay looked at the full-length mirror, seeing a reflection of herself. She was wearing a full-length brown robe, which was obviously oversized for someone lanky as her. She began to take off her robe. And looked at herself naked. She began examining each part of her body, from top to bottom. From her short brown hair to dark eyes, then her yellowish-porcelain skin wrapping her body tightly. There were several scars on her body, with the most apparent one below her belly button. It looked like a post-Caesarian scar, except it was not. It was not.
Tears were gradually shedding down from Kay's almond-shaped eyes. They rolled down to her chin, and dropped all the way to the floor. She looked down, seeing that she had no breasts. She looked at the mirror and touched her chest. She had no breasts. No, she used to have breasts. They were then removed. So was her sexual organs. Kay was neither a female nor male. She was a Uniccian. With a 2ii on her left wrist, she was therefore labelled as a Sader, the most common subclass among Uniccians.
Kay was the first generation of the Kingdom of Uniccus, a nation which is a definition of gender equality. There was no male or female; every Uniccian was the same. When Bakkhas, an asexual alien race with technology which was at least a millennial ahead of the human race, invaded Earth, they decided to rejuvenate the world into a better place. Hearing stories of human slavery, prostitution and rape, Bakkhas decided to unify gender and make them as one instead. They therefore surgically removed every human being's sexual organ so that they can no longer be defined by sex. After that, they were injected with Chryllstynophrone, a scientifically-enhanced mixture of hormones to kill of the remaining hormones in every human being that define the gender. Because of that, human beings, now known as Uniccians, could no longer procreate. Their DNAs were then taken, along with their sexual organs, to be kept for future manufacturing of Uniccians.
When Kay woke up in the surgical theater after the sex removal surgery, she remembered her reaction when she saw her dead lover Pierre beside her. She was entirely hysterical; she was especially shocked when she saw his dissembled penis lying beside him. He died from excessive bleeding during penis removal and shock, which many male human being suffered from the same fate. It was expected that 70% of Uniccians were female who survived the surgery.
Because Kay was not multi-talented and possess an average IQ with ordinary Chinese looks, she was therefore classified as a Sader, the second most bottom of the food chain. The top pyramid consist of Bakkhas, whom they deemed as most perfect and godlike, although they looked more fearful than beautiful with their blue skin, robot-like structure and slimy long hair that could be mistaken as a cloak. Their intelligence sure made up for it though, as their technology were the most unimaginable that even a human being could not actually create, such as capturing time (that was how they conquered Earth) and creating agricultural produce out of air and water because well, everything revolves around main elements C, H, N and O. The second layer of the pyramid consist of Fairies, the most beautiful, intelligent, talented and athletic human beings sans sexual organs. They were one level below Bakkhas, who were considered as royalty and they normally held high-ranking posts like government officials, owners of corporation and head of science research centers. Sader needs no introduction as they were ordinary human beings like you and I sans penis and vagina. The bottom of the food chain were Hambers, the slaves who did all the hard labour due to deformity.
The question is, how did all of them procreate when there was no existence of sexual organs? There comes Tube Research Centers, led by Fairies to create Uniccians based on the first generation's DNA. Because Bakkhas multiplied by themselves due to their asexual nature, they expected Uniccians to do the same.
This, to me, is one of the most horrifying dystopian storyline that I can think of. Can no longer continue because I am starting to feel tired. I need more ideas to continue this story. I think this can actually sell LEH. Inspired by fight for gender equality and the caste system. I know the names sound stupid so I'm open to receiving more ideas, especially on the naming part.
Thursday, March 01, 2018
The Misunderstood Introvert
I am an introvert. I can easily relate myself to a typical introvert. My Myers-Brigg Test results are INFP, with high score leaning towards Introvert and Feeler. Having said that, I still have plenty of people (acquaintances especially) who thought otherwise.
I get it. I go out often. I meet people often. I can somewhat (the somewhat comes from others who think I can properly strike conversations with people) talk with strangers. I talk a lot. I am loud.
Make it this way. These are the signs of an introvert (which suits my personality well):
1. NEED ME TIME. I need alone time. There are days which I just need to be alone. Extroverts can die if they do not meet interact with another human for even a day, or at most two days. On the other hand, I can die if I interact with people non-stop for two days in a row.
2. Normally seen having meals alone. Introverts prefer to have their meals alone and uninterrupted. Waiters trying to flirt with them? Stay away; you have been warned. There was once I almost splashed that thick-faced waiter with a glass of water just because he didn't get the memo and kept on flirting, which to me was borderline sexual harassment. Their worst nightmare though, is to bump into another acquaintance who happens to be a true blue extrovert. Once that happens, there goes their peaceful meals.
3. Prefers driving alone or wearing earphones in a public transport (for those who are too poor to afford a car). My brother used to ask me this question, "What is the big deal of asking your friends to give you a ride? You don't have genuine friends meh?" Yes, apart from not wanting to trouble them, the main reason is for me to have an alone time in the car to recharge after hours of chit-chatting with friends non-stop. I especially need that when I attend social events.
4. Usually wait for friendly extroverts to approach them in social events. Unsurprisingly, introverts are usually pleasant-looking or even attractive *cough*. When I attend networking events (in the name of work or when I am too nice to say no), somehow there will be kind people who approach me and strike conversations with me. There will be occasional awkward pauses, but other than that, they will be kind enough to keep the conversations going. And so do I, after many, many years of training to make small talks. Small talks then lead to point 5.
5. HATE SMALL TALKS. Look at points 3 and 4. Introverts are deep thinkers who hate meaningless, superficial small talks. Wherever I go, I usually pray that I will not bump into any familiar faces because I will have to think of questions like," What brings you here?" "Who do you come with?" "Where got cheap sale?" "Got this kind of event meh?" and the list goes on. The same goes for hitching a ride with others. Back in those Kerteh days, I used to hitch a ride with someone who drove to KL on some weekends. Imagine getting stuck with the person for 3++ hours. We will eventually run out of things to say. There comes my "keeping the conversations going" skill, by asking appropriate questions. That way, they will do all the talking for me to listen. Which was why sometimes I prefer to drive alone to KL (again, refer to point 3).
6. Difficult to say no. Despite being an introvert, I have people who regularly ask me out for dinner. I do not want to say no because I do not want to disappoint them. I am not sure if this is related to being an introvert, but I shall list it here to dispel the "why do I call myself an introvert if I often go out for dinner with others".
7. Build friendships, not networks. To introverts, networks are meaningless and superficial. But friendships last an eternity (that is, provided that the friends you make do not end up being a bitch). I treasure every single friendship, provided that they feel the same. I do have friends whom we ended up being drifted apart, but no hard feelings because things change. This is why I normally talk to less people but once we meet and start talking, we will end up being the loudest in the room. HAHAHA.
8. Prefer to express their thoughts and ideas on a platform rather than vocally. Like me, I prefer to articulate my rants via a journal, rather than shouting it out loud with a loudspeaker (literally LOL). I prefer to present a well-documented proposal and then presenting it to one person rather than giving a speech to the crowd. I used to like drawing, but it somehow drifted to writing. I still write today. I am trying to brush up my writing skills which have apparently gone rusty. Despite being so, I will still be vocal and voice out my dissatisfaction should anything goes wrong.
I hope that people out there will understand introverts better after reading this post from an introvert.
I get it. I go out often. I meet people often. I can somewhat (the somewhat comes from others who think I can properly strike conversations with people) talk with strangers. I talk a lot. I am loud.
Make it this way. These are the signs of an introvert (which suits my personality well):
1. NEED ME TIME. I need alone time. There are days which I just need to be alone. Extroverts can die if they do not meet interact with another human for even a day, or at most two days. On the other hand, I can die if I interact with people non-stop for two days in a row.
2. Normally seen having meals alone. Introverts prefer to have their meals alone and uninterrupted. Waiters trying to flirt with them? Stay away; you have been warned. There was once I almost splashed that thick-faced waiter with a glass of water just because he didn't get the memo and kept on flirting, which to me was borderline sexual harassment. Their worst nightmare though, is to bump into another acquaintance who happens to be a true blue extrovert. Once that happens, there goes their peaceful meals.
3. Prefers driving alone or wearing earphones in a public transport (for those who are too poor to afford a car). My brother used to ask me this question, "What is the big deal of asking your friends to give you a ride? You don't have genuine friends meh?" Yes, apart from not wanting to trouble them, the main reason is for me to have an alone time in the car to recharge after hours of chit-chatting with friends non-stop. I especially need that when I attend social events.
4. Usually wait for friendly extroverts to approach them in social events. Unsurprisingly, introverts are usually pleasant-looking or even attractive *cough*. When I attend networking events (in the name of work or when I am too nice to say no), somehow there will be kind people who approach me and strike conversations with me. There will be occasional awkward pauses, but other than that, they will be kind enough to keep the conversations going. And so do I, after many, many years of training to make small talks. Small talks then lead to point 5.
5. HATE SMALL TALKS. Look at points 3 and 4. Introverts are deep thinkers who hate meaningless, superficial small talks. Wherever I go, I usually pray that I will not bump into any familiar faces because I will have to think of questions like," What brings you here?" "Who do you come with?" "Where got cheap sale?" "Got this kind of event meh?" and the list goes on. The same goes for hitching a ride with others. Back in those Kerteh days, I used to hitch a ride with someone who drove to KL on some weekends. Imagine getting stuck with the person for 3++ hours. We will eventually run out of things to say. There comes my "keeping the conversations going" skill, by asking appropriate questions. That way, they will do all the talking for me to listen. Which was why sometimes I prefer to drive alone to KL (again, refer to point 3).
6. Difficult to say no. Despite being an introvert, I have people who regularly ask me out for dinner. I do not want to say no because I do not want to disappoint them. I am not sure if this is related to being an introvert, but I shall list it here to dispel the "why do I call myself an introvert if I often go out for dinner with others".
7. Build friendships, not networks. To introverts, networks are meaningless and superficial. But friendships last an eternity (that is, provided that the friends you make do not end up being a bitch). I treasure every single friendship, provided that they feel the same. I do have friends whom we ended up being drifted apart, but no hard feelings because things change. This is why I normally talk to less people but once we meet and start talking, we will end up being the loudest in the room. HAHAHA.
8. Prefer to express their thoughts and ideas on a platform rather than vocally. Like me, I prefer to articulate my rants via a journal, rather than shouting it out loud with a loudspeaker (literally LOL). I prefer to present a well-documented proposal and then presenting it to one person rather than giving a speech to the crowd. I used to like drawing, but it somehow drifted to writing. I still write today. I am trying to brush up my writing skills which have apparently gone rusty. Despite being so, I will still be vocal and voice out my dissatisfaction should anything goes wrong.
I hope that people out there will understand introverts better after reading this post from an introvert.
Saturday, February 24, 2018
Night Shift Musings
I guess one of the privileges of entering professional science workforce (specifically healthcare and engineering) is to experience night shift firsthand. I would never expect myself to be working on night shifts. I experienced working on a night shift for only a couple of times during a major turn around in my previous plant. Because it was during start up of the plant, most of us were busy (or trying to be busy, to be precise). Therefore we did not feel tired anything until sun rose. Anyway for those who do not know what a turn around is, a plant turn around is when the entire plant was being shut down for a period of time and have its equipment inside the plant repaired. During turn around, the production stopped entirely.
I told myself that it was okay to work on night shifts when the senior manager at the current plant asked me to work on shifts. It was temporary though, as I will be joining the normal hour executives after a few months to prepare for the upcoming turn around. Granted, it might sound pretty excruciating to work at night and have your biological clock all messed up, but a 4-days off after each rotation is what I need right now. Otherwise, how else can I go back home to Kuching as often as possible without sacrificing my annual leave?
Because it is 3am in the morning and most of my technicians are sleeping during this silent hour, let me share with you my first night shift experience.
First night shift:
6.45pm:
Drove into the plant. Stupid office clerk told me no shuttle available and did not even put the effort to ask. She just anyhow told me shift executives are no longer entitled to take shuttle bus. I think she just plainly hates me. The sun was setting. I walked into the plant, not knowing what to expect.
7.00pm:
Joined my technicians at the pantry. They had their dinner and I had mine. Because I heard too many stories on how night shift makes you fat, I stocked up organic rolled oats and low fat milk. While they happily devoured their home cooked dinner, I had my overnight oats instead. Recipe: Low fat milk, rolled oats and occassionally nuts/chia seed. Pour them in fridge and leave them overnight. Voila! My technicians jeered me for not joining them to get fat, but it is okay. Oat is healthy.
8.00pm:
I followed any random technician (depends on my mood) to take readings at his designated area. I was still amazed at the tab he was using to key in the readings. It is a good initiative to digitalize the information as hardcopy information either got lost, stolen or rotten (it is made of paper).
9.00pm:
Was not allowed to go into site as there was radiography going on at the flange which has leak. So I went into the control room instead and had a chit-chat with the panelmen. The chit-chat was purely professional, with exception of occasional "Bila nak kahwin" and "Bila balik Kuching". Despite their collected years of experiences, they were not fully well-equipped with knowledge. Having said that, they tried their best at the very least. I do not mind people who are not as knowledgeable as long as they try their best. I am not knowledgeable myself. I still do not know how to draw a complete process flow diagram of an ammonia process for my plant.
11.30pm:
Had the nightly class sessions with my team. Great way not to fall asleep.
1.30am:
I walked into the control room and saw the panelmen snoring away with lights off. Was slightly ticked off at first, but then empathy got better of me so I decided to leave them alone. Staff working night shift are more of standby staffs on site anyway, so when the plant itself do not cause trouble, why not sleep? As long as they respond should there be any major alarm or even trip, it is not wrong for them to sleep. But the best case scenario would definitely be them staying alert and continue monitoring the plant's performance most of the time. But nothing is perfect. I have to accept that. As for myself, sleepiness started to kick in too. So I'm not perfect too.
3.00am:
Tried to study more on plant process but nothing went in as I was too sleepy. I ended up playing games.
5.00am:
Went to pantry to refresh myself. Made myself a cup of Milo.
6.30am:
Handover session. I was not used to seeing staffs handing over their jobs personally. To me, it would be best if there was a short gathering to make sure every single incoming shift staff were aware of what happened during the previous shift. Voiced out once, and I could see them starting to get defensive so I just let it be and decided to make a change bit by bit as the time goes by.
7.00am:
Went into the car and drove home. I was EXTREMELY sleepy. I swore I almost had an accident while driving home as I felt too sluggish and my eyelids, my eyelids were too heavy to even lift up. Thankfully I managed to reach home in one piece half an hour later. I showered and scrambled to my heavenly king-sized bed and my plush duvet. (I am missing my bed right now as I typed out my bed)
My key takeaways:
1. I start to feel sluggish and sleepy from 2am onwards.
2. Basically 1am onwards is standby time. We are physically there to respond to any emergency. Hence, the workload at night is a lot less compared to day shift's workload.
3. Less stress during night shift. No managers to question you (except when anything bad happens to the plant). No executives to bombard you with emails and Whatsapp. Really, it is a bad idea to discuss work-related issues in Whatsapp. Digitalization doesn't mean intruding our own personal space for the sake of convenience. This is digital transformation done wrong.
4. Very quiet. I am starting to get used to this quietness.
5. More free time for self-reflection. The reason why I can post 2 blog posts for 2 nights in a row. Haha. Why no emoji I want to put laugh until cry emoji.
Good night and good morning.
I told myself that it was okay to work on night shifts when the senior manager at the current plant asked me to work on shifts. It was temporary though, as I will be joining the normal hour executives after a few months to prepare for the upcoming turn around. Granted, it might sound pretty excruciating to work at night and have your biological clock all messed up, but a 4-days off after each rotation is what I need right now. Otherwise, how else can I go back home to Kuching as often as possible without sacrificing my annual leave?
Because it is 3am in the morning and most of my technicians are sleeping during this silent hour, let me share with you my first night shift experience.
First night shift:
6.45pm:
Drove into the plant. Stupid office clerk told me no shuttle available and did not even put the effort to ask. She just anyhow told me shift executives are no longer entitled to take shuttle bus. I think she just plainly hates me. The sun was setting. I walked into the plant, not knowing what to expect.
7.00pm:
Joined my technicians at the pantry. They had their dinner and I had mine. Because I heard too many stories on how night shift makes you fat, I stocked up organic rolled oats and low fat milk. While they happily devoured their home cooked dinner, I had my overnight oats instead. Recipe: Low fat milk, rolled oats and occassionally nuts/chia seed. Pour them in fridge and leave them overnight. Voila! My technicians jeered me for not joining them to get fat, but it is okay. Oat is healthy.
8.00pm:
I followed any random technician (depends on my mood) to take readings at his designated area. I was still amazed at the tab he was using to key in the readings. It is a good initiative to digitalize the information as hardcopy information either got lost, stolen or rotten (it is made of paper).
9.00pm:
Was not allowed to go into site as there was radiography going on at the flange which has leak. So I went into the control room instead and had a chit-chat with the panelmen. The chit-chat was purely professional, with exception of occasional "Bila nak kahwin" and "Bila balik Kuching". Despite their collected years of experiences, they were not fully well-equipped with knowledge. Having said that, they tried their best at the very least. I do not mind people who are not as knowledgeable as long as they try their best. I am not knowledgeable myself. I still do not know how to draw a complete process flow diagram of an ammonia process for my plant.
11.30pm:
Had the nightly class sessions with my team. Great way not to fall asleep.
1.30am:
I walked into the control room and saw the panelmen snoring away with lights off. Was slightly ticked off at first, but then empathy got better of me so I decided to leave them alone. Staff working night shift are more of standby staffs on site anyway, so when the plant itself do not cause trouble, why not sleep? As long as they respond should there be any major alarm or even trip, it is not wrong for them to sleep. But the best case scenario would definitely be them staying alert and continue monitoring the plant's performance most of the time. But nothing is perfect. I have to accept that. As for myself, sleepiness started to kick in too. So I'm not perfect too.
3.00am:
Tried to study more on plant process but nothing went in as I was too sleepy. I ended up playing games.
5.00am:
Went to pantry to refresh myself. Made myself a cup of Milo.
6.30am:
Handover session. I was not used to seeing staffs handing over their jobs personally. To me, it would be best if there was a short gathering to make sure every single incoming shift staff were aware of what happened during the previous shift. Voiced out once, and I could see them starting to get defensive so I just let it be and decided to make a change bit by bit as the time goes by.
7.00am:
Went into the car and drove home. I was EXTREMELY sleepy. I swore I almost had an accident while driving home as I felt too sluggish and my eyelids, my eyelids were too heavy to even lift up. Thankfully I managed to reach home in one piece half an hour later. I showered and scrambled to my heavenly king-sized bed and my plush duvet. (I am missing my bed right now as I typed out my bed)
My key takeaways:
1. I start to feel sluggish and sleepy from 2am onwards.
2. Basically 1am onwards is standby time. We are physically there to respond to any emergency. Hence, the workload at night is a lot less compared to day shift's workload.
3. Less stress during night shift. No managers to question you (except when anything bad happens to the plant). No executives to bombard you with emails and Whatsapp. Really, it is a bad idea to discuss work-related issues in Whatsapp. Digitalization doesn't mean intruding our own personal space for the sake of convenience. This is digital transformation done wrong.
4. Very quiet. I am starting to get used to this quietness.
5. More free time for self-reflection. The reason why I can post 2 blog posts for 2 nights in a row. Haha. Why no emoji I want to put laugh until cry emoji.
Good night and good morning.
Thursday, February 22, 2018
2018...Exodus, Home and What's Next
In case you do not already know, I have been transferred to Bintulu from Kerteh early this year. 1 Jan to be exact. Truth to be told, I do not exactly wish to be transferred back to Bintulu. I would very much prefer Miri as the living cost is significantly lower, I have better social life there and there are more eatery choices. But who am I to complain anyway, as Bintulu has actually so much more to offer. At least more than Kerteh. You cannot find Korean food in Kerteh, but you can find not one, but TWO Korean eateries. I liked one of them (Hanwoori) because the food was cooked by a Korean, thus the legit Korean food being served, which was close to what I had in Seoul. I tried to make it a weekly treat to feed myself their kimchi jigae as it is a healthier alternative of luxury to me compared to steak or pasta.
I am sure most of you would have known that my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer last year and underwent surgery for the damned tumour removal in November. Because fighting cancer was a long batter and it will not easily go away with just one surgery, I had to make sure that I was within reach from home. Kerteh definitely wasn't, as I had to either take a bus (6 hours) or drive (4 hours) to KLIA, before riding on a 2-hour flight back to Kuching. Even if I wasn't a doctor and I could not do anything to heal her medically, I could at least get back home more often and try my best to give her as much morale support as possible.
2018 wasn't a smooth year to begin with, despite the good news of my exodus to Bintulu. I was assigned into a fertilizer plant, which consist of mainly ammonia and urea. I was assigned to be in-charge of ammonia (yes I smell toxic). Taking care of a plant that is more than 30 years old is truly a chore, especially when there are leaks and breakdowns happening almost every week. And I thought my previous plant was pretty bad. I was exposed to many types of toxic gases, namely hydrogen sulphide, ammonia, carbon monoxide and methane. As if this wasn't bad enough, I could tell that the culture was similar everywhere as long as the company is under the same mother company. Someone once quoted, "What differentiates you and everyone else is not how much you give, but how much the bosses know you". Pretty disheartening, I shall say. I can go on forever but I shall not disclose too much here.
It has been ages since I last ranted here. Judging at the current pace of my career development, I am absolutely sure I am going nowhere if this continues. Changing job at this time is definitely a no-no as I have my own commitment (read the 2nd paragraph). Masters? I just blew away my chance with Chevening, and besides, their "return to home country for 2 years" kinda turns me off so maybe it was not meant to be. It is not easy to change Malaysia, the fucked up government or even my organization unless I am a very prominent somebody. I had this experience at Teach For Malaysia when I realized that I was a nobody and contributed nothing except my 2 years to students for 2 years. I knew that there was not much to be done and could be done by even TFM, let alone the fellows. I knew I was branded as "selfish" and "hypocrite" when I made that decision to leave TFM right before the placement. But again, whatever I foresee could not be more right, as I realized that nothing can change anything in Malaysia (Malaysia boleh ma) unless I am VERY, VERY prominent. And to be prominent, I cannot stay in Malaysia for too long. It is damaging (I have seen how my colleagues are damaging the plants, profit and management) and demotivating. I know I am more than what I am today. But the damage done by my country towards me and other Malaysians sometimes tore me apart and burst me into tears. Racism, red tape, unhealthy (a better word to replace lazy) culture, politics over meritocracy (be it education, engineering or healthcare) and the thing that I am most allergic to: Upright stupidity yet God knows where their overflowing confidence comes from, which usually comes along with arrogance. In layman's terms, bodoh sombong. There I said it.
I do not know where will I be in the future. But one thing for sure, I will not just sit there and continue to rot. I will definitely work something out and create a change for myself good enough so that I can make changes one day. Just one day.
The end.
I am sure most of you would have known that my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer last year and underwent surgery for the damned tumour removal in November. Because fighting cancer was a long batter and it will not easily go away with just one surgery, I had to make sure that I was within reach from home. Kerteh definitely wasn't, as I had to either take a bus (6 hours) or drive (4 hours) to KLIA, before riding on a 2-hour flight back to Kuching. Even if I wasn't a doctor and I could not do anything to heal her medically, I could at least get back home more often and try my best to give her as much morale support as possible.
2018 wasn't a smooth year to begin with, despite the good news of my exodus to Bintulu. I was assigned into a fertilizer plant, which consist of mainly ammonia and urea. I was assigned to be in-charge of ammonia (yes I smell toxic). Taking care of a plant that is more than 30 years old is truly a chore, especially when there are leaks and breakdowns happening almost every week. And I thought my previous plant was pretty bad. I was exposed to many types of toxic gases, namely hydrogen sulphide, ammonia, carbon monoxide and methane. As if this wasn't bad enough, I could tell that the culture was similar everywhere as long as the company is under the same mother company. Someone once quoted, "What differentiates you and everyone else is not how much you give, but how much the bosses know you". Pretty disheartening, I shall say. I can go on forever but I shall not disclose too much here.
It has been ages since I last ranted here. Judging at the current pace of my career development, I am absolutely sure I am going nowhere if this continues. Changing job at this time is definitely a no-no as I have my own commitment (read the 2nd paragraph). Masters? I just blew away my chance with Chevening, and besides, their "return to home country for 2 years" kinda turns me off so maybe it was not meant to be. It is not easy to change Malaysia, the fucked up government or even my organization unless I am a very prominent somebody. I had this experience at Teach For Malaysia when I realized that I was a nobody and contributed nothing except my 2 years to students for 2 years. I knew that there was not much to be done and could be done by even TFM, let alone the fellows. I knew I was branded as "selfish" and "hypocrite" when I made that decision to leave TFM right before the placement. But again, whatever I foresee could not be more right, as I realized that nothing can change anything in Malaysia (Malaysia boleh ma) unless I am VERY, VERY prominent. And to be prominent, I cannot stay in Malaysia for too long. It is damaging (I have seen how my colleagues are damaging the plants, profit and management) and demotivating. I know I am more than what I am today. But the damage done by my country towards me and other Malaysians sometimes tore me apart and burst me into tears. Racism, red tape, unhealthy (a better word to replace lazy) culture, politics over meritocracy (be it education, engineering or healthcare) and the thing that I am most allergic to: Upright stupidity yet God knows where their overflowing confidence comes from, which usually comes along with arrogance. In layman's terms, bodoh sombong. There I said it.
I do not know where will I be in the future. But one thing for sure, I will not just sit there and continue to rot. I will definitely work something out and create a change for myself good enough so that I can make changes one day. Just one day.
The end.
Monday, May 01, 2017
Stop Politicizing Education!!!!
Recently, a certain minister made a very intelligent remark regarding not to award JPA scholarship to people who do not support the current government.
Today, I saw a post of a Malaysian Chinese female whose name was Lam Shu Jie. She obtained straight As was but denied scholarship from Malaysia. Long story short, other countries awarded her scholarships and is currently valuable in research field globally. I would like to ask the person who post this a question: What do you expect from posting such news?
Government politicizing education is nothing new. Years ago, Mahathir introduced PPMSI and I was one of the lucky "guinea pigs" who got to enjoy the privilege. In 2013 however, some smart-ass minister (forgot his name because he wasn't important enough to be stored in my aging brain cells) decided to revert back to PPMSBM. (Totally irrelevant but this is how the word "revert" should be used - returning something into an original state. NOT TO BE USED IN EMAILS TO ASK THE READER TO REPLY. TAKE NOTE.) Reason? Results dropped because the majority did not understand English. Real reason? Afraid Malaysians lupa daratan. See? An example of politicizing education in the name of protecting their hollow shells.
I was one of the victims of this. Back in 2008, I obtained my 2007 SPM result. 9A1s and 2A2s. According to my reliable source, co-curriculum accounts only 10% of decision-making when it comes to giving away scholarships. By right, the main decision-making factor would be meritocracy. Extras such as co-curriculum, parents' income (who is poorer), and even race should be secondary in case there are too many straight A students. I think the order of priority for decision-making should go like this:
Straight A1s -> straight As -> A1 for required subject -> parents' income -> co-curriculum -> race priority
The government, however, decided to put race as the top priority.
Let's take a look at my case here.
Scholarship applied: Engineering overseas (because I was pretty good at Chemistry so I naively thought Chemical Engineering was my thing)
Straight A1 = X
Straight As = /
A1 for required subjects = / (A1 for English, Maths, English for Science and Technology (pretty useless but normally an extra A1 subject for me as it was pretty easy to score back then but wait, it is not that useless after all because of the existence of PPMSI hahahaha forgive my ignorance), Add Maths, Science, Physics, Chemistry)
Parents' income = / (I put RM1500 at tax-filing section)
Co-curriculum = Considered / (I got borderline A because I was a prefect, an active member in RC, a secretary for Interact and represented my school for random essay-writing competitions so bolehlah)
Race = X (Chinese mah)
As a result, I studied Form 6 and scored a borderline 3 for my CGPA in STPM (although in most universities, the number of As matter WHYYY). I was bitter because of the stupid politics set up by the government. Silly me. I should have gotten over my bitterness and studied harder back then.
Look at people like Lam Shu Jie. Was she bitter? No, she wasn't. She seek for opportunities elsewhere and she is currently going somewhere. She did not let government's fucked-up politics screwed her up. Yes, it is a sad thing that many talent migrated elsewhere. Yes, it is sad to see brain drain happening in Malaysia.
Which is why, people in Malaysia who is currently bitter in Malaysia, do not give in to the government's political strategy to break Malaysians. Our government may be fucked up, but Malaysia is not. You can expand your horizons elsewhere and be somebody, but do not let the government affect you. Remember to vote even if you are shaping your fame in another country. Look at Datuk LCW. His talent unites us Malaysians even if it is only during the finals. Look at Dato Michelle Yeoh. She is now an international actress. Look at Jimmy Choo. He did not begin his designing career in Malaysia. But he still makes Malaysia proud. Be that someone who goes out of Malaysia, be successful and then do something to improve Malaysia. Be that someone who stays in Malaysia, make peace with other Malaysians and try to improve Malaysia from within.
Do not let the government win by feeling bitter towards those who did not obtain any scholarship after getting straight As for SPM. The government wants to divide us so that we are not united enough to overthrow them. Do not fall for that. Stay united, believe in change and topple the government so that we can create an ideal education. We can change the entire Ministry of Education by letting educators take over those corrupted ministers' places.
But for now, please do not feel bitter because the government has long politicizing our education. Go against that. If government do not want young Malay students to be proficient in English, we help those young Malay students to improve their English. Even urban students suffer to be honest, despite them being smacked right in the middle of the city. Government teachers who continue striving out there, good job. Give those urban poor free tuition when we are free, if we can.
By the way, I have not mentioned the result of fucked up education. You see, many young Malaysians today cannot even speak proper English. They cannot differentiate "revert" and "reply" in emails. Take a look at King CoCo. She is disguising her broken English in her accent. Actually, there are many Malaysians I know who do that (not as bad as CoCo though). Educated Malaysians I mean.
I shall stop ranting. I have not been writing for a long time. I miss writing.
Today, I saw a post of a Malaysian Chinese female whose name was Lam Shu Jie. She obtained straight As was but denied scholarship from Malaysia. Long story short, other countries awarded her scholarships and is currently valuable in research field globally. I would like to ask the person who post this a question: What do you expect from posting such news?
Government politicizing education is nothing new. Years ago, Mahathir introduced PPMSI and I was one of the lucky "guinea pigs" who got to enjoy the privilege. In 2013 however, some smart-ass minister (forgot his name because he wasn't important enough to be stored in my aging brain cells) decided to revert back to PPMSBM. (Totally irrelevant but this is how the word "revert" should be used - returning something into an original state. NOT TO BE USED IN EMAILS TO ASK THE READER TO REPLY. TAKE NOTE.) Reason? Results dropped because the majority did not understand English. Real reason? Afraid Malaysians lupa daratan. See? An example of politicizing education in the name of protecting their hollow shells.
I was one of the victims of this. Back in 2008, I obtained my 2007 SPM result. 9A1s and 2A2s. According to my reliable source, co-curriculum accounts only 10% of decision-making when it comes to giving away scholarships. By right, the main decision-making factor would be meritocracy. Extras such as co-curriculum, parents' income (who is poorer), and even race should be secondary in case there are too many straight A students. I think the order of priority for decision-making should go like this:
Straight A1s -> straight As -> A1 for required subject -> parents' income -> co-curriculum -> race priority
The government, however, decided to put race as the top priority.
Let's take a look at my case here.
Scholarship applied: Engineering overseas (because I was pretty good at Chemistry so I naively thought Chemical Engineering was my thing)
Straight A1 = X
Straight As = /
A1 for required subjects = / (A1 for English, Maths, English for Science and Technology (pretty useless but normally an extra A1 subject for me as it was pretty easy to score back then but wait, it is not that useless after all because of the existence of PPMSI hahahaha forgive my ignorance), Add Maths, Science, Physics, Chemistry)
Parents' income = / (I put RM1500 at tax-filing section)
Co-curriculum = Considered / (I got borderline A because I was a prefect, an active member in RC, a secretary for Interact and represented my school for random essay-writing competitions so bolehlah)
Race = X (Chinese mah)
As a result, I studied Form 6 and scored a borderline 3 for my CGPA in STPM (although in most universities, the number of As matter WHYYY). I was bitter because of the stupid politics set up by the government. Silly me. I should have gotten over my bitterness and studied harder back then.
Look at people like Lam Shu Jie. Was she bitter? No, she wasn't. She seek for opportunities elsewhere and she is currently going somewhere. She did not let government's fucked-up politics screwed her up. Yes, it is a sad thing that many talent migrated elsewhere. Yes, it is sad to see brain drain happening in Malaysia.
Which is why, people in Malaysia who is currently bitter in Malaysia, do not give in to the government's political strategy to break Malaysians. Our government may be fucked up, but Malaysia is not. You can expand your horizons elsewhere and be somebody, but do not let the government affect you. Remember to vote even if you are shaping your fame in another country. Look at Datuk LCW. His talent unites us Malaysians even if it is only during the finals. Look at Dato Michelle Yeoh. She is now an international actress. Look at Jimmy Choo. He did not begin his designing career in Malaysia. But he still makes Malaysia proud. Be that someone who goes out of Malaysia, be successful and then do something to improve Malaysia. Be that someone who stays in Malaysia, make peace with other Malaysians and try to improve Malaysia from within.
Do not let the government win by feeling bitter towards those who did not obtain any scholarship after getting straight As for SPM. The government wants to divide us so that we are not united enough to overthrow them. Do not fall for that. Stay united, believe in change and topple the government so that we can create an ideal education. We can change the entire Ministry of Education by letting educators take over those corrupted ministers' places.
But for now, please do not feel bitter because the government has long politicizing our education. Go against that. If government do not want young Malay students to be proficient in English, we help those young Malay students to improve their English. Even urban students suffer to be honest, despite them being smacked right in the middle of the city. Government teachers who continue striving out there, good job. Give those urban poor free tuition when we are free, if we can.
By the way, I have not mentioned the result of fucked up education. You see, many young Malaysians today cannot even speak proper English. They cannot differentiate "revert" and "reply" in emails. Take a look at King CoCo. She is disguising her broken English in her accent. Actually, there are many Malaysians I know who do that (not as bad as CoCo though). Educated Malaysians I mean.
I shall stop ranting. I have not been writing for a long time. I miss writing.
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Experiencing Divorce
This scenario is entirely fictional but it is based on a true story of what is happening around us.
Have you ever feel that way when your parents just announce their decision to divorce and you are torn in between both of them? Choosing either one of them will not be good for you because you will lose either one of them.
Your father is an asshole who only knows how to dig into your piggy bank whenever he feels the need to splurge even though he already has more than what he needs. When you can no longer give him that much money, he will start exploiting whatever talent you have. If you are good at singing, he will make you go to every single pub to perform and yet all the pay will end up in his pocket. If you are good-looking, he will make you a prostitute and sell you off to as many rich tycoons and as many times as possible until the rich tycoons will start getting tired of you and asked your father whether he has anymore daughters or not. If you own a weird insurance of RM2.6bil (kononnya a gift from your father's friend) and you can only withdraw it when you are injured, your father will think of ways to take those amount of money (by injuring you) and then put it inside his personal account, and then said that it was a donation from his personal friend, which is to fund your education. Doesn't sound like someone whom you would like to stay with right?
That leaves you with your mother. Your mother kept convincing you to follow her by reasoning out all the bad things your father had done to you. Every day, she kept reminding you about how much of an asshole your father is. Following your mother sounds very convincing as she has a stable job, thus being able to support your needs. However, your mother's fund is pretty much limited as compared to your father, and she may not be able to support your tertiary education. Maybe she could, if she tried. Then, you heard rumours that your mother may not be as nice as you thought. Rumours about your mother's alleged affair with unknown man has been circulating around, and it sounded like your mother was trying to make your father looked very bad so that she could cover her affair and thus able to gain half of your father's property after the divorce. She may want to win you so that she could obtain the alimony. It may not be true, but the possibility is there.
This boils down to: Then who should you follow?
Maybe you should just get yourself adopted to someone else instead. Just a thought.
Have you ever feel that way when your parents just announce their decision to divorce and you are torn in between both of them? Choosing either one of them will not be good for you because you will lose either one of them.
Your father is an asshole who only knows how to dig into your piggy bank whenever he feels the need to splurge even though he already has more than what he needs. When you can no longer give him that much money, he will start exploiting whatever talent you have. If you are good at singing, he will make you go to every single pub to perform and yet all the pay will end up in his pocket. If you are good-looking, he will make you a prostitute and sell you off to as many rich tycoons and as many times as possible until the rich tycoons will start getting tired of you and asked your father whether he has anymore daughters or not. If you own a weird insurance of RM2.6bil (kononnya a gift from your father's friend) and you can only withdraw it when you are injured, your father will think of ways to take those amount of money (by injuring you) and then put it inside his personal account, and then said that it was a donation from his personal friend, which is to fund your education. Doesn't sound like someone whom you would like to stay with right?
That leaves you with your mother. Your mother kept convincing you to follow her by reasoning out all the bad things your father had done to you. Every day, she kept reminding you about how much of an asshole your father is. Following your mother sounds very convincing as she has a stable job, thus being able to support your needs. However, your mother's fund is pretty much limited as compared to your father, and she may not be able to support your tertiary education. Maybe she could, if she tried. Then, you heard rumours that your mother may not be as nice as you thought. Rumours about your mother's alleged affair with unknown man has been circulating around, and it sounded like your mother was trying to make your father looked very bad so that she could cover her affair and thus able to gain half of your father's property after the divorce. She may want to win you so that she could obtain the alimony. It may not be true, but the possibility is there.
This boils down to: Then who should you follow?
Maybe you should just get yourself adopted to someone else instead. Just a thought.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Haze and Pollution
"Pollution happened because human beings tried to play being God by creating magic using God's creations." Yes I came up with this quote.
The climate changes faster than me changing clothes. I know it's absurd but unfortunately, it is true. I don't even know what kind of weather can I expect anymore. Flood last month in Kuching and now it is very hot in KL. Not to mention how early the haze season came this year (I thought it was usually during August-ish?).
I truly detest going out to the city each day and ended up coming home all dirty and sticky. The city is so dirty that one would appreciate showers a lot.
I can't even write a long blog post because of the hot weather and the amount of haze I'm breathing in.
The climate changes faster than me changing clothes. I know it's absurd but unfortunately, it is true. I don't even know what kind of weather can I expect anymore. Flood last month in Kuching and now it is very hot in KL. Not to mention how early the haze season came this year (I thought it was usually during August-ish?).
I truly detest going out to the city each day and ended up coming home all dirty and sticky. The city is so dirty that one would appreciate showers a lot.
I can't even write a long blog post because of the hot weather and the amount of haze I'm breathing in.
Sunday, February 07, 2016
One Step At A Time
I have this pet peeve of revisiting scars. Some things should have just ended years ago.
I'm still trying to stand at my own two feet. Still adjusting to discover my true self. Still trying to resist picking the scabs of my wounds that should have been left as scars.
I still go to bed feeling empty, no matter how tired I was prior to heading to bed.
I still have doubts that I can be loved, and deserve to be truly loved. Somehow I always feel there is something that stops me from being loved.
Am I doomed to be content towards being single until the end of time?
I had a dream of writing a book upon finding my uttermost happiness. I had a dream of drawing out the sweetest feeling, sweeter than a candy once I tasted the bliss. I always believed that I could feel that way if I found my other half which brings happiness to another level. But slowly I have to learn to accept that there can be no one but myself to bring joy upon myself.
Until then, I shall enjoy feeling happy from other ways possible.
Until then, I will always ask myself this one question: Is finding the right person who loves you deeply madly truly for who you are, naked inside out the uttermost happiness in your life?
I forgot when is the last time I ever smiled so sweetly I could feel the corners of my mouth near my ears.
Cool, blue emotions painting my soul despite the bright sunny day.
I'm still trying to stand at my own two feet. Still adjusting to discover my true self. Still trying to resist picking the scabs of my wounds that should have been left as scars.
I still go to bed feeling empty, no matter how tired I was prior to heading to bed.
I still have doubts that I can be loved, and deserve to be truly loved. Somehow I always feel there is something that stops me from being loved.
Am I doomed to be content towards being single until the end of time?
I had a dream of writing a book upon finding my uttermost happiness. I had a dream of drawing out the sweetest feeling, sweeter than a candy once I tasted the bliss. I always believed that I could feel that way if I found my other half which brings happiness to another level. But slowly I have to learn to accept that there can be no one but myself to bring joy upon myself.
Until then, I shall enjoy feeling happy from other ways possible.
Until then, I will always ask myself this one question: Is finding the right person who loves you deeply madly truly for who you are, naked inside out the uttermost happiness in your life?
I forgot when is the last time I ever smiled so sweetly I could feel the corners of my mouth near my ears.
Cool, blue emotions painting my soul despite the bright sunny day.
Friday, December 18, 2015
Random Thoughts, Thoughts and Thoughts
I woke up with a sharp pain on my right ear and yet was all dressed up to work. In the midst of the crowd inside the LRT, I suddenly realized that I should not go to work at all. On one side I could hear the sharp noise from the railway, while on the other side the noise was so sharp that I could feel the pain stabbing into my ear. Despite the pain, I heard nothing. I got scared. I panicked. I quickly WhatsApped my colleagues and manager, informing them that I would be getting a sick leave on that day. So many thoughts were swarming inside my head that morning. What if I was late for medical consultation that I might become deaf? What if I became deaf because of something unknown that happened to my ear? Do I need to learn sign language? Is sign language difficult? Will I lose my job once I become handicapped?
Long story short, I had my MC after consulting the doctor nearby my workplace and then thrown to Gleneagles like a ball for specialist check-up (ear very sensitive you know), and got my medicine so I am currently half-deaf.
Anyway, this is my first time taking an MC after three months of work (I broke my record HAHAHA). I went to work despite falling sick twice ok! Hence, I was not really used to staying at home on weekdays. Thankfully I had fever because of my infected ear so I spent most of my day sleeping away.
During the time I was not sleeping though, I did a lot of thinking. A LOT. I let my mind ran around and wandered away. I was thinking:
1. I love my family and I am a nerd. Thus, I am surrounded with family-oriented nerds who happened to be my colleagues. I was expecting the super-open, slightly badass oil and gas players like those whom I met in the clubs in Miri back then. But then they are so family-oriented and they were such good boys (mama's boys)! I can't help thinking how adorable those little boys are sometimes (yes ALL the colleagues in my HSE Engineer department are males). The "you are surrounded by who you are" thing exists. LOL.
2. Contrary to popular belief, the Malays that I knew at my workplace were liberal and rational. One would have expect that they are so sensitive that everything must be halal, only their opinions are entitled and no one else's bla3, they think they are superior and other races/religions are not and they are radicals. Don't believe everything on media. Even though they love spicy food, sing Malay song all the time and often eat with hands as depicted on media, they know what is right and what is wrong. They know when to defy the norm with logic instead of going with the flow, especially those senior managers and heads. And please, speaking with them, eating spicy food with hands and karaoke-ing Malay songs with them do not make me a Malay. Likewise, them speaking Chinese (I have a few colleagues who spoke Chinese fluently, sometimes even more fluent than myself *embarrassed*) and expressing their attraction to Chinese people do not make them Chinese. To start living harmoniously, please get rid of the "don't leave your roots" mentality.
3. I hate KL road system and transport. When I got off the LRT station at Jelatek, there is no taxi stand or any place for waiting. I had to call MyTeksi and asked the taxi driver to pick me up at the main road. And the main road is a highway LEH!!! Please, please, Malaysians, please improve your own knowledge and skills. No wonder our ministers are huge mistakes.
4. Speaking of knowledge and skill, my deepest regret was not to study much harder during university days when I had the chance. I was so engrossed with the fact that "to secure a job in an MNC, you need to fulfill CGPA of 3.5 and able to demonstrate leadership skills". Yeah thanks, because of that I was so focused on trying to obtain a CGPA of 3.5 instead of obtaining the knowledge which is worth the 3.5 of CGPA. Up till today, I felt that my knowledge in engineering was inadequate. Implementing process safety in engineering design? How and what? Master control in all engineering designs so that we do not need to control the little things anymore? Then what if the master control breaks down and there is no redundancy? But isn't redundancy of the master control itself difficult to replicate and may be even more complex as well? What am I even thinking? And process integration, is RAPID considered process integration? Or not? By integrating everything into one space, have one considered how to manage all the wastes? Will managing waste costlier than using more energy to recycle waste? From one process to another? Won't that contribute more to carbon footprint? I WANT TO TAKE MASTERS DEGREE CAN KAH BUT I NO MONEY NOW HOW?
5. I mentioned earlier about "fullfill 3.5 CGPA and demonstrate leadership skills". Do you know that not having adequate leadership skills but scoring a CGPA of 4.00 can also secure you a job in an MNC technically? Well at least in my company, technical people are highly prized. It's not easy to be technically capable you see. I always admire those who are technically capable. They know many things and those solutions they suggested were not merely bullshitting, but were backed up with their knowledge and experience. No offence, but nowadays people are so engrossed with sharpening their presentation skills that they basically forgot about sharpening their technical knowledge and common sense. You cannot be a bookworm and sacrifice common sense, but at the same time you cannot be a good marketer and sacrifice knowledge. Even if you sound like a boring nerd, if the words you spoke make total sense, then you are an asset. Not creative in presenting your ideas? Make use of young interns or fresh graduates. Let them play with your solutions and ideas while presenting them in a most creative manner possible. That way, they can learn more about the technical knowledge while sharpening their creativity at the same time. What I'm trying to say is, it's okay to be a nerd. If you cannot speak like a lawyer but at the same time you have a brain of a professor, just let it be. I admire those who speak words of substances more than those who sounded super convincing and yet only bullshitting away.
6. I'm still at my crossroads of my career. What will I be in 10 years' time? Is this job the right job for me?
7. At what age should I start investing in property? And where? Bintulu? High likely I will be going to Bintulu (MLNG extension and because upstream definitely tak boleh pakai and also because I am a Sarawakian so MLNG prefers Sarawakian). Or Miri? Or Kuching? Or KL? But I don't like living in KL. Transport itself is a huge turn off already. Not to forget everything in KL is mega expensive. And please, doing spontaneous plans in KL is a BAD IDEA. But I am investing, not permanently living right. I haven't found a place where I actually want to stay there until I die so perhaps properties are only investments for me as at now. Maybe in a year's time? Maybe two?
8. So sad that I have to live life like a poor, thrifty auntie. LRT trip to work costs me RM2.80 one way; budget taxi queue at my condo area costs me RM1.50 one way. Everything multiply by two meaning I spent RM8.60 per day for transport. Previously I only spent RM7.00. RM1.60 increase per day is, a lot. I also want to save money for travels, property investments, retirement fund etc leh? Hence, I have no choice but to resort to cooking daily. Sad life it is. Not to mention how expensive groceries are nowadays. I spent an average of RM50 weekly on groceries (I only buy meat like once a month; itu pun chicken only).
9. Why is growing up so difficult? I should just find a rich man who already owns properties and stable financial status and marry him. But then my ego got better of me and I want to earn my own money and pay for my own bills. At least now I am paying for my own bills and managed to give some to my family.
10.I don't want my life to grow old so fast. Continue to give thrills to others and to feel the excitement in my life. Even after I'm 30.
11. How come I haven't been exercising?
That's all that I think of on a day's leave (sick leave mind you).
Long story short, I had my MC after consulting the doctor nearby my workplace and then thrown to Gleneagles like a ball for specialist check-up (ear very sensitive you know), and got my medicine so I am currently half-deaf.
Anyway, this is my first time taking an MC after three months of work (I broke my record HAHAHA). I went to work despite falling sick twice ok! Hence, I was not really used to staying at home on weekdays. Thankfully I had fever because of my infected ear so I spent most of my day sleeping away.
During the time I was not sleeping though, I did a lot of thinking. A LOT. I let my mind ran around and wandered away. I was thinking:
1. I love my family and I am a nerd. Thus, I am surrounded with family-oriented nerds who happened to be my colleagues. I was expecting the super-open, slightly badass oil and gas players like those whom I met in the clubs in Miri back then. But then they are so family-oriented and they were such good boys (mama's boys)! I can't help thinking how adorable those little boys are sometimes (yes ALL the colleagues in my HSE Engineer department are males). The "you are surrounded by who you are" thing exists. LOL.
2. Contrary to popular belief, the Malays that I knew at my workplace were liberal and rational. One would have expect that they are so sensitive that everything must be halal, only their opinions are entitled and no one else's bla3, they think they are superior and other races/religions are not and they are radicals. Don't believe everything on media. Even though they love spicy food, sing Malay song all the time and often eat with hands as depicted on media, they know what is right and what is wrong. They know when to defy the norm with logic instead of going with the flow, especially those senior managers and heads. And please, speaking with them, eating spicy food with hands and karaoke-ing Malay songs with them do not make me a Malay. Likewise, them speaking Chinese (I have a few colleagues who spoke Chinese fluently, sometimes even more fluent than myself *embarrassed*) and expressing their attraction to Chinese people do not make them Chinese. To start living harmoniously, please get rid of the "don't leave your roots" mentality.
3. I hate KL road system and transport. When I got off the LRT station at Jelatek, there is no taxi stand or any place for waiting. I had to call MyTeksi and asked the taxi driver to pick me up at the main road. And the main road is a highway LEH!!! Please, please, Malaysians, please improve your own knowledge and skills. No wonder our ministers are huge mistakes.
4. Speaking of knowledge and skill, my deepest regret was not to study much harder during university days when I had the chance. I was so engrossed with the fact that "to secure a job in an MNC, you need to fulfill CGPA of 3.5 and able to demonstrate leadership skills". Yeah thanks, because of that I was so focused on trying to obtain a CGPA of 3.5 instead of obtaining the knowledge which is worth the 3.5 of CGPA. Up till today, I felt that my knowledge in engineering was inadequate. Implementing process safety in engineering design? How and what? Master control in all engineering designs so that we do not need to control the little things anymore? Then what if the master control breaks down and there is no redundancy? But isn't redundancy of the master control itself difficult to replicate and may be even more complex as well? What am I even thinking? And process integration, is RAPID considered process integration? Or not? By integrating everything into one space, have one considered how to manage all the wastes? Will managing waste costlier than using more energy to recycle waste? From one process to another? Won't that contribute more to carbon footprint? I WANT TO TAKE MASTERS DEGREE CAN KAH BUT I NO MONEY NOW HOW?
5. I mentioned earlier about "fullfill 3.5 CGPA and demonstrate leadership skills". Do you know that not having adequate leadership skills but scoring a CGPA of 4.00 can also secure you a job in an MNC technically? Well at least in my company, technical people are highly prized. It's not easy to be technically capable you see. I always admire those who are technically capable. They know many things and those solutions they suggested were not merely bullshitting, but were backed up with their knowledge and experience. No offence, but nowadays people are so engrossed with sharpening their presentation skills that they basically forgot about sharpening their technical knowledge and common sense. You cannot be a bookworm and sacrifice common sense, but at the same time you cannot be a good marketer and sacrifice knowledge. Even if you sound like a boring nerd, if the words you spoke make total sense, then you are an asset. Not creative in presenting your ideas? Make use of young interns or fresh graduates. Let them play with your solutions and ideas while presenting them in a most creative manner possible. That way, they can learn more about the technical knowledge while sharpening their creativity at the same time. What I'm trying to say is, it's okay to be a nerd. If you cannot speak like a lawyer but at the same time you have a brain of a professor, just let it be. I admire those who speak words of substances more than those who sounded super convincing and yet only bullshitting away.
6. I'm still at my crossroads of my career. What will I be in 10 years' time? Is this job the right job for me?
7. At what age should I start investing in property? And where? Bintulu? High likely I will be going to Bintulu (MLNG extension and because upstream definitely tak boleh pakai and also because I am a Sarawakian so MLNG prefers Sarawakian). Or Miri? Or Kuching? Or KL? But I don't like living in KL. Transport itself is a huge turn off already. Not to forget everything in KL is mega expensive. And please, doing spontaneous plans in KL is a BAD IDEA. But I am investing, not permanently living right. I haven't found a place where I actually want to stay there until I die so perhaps properties are only investments for me as at now. Maybe in a year's time? Maybe two?
8. So sad that I have to live life like a poor, thrifty auntie. LRT trip to work costs me RM2.80 one way; budget taxi queue at my condo area costs me RM1.50 one way. Everything multiply by two meaning I spent RM8.60 per day for transport. Previously I only spent RM7.00. RM1.60 increase per day is, a lot. I also want to save money for travels, property investments, retirement fund etc leh? Hence, I have no choice but to resort to cooking daily. Sad life it is. Not to mention how expensive groceries are nowadays. I spent an average of RM50 weekly on groceries (I only buy meat like once a month; itu pun chicken only).
9. Why is growing up so difficult? I should just find a rich man who already owns properties and stable financial status and marry him. But then my ego got better of me and I want to earn my own money and pay for my own bills. At least now I am paying for my own bills and managed to give some to my family.
10.I don't want my life to grow old so fast. Continue to give thrills to others and to feel the excitement in my life. Even after I'm 30.
11. How come I haven't been exercising?
That's all that I think of on a day's leave (sick leave mind you).
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Shopping for Women's Cardigan
I have a problem that every OL faces. Especially for those who work in corporate world and will meet managers, Datuks and VPs quite often (although they will not remember this small peanut junior executive like me).
I like sleeveless dresses and blouses but I cannot wear them to office just like that! Not to mention the ridiculous below knee-length skirts and covered shoes, plus the "please-put-on-makeup" rule. Akibatnya, I wear long pants on a daily basis (although sometimes I wear skirts as well). But don't you all women (who read this blog of course) agree with me that sleeveless blouses and dresses are usually the most fashionable ones?
There is one way to wear those sleeveless fashionable clothes in the office of course. Outerwear. But what outerwear exactly? I have suit (reserved for meeting and to match my pants if I wear sleeveless), I have hoodie, I have sweater, I have coat and I have cardigan. If you do not have meeting on that day and you decided to wear some fashionable blouse and skirt, you will have that common sense that the suit is truly out of place in the name of fashion. Hoodie is out of the question as well, since it does not look professional in the office. Coat? You won't want to carry a heavy coat around the LRT (for those who take LRT like me). Sweater? Slightly unprofessional-looking, I would say.
It then boils down to just cardigan. Cardigans, in my honest opinion, is the most versatile outerwear for any woman who is fashion-conscious. You can easily match any office wear with cardigans. Cardigans are not limited to just sleeveless blouses; you can wear long sleeved-blouse and match it with a lovely cardigan as well. I have two in fact; black H&M and grey Cotton On cardigans respectively. Well of course, cardigans are not only limited to office wear, unlike suits. You can wear cardigans for a casual outing, a movie session in a cinema, a date night and even an evening party. Long story short, cardigans are categorized as "must-have" in any woman's wardrobe list.
You have two choices; head to the nearest shopping mall or start online shopping right with your laptop/smartphone (nowadays people use their phones for anything literally!). I would recommend the latter due to the honest reasons below;
1. For those living in KL:
- Human traffic (if you use public transport) or massive road jam (if you drive).
- Increased public transport fares (if you use public transport) and toll hike (if you drive).
Seriously, these reasons are more than enough.
2. For those living outside KL (who hail from Sarawak, like me *ahem*):
- Not much choices.
- Usually, those brand names (H&M, Cotton On, Mango, Esprit etc) ship over the unfinished stock from KL to East Malaysia so that they can bring in new stock for sale. So you get old stock if you shop in Sarawak (sad right).
I still love Sarawak though.
Hence, Sarawakians like me will always opt for online shopping. When I was in Sarawak, I got to choose up-to-date fashion and had them delivered right up to my doorstep instead of flying all the way to KL to shop. Now that I live in KL, I am much closer to all those fashionable brand names (f block, Dressing Paula, Topshop etc). Yet I still shop online, because of the reasons mentioned above.
Online shopping is pretty risky though. You do not get to see the actual product UNTIL you have it delivered right up to your doorstep. You risk having the goods:
1. Damaged and could not be returned once delivered. You are unable to check the condition of the goods beforehand because common sense, delivery is a one-way thing. Couriering back the damaged goods means paying another sum of postage fees and you may not guarantee getting something similar. Scary right?
2. Not as expected from the catalogue. Sometimes, it's the photographer's skills that sells the product instead of the product itself. The angle was so good that you were sold, but when the actual product arrives at the doorstep, it may be different from what you expected.
3. Size may not be right. Measurements vary for each brand. Again, the trouble of exchanging goods.
Sounds so ironic for someone who claims to shop online often.
I only have three online websites which I am loyal to. Those are Zalora, Lazada and PMC (Pestle 7 Mortar Clothing) respectively. Zalora because it has gazillion choices of everything any human being wears, provides 30-day goods return policy and COD (Cash on Delivery). Lazada because it is cheap. PMC because it is fashionable and during Black Friday it gets super cheap (free delivery as well leh).
However, the bad news is I can only buy cardigans from Zalora because those mentioned online shopping sites do not sell cardigans. Zalora has different types of women's cardigans which not only scores excellently in fashion sense, but also reasonably priced. Basically, the women's cardigans are divided into three types as below, with a slight touch of fashion advice.
1. Cotton Cardigan
For the individuals who prefer a simple look and outerwear which can be worn as a day-
to-day outfit can opt for a nice cotton cardigan. Cotton cardigan gives women that cute
sweet appeal and brings out your feminine side to others. Besides that, this type of
cardigan is suitable for women to wear on a day out as it has a very lightweight material.
The cotton cardigans are perfect for women to add into their closet as they will never go
out of style.
2. Knitted
Meanwhile, ladies who want outer wears that can give you that warmth feeling will love
the knitted cardigans and sweaters. The knitter outer wear absolutely makes you feel
comfortable in cold settings or weather and still look stylish effortlessly. Layer it on top
of your t-shirt or tank tops and enjoy the comfort of the knitted wool material.
3. Long Panels
Some of the ladies will also prefer a more modern yet chic appearance and the long
panel cardigan will definitely do the trick. Show off that hipster look and still appear
modestly stylish. The long panels are great to be matched with a nice pair of jeans or
even shorts.
Now that you know where to shop for your cardigan, all I can say is...
HAPPY SHOPPING!
I like sleeveless dresses and blouses but I cannot wear them to office just like that! Not to mention the ridiculous below knee-length skirts and covered shoes, plus the "please-put-on-makeup" rule. Akibatnya, I wear long pants on a daily basis (although sometimes I wear skirts as well). But don't you all women (who read this blog of course) agree with me that sleeveless blouses and dresses are usually the most fashionable ones?
There is one way to wear those sleeveless fashionable clothes in the office of course. Outerwear. But what outerwear exactly? I have suit (reserved for meeting and to match my pants if I wear sleeveless), I have hoodie, I have sweater, I have coat and I have cardigan. If you do not have meeting on that day and you decided to wear some fashionable blouse and skirt, you will have that common sense that the suit is truly out of place in the name of fashion. Hoodie is out of the question as well, since it does not look professional in the office. Coat? You won't want to carry a heavy coat around the LRT (for those who take LRT like me). Sweater? Slightly unprofessional-looking, I would say.
It then boils down to just cardigan. Cardigans, in my honest opinion, is the most versatile outerwear for any woman who is fashion-conscious. You can easily match any office wear with cardigans. Cardigans are not limited to just sleeveless blouses; you can wear long sleeved-blouse and match it with a lovely cardigan as well. I have two in fact; black H&M and grey Cotton On cardigans respectively. Well of course, cardigans are not only limited to office wear, unlike suits. You can wear cardigans for a casual outing, a movie session in a cinema, a date night and even an evening party. Long story short, cardigans are categorized as "must-have" in any woman's wardrobe list.
You have two choices; head to the nearest shopping mall or start online shopping right with your laptop/smartphone (nowadays people use their phones for anything literally!). I would recommend the latter due to the honest reasons below;
1. For those living in KL:
- Human traffic (if you use public transport) or massive road jam (if you drive).
- Increased public transport fares (if you use public transport) and toll hike (if you drive).
Seriously, these reasons are more than enough.
2. For those living outside KL (who hail from Sarawak, like me *ahem*):
- Not much choices.
- Usually, those brand names (H&M, Cotton On, Mango, Esprit etc) ship over the unfinished stock from KL to East Malaysia so that they can bring in new stock for sale. So you get old stock if you shop in Sarawak (sad right).
I still love Sarawak though.
Hence, Sarawakians like me will always opt for online shopping. When I was in Sarawak, I got to choose up-to-date fashion and had them delivered right up to my doorstep instead of flying all the way to KL to shop. Now that I live in KL, I am much closer to all those fashionable brand names (f block, Dressing Paula, Topshop etc). Yet I still shop online, because of the reasons mentioned above.
Online shopping is pretty risky though. You do not get to see the actual product UNTIL you have it delivered right up to your doorstep. You risk having the goods:
1. Damaged and could not be returned once delivered. You are unable to check the condition of the goods beforehand because common sense, delivery is a one-way thing. Couriering back the damaged goods means paying another sum of postage fees and you may not guarantee getting something similar. Scary right?
2. Not as expected from the catalogue. Sometimes, it's the photographer's skills that sells the product instead of the product itself. The angle was so good that you were sold, but when the actual product arrives at the doorstep, it may be different from what you expected.
3. Size may not be right. Measurements vary for each brand. Again, the trouble of exchanging goods.
Sounds so ironic for someone who claims to shop online often.
I only have three online websites which I am loyal to. Those are Zalora, Lazada and PMC (Pestle 7 Mortar Clothing) respectively. Zalora because it has gazillion choices of everything any human being wears, provides 30-day goods return policy and COD (Cash on Delivery). Lazada because it is cheap. PMC because it is fashionable and during Black Friday it gets super cheap (free delivery as well leh).
However, the bad news is I can only buy cardigans from Zalora because those mentioned online shopping sites do not sell cardigans. Zalora has different types of women's cardigans which not only scores excellently in fashion sense, but also reasonably priced. Basically, the women's cardigans are divided into three types as below, with a slight touch of fashion advice.
1. Cotton Cardigan
 |
| Image obtained from Zalora.my |
to-day outfit can opt for a nice cotton cardigan. Cotton cardigan gives women that cute
sweet appeal and brings out your feminine side to others. Besides that, this type of
cardigan is suitable for women to wear on a day out as it has a very lightweight material.
The cotton cardigans are perfect for women to add into their closet as they will never go
out of style.
2. Knitted
 |
| Image obtained from Zalora.my |
the knitted cardigans and sweaters. The knitter outer wear absolutely makes you feel
comfortable in cold settings or weather and still look stylish effortlessly. Layer it on top
of your t-shirt or tank tops and enjoy the comfort of the knitted wool material.
3. Long Panels
 |
| Image obtained from Zalora.my |
panel cardigan will definitely do the trick. Show off that hipster look and still appear
modestly stylish. The long panels are great to be matched with a nice pair of jeans or
even shorts.
Now that you know where to shop for your cardigan, all I can say is...
HAPPY SHOPPING!
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Kipidap Uolls; Korg Sume Terer
**DISCLAIMER: No intention of offending anyone. I'm merely expressing my cultural shock in this still-new-environment.
Maybe I'm new and am still adjusting. Maybe I'm so used to seeing proper English on texts I tend to get annoyed with improper usage of words.
I started work in a national oil company in Malaysia. It is no secret that 90% of my colleagues are Malays. You have two choices; blend in or stay stranded. Being a sensible person, of course I opt for the former. I couldn't remember conversing that much in BM ever since the last time I did so during NS back in 2008. And my BM has improved quite a bit.
But one thing that annoys me A LOT is the recent usage of weird spellings that has been plastered all over the social media. I'm not against short forms or slangs as I myself used some of them in WhatsApp as well (dy = already, izit = is it, hz = house etc) but this is truly on another level. Let me list a few of them out here:
Kipidap = Keep it up
Dongibap = Don't give up
Terer = Terror (supposedly means talented)
Member = Member (supposedly means friend)
Wiken = Weekend
Yukenduit = You can do it
Uolls = You alls (supposedly all of you; directly translated from BM's kamu semua)
I'm not against simplifying or shortening your own language for fun or whatsoever. I don't have the privilege nor that significant amount of knowledge to do the same in Chinese language (perks of being a banana) so I can only do it for English. Hokkien also cannot do what; the only short forms are kns, cb etc *oops*.
Anyway, excuse me for the digression but again I am here to stress that that "slang" is so annoying.
It took me awhile to realize that kipidap has a meaning in it. And why is terer considered talented? How did that idea even come in? How can the original meaning of the word be diverted into another different meaning altogether? Thankfully I did not take TESL or teach English, otherwise my blood pressure would rise if my students started using those "slangs" in their essays.
Please, adjust, alter, repackage your own language by all means, but do not repackage others' language. Especially if the country itself does not have a strong command of English to begin with. I am fine with hz, jz, dun, giv, nigga etc because at the end of the day, I am able to string a proper sentence in English effortlessly. But what about those younger generations who are not as fortunate to receive a proper English education? All they have is a smart phone and internet sans proper English education. They would assume dongibap as don gib up, since they already pronounced the "v" part as "b". And I cannot fathom the idea of talented being classified as being equal to terrifying (terror ma). Don't spoil, or in your layman's terms, merogol bahasa orang lain.
I'm just worried on behalf of the future generation in Malaysia. Glad that Sarawak is moving towards development by highlighting the importance of English.
And to answer those people who asked questions such as:
1. See France and Japan. Their English is worse than ours, and yet they are so developed. Why must we sharpen others' language?
Answer: Simple. We are not a developed 1st world country. We are still a developing 3rd world country. Give a huge "Thank you" to our beloved government who caused this. So much resources, yet we are living in a country with expensive goods and cheap pay. Seeing how far behind we are globally, we definitely need to do something to keep up. And by learning English first of all, we get to educate ourselves further with knowledge which is mostly taught in that particular language. And again, what is wrong with equipping ourselves with an additional language other than BM? English is a beautiful language.
2. Won't the stress in sharpening the English language eventually caused BM to lose its place altogether? What if someday all our young generation of Malays spoke English so much that they lupa daratan (forgot their own roots)?
Answer: The "lupa daratan" thing depends on individuals. If they are proud of BM and the culture, why would they even "lupa daratan"? Again, this all boils down to our beloved government who has done so much to make the young Malaysians who were educated overseas not to be proud of their own country. To be honest, if our govenment carry themselves well in the eyes of the citizens, they will still be proud of the Malaysian culture regardless. And if Malaysians themselves are creative enough to change don't give up to dongibap, they are able to extend their creativity elsewhere in other field. The correct mindset is all we need for Malaysians not to forget themselves. Don't put all the blame on English language (or whatever language that is internationally used like Mandarin).
I guess that's all. My poor blog is dead. Just need to write something and that's it.
Maybe I'm new and am still adjusting. Maybe I'm so used to seeing proper English on texts I tend to get annoyed with improper usage of words.
I started work in a national oil company in Malaysia. It is no secret that 90% of my colleagues are Malays. You have two choices; blend in or stay stranded. Being a sensible person, of course I opt for the former. I couldn't remember conversing that much in BM ever since the last time I did so during NS back in 2008. And my BM has improved quite a bit.
But one thing that annoys me A LOT is the recent usage of weird spellings that has been plastered all over the social media. I'm not against short forms or slangs as I myself used some of them in WhatsApp as well (dy = already, izit = is it, hz = house etc) but this is truly on another level. Let me list a few of them out here:
Kipidap = Keep it up
Dongibap = Don't give up
Terer = Terror (supposedly means talented)
Member = Member (supposedly means friend)
Wiken = Weekend
Yukenduit = You can do it
Uolls = You alls (supposedly all of you; directly translated from BM's kamu semua)
I'm not against simplifying or shortening your own language for fun or whatsoever. I don't have the privilege nor that significant amount of knowledge to do the same in Chinese language (perks of being a banana) so I can only do it for English. Hokkien also cannot do what; the only short forms are kns, cb etc *oops*.
Anyway, excuse me for the digression but again I am here to stress that that "slang" is so annoying.
It took me awhile to realize that kipidap has a meaning in it. And why is terer considered talented? How did that idea even come in? How can the original meaning of the word be diverted into another different meaning altogether? Thankfully I did not take TESL or teach English, otherwise my blood pressure would rise if my students started using those "slangs" in their essays.
Please, adjust, alter, repackage your own language by all means, but do not repackage others' language. Especially if the country itself does not have a strong command of English to begin with. I am fine with hz, jz, dun, giv, nigga etc because at the end of the day, I am able to string a proper sentence in English effortlessly. But what about those younger generations who are not as fortunate to receive a proper English education? All they have is a smart phone and internet sans proper English education. They would assume dongibap as don gib up, since they already pronounced the "v" part as "b". And I cannot fathom the idea of talented being classified as being equal to terrifying (terror ma). Don't spoil, or in your layman's terms, merogol bahasa orang lain.
I'm just worried on behalf of the future generation in Malaysia. Glad that Sarawak is moving towards development by highlighting the importance of English.
And to answer those people who asked questions such as:
1. See France and Japan. Their English is worse than ours, and yet they are so developed. Why must we sharpen others' language?
Answer: Simple. We are not a developed 1st world country. We are still a developing 3rd world country. Give a huge "Thank you" to our beloved government who caused this. So much resources, yet we are living in a country with expensive goods and cheap pay. Seeing how far behind we are globally, we definitely need to do something to keep up. And by learning English first of all, we get to educate ourselves further with knowledge which is mostly taught in that particular language. And again, what is wrong with equipping ourselves with an additional language other than BM? English is a beautiful language.
2. Won't the stress in sharpening the English language eventually caused BM to lose its place altogether? What if someday all our young generation of Malays spoke English so much that they lupa daratan (forgot their own roots)?
Answer: The "lupa daratan" thing depends on individuals. If they are proud of BM and the culture, why would they even "lupa daratan"? Again, this all boils down to our beloved government who has done so much to make the young Malaysians who were educated overseas not to be proud of their own country. To be honest, if our govenment carry themselves well in the eyes of the citizens, they will still be proud of the Malaysian culture regardless. And if Malaysians themselves are creative enough to change don't give up to dongibap, they are able to extend their creativity elsewhere in other field. The correct mindset is all we need for Malaysians not to forget themselves. Don't put all the blame on English language (or whatever language that is internationally used like Mandarin).
I guess that's all. My poor blog is dead. Just need to write something and that's it.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Human Nature Beneath Latest Assault in Paris
I am not here to share the news which everyone who has internet access knows. I am here to as usual, express my thoughts and feelings while at the same time exercising my rusty writing skills. I shall divide this post into two parts, which are literal news and my opinions. Sorry if my information is wrong; I do not really follow up on politics/war news.
News summary:
Last Friday, terrorists attacked innocent civilians and 128/129 fatalities were recorded, with 359 injuries and 99 out of them were in critical state. The assault was done by ISIS due to the France - Syria war that happened this year. Thousands of Facebook users, with myself included, changed our profile pictures painted with France flag. Then came some certain people who pointed out our hypocrisy and biasedness for mourning for Paris but not Syrian refugees. And some people claimed that Facebook users only follow trend.
THE END.
My opinion:
I usually do not change profile pictures into anything unless it affects me. Like the support gay profile picture, I do not change because I am heterosexual and I can only feel glad when the LGBT marriage is finally legalized, but I do not really go all out just to feel overjoyed that there is a step forward being put towards the LGBT community and so forth.
But I like Paris (or Pah-ree).
My WhatsApp wallpaper is the photo of Eiffel Tower shining majestically at night. Paris is one of my bucket-list destination to go to in a lifetime. I want to bring my faceless future boyfriend/husband to Paris and strengthen our love there. I want to go up to the Eiffel Tower with my faceless future boyfriend and eat bagels there together for dinner. Because I find it much more romantic that way compared to eating 3 Michelin star dinner on top of Eiffel Tower. Although 3-Michelin star French dinner is good as well. I suka. Despite the superbly annoying French language which I cannot master because of my inability to roll my tongue (why bother putting in so many letters when you end up not pronouncing them anyway) and being super expensive (anything French spells e-x-p-e-n-s-i-v-e; Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Dior, foie gras, caviar etc), I suka Perancis. I love wine, and France is the birthplace of Merlot, Pinot Noir and Shiraz. Wine is good on rainy days. Wine soothes my soul.
But most important of all, Paris is known as City of Love.
To have a place so famous, so symbolic (in terms of love) being attacked means something. To me, I go like, "Harrr so Paris is now the target for terrorists. Where else should I go with my faceless future boyfriend to strengthen love?" and yup I still think that way now. A hopeless romantic like me seeing the place I always visualize to fall in love with being attacked definitely mean something to me.
And I am sure Paris has its significant meaning to most of the people in my friends' list as compared to Syria. Some have been to Paris and are marveled at its beauty; some found love there and some had their dreams came true in Paris (a place for fashion design and modelling).
I find it a beautiful thing for people around the world to mourn for a city that mean a lot to them in little things like changing Facebook profile picture and changing building/tower lightings into French flags. It shows that people do care.
Yet, it is human nature for people to be able to find fault still beneath this beautiful act. Just like how some Malays condemned a certain Malay girl who typed her Facebook status in English to ask for help (Google it yourself), some people managed to condemn this act as something hypocritical, biased, idiotic etc.
You know what? By judging others who did a good deed as something bad, it indirectly speaks out your true colours. I shall not judge those who condemn because if I do, I will be the same as them. But please, if you do not wish to mourn for Paris but for Syria instead, then do so. Change your profile picture into a Syrian flag if Syrian refugees meant a lot to you. Create awareness about Syrian refugees if you think the media coverage is not enough.
I admit there are too many things that are going on wrong in today's world. Human trafficking, sex slavery, endless bombing, kidnaps, massacres, mass imprisonment, and many many more but I am too lazy to name them here. In the midst of all these, showing some love and care, regardless of which country or city to means a lot to the world. Rather than instilling more hatred (which is the root cause of war), why not add in more love? The City of Love has been assaulted; give love to the city. Syrian refugees felt less loved; show more love to them. Write an article and publish on Facebook on how to help them. Launch a campaign. Fight to protect those refugees (Malaysia is doing a good job of trying to shelter the Syrian refugees). I once read an article on how Christians and Muslims protected each other in Syria thousands of years ago. This shows that it is possible to love regardless of the identity and the place.
Just like how light is the cure of darkness, love is the cure of hatred. Stop hating any further and start loving today. Show love to whoever we concern without judging.Stop having negative thoughts on any good deeds. And most importantly, show love to people of all religions regardless of everything that happened. Pray for the terrorists (including those Muslims) so that they are no longer lost. Religions are all about love and peace. So if that particular religion does not promote love and peace, then it should not be called a religion.
p/s: I shall put on hold on the quest to identify the faceless future boyfriend in my dreams, since Paris has already been attacked muahahahhaa and I am unable to go there until it is safe.
p/s/s: I am still clueless about the identity of the faceless future boyfriend. Maybe I don't have one after all, which is why he is faceless.
p/s/s: Why McD internet sucks!!
News summary:
Last Friday, terrorists attacked innocent civilians and 128/129 fatalities were recorded, with 359 injuries and 99 out of them were in critical state. The assault was done by ISIS due to the France - Syria war that happened this year. Thousands of Facebook users, with myself included, changed our profile pictures painted with France flag. Then came some certain people who pointed out our hypocrisy and biasedness for mourning for Paris but not Syrian refugees. And some people claimed that Facebook users only follow trend.
THE END.
My opinion:
I usually do not change profile pictures into anything unless it affects me. Like the support gay profile picture, I do not change because I am heterosexual and I can only feel glad when the LGBT marriage is finally legalized, but I do not really go all out just to feel overjoyed that there is a step forward being put towards the LGBT community and so forth.
But I like Paris (or Pah-ree).
My WhatsApp wallpaper is the photo of Eiffel Tower shining majestically at night. Paris is one of my bucket-list destination to go to in a lifetime. I want to bring my faceless future boyfriend/husband to Paris and strengthen our love there. I want to go up to the Eiffel Tower with my faceless future boyfriend and eat bagels there together for dinner. Because I find it much more romantic that way compared to eating 3 Michelin star dinner on top of Eiffel Tower. Although 3-Michelin star French dinner is good as well. I suka. Despite the superbly annoying French language which I cannot master because of my inability to roll my tongue (why bother putting in so many letters when you end up not pronouncing them anyway) and being super expensive (anything French spells e-x-p-e-n-s-i-v-e; Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Dior, foie gras, caviar etc), I suka Perancis. I love wine, and France is the birthplace of Merlot, Pinot Noir and Shiraz. Wine is good on rainy days. Wine soothes my soul.
But most important of all, Paris is known as City of Love.
To have a place so famous, so symbolic (in terms of love) being attacked means something. To me, I go like, "Harrr so Paris is now the target for terrorists. Where else should I go with my faceless future boyfriend to strengthen love?" and yup I still think that way now. A hopeless romantic like me seeing the place I always visualize to fall in love with being attacked definitely mean something to me.
And I am sure Paris has its significant meaning to most of the people in my friends' list as compared to Syria. Some have been to Paris and are marveled at its beauty; some found love there and some had their dreams came true in Paris (a place for fashion design and modelling).
I find it a beautiful thing for people around the world to mourn for a city that mean a lot to them in little things like changing Facebook profile picture and changing building/tower lightings into French flags. It shows that people do care.
Yet, it is human nature for people to be able to find fault still beneath this beautiful act. Just like how some Malays condemned a certain Malay girl who typed her Facebook status in English to ask for help (Google it yourself), some people managed to condemn this act as something hypocritical, biased, idiotic etc.
You know what? By judging others who did a good deed as something bad, it indirectly speaks out your true colours. I shall not judge those who condemn because if I do, I will be the same as them. But please, if you do not wish to mourn for Paris but for Syria instead, then do so. Change your profile picture into a Syrian flag if Syrian refugees meant a lot to you. Create awareness about Syrian refugees if you think the media coverage is not enough.
I admit there are too many things that are going on wrong in today's world. Human trafficking, sex slavery, endless bombing, kidnaps, massacres, mass imprisonment, and many many more but I am too lazy to name them here. In the midst of all these, showing some love and care, regardless of which country or city to means a lot to the world. Rather than instilling more hatred (which is the root cause of war), why not add in more love? The City of Love has been assaulted; give love to the city. Syrian refugees felt less loved; show more love to them. Write an article and publish on Facebook on how to help them. Launch a campaign. Fight to protect those refugees (Malaysia is doing a good job of trying to shelter the Syrian refugees). I once read an article on how Christians and Muslims protected each other in Syria thousands of years ago. This shows that it is possible to love regardless of the identity and the place.
Just like how light is the cure of darkness, love is the cure of hatred. Stop hating any further and start loving today. Show love to whoever we concern without judging.Stop having negative thoughts on any good deeds. And most importantly, show love to people of all religions regardless of everything that happened. Pray for the terrorists (including those Muslims) so that they are no longer lost. Religions are all about love and peace. So if that particular religion does not promote love and peace, then it should not be called a religion.
p/s: I shall put on hold on the quest to identify the faceless future boyfriend in my dreams, since Paris has already been attacked muahahahhaa and I am unable to go there until it is safe.
p/s/s: I am still clueless about the identity of the faceless future boyfriend. Maybe I don't have one after all, which is why he is faceless.
p/s/s: Why McD internet sucks!!
Short Update
I know my blog is dead and no one sort of read it anymore, but here's my 312468757392208442881737th attempt to resuscitate my dear blog which will turn 10 next year!
I currently have switched my occupation to a HSE Engineer in a national oil and gas company. So far I am doing good, except that I have to work twice or trice as hard as compared to my colleagues due to the fact that:
1) I am the only female among the seedlings department. The rest consist of very macho male colleagues. I know, some may envy me. Trust me, you don't have to.
2) I don't look tough. In fact, someone (name not mentioned to protect privacy) pointed out to me that I am too pretty to be an engineer working among a group of alpha male.
3) I look naive and carry this "dumb blonde" aura. People do not trust me as much as my macho, mature, tough-looking male colleagues.
4) I still look like a student from freshman year. I guess I should not be happy anymore whenever anyone mistaken me as a student.
I know I do not have to wait until I turn 30 in order to be a tough alpha female engineer working on site/platform/plant etc. I can be tough, independent and strong in coverall and yet feminine, pretty and sweet after work in my most fashionable outwear.
Should start to be really serious about my work. Seriously.
Anyway, I moved out from Sri Petaling. Finally! To a place called Setapak, where the daily commute to and fro from office is made much easier. From 1 hour 15 minutes to just 25 minutes! 2/3 of the time has been saved for more sleep yay! I still prefer PJ or Damansara but due to my unfortunate lack of my own transport, I guess I have to make do with this. To sacrifice easy access of Chinese food (not like the Chinese food at Sri Petaling is super yummy to begin with, to be honest).
Sad to say that I currently do not have internet. Reason is that Unifi and Maxis port are all full, so what's left is Streamyx. I am not sharing Streamyx while paying the same price as a 10mpbs Maxis Fibre Internet. I am still stingy even though my pay has increased. Stinginess runs in my blood and I am embracing it proudly. My only option is to use the free WiFi at McDonald's or Old Town nearby my condo. Ok lah. Can still manage.
All in all, I am happy and grateful at where I am now. Managed to get into an oil and gas industry in a big GLC. Not MNC but not too bad, because this GLC is taking good care of my stomach and my health. Frequent free food and learning opportunities. This is a good place for me. And to work in Malaysia's famous landmark is a pride among my family and relatives. I have no complaints. Happy and thankful is all I can say right now.
I currently have switched my occupation to a HSE Engineer in a national oil and gas company. So far I am doing good, except that I have to work twice or trice as hard as compared to my colleagues due to the fact that:
1) I am the only female among the seedlings department. The rest consist of very macho male colleagues. I know, some may envy me. Trust me, you don't have to.
2) I don't look tough. In fact, someone (name not mentioned to protect privacy) pointed out to me that I am too pretty to be an engineer working among a group of alpha male.
3) I look naive and carry this "dumb blonde" aura. People do not trust me as much as my macho, mature, tough-looking male colleagues.
4) I still look like a student from freshman year. I guess I should not be happy anymore whenever anyone mistaken me as a student.
I know I do not have to wait until I turn 30 in order to be a tough alpha female engineer working on site/platform/plant etc. I can be tough, independent and strong in coverall and yet feminine, pretty and sweet after work in my most fashionable outwear.
Should start to be really serious about my work. Seriously.
Anyway, I moved out from Sri Petaling. Finally! To a place called Setapak, where the daily commute to and fro from office is made much easier. From 1 hour 15 minutes to just 25 minutes! 2/3 of the time has been saved for more sleep yay! I still prefer PJ or Damansara but due to my unfortunate lack of my own transport, I guess I have to make do with this. To sacrifice easy access of Chinese food (not like the Chinese food at Sri Petaling is super yummy to begin with, to be honest).
Sad to say that I currently do not have internet. Reason is that Unifi and Maxis port are all full, so what's left is Streamyx. I am not sharing Streamyx while paying the same price as a 10mpbs Maxis Fibre Internet. I am still stingy even though my pay has increased. Stinginess runs in my blood and I am embracing it proudly. My only option is to use the free WiFi at McDonald's or Old Town nearby my condo. Ok lah. Can still manage.
All in all, I am happy and grateful at where I am now. Managed to get into an oil and gas industry in a big GLC. Not MNC but not too bad, because this GLC is taking good care of my stomach and my health. Frequent free food and learning opportunities. This is a good place for me. And to work in Malaysia's famous landmark is a pride among my family and relatives. I have no complaints. Happy and thankful is all I can say right now.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Sunday, May 31, 2015
We Are So Busy Growing That We Forgot Our Parents Are Growing Old
Happy that I am finally settling down properly in KL after like...two months? I am pretty impressed that I am able to make it all alone. Most of my colleagues were like, wow you are so brave oh! Okay I guess I should not get carried away and move on with my main topic of this blog post, as stated in the title.
I make bigger decisions in life, such as which insurance to buy and what credit card to take. On top of that, I start to spend practically, rather than splurging all at one go once I get my pay like how I used to. I even put away the thought of purchasing Big Bang concert even though it was only a stone throw away from my current humble abode. Fuck YOLO. I've decided to live practicality. Besides, my obsession for Big Bang has gone down and I have decided to be just happy by listening to their songs. *playing Lies by Big Bang currently*
I thought of my future for the past few days. I really want to work my way up, by starting off doing hands-on work and stop to take up Masters and then continue my way up real high. I thought of how I can actually achieve by doing so, and what should I do to achieve. I thought of many many things, such as when can I actually buy a property and what can I do with it. And even considering of buying either a 2nd hand car or a new car.
I guess all of you get the rough idea of what I am trying to say next. For every second we are maturing, our parents are aging at the same time. We are truly growing up when this dawned on us that our parents are retiring and becoming tired as well. Some of us may be starting a business, working on their way on becoming a manager or close to obtaining PhD. Or some of us may even get married and starting a new family. Whatever it is, for every new milestone each of pave through, our parents are getting old.
I started realizing this during my graduation. My parents are really old when they attended my graduation ceremony, as compared to when they attended my prize-giving ceremony during Form 5. Needless to day, they were even younger when they attended my first piano performance when I was 7. And they were even younger when my mother gave birth to me. The sad and yet beautiful thing is that time is irreversible, and what's left are only memories.
I guess we are not the only ones that forgot about that fact. Our parents too, have forgotten that we are all grown up and are capable of taking care of ourselves. In their eyes, we always remain as the little boy or girl whom they love so much. My parents often worry about me, despite the fact that I have started working and making my own decisions (to even owning a tattoo). But the real wake-up call was during this scenario, when my mom found out I made a tattoo.
Mom: Was it painful?
Me: What painful?
Mom: Your strikingly big tattoo ah.
Me: Oh that? *shit*
Mom: Looks nice.
Me: Thanks.
My heart saddened by a little after the conversation. My mom knew I was no longer 18 and I am capable of making decisions on my own. But at the same time that means she was aging as well. I do not know how much more can I give them while I am still working on over there. I am working hard to give them as much as I can while they are still alive and moving, but I do not know when will be the time.
I hope for those who stumbled upon this blog, appreciate the time you have while your parents are still alive and moving. Try to give them your time, because time is more precious than money. Within the time given, try to make it quality time by behaving. Not being rebellious because it breaks their heart. I only get to see all these when I am over 21, so I hope all of you can see it earlier than that. The earlier you see it, the more happier time your parents will have.
I shall end this post with a belated Mother's Day and an early Father's Day wish for my parents. They may not read this, but I hope and pray that they receive this wish.
p/s: I am definitely far from ready for parenthood. I still need a lot of time for myself, so much that I am unable to give it to them children.
I make bigger decisions in life, such as which insurance to buy and what credit card to take. On top of that, I start to spend practically, rather than splurging all at one go once I get my pay like how I used to. I even put away the thought of purchasing Big Bang concert even though it was only a stone throw away from my current humble abode. Fuck YOLO. I've decided to live practicality. Besides, my obsession for Big Bang has gone down and I have decided to be just happy by listening to their songs. *playing Lies by Big Bang currently*
I thought of my future for the past few days. I really want to work my way up, by starting off doing hands-on work and stop to take up Masters and then continue my way up real high. I thought of how I can actually achieve by doing so, and what should I do to achieve. I thought of many many things, such as when can I actually buy a property and what can I do with it. And even considering of buying either a 2nd hand car or a new car.
I guess all of you get the rough idea of what I am trying to say next. For every second we are maturing, our parents are aging at the same time. We are truly growing up when this dawned on us that our parents are retiring and becoming tired as well. Some of us may be starting a business, working on their way on becoming a manager or close to obtaining PhD. Or some of us may even get married and starting a new family. Whatever it is, for every new milestone each of pave through, our parents are getting old.
I started realizing this during my graduation. My parents are really old when they attended my graduation ceremony, as compared to when they attended my prize-giving ceremony during Form 5. Needless to day, they were even younger when they attended my first piano performance when I was 7. And they were even younger when my mother gave birth to me. The sad and yet beautiful thing is that time is irreversible, and what's left are only memories.
I guess we are not the only ones that forgot about that fact. Our parents too, have forgotten that we are all grown up and are capable of taking care of ourselves. In their eyes, we always remain as the little boy or girl whom they love so much. My parents often worry about me, despite the fact that I have started working and making my own decisions (to even owning a tattoo). But the real wake-up call was during this scenario, when my mom found out I made a tattoo.
Mom: Was it painful?
Me: What painful?
Mom: Your strikingly big tattoo ah.
Me: Oh that? *shit*
Mom: Looks nice.
Me: Thanks.
My heart saddened by a little after the conversation. My mom knew I was no longer 18 and I am capable of making decisions on my own. But at the same time that means she was aging as well. I do not know how much more can I give them while I am still working on over there. I am working hard to give them as much as I can while they are still alive and moving, but I do not know when will be the time.
I hope for those who stumbled upon this blog, appreciate the time you have while your parents are still alive and moving. Try to give them your time, because time is more precious than money. Within the time given, try to make it quality time by behaving. Not being rebellious because it breaks their heart. I only get to see all these when I am over 21, so I hope all of you can see it earlier than that. The earlier you see it, the more happier time your parents will have.
I shall end this post with a belated Mother's Day and an early Father's Day wish for my parents. They may not read this, but I hope and pray that they receive this wish.
p/s: I am definitely far from ready for parenthood. I still need a lot of time for myself, so much that I am unable to give it to them children.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Updates, Insecurity and Dreams
I have not updated my baby blog that is short to a decade years old by just one year. Next year my blog will be TEN YEARS OLD YAY. I think this blog has grown up with me from my super insecure, indecisive and clueless 16-year-old me to currently still insecure, partly indecisive but no longer clueless 24 going on 25 me.
Anyway, for updates, I quit Teach For Malaysia last year, taught in an all-boys' school for a month plus and then am currently working as an assistant project engineer in a small engineering firm in KL. Yes this baby girl who has been living in Sarawak all her life is currently residing in the big city of Peninsular. I do not start off in huge oil and gas companies like Petronas or Shell. I am just helping out in documentation and dealing with clients in a security supplier company in a local company. But look at the bright side; I start off small so that I have more space to climb up!
Despite being at where I am now, I at least have many many spaces left to dream big. My ambition to take up masters has not died down yet. Masters in Engineering, to be exact. Funny how eight years ago I dreamt of taking up a degree in something totally different and today I want to take up Masters in a course I never thought of doing years back. I need like, three years of self-development in terms of experience technically and emotionally before I can actually handle myself in a bigger metropolitan in the West. Being a dreamer, I actually surveyed postgraduate universities and actually made up my mind to study in which university, and will definitely work my way to make sure I get into THAT PARTICULAR university even though I graduate from an Australian university (which is not even listed in Group of Eight). Sounds sad, but it's not. I am glad I went to Curtin Miri instead.
I wonder if I start small today and end up being some big shot (and if possible getting married to another big shot man who is around my age or slightly older la not an already successful old man), will I read back this blog and laugh at my younger self? Yes it is better to marry a potentially successful ambitious man rather than a man that has already achieved it. Why do I say so? I want to be there for him when he is at his lowest so that when he is at his best, he will know that I am the only one who deserves to be with him when he is at the top MUAHAHAHAHA. I know, so realistic. But I will do the same what, letting him handle my worst so that I will give him my best (the most beautiful inner side of me, which do I even have one).
Which leads to my next dream. My dream of meeting the perfect, handsome, tall, suave, intelligent, romantic and rich guy with charm and sophistication and DIMPLE has died. Really died. I cannot even picture any guy inside my head anymore should any question regarding my ideal guy is directed to me. I come to this understanding that YOU ATTRACT WHO YOU ARE. Being a quirky and socially awkward introvert, I attract somehow socially awkward men as well in some ways (or at least that are sociable but actually an introvert on the inside). I am so weird that I express myself better in words and letters rather than by actions and whatever it is bla bla bla. And whenever any guy asks me out I would think like, WHAT MAKES YOU LIKE ME AH? What do I have that makes you even want to be with me? Is there no other woman in this world for you to choose rather than me? Are you desperate that is why you choose me? I am weird and so introverted and clumsy why do you even consider me? HAHAHAHA PLEASE TELL ME I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE :P
My dream of achieving the body I want (lean yet sexy) is now going further as I currently sprained my leg and am not supposed to go to gym for at least two weeks. SO MANY THINGS CAN BE DONE IN 2 WEEKS. Just as I lost a handsome amoung of 4kgs in a month plus and added in muscles in my body, WHY LA MY ANKLE HAS TO SPRAIN. Never mind tomorrow I go do upper body workout okay. Because I am not drop dead gorgeous I want to at least work to get a drop dead gorgeous body so yeah there goes I am being insecure again.
Please tell me I am sharing this on behalf of half of the female population in this world.
And I do not regret starting career late at the age of 25 when my peers started theirs at 23 or even 22. I have been to most places (metaphorically ah) they have not been to. I will have less "what ifs" and will be less clueless. Being someone indecisive, I truly need to taste many things before deciding one. Which is why I am better off being with a boyfriend who is dominant and takes charge so that I do not have to decide on little silly things like where to eat and what to do on a date. Let him handle. Let him decide for me. I will have more time and energy to focus on more important things like what to do next in my career. Really, I cannot focus on too many things at one go. Unlike most women, I am bad at multitasking.
I guess that is it for now. I am liking the view outside the window of the coffee shop I am now *random*.
Anyway, for updates, I quit Teach For Malaysia last year, taught in an all-boys' school for a month plus and then am currently working as an assistant project engineer in a small engineering firm in KL. Yes this baby girl who has been living in Sarawak all her life is currently residing in the big city of Peninsular. I do not start off in huge oil and gas companies like Petronas or Shell. I am just helping out in documentation and dealing with clients in a security supplier company in a local company. But look at the bright side; I start off small so that I have more space to climb up!
Despite being at where I am now, I at least have many many spaces left to dream big. My ambition to take up masters has not died down yet. Masters in Engineering, to be exact. Funny how eight years ago I dreamt of taking up a degree in something totally different and today I want to take up Masters in a course I never thought of doing years back. I need like, three years of self-development in terms of experience technically and emotionally before I can actually handle myself in a bigger metropolitan in the West. Being a dreamer, I actually surveyed postgraduate universities and actually made up my mind to study in which university, and will definitely work my way to make sure I get into THAT PARTICULAR university even though I graduate from an Australian university (which is not even listed in Group of Eight). Sounds sad, but it's not. I am glad I went to Curtin Miri instead.
I wonder if I start small today and end up being some big shot (and if possible getting married to another big shot man who is around my age or slightly older la not an already successful old man), will I read back this blog and laugh at my younger self? Yes it is better to marry a potentially successful ambitious man rather than a man that has already achieved it. Why do I say so? I want to be there for him when he is at his lowest so that when he is at his best, he will know that I am the only one who deserves to be with him when he is at the top MUAHAHAHAHA. I know, so realistic. But I will do the same what, letting him handle my worst so that I will give him my best (the most beautiful inner side of me, which do I even have one).
Which leads to my next dream. My dream of meeting the perfect, handsome, tall, suave, intelligent, romantic and rich guy with charm and sophistication and DIMPLE has died. Really died. I cannot even picture any guy inside my head anymore should any question regarding my ideal guy is directed to me. I come to this understanding that YOU ATTRACT WHO YOU ARE. Being a quirky and socially awkward introvert, I attract somehow socially awkward men as well in some ways (or at least that are sociable but actually an introvert on the inside). I am so weird that I express myself better in words and letters rather than by actions and whatever it is bla bla bla. And whenever any guy asks me out I would think like, WHAT MAKES YOU LIKE ME AH? What do I have that makes you even want to be with me? Is there no other woman in this world for you to choose rather than me? Are you desperate that is why you choose me? I am weird and so introverted and clumsy why do you even consider me? HAHAHAHA PLEASE TELL ME I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE :P
My dream of achieving the body I want (lean yet sexy) is now going further as I currently sprained my leg and am not supposed to go to gym for at least two weeks. SO MANY THINGS CAN BE DONE IN 2 WEEKS. Just as I lost a handsome amoung of 4kgs in a month plus and added in muscles in my body, WHY LA MY ANKLE HAS TO SPRAIN. Never mind tomorrow I go do upper body workout okay. Because I am not drop dead gorgeous I want to at least work to get a drop dead gorgeous body so yeah there goes I am being insecure again.
Please tell me I am sharing this on behalf of half of the female population in this world.
And I do not regret starting career late at the age of 25 when my peers started theirs at 23 or even 22. I have been to most places (metaphorically ah) they have not been to. I will have less "what ifs" and will be less clueless. Being someone indecisive, I truly need to taste many things before deciding one. Which is why I am better off being with a boyfriend who is dominant and takes charge so that I do not have to decide on little silly things like where to eat and what to do on a date. Let him handle. Let him decide for me. I will have more time and energy to focus on more important things like what to do next in my career. Really, I cannot focus on too many things at one go. Unlike most women, I am bad at multitasking.
I guess that is it for now. I am liking the view outside the window of the coffee shop I am now *random*.
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