Disclaimer: This post is mainly based on my own thoughts and the main purpose is for clarification. If anyone finds this post offensive, you may choose NOT to read it.
I decided to do this post not for those who remarked me about the incident, but to be honest for myself. I need to clarify myself so that I can study in peace by avoiding further remarks. I have Fluid Mechanics test this coming Friday and my progress is very slow, so to speak.
Anyway, how on earth did I end up writing this post? It all started a few hours back when I finished my one and only lecture of the day (only ONE. Yipee!!!). After breakie + lunch, I decided to go to library to study, thinking since it's not near finals and it's not even 12pm yet there SHOULD be at least one vacant spot for me to study (sincerely hoping).
When I arrived, heck (a form of expressing annoyance for me, not hell), there are no places for me. If you think the library's full of people, you're wrong. The library itself is not full, although occupied. Instead, the library is actually occupied by non-living things such as bags, pencil cases and even a file, just to name a few. I am NOT going to study in a noisy cafeteria or common ground so my only alternative would be hostel. And the thing is I have to go back home under the heavy rain without an umbrella (yea my fault for forgetting it).
Being a hot-blooded young adult, I Tweetdecked my expression of frustration and annoyance with a series of vulgar languages (mainly consist of human body parts). As a result, I get bombarded by not one, but several friends who expressed utter disgust and disrespect, and one even touched the religious aspect (that I cannot ignore so bo pien have to clarify liao).
Respect their decision lo and tone down my language by reposting it, I thought. Hence, I did that. But I need some clarification. PROPER clarification. If not I cannot study in peace. If I don't study properly and flunked my test, how am I suppose to explain to my family who put on high hopes on me, even though I frequently disappointed them one time after another?
Firstly, I admit, I use vulgar language A LOT. Due to peer influence and stress, stress and stress (many things I stress...my life ain't easy...you don't really know me so don't start judging thanks), I would need some anger management. Scolding in vulgar language lo...just some phrase like "fuck this shit" or "fucking (something) makes me frustrated" or "internet's being a bitch mcb". I know it seems ridiculously stupid to scold our own body parts so that we feel better, but it sounded vulgar and rough, and admit it, one feels better after scolding out those. Because it sounds "cho" (rough in Hokkien). Instead of "fuck this shit this stupid lanjiao lorry knocked my car", you said, "this huge lorry knocked my car into pieces and I am so angry right now", which one releases your anger more? Well, it would be better for someone to scold out and then forget about it than keeping the grudge right? To be honest, I will forget about the library thing a few hours after cursing if not because people were constantly criticizing me about it. It's better than me not scolding, and then continuously remembering the selfish people in the library and even considered stealing their bags. Morally speaking, one would prefer the first option right? And besides, me scolding foul languages will not bring any harm to anyone, huh? It's not like those people who left their belongings at the library inconsiderately will become dogs and get raped for real just because I said fuck you bitches. If it really happens, then I would be totally amazed with my lidah masin lo XD
Secondly, (this is a sensitive issue and I hate to type this but I need to clarify so hence) I use foul languages, but so far, I never recall cursing using God's name. One of the Ten Commandments speaks:
Do not use God's name in vain.
Hence, I tried not to, no matter how angry I am. I know some people who immediately cursed God and Jesus whenever misfortunes happen, and I thought, "Why curse them? These happened not because of them." I know vulgar language itself is not right to begin with because it involves cursing your own body or whatsoever (there are some I don't use such as son of a bitch or knn because it involves scolding the wrongdoer's mother). If it's about tarnishing the image of God and Christianity by not watching my language, it is at my wrong and I am not afraid to admit that. But surely, I find that I do not do anything that harm God's name or cursing them. Why should I deserve such condemnation because I scold the misfortune with addition of crude words? It's as if I am backing Jesus and turning to the devil. I am a believer of Christ, and as lasap as I look (I drink, I party at clubs, I seldom go to church nowadays, I don't pray before I eat and I eat meat on Fridays), I strongly believe in God and try my best to obey the Ten Commandments. If I am unable to obey (for example, I lied), I will feel dirty and guilty. And why should I put my back on Jesus? He just answered my most recent prayer about my friend's father who was badly injured and according to my friend, he was at verge of death. I just prayed that yesterday at church and today my friend posted on Facebook saying that his father was in a good rate of recovery. To whom should I thank? The doctor, God and those who helped me prayed for him of course!!! I dislike people belittling my faith and my views on Christianity simply because I use foul languages to scold when I am angry. Don't judge me, as I said before.
If anyone find me using foul languages disrecpectful towards myself, my family and God and specially reprimanding me because I am a Christian and I am educated, please don't. I use foul language because I am short-tempered and need a quickest way to vent out my anger. Those who are close to me should know how hot-tempered I am and right now I am trying my best not to kick the walls or smash stuff but instead by merely saying a few "cho" words. Unless there is another quick and fast way to release my anger and immediately forgetting it afterwards, I have no choice but to resort to scolding body parts and female dogs.
By the way, there is one person who was special for once reprimanded me for using vulgar languages. He mentioned that he had high respect for me because of my intelligence, my confidence and me having my own distinct thoughts. But he told me he lost respect for me because I said "fuck this shit" and "fuck you, bitch". I had thought of toning down myself, for him. But the thing is, if I stopped scolding foul languages, will that make me a better person? The answer is no. If I constantly lie or sleep around, then someone came to me and said I should stop this because it will make me a better person, then it is a different story. Just because I use vulgar language doesn't mean I am not a nice person. Just because I use vulgar language doesn't mean I am murderous and cruel. It's how I portray myself, and considering how shamelessly I posted my own ugly pictures on Facebook, I guess one would say I do not really care about my own image. It is the personality that matters, not the image.
So, I end this ridiculously long post by saying I shall tone down my vulgarity but that doesn't mean I will totally stop scolding. I find this the quickest way to let go of grudges and releasing my anger (just that I will tone down LAH), unless someone suggested me a better alternative of venting out my anger. (Please don't suggest prayer because I am afraid I may curse while praying, and prayers are best done when I am sure I will not curse or swear).
p/s: Can't believe I used up one freaking hour to type this post. Okay. Substitute fucking with freaking. Yay!!! Toning down step one done. Happy now?
