Wednesday, April 24, 2013

May The Force Be With Me Throughout May

I foresee a horrible and tiring May. No? Disagree with me? Well, maybe for you May is a beautiful month, but NOT for me. Here, let me list out all the horrible things that will happen to me in May.

1) Advanced Test 2 and possibly 3. Meaning I will have to study. I mean, studying itself is not a big deal, but I just dislike studying. And ironically, I am studying despite the fact that I hate it. LOL irony can never be avoided in life.

2) Monetary issues. I kind of overspent my April allowance, and hence I have to save, save and save throughout May. April: Brunei trip, hairdo, welcoming party, weekly splurge on food (RM20++ on a meal wtf), stocking up daily necessities, paying off debts and bills). I guess I have to cook everyday and how I hate eating my own cooking. It does not taste that bad, but it reminds me how mediocre my cooking is as compared to my mom's, and therefore I miss my mom's cooking even more :'( I can see my poor bank account suffering like mad here. And I cannot touch my other batch of money because it is for my KL trip and to buy Note 2 (PINK!). And of course, I cannot spend so much in May. I guess I will have to limit to RM200-ish per month??? I will die man.

3) FYP. Had a super short meeting with my supervisor just because he is busy and I was late because of the stupid bus. He wanted me to complete a simulation before the semester ends wtf. That means throughout May I shall crash and burn my lappie with my Aspen HYSYS while sharpening my MATLAB skills at the same time. My Monday will be a free, good Monday only if I do not have to attend the weekly MATLAB lab at 1pm. Oh the agony. Life's like this. LOL.

4) No thrill. May will be a boring month. Except for Grace's birthday, which is only one day.

5) No more tuition free week. Stupid for them to put 4 study weeks, then 1 week break, then 2 study weeks, then 1 week break, then 6 weeks of study. This is preposterously ridiculous! Making us super lazy and demotivated at the first half of the semester then not giving us a break on the second half of the semester. I will die man. I do not know how to survive this semester.

Long story short. I detest May.

God, I need Your help and guidance here. Amen.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Define FAITH

I know, not another post on religion. But oh well, there are things which I think it is better for me to let out.

Today, I was accompanying my friends to settle their experimental safety report for their final year project. On the way, I met a lecturer whom I respect a lot. She suddenly seemed cool and distant, as compared with last time. She used to be close to me and used to be friendly with me, a lot. But now, it seems like we barely know each other at all. I am upset with this change as she is one of the lecturers whom I admire the most. She is beautiful, smart, tough, God-fearing and decent. All those of which I am the opposite of.

That left me thinking; was it because she thought of me as someone who does not really accept Christ in life that she no longer feels a sense of belonging with me? I know I look like some hypocrite Christian who wears a cross necklace yet goes out clubbing and wear sexy outfits and curse all the time. I seldom pray and go to church. But I keep saying that I have faith in God and all. Hardy har har this bitch is damn hypocrite. Seriously? There you good Christians go judging me. I dislike people judging me! How I define my faith in Christianity and in God is not up to you to decide, but to me. Even if the whole world questions my faith (that includes my parents), God will definitely know. I never question all of your faith, so stop questioning mine!

I have this issue running through my head for a very long time and it takes up a lot of courage for me to type this. This in truth involves most religion so I am actually prepared to be screwed, shot or dissed, whatever it is. Hence, read the disclaimer below before start shooting me thanks.

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS ENTIRELY BASED ON MY OWN PERSONAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AND IT HAS NO INTENTION OF INSULTING OR HURTING ANYONE OR ANY RELIGION AT ALL. I UNDERSTAND THAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAS THEIR OWN BELIEF IN THEIR RELIGION AND I RESPECT THAT. IN FACT, IF I DO NOT RESPECT THE OTHERS' RELIGION, I WOULD HAVE ALREADY DISSED THEM LONG TIME AGO. I WILL NOT MAKE GIVE IN TO THEIR PRACTICE WHENEVER I AM WITH THEM. 

Okay disclaimer typed out hehe. Here goes.

Religious discrimination hurts me. Even in my own religion. Well, I have always told my Muslim friends how I personally dislike them discriminating food by classifying them as "halal" and "non-halal" because at the end of the day, they are just food. I also dislike how they discriminate "dogs" and "pigs" as dirty because to me animals are the same. God do not create them to be discriminated. Omg dogs are sooooo adorable <3 p="">
Admit it. Everyone in this world sins. A Christian friend of mine told me every one of us are born with an ability to sin, which is called "wisdom". Because we know what is right and what is wrong, and we know what is temptation and what is sin, yet we often fall for it even though we already know simply because we are selfish. That is what makes our sins heavier. There is no such person who is 100% clean and sinless, because this world is so corrupted that it is nearly impossible not to sin in order to survive. I mean, all the ethical issues arise because people sin. People put themselves above everything else because they are selfish. People hurt each other because they enjoy it. Either that or because they want to survive.

Because of that, God had no choice but to create a human being out of himself, instead of from Adam's offspring, so that he will live a totally sinless life and then die while bearing all of our sins. The reason why Jesus Christ died so young (30++) is because he chose to sacrifice for us. He chose NOT to sin, but to die so that all the sins that we have will be shouldered by him upon his death. Jesus was born in a manger and was insulted and humiliated by people all his life, yet he never once gave in to temptation. Christians who believe in him should actually rejoice this because this is the rite of passage to Heaven, and rejoice his resurrection (Easter).

But look at what most Christians do today. They create so many restrictions and rules about "how to be a good Christian" i.e. dressing decently, praying frequently, zero profanity, no eating meat on Fridays, going to church regularly and all. I mean, it is not wrong to abide to the rules to show your faith in Christ. What is wrong is how you question other people's faith in Christianity and start judging them. I know, it will be better if I stop going to clubs and stop swearing. I live a life like a party animal (now seldom club though due to FYP). For the swearing part, I shall not repeat what I had posted.

I do not like how they set the standards of "faith" and then start judging those who do not follow the standards and then start condemning that they are going to hell and all. Hell yeah, just because I said "fuck you" does that mean I will go to hell? It is just a word. I do not mean any harm. It is not like those two words will actually cause death. And I see no reason why I should be condemned by not going to church often. I mean, compare me, a girl with 30% faith going to church every Sunday and questions the existence of Christ and a girl with 70% faith who seldom goes to church yet knows that Jesus is watching over us. We cannot just measure someone's faith by judging their exterior. Worse, we cannot discriminate them and act as if they are second class people. No. We are all Christians.

Another thing. I wish that people will not be divided because of difference in religion. I mean, we all have ONE ultimate God who rules it all. Maybe those who are polytheists believe in different gods, but above these gods there surely is one ruler right? And who better than the alpha and the omega God, who is "The One"? (Oh my goodness this reminds me of Morgan Freeman's role as God in Bruce Almighty :P). I really wish that there will be no more wars in the name of religion, because as far as I know, all religions (except satanism, and that is not a religion but a distorted belief) promote peace and goodwill. That I sincerely pray and hope.

One last thing. Everyone has their difference in faith in different religions. I do not like how people try their very best to convert someone else' religions and all. I mean, you have your own belief; he has his own and she has her own. Respect each other's religions and beliefs lah. We have one special gift from God, which is called "free will". We have freedom to choose whatever we wish to do, and I believe no single person in this world has the right to take away another person's free will, and that includes religious beliefs. Hence, please do not question my faith anymore and then judge me as whatever horrible person you all picture.

There I rant again. I miss my job as a part-time journalist sometimes. Maybe in the future, I will quit my job as an engineer and start my journalist job and end up getting Pullitzer award *dreams*. Why not? I express better by writing than calculating formulae and develop models.