Monday, August 19, 2013

One of Those Days...

"Sometimes, it's not the most catastrophic misfortune that makes us collapse, but rather, the collection of little things happened altogether." - Jessie Tan, 2013. Hehehe. 

If you had a good day today, please do not read this because it is full of depressing feelings being jumbled up altogether here. It may be the fact that I am stressing with Design Project lately, hence this post. 

There were the times when I actually looked back upon my life so far and honestly speaking, about 70% of my time (until today) were not lived the way I really want. I always tried my best to make others happy, forgetting that I need to be happy as well. This often happens until when I finally realized I do not get what I want and I end up getting what I do not want, I will then let loose and blame the world for being unfair. Sometimes I may not know what I want, but there are times when I know what I want and yet I know I can never live that life. For example, experiencing the life as a university student in a foreign country while trying my best to adapt to cultural and surrounding's shock. I can never live that life again no matter how many times I wish for it. 

I lost myself and succumbed to peer pressure, mental pressure and family needs. I spent so much time making people around me smile until I will forget how to smile for myself. I will spend so much time doing some task until I forget to eat and when I finally realized, that is when I collapse. But I cannot blame anyone but myself, because this is the choice I made. Because I feel my worth only when I can make someone happy. Because when others make me happy, I will tend to feel obliged to make them happier than myself. Only then I will be even happier. But I will get exhausted in the process. This is because I am only a normal human being who will also have my own selfish needs. I am no saint, as we all can see. I too have my own desires and needs. Then when I finally remembered how to be selfish, I will then get frustrated on why the hell did I forget how to make myself happy. From there, I will then start hating myself for making myself so worthless. Then it goes on and on. Unending complexity. 

Is it the fact that I do not know what I truly want in my life yet?

Is it the fact that I am not satisfied with what I have, and perhaps greedy enough to ask for more? 

Or is it the fact that I know what I want deep down inside, but at the same time I am resisting it because of my responsibility I have to bear all my life? 

Seriously, I often wonder to myself. Am I truly happy? 

Only God knows. And I hope He will give me what's best for me. Because only He knows what is the best for me, probably some time before I finally realize what is actually best for me. Hey, it often happens. Lol. 

Had a good time ranting :) I feel better now.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Of Miri, Design Project and 宅女

To be honest, this post does not serve any purpose except for any update, in case someone who reads my blog thinks I am dead or something. Lol. I don't blog regularly because this is, after all, something to be done only when I feel like it. So one cannot expect me to blog all the time. Ah yes, this blog is written from Miri by the way. I am back in Miri, and I have yet to see anyone except for my fellow housemates. Lol.

Arrived Miri, unpacked, napped, had dinner, and then switched on laptop. Surfing the net, watching videos, reading articles, and then it came to a realization that I HAVE NOT PROPERLY STARTED DESIGN PROJECT. OMG I AM ONE WEEK LATE AND I AM SO CLUELESS AND I AM IN A DILEMMA AT THE SAME TIME AND HERE I AM CONTEMPLATING WITH MYSELF WHETHER TO ASK LECTURER OR NOT. HAIYAH. Okay rant done. Got the most reputable lecturer who is known for being anal and professional at the same time as my advisor for design project. Lol. Seriously, sometimes I wonder whether the unit coordinator for DP is Hokkien. Design Project 499 = Design Project See Kao Kao. Lol. My mind is not in my best shape lol. And why am I even writing this?

It is Saturday night and I am at home in front of laptop. Sounds so 宅女, huh? I somehow miss my 宅女 life. Back home, I seldom get the chance to actually laze on the bed. I always get called to go out by friends and my family, and if I say no, they will persuade me and make sure I say yes. It's like NO YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME DO YOU NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE? How to not go? :( I keep going out and spend money like water. Being a 宅女 is better in such a way that I can actually save money. Lol that's my main concern, as I have KK trip to look forward to and I still have to change my phone. My current phone is going crazy and it will die anytime soon. Funny thing is, people will laugh whenever I tell them I prefer being a 宅女 =.=

Soon, there will be no 宅女 life. I will spend most of the time in lab doing the dreaded DP and will complain, complain and in the end cry. Lol.

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Secrets to Skin Care (My Unorthodox Method)

Skin care products. I bet most of the women will spend minimum of 10% of their monthly wages on their skin. They either go to facial salon, or buy tons of skincare products. 9 out of 10 does that. I, on the other hand, belong to the minority. I am a lazy person when it comes to regular skincare. That explains why my skincare that I bought lasted me for years! In fact, I even consider skincare routine a waste of time, particularly when I am stressed. The only must-have skincare I have is a lip balm, because my lips get dry easily when the weather is very hot. Oh ya, not to forget the sun lotion, because UV rays are harmful. BB cream too is essential for face and neck for protection against harsh environment.

One vital way of skin care is what we take for our body on the inside, that is for sure. I, however, do not take supplements and medicines for skin care. That is not only costly for someone impoverished like me, but is also a waste of money. I can buy myself lots of meals with that amount of money!

Wasting no time, here is what I normally take that I believe gives me great skin care. I am not exactly sure about how they benefit to our skin, but I will not post this if not because of the research done. And to be honest, I only find out its benefit recently after I searched from the internet.

1) Fish
I love fish! Its meat is smooth and it is healthy. It too, is a non-fattening type of meat. Between meat and fish, I would definitely go for fish <3>
Here is the link of the fish benefits. Lazy to rewrite. Fish oil too is good for skin. The Omega-3 and 6 in the fish oil are the anti-aging elements for our skin. Take that, and we will not grow old so soon.
2) Pork (fatty ones)
Pork is undeniably one of my favourite meat. To me, chicken is the safe meat, while pork is the risky meat. Chicken can be cooked in any way, but pork, if properly cooked, definitely reigns supreme! I have long known that the pork fat contains collagen, which prolongs youth. This explains why I look 18 when I am 23 this year! Okay, perasan-ness aside, here is the link as a proof! Here too is one of my favourite parts of pork which contains COLLAGEN.

3) Milk
I have been drinking milk on the day I was born until today. Even today, I still drink milk like a little kid. I heard of this myth saying that drinking lots of milk make you as fair as milk. It is true. Not only that, it also moisturizes skin with some protein, and at the same time giving it some glow. Best magic potion for skin? Milk LAH. Anyways, here is the link, of which I am lazy to retype here. If you are lactose intolerant, the alternative is that you bath with milk. It works. But of course, nothing beats taking something inside your body which will last longer than having it directly contacted with skin, which will not be totally absorbed into your skin.

4) Eggs
From poached eggs to scrambled eggs, I love them all. The only egg which I will not eat is century egg, because its texture is so rubbery (weird Chinese). In most of my cooking, I will put egg in everything. My peers are well-informed that I love eggs, and I must have eggs whenever possible. Between pork and eggs, I will go for eggs. I am serious. Anyway, rants aside, here is the link.

5) Water
I do not need any proof to show that water is beneficial for skin. Common sense, we drink lots of water, we get rid of the toxins in our body (including the skin), thus getting cleaner, healthier skin. Cleaner skin = less acne. Besides, lack of water in our body means lack of moisture, and many women out there spent hundreds on moisturizers which need to be applied outside the skin, when we can actually drink water into our body to replenish moisture in our skin! Water is damn cheap, if not free. I guess if every woman thinks like me, the beauty product companies will go bankrupt =.=

6) Ribena and fruit juice
The things that Ribena and fruit juice have in common is Vitamin C. Vitamin C is well-known for its antioxidant properties, clearing of complexion and aiding the production of collagen. I don't think I need to elaborate how Vitamin C is so beneficial to our skin, so I will enclose it with a link here. But one thing for sure is that, Vitamin C is a water-soluble vitamin, so if we use skin care products that contain Vitamin C, it may not be absorbed that easily into our skin. What better ways of getting Vitamin C absorbed than to constantly take it? And nothing beats natural sources of Vitamin C (Ribena is made of blackcurrant juice, which contains Vitamin C, so yeah).

Apart from all these, my food intake is usually unhealthy food. But, but, but, but, I will make sure I take CLEAN food when I return to Miri. I will cook and practice clean eating, and work out. Not to lose weight, but for my health. Healthy life = happy body :D

p/s: If there is any missing information regarding the skin benefits from the food mentioned above, please let me know. Thank you very much!

Friday, August 02, 2013

Crystal Clear Point

After the "letting-out" post that I had published few days ago, suddenly my blog had so many views. This society is seriously ill. I posted my thoughts and views and I personally thought they were good posts, yet these posts do not gain as much views as that particular post. I guess that's why Xiaxue's blog has been so popular (to be honest I enjoyed reading her post about bashing someone as well brohohohoho).

I know there are several critics that have gathered among readers who did not witness things between us:

1) I am so shameless and cruel. Post such stuff to badmouth others on my page wor! It is public domain after all, if people read and then hate someone then how?

2) I am so immature to post such personal stuff on my public blog. Why can't I just keep it to private? Have I not thought of the other person's feelings (and reputation in my humble opinion)?

I cannot please everyone in this world, and pleasing myself is my main priority, hence, I WILL NOT DELETE THAT BLOG POST. That post is meant for me to act as a reminder not to accept any toxic people in my life. There are some toxic people whom I cannot avoid, but if there are ones whom I can cut off, I am actually doing myself a big favour. I am the type of person that let people step on me so that they will feel happy, and I find that ridiculously cruel to myself, even to the point that it has taken its toll to my body. I accept too many toxic from toxic people that I am starting to get toxic inside my body as well. I can never avoid the ones that are blood-related because blood is thicker than water. But if they are not blood-related to me and I find myself not obliged to sacrifice for their goodwill, why not cut them off completely?

Now cutting off is the hard part, especially when they have been part of your life for some time. The reason why I used to linger with my ex for quite some time was because I could not cut him off completely. Because of that, I suffered a great deal emotionally and spiritually. Cutting off is like removing a part of your body that has been affected with tumour. It hurts, but it heals. More importantly, it requires courage for the surgery. And that blog post acts as my milestone to remind myself not to accept any toxic people that will do me harm.

Therefore, I am here to tell those readers who have read that blog post (that's A LOT WEH; sick society I shall repeat) that all the hurtful things that she did to me does not affect anyone else. You do not know her, so you do not have the right to judge her. That blog post was entirely about me and how I felt about her. That was why I put that title of not mentioning anything if there is nothing nice to say is because I do not want any negative comments about anyone, me or her. As much as I dislike her and regard her as toxic, I do not hope that people will start judging her because of one post. One man's meat is another man's poison. (Well, unless those who read my blog have seen the scenes and truly know what was going on, then different story altogether la :P)

p/s: For her, I just want to say that no one has the right to decide whose ass was bitten by karma or what (I know I have been cursed like that A LOT by her).

p/s/s: Shall deal with bitter stares and cold shoulder for one more year. I have so many things to shoulder leh :( 

p/s/s/s: Once again, any derogatory comments about her will be deleted.