Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year's Resolutions For 2013

Yeah, I know. I do not achieve my resolutions (I did some though but oh well). Never mind. Just follow the tradition to jot down some generic resolutions (and probably adding on some new ones as well).

1) Lose weight (as usual, I always succeed but it always fail once semester ends).
2) Look prettier and more stylish (I have look better year after year, but I just cannot afford looking pretty everyday. True not?)
3) Earning more HDs. Yeah sure, sounds kiasu, but if I am not kiasu now, when will I be? I have been slacking off for the past two years (last semester doesn't count because I worked my ass off and it SOMEWHAT paid off). But let me get more HDs to pull up my CGPA. I want to land on a high-salary job and have good prospect.
4) Take part in voluntary work. I think Cambodia is a famous place for voluntary work. People go to Cambodia because most people go there. In fact, I prefer going to places which requires more help yet less people go to such as Vietnam or Laos, but for my safety, I think I will stick to Cambodia. Why? Rotary International has one base there. At least I know who to look for in Cambodia. I do not want to travel for goodwill in a totally foreign place and end up being trafficked elsewhere and being mutilated and raped mercilessly. You know the news of high-spirited volunteers who traveled overseas to help those in need and ended up kidnapped by human traffickers. No. I love myself.
5) Make a change in my look. I want to look different before I graduate. You know, engineer is a professional job, hence one must look professional. I think there is rare, if none engineers with neon pink hair and overly-done makeup. I want to try doing that for once before I graduate.
6) This one is bonus. Finding a companion. Male companion. Difficult, but I wish I can find. Gentle, loving and loyal are the basics. Of course, I prefer him to be tall, handsome, has nice body, being able to carry heavy me (seriously I do not understand why am I so heavy) and smart. He may not need to be rich, but he must not be lazy and immature.
7) Be happy everyday, especially before I sleep. Hopefully I can achieve this throughout the year.
8) Take part in competition. I want to do that before I graduate. Yes! 

Okay. That is all I can think of for now. Can't be bothered to think anymore as I want to take a nap after gobbling up chicken pie. Oh the fatness. Ah the bliss. Omg. I am a pig.

Saturday, December 01, 2012

My Style Keeps Changing

When I was a little girl (in kindergarten):

My mom used to dress me up like a Barbie doll LOL.

 In my teens:
Something like that...you get the picture lah.

In my late teens:


Hoodie was in fashion :D

My not-so-nice figure probably prohibited me from dressing up slutty and fashionable. I was not the type of person who puts in effort in dressing up unless it was Chinese New Year.

Now now though. In my early 20s, I started to learn the art of make-up and dressing up nicely. Though I am still learning LAH.


Slutty fashion. Useful for clubbing.
Yeah, I look slutty. I lost weight and start dressing up slutty. Proof? Here is a slutty-looking me. Not being a slut though no worries. I don't want to end up catching some STD no-no.

Not exactly slutty but oh well, you get what I mean :)
Neh, I don't dress like that all the time LAH. At times I dress casual as well.


My favourite: Shorts :D they're short and comfortable. Yay!


Jeans. They are still in fashion no matter what when it comes to casual wear. Heee.

I know my style will still change. I know there will be a more mature fashion coming when I start to work. Bur I can't wait to explore more fashion before I start off my "professional" career which prohibits me from dying bright colours and putting on lots of make-up.

Tata!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Home...Soon

I just received an offer letter from X-Fab a few days ago. Gosh, after months of suspense, impatient phone calls to respective HR for each company, asking for help here and there and hearing one friends after another receiving an offer but not me, I finally received an offer!

I will be working in X-Fab, under Environmental, Health and Safety (EHS) department. Not something which I expected like process design, synthesis and integration, since I am taking Chemical Engineering, but it is something totally different and challenging, of which I will have to start from scratch. And EHS is an important department to work at, especially when some manufacturing companies do not manage effluents properly. I am working in a wafer manufacturing company, where the disposal of waste has to be properly handled. Totally a different experience, but I guess I am all geared up for it.

Pay is standard at RM500 per month. Nothing much to complain or to brag. I am glad though that I have a fellow coursemate Michele who will be interning with me, although different department. Well, at least this gives a consolation that I will have someone to lunch with me (unless she decides to drive home, which is impossible because the lunch break is so short).

One stupid thing happened, which I think most people would experience it. The moment I accepted X-Fab, all other companies offered me. One attractive offer was from Dayang though. Sadly, I had to reject it because I want to intern at home. Sorry Dayang, you're a step too late. And even if I were to intern at Dayang, I will still have to deal with transportation problem. Sigh. 

But one thing which I am glad most is I will be doing FYP next semester because I already secured myself a spot for internship. If I managed to pass all subjects this semester, then I can proceed to FYP and DP. Oh yessss!!!!!

Home. I can't wait to sleep on my own bed. I can't wait to taste home cooked food. I can't wait to breathe the clean air of Kuching once more. I can't wait to indulge myself a huge bowl of laksa, accompanied with a glass of teh-c peng special (Kuching one tastes better than Miri mah). Nyumm~!!! Most of all, I can't wait to see my family and friends once more.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Promises

Finally, exams are over. I am as free as a bird...for now. Until I begin my internship somewhere in November. My last resort would be Shah Alam, which is inconvenient in terms of transport and accommodation. Sigh.

I am interested in one thing which every human being will definitely get themselves entangled into no matter what. Promises. You see, typically people make promises for two things. Firstly, to gain trust from someone else and secondly, to give assurance to someone so that they will trust you, which brings back to the first reason. Ah the redundancy. Anyway, you all know that people break their promises all the time, and when a promise is broken, the trust is also broken into half. Some people thus think that why do we even need to make a promise, which will end up being broken? Broken promises leads to broken trust, and for some cases, broken heart.

Let me give you a scenario of which promises are important, even if it is broken. A single father works as a construction worker. Long working hours and low pay. He single-handedly raised his only son, who meant the world to him. His son, a typical child growing up in a school surrounded by friends who have normal family that are able to give them the things they want. Feeling envious, he wished he could have that too. There is only one thing though, that this son wants all this while. A birthday celebration with his father. **okay I know I am talking about birthday celebration because my birthday just passed a few days ago but still, it can be part of the scenario in our lives** His father promised him a meal at McDonald's and a birthday cake, and most importantly, having his father by his side on his birthday. However, his father often could not make it because of his irregular working hours. He was torn apart by dilemma of choosing to fulfill his promise to his son or to earn more money for the day so that he could buy his son a better present for making up the broken promises. You know construction workers are paid by day and if they do not work on that day, then it is too bad. The father often celebrated belated birthdays with a new toy and a birthday cake for the son. But the most important thing, which is the celebration with the father himself is not there.

Most people would say that if the father could not fulfill his promise to celebrate his birthday with his son, then why even making the promise at the first place? The promise made by the father shows how much he loved his son to want to try his best to give him whatever he wants. The son may be upset every year, but when he saw how much his father made up by buying toys and birthday cake (although belated), he would understand that his father could not afford to lose his job, because he was the only breadwinner of the family. That job was the only source of income for the family. As the son grew up, he would understand that the promise made by his father was to show his intentions to give him what he wants on his birthday. Disappointment was there, but the love of the father to his son was there as well.

I guess most of us here can see the picture now. A promise is not just to gain trust.On the outside, it is to gain trust and to give someone a sense of security. But what makes a promise valuable is the intention carried within the promise. The intention for someone to take the risk of disappointing the other half by making a promise so that he could give someone the things desired. Marriage is the same thing. It is an oath, which too is a form of promise. We all very well know that marriage do not necessarily means happy ending, but when both people get married, that means they are willing to take risk of getting a divorce and suffering from a rocky marriage. They are willing to do so because they want to show to each other that they want to be with each other so much that they will risk all the unwanted circumstances in a marriage. That is why there is a saying which says that marriage is not just a piece of certificate. No. It is a promise made by each other.

Let us now imagine a world without promises. Then the people around us will not know what we really want and how much do we really care for them. In layman's terms, we call it "half-cooked". You want to buy a meal for someone but you do not promise that person. How would that other person take it as? He will not be sure whether you really want to buy a meal for that person. As a result, he will not set a confirmed appointment and he will then attend something else other than a meal with you. Because you never promised him. And if there is no promise, there is no assurance as well.

The reason why people created contracts and all is because people are so insecure about each other that they need a definite, concrete promise, black and white in the form of law and contract so that they can secure whatever they want. But none of these would have happened if people are truly sincere with each other at the first place. It all comes back to sincerity, of why people make promises.

I guess I have ranted enough already. Sloth time. Ah the holiday.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Amanda Todd and The Bullies

Yeah, I know. I have three assignments at hand; two of which were to be submitted tomorrow and the other one submitted on Wednesday, although I make sure it is completed by Tuesday. I have to settle my internet bills on Wednesday and start studying for my finals, which is only a week after. Ahhh stressed much!!!

I decided to take an hour break off and start keeping myself updated with news around. This led me into blogging about Amanda Todd, a Canadian teen who committed suicide a month before her birthday. Of course, her suicide left her mother devastated and utterly upset. Her daughter was gone...forever. She had a terrible life when she was still young, and now her life ended this way. She ended her life to end the pain. However, she did not want her death to be in vain. Hence, the video of her was made and spread around the internet for awareness.

The video indeed caused awareness and many feedback. Sadly, there were negative comments as well, bashing done by the bullies. It is as if they did not want to let her go even after she died.

I shall not go through the details of the story as the video explains it all. Kind of redundant to explain things that have already been stated so clearly in the video. What I am going to write here is all about my thoughts and opinions on this bully, which I believe most people who have a warm, beating heart would agree. Yes, I mean mostly.

Firstly, I know people would say that all these would not have started if she had not FLASHED in front of the webcam at the very first place. Yeah, if she did not flash, people would not stalk her, ridicule her, strip off her dignity and self-esteem, and then those cyber-bullies would not take advantage of this situation to bully her and torture her emotions even more. Take note that Amanda Todd was only 12 when she flashed. And why would she even flash at the first place? She was given baits such as flattery and sweet talks. Being a young growing early teen who doesn't know how to differentiate sincere praises and mock flattery, she thought people actually called her beautiful, which caused her to flash her tits. How on earth would she know that those people wanted to circulate her nude photos around? She was not a psychic. She was not careful. Pointing an accusing finger at her mother? I am sure the people would have said that mothers should be more careful at monitoring her daughter's actions at this tender age. We can never stop this from happening. Stalkers and lurkers are everywhere. It is only a matter of luck whether you met stalkers or not. Some girls who have a good, decent life were kidnapped by human trafficking while travelling abroad. Was the girls' travelling mate to be blamed because they were not careful? No. When those traffickers want things to happen, they will make sure it happens. The same goes for those cyber stalkers. It was just tough luck.

The accusing finger would have been the society who judged and condemned Amanda. Sure, her nude photos were circulated around her school. They called her a porn star and all. Judging can never be controlled because everyone has their own mentality. But what gives them the right to condemn her and start shunning her? What gives them the right to call her names and strip off her self-esteem? She was already tricked into stripping to the internet, why strip off her self-esteem even more? I am sure that if the society gives her more support and do not give in to the stalkers, the stalkers' threat will not work on Amanda. Ignore those photos. They could be photoshopped; we all never know. Worse, just enjoy the beautiful growing boobs and that's it. Why need to contribute and make the stalker's plan a success? It is because of them that the stalkers managed to blackmail Amanda and made her give in to his threats.

Amanda was really unlucky to have met some bullies who had no other life. Those bullies should be the one shunned by the society, not her. The guy friend took advantage of her vulnerability and hooked up with her, causing the jealous girlfriend to get even with her. The girlfriend used her tarnished image as a point to ruin her, beat her up, ridicule her and scarred her.  Even after all the beatings they still would not want to let her go. Scary to think how some people have lost their hearts.

To be honest, once a person got bullied, the self-esteem went down the drain totally. What they need is not to find the culprit or someone to point an accusing finger to, but rather, a pillar of support from the society. You can actually what a community of people can do to one person. She will not be a victim of the cuber bully if people actually lent her a hand of support instead of condemning her.

Therefore, I urge you all who is reading this (although I doubt there will be many readers here not to actually put some stranger down whenever you see anything online, but rather, give support to them. They may be victims of bullies, we never knew. If you see a video of someone doing stupid, do not leave comments calling them slut or what. If you see any of your acquaintances' photos nude, do not start judging that person. The photos may either be photoshopped or being taken without permission. Even if they really strip willingly, do not judge them or start calling them names. You can never imagine the emotional injuries they will face just because of one simple thing you did to them.

Sure, victims have a choice of doing something else back then to avoid being bullied. However, all of us here too have a choice of lending a support to victims instead of pointing an accusing finger to whoever concerned. Like her. She wants support. Did you read the last line in the video? She said she needs someone. Who is the someone? Someone who does not judge a person but rather gives support because the someone has empathy. The someone can actually feels what a person needs.

By the way, here is the video I have been ranting about just now.


She used her story as a voice to warn those people out there what cyber bullies can do and what caused cyber bullies to be able to bully someone. What caused someone to be vulnerable to cyber bullies and stalkers. I am sure everyone knows that answer by now.

Okay. It is rather a short post because I have more assignments than I thought :( sigh. Lifeless me.

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

When Writing Actually Makes Me Feel Better

I love writing. I remembered back then in high school, I used to have this cute notebook which was filled with short stories. Those short stories were normally inspired by video games, animes, movies, colours, articles I read, news or even daily life. Sometimes, these small small things can give me a story to write. Sad to say that I do not have anymore chance to do so, except in my blog. It is even sadder to say that my inspiration is dying simply because I no longer have any life. My life revolves around university, labs, simulation, tests, formulae, calculations, reports, researches, journals, instant noodles, oily takeaway food, junk food, bed and examination halls. Long story short. I have no life. It is sadder to say that my summer holidays will be spent on internship. Oh God speaking of internship, I have not received any offer letter yet. Why??? It is already October and I still haven't find any job yet. Damn sad. I have done my best and now I am keeping my fingers crossed. My results are not that bad, and in fact I know people whose results are not as good yet are able to obtain a spot for internship. You know what that means? Luck is what you need. I need luck.

I do not know whether to be thankful or not. I spent an average of seventy-two hours waking up doing some shitty simulation and just as I was 75% done, the dateline was extended to next week. Luckily there are still space for improvement. But good also. More time for me to study for my PMT. I am retaking it simply because I passed out. Awesomeness. I need to be thankful to the lecturer though for allowing me to retake the test. Well, this time I have to appreciate this second chance and do well for this test!!! 25% baby!!!

Right now, I have three things of which I need to accomplish.

1) Finish all assignments on time excellently without wearing myself out.
2) Doing well for my finals.
3) Getting a good placement at a good company for my internship.

Sound so lifeless, huh?

Well, this is the time when good food comes along as a great company!!! I have been taking McDonalds for these past few days that I do not have time to indulge into better food. I want Kent's Garden lamb chop!!! Omg the deliciousness of the food!!! Come to think of it I am hungry.

No pichas sowwee. Want more pictures find me on Instagram here, at Webstagram. Have been dumping most of my pictures in there. **Side note: I do not approve strangers though, unless that stranger appears harmless and is interesting. No to stalkers. I had bad experiences with them =.=

p/s: I miss hot steaming bowl of laksa, right now.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

ARYLA in 5 Days' Time!!!

OMGOMOGMOGMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nuff said. Go find sponsors.

Friday, August 03, 2012

AUGUST RANT, RANT AND RANT

August is a terrible month for me. Like seriously.

6/8/12 - Submission of Open Day proposal
7/8/12 - Presentation for PSD
8/8/12 - ARYLA briefing
10/8/12 - Chem E Car competition (OMG THE BIG DAY!!!)
11/8/12 - NACES essay submission
14/8/12 -  PPE Test 1
16/8/12 - PPE assignment 2 due, submission of Club Renewal proposal
17/8/12 - PSD assignment 1 due, ARYLA camp
18/8/12 - ARYLA camp
19/8/12 - ARYLA camp
20/8/12 - ARYLA camp
24/8/12 - PMT mid-term
26/8/12 - Hua's surprise b'day celebration at Damai + beachwear photoshoot for the party

**hello please do not forget I still need to STUDY despite my busy schedule. Consistency is the only way to do well in finals (this is UNIVERSITY, not SPM).

Sometimes, I asked myself this: Was I the one who brought upon all these? Hectic lifestyle with a maximum sleeping hours of five per day.

THAT WAS THE REASON WHY I WANTED TO LOSE WEIGHT FAST LAST MONTH!!!Looking at my tight deadlines and schedule for this month, my diet will definitely yo-yo from a bar of Snickers to three servings of rice. Worst, I will have very scarce amount of free time to exercise and lose weight. About eating habits, when I am stressed or doing something that requires racking of brains, I EAT to make sure my brain keeps moving. So expect a chubby Jessie in swimwear in Damai, I shall say ==""

I know I have always want to live healthily because a peaceful mind comes from a healthy body. Seeing how Seohyun lives truly inspire me. But seriously, it is hard to keep a healthy lifestyle when you have this crazy kind of schedule. Say goodbye to hourglass figure. Say goodbye to improved stamina (I almost reached to a stage where I can last longer while doing cardio compared to usual and now because I have not hitting the cardio gym for one week I am back to square one). I am weak ma. Easily get rusty.

I am not trying to give an excuse or what. I know I still look great despite the fact that I am chubby. Confidence, baby. Thing is, I do not want to do anything that damages my body and my mind. Take last night for example. I am happy to sip a glass of pina colada but not happy to drink bottles of beer. I don't mind drinking beer while chilling at the beach, but if possible I would prefer cocktails. Besides, beer and cocktails are equally fattening, so why settle for something which does not make me any happier? Meh. Long story short, I gained weight after eating bak kut teh, pizza and drinking tons of beer last night. Shockingly fast.

I should stop ranting and start finding information regarding reactor network synthesis for my PSD presentation. Meh.

I dislike Chemical Engineering more and more as I continue studying, but I do not wish to quit halfway after holding on for so far already. 

A friend of mine is right about me. I cannot lose weight unless I hire a personal trainer who monitors my diet and my workout, who manages my schedule to fit in an hour or two of exercise and advises me on my diet. Meh. I have the willpower, but I am tired. Way tired. Tired of having to juggle with both stress in my brain and me stressing to lose weight despite the schedule. I am tired with the dilemma. God why do I even agree for bikini thing? Okay I admit it is just an excuse. My main reason is to lose weight and get out of my comfort zone of staying plump. I know I will look greater and healthier if I lose weight and keep fit. Imagine the fun of taking part in sports activities. I have always wanted to but my weak physical state and my slow reflexes somehow stopped me and killed my enthusiasm towards sports. I like playing futsal. I used to play with my brother when we were young. I enjoy badminton too. Used to play a lot of that with friends. I like swimming. It makes me feel like a fish. Basketball is nice too, but I get injured more than I score because I am heavy and slow and cannot throw far simply because my arms are weak.

Point is, if I can someday break my comfort zone and become a more athletic (ok lah, not necessarily an athlete but at least healthier and fitter than now). Then I can take part in sports and can help people instead of bringing them down.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...................wish I joined tae-kwon-do with friends when I was in secondary school.

Wish I am taking media or journalism course. Or at least some commerce-related courses. Then my life would be so much better. Engineering do not earn as much as an entrepreneur, so why bother racking so much of my brain cells and four dreading years only to work in outskirts and earn only a few thousand dollars per month? =(

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Taken Aback

Something happened tonight. A friend of mine went around borrowing money to settle off the debt of her boyfriend. She cried when asking for money for me. She told me she could not hold on any longer, when she had to resort to borrowing money around from her friends. I reprimanded the boyfriend because I could not stand seeing how he treated her. I do not like gamblers, and I do not like how he treated her. Thing is, after we left, he scolded my friend, saying she told me about both of their stuff. Saying how she made him lose face. Dude, your face has already been gone if your girlfriend called you up middle of the night to borrow a lump sum of money.

I never like gamblers. I told her to think properly before starting a relationship with gamblers. If not because of this friend of mine I would not even borrow my money to a gambler. I myself very well know that if I were to borrow a gambler money, he will settle off his debt and then gamble again. That is like encouraging him to gamble more instead of quit gambling. But I had to pay, because I do not like seeing my friend begging around asking for money. To be honest, I do not like borrowing money unless that person has no money to eat or whatsoever emergency, and debt to me is not emergency. It is something which you brought upon yourself.

I thought this friend of mine was finally able to be in a steady relationship, was finally able to be with a nice guy who treats her right. Nothing goes smooth sailing though. First, she was entangled with a selfish playboy, which caused her to live a messed-up life until she found this one, and then this one treated her not right. It's a long way for her to find happiness, huh?

In a way I am thankful to God I am no longer entangled in relationships, nor do I feel any pain because of relationships or love. I learned the hard way to start loving myself before loving others, or having a crush onto someone. I am happy with my life currently, and the only things that I have to worry are:

1) Chem-E Car (at the right track but still worry)
2) Cover letter and submission of CV to companies (hopefully I can be accepted into internships...stressed much)
3) Academics (sigh, all so difficult and two coursework-related units...I attended lectures for ONLY THREE DAYS and I am already worn out)
4) ARYLA (of course worry because it is a big event)
5) Losing weight regime (2kg gone; 5 kg to go)

Nah. Lazy want to type cover letter. Need to go for jogging tomorrow. I am so happy I lost 2kg yay!!!

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Home For A Few More Days

Guess what? Apparently because my dad feared my safety of staying all alone in a double-storey house in Senadin when the place is mainly populated by international students during that period, I was commanded not to fly there tomorrow. My dad said that he would pay for my burned air tickets and asked me to stay until this weekend. It is because Ezzah can only accompany me from next Monday onwards. Everyone was worried about my safety. My dad, my mom and my brother. They kept on asking me whether will anyone be staying with me during the period in Miri? When will my housemates be back? So many questions bombarding me everyday. It is a blessing in disguise by the way. I get to stay at home for a few more days. I get to be pampered and are able to catch up with more friends. Happy I am.

By the way, here is a piece of fat photo of me, so to speak. This is what Kuching has done to me. My mother has been feeding me with food fit for two or even three, even though she kept on complaining how fat I am. Ironic betul ==

Taken today in the car. Sangat the fat and chubby. Can win the Chubbiest Girl title =p
Sigh. I seriously need to control my diet. Losing weight in one and a half months is not easy okay. Worse still, I need to stop gaining weight. Otherwise things will get extremely difficult for me once I start my losing weight regime upon my arrival at Miri.

This picture below was my thinner version when I was in Miri. Sigh. Wait. Macam tak ada =="" haiyah I am never thin.

Instead, let me post a few inspirational pictures. These will surely make me deeply motivated and eat cornflakes + milk for one meal and vegetables for another meal. And if I am hungry grab a sandwich and that's it. Here goes:

Hyomin. She has a to-die-for legs.

Nextly, we have:
Ini sangat inspiring. Jenna Dewan weighs 53kg and she still looks fabulous.
Somehow this picture reminds me of Conie ==""
Okay. Me, a heavy person (I am heavier than I look which I do not know why and am very upset about it) should reduce to 53kg (I think) and redefine my curves. Why am I forever worried about my body? I should start working. But thing is it is hard to work here. Tell my mom I don't want to eat and she will be upset about it. No choice but to eat. Meh. Never mind. I will control in Miri. I did it once bah, and that was last sem. I can always do it again. Difference is I have to diligently hit the gym. Sigh.

FYI results out tonight!!!!!!!!! Nervous much!!!!!!!! Can I make it??? A few hours later there will be another post regarding my results. Unless it is really bad I think I will mostly post about it.

Me, Nature and Inspiration

This picture was taken in 2010 when I went mountain-hiking for the first time at Mt Serapi. Photo credits to Pei Mei.

Me in 2010...I cut my hair short that time ;)
I, who never went for mountain hiking before, managed to finish hiking a mountain without fainting or what in 5 hours. For someone not athletic as me, it is a huge accomplishment to me.

Okay. In 2012 I raced against the sunset to Escobar and captured the sunset, with me blending so nicely with it. Okay. I know. Photo credits to Pei Chen.

Me in 2012 =D
Omg I totally loved the sunset!!!!! It's like I'm standing behind a beautiful painting. But of course, it is obvious that I am really behind the sunset because I am literally standing onto the sea. My feet are being covered by the warm gentle waves of the sea. I am standing there while enjoying the sea breeze. The sky is simply breathtaking. I am sure everyone who knows how to appreciate beautiful things will agree with me here. There are a few times I am tempted to put this as my profile picture in Facebook but, but, BUT, I have quite a number of friends on Facebook who put picture of sunset. No I am not going to be a follower. I am a trendsetter. I make people follow me, not follow people. Hahahahaha. Perasan-ness.

What next? Me standing in a snowy place? Or me surrounded by forest?

I climbed and reached a higher place and chased after my dream and captured it. What does that tell me? Nothing is impossible. Whatever you want, just work hard for it. Start climbing and improving until you reach a higher place. Then start chasing after your dream and make it a reality. Inspiring much?

Next target in life: To lose weight and actually maintain it. Lose SIX to SEVEN kilogrammes and reduce my body size. I seriously need to look really slim while I still have this opportunity. I live only once, and if not now, when?

Additional target: Break through my boundary which stops me from improving my studies. To score well in the remaining 70% after screwing up my 30%. 

p/s: Shall use that sunset picture for my Twitter profile picture instead. Sangat the smart I am ;)

Monday, July 02, 2012

Half-accomplished

Looking back at my post I wrote last year, here are what I have done so far:

1) I attended Sungha Jung's concert. Okay, not super superstar, but a Youtube star is considered. And he's WAY talented than many other superstars out there, to be honest. If I attended Big Bang concert in Japan that is truly a dream come true.

2) I attended Borneo Jazz. As for RWMF, well, maybe next year. One out of two is not bad.

3) I went to Brunei. Is that considered? Oh and yes, I am going to KL at the end of August during my tuition week free, to compensate for not being able to go to KK. Considered granted.

4) No time to do charitable goodwill thing, but if there is a chance, I will most definitely do it.

5) I raced against the sunset and finished the one hour plus trip in less than 45 minutes without telling my parents. Exciting instead of embarrassing.

Not bad. 2012 is overall a colourful year. A year which I got over my old pain and have myself prepared to look forward for better things life has to offer.

The same thing: I need to do research once I go back to Miri. SOON =( two more nights at home with family.

p/s: I am seriously craving for Sunny Hill's ice-cream :O

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Happy Fat Girl

Upon my return from Miri, I wasn't that fat. Two weeks later, I actually gained 3kg!!! Wow that was fast!!! Gaining 3kgs of FAT in just 2 weeks is fast. Most of my cravings have been satisfied within these 2 weeks of holidays. Sadly, I will be returning to Miri in 4th July. Look at the bright side. From there, I can shed off the extra kilos gained, plus the additional 3kg which I originally planned to lose. That means six kilogrammes to lose altogether :O sounds tough.

What haven't I eaten yet in this mini Taiwan (seriously, Kuching is like mini Taiwan, with street foods sprouting like mushrooms everywhere and the food here is SUPER CHEAP and delicious) are:

J&J roti canai and teh tarik (mmm...sedap...)
Life cafe's malak mien and onion pancakes (I insist Carpenter street's branch)
Song Kheng Hai ice-kacang and belacan bee hoon
Taipei 101's pork chop noodles, dumplings and or-jian
KY Cafe or Sin Poh Poh kolo mee
Chong Choon laksa
Eastmoore beef noodles
Bintawa kueh chap
Pinoy ihaw ihaw deep fried pork and roasted pork (no choice most guy friends are not here to help finish up the pork...the portion served is DAMN HUGE WEH)
Tom's cheesecake (yummmyyyyyyyyy...omg I want this very badly)
Padungan lok lok
Swan Teem BBQ steamboat (need more kaki baru fun this one)
Fish ball tang hoon and pork satay at Carpenter's street
Aladdin Cafe chicken rice
Carvery MEAT buffet
Greenhill Corner beef noodles
Howdy Grillhouse pork ribs (I haven't try LAH)
Fried Durian (no chance to try since I'm not coming back for the Kuching Festival...again)
Delicious vegetarian meal at 3rd Mile
Hui Sing (forgot the name) fish head bee hoon
Kenyalang rojak
Open air soy bean and taosa pao (sadly it is closed)
Kuching chicken porridge (koo jing kai chuk in Cantonese)
Pari bakar, la la bakar and sotong bakar
Tomyam fish
Jade Pot beef noodles (I have this knack for beef noodles, I realize)
Gourmet Sausage sausage
Koreana (aaa...Korean food...sigh...)

I seriously eat a lot huh? Haha. As mentioned before I have many of my cravings satisfied yet there are still a LONG list of unsatisfied cravings. Wow. No wonder I gained 3kgs.

By the way, still looking for a chance to view the sunset at Escobar. Sigh. Who wants to view sunset with me at Escobar? Pretty please. Sigh.

I am happy that I gain weight because I am enjoying myself. This is good!!!

Bad news is that I have to super work hard to lose 6kgs within 2 months. Probably 7kg, if I manage to lose 6kgs before September. Now that is awesome!!!

In short, I will return to Miri being fat.

p/s: I mentioned about going to gym and swimming and jogging but unable to do so because I have no company firstly (most of my friends are either working or studying or not in Kuching) and secondly, gym entrance fee is RM25, which is way too expensive for someone not loaded like me. Yeah, someone who prefers spending RM50 at Brands Outlet but not RM25 for a 2-hour gym session. 

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Go Green and Save Turtles

This will be a green post, hence the green font here ;) 

How on earth did I end up writing about environmentally-friendly post? 

It all started minutes ago when I was listening to DBSK's Bolero piano cover and tried learning it by ear (with difficulties, of course) when Angelina inboxed me and asked me to do this pledge to go green. I read her blog and of course pledged to go green. It is important to go green. Earth originally consist of two colours - blue and green. And green coincidentally reminds me of...TURTLES. 

TMNT, anyone? Err...okay let's not get digressed and focus on the main point below =)
Well, basically, this pledge is about stopping Malaysians from consuming turtle eggs. I am fine with not consuming turtle eggs because I never consume one before. I am proud of it!! And one of the reasons why turtles are closer to extinction is because of the consumption of eggs. Common sense, turtles come from eggs and if we eat the eggs, we indirectly reduce the amount of turtles (future turtles to be exact) that will live in this world. I am going to be very sarcastic at the next few paragraphs so that those turtle egg consumers will feel "ouch" when they read those and thus not touching the eggs anymore.

Telur penyu aka turtle eggs...when they're untouched
Well, some may be stupid enough to argue that the eggs are laid on the beach, and if we do not take it, rugi lah us. Common sense lah people, there is a reason why turtles lay eggs on the beach and abandon the eggs there. You think turtles are so considerate to leave the eggs there just to end up in your stomach? The reason why turtles lay eggs on the beach is because eggs need to be hatched and be kept warm. Ever wonder why hens hatch their eggs? Even wonder why birds keep eggs on their nests and hatch it? Eggs need to be kept warm so that they can break out from the eggs. Like us, eggs also need an optimum temperature to develop. Asking why eggs are being hatched is like asking why are we inside our mothers' womb. Stupid betul. They, like us, need warmth. Which turtles are stupid enough to leave the eggs into the sea? Unless they are sane enough to kill their babies inside the eggs, I am sure no sane turtles will do that.

I forsee another stupid question. If turtle eggs need to be hatched, why not the turtles keep guard of the eggs? Simple, because turtles are reptiles. They lay eggs and then leave the eggs there to be hatched. Then they begin looking for food and survive. Turtles are not human beings; they do not have high IQ. If you think turtles can forsee all these, then you are as dumb as the turtles. It is the turtles' nature to lay eggs onto the beach and then leave the eggs onto the beach. You seriously think turtles are psychics and can forsee hungry, greedy human beings like you to eat their eggs and then guard their eggs all the time? If that happens, then the mother turtles will not have to lose their eggs to your stomachs already. 

Okay. Here comes another argument. Even if the baby turtles managed to come out of their shells and travel back to the sea, many died on the way. Might as well not waste the eggs by eating them rather than having them die along the journey (more on that later). Wah so smart of you to be able to think of that!! Who are you turtle egg eaters to decide their life and death? Only God decides each baby turtle's lifespan, not you. What gives you the right to even take the eggs and eat them without asking the permission from the mother turtles? Even if you asked for the permission, it is definitely wrong to take the turtle eggs and eat them. They are lives and they are endangered. These eggs are not from your pet turtles, so you definitely do not have the permission to eat those. You take the eggs from their nests, not take the eggs from your pet turtle (if you even have one).

One last argument. Turtle eggs delicious what, so we want to eat lo. In that case, well congratulations for having weird sense of taste. Turtle eggs are slimy even after cooked (of what I heard), so I do not find anything tasty there. You have weird sense of taste, or is it that you people enjoy eating something wild and endangered? As if eating something exotic will increase your IQ or extend your lifespan. Let me tell you honey, it won't. What you did only reduces the amount of turtles on Earth greatly. That is all. And turning turtle fetuses into shit. This is totally degrading turtles. If the mother turtles knew about this, they will be devastatingly upset. 

Turtle eggs sold in market
Turtle eggs made as meal (seriously???)
Like I have mentioned earlier, those turtles which managed to come out from their shells died on the way of travelling back to sea. That means very few turtles will survive the journey. Out of 1000 eggs hatched, probably 900 turtles will manage to come out of the shells alive. Out of 900 eggs which went back to the sea, probably only 400 made it. The rest either died on land as preys for carnivores or died in the sea. So, if the human beings were being cruel enough to take the eggs for food, there will be even less turtle survivors, meaning the turtles will be even closer to extinction. Now do you get the clearer picture?
CUTE baby turtles travelling back to the sea once they are born...awww <3 aren't they cute???
So please, stop eating turtle eggs. Chicken eggs are delicious what. They are obtained from farms (with permission in a way) and they do are not even at the verge of extinction. Chicken eggs are found in cakes, puddings, omelettes, pies, tarts, soups, ANYTHING. I love chicken eggs =D 

Okay I have ranted long about turtle eggs. Now let me tell you what you can do. 

Go here. Surely it doesn't harm to go right? 

Even better. Check out this WWFMALAYSIA WEBSITE. Then start pledging to save turtles. I repeat, PLEDGE TO SAVE TURTLES.

Or you may check out the Facebook page for details.

Pledge to "Live Green" and save the poor turtles

Save the poor turtles today!!!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

I Am Me

I'm seriously having personal issues lately. Of course, I have other problems in hand but this is mainly focusing on my struggles that I am facing for the first half of 2012. I constantly pushed it away because of assignments and university stuffs, but since now I am free I have plenty of time to think through and to ponder.

All my life, I get haters everywhere. Okay, to be honest all this while I thought of myself as some mediocre, all-average student who is neither rich nor famous. I am not someone worth being known. Not like people will get famous if they know me or something. I am neither pretty nor popular. Yet people still hate me. People say jealousy. Really? Is that so? Tried to convince myself on that. But obviously failed. Reasons are stated above and I am lazy to retype (or copy and paste) those statements again.

I did not really care because these people are not people close to me and whatever they think of me will not make my life any shorter or make me any poorer. In high school, it is normal to have these kind of dramas because well, most of us girls were immature back then and as we grow up, we would think back and laughed at our silliness. However, the thing is, I could not believe that the same thing happened in university as well. That would mean the same thing would happen in work, and these are what caused office politics.

In university, I was not a Dean' List holder or anything. I am a fat, average-looking young adult with baby-face. Yet, people still go on bitching about me. I do not know what would they bitch about. Seriously, people usually bitch around those who are better than them and I am not. But all these made me start to doubt whether people who are nice to me are actually hating me on the inside. They may smile at me and offer me help in anything, but who knows deep down inside they hate me.

Okay. Ifone were to analyze the reasons people hate me, I shall start thinking through and list them down.

Probable reasons why people hate me:

1) Attention seeker
I admit, I am. See how regularly I update my Facebook. But that is my nature. I like sharing. Sharing is caring. For those who know me, when I have something, I will always share around. Unless I know those people do not like me, I will just share with anyone. If I have a 1kg cake, I will ask everyone around me to have a slice. I am that kind of person. I catch people's attention by sharing, and sharing what I usually find out on Facebook is one of the ways.

2) Egoistic and full of pride
This is what I think turn most people off. Even though I described myself as an all-average fat girl, I still have ego of my own. Intelligence is what I always bragged around. Probably I am not as intelligent as I thought. Probably I am more intelligent than I thought. I do not know how to measure it myself. IQ scores are not too reliable. But one thing for sure, I am an extremist. I can be either very proud or humiliate myself a lot. When I am good at something, I will amplify my ego and said it as if I am super good at it. When I suck at something, I will say as if I am totally useless in that area. Hence, people may get offended with the ego I have. Nevertheless, there is one thing I would like to question these people. All the while I am flashing my ego, have I bring anyone down? Have I ever said that I am the best and you all suck? I do not recall doing so. I mentioned I am the best, but I do not say you people suck. I mentioned I am the best to myself and not to your face. I amplify my ego to boost my confidence, because I lack confidence in real life. I hate to admit it, but it is true. You see, in my high school, I am surrounded with beautiful and amazing people. National representative of squash and archery competition, awesome debaters, top scorers, medal winners, face of don't-know-what, scholarship holders overseas, just to name some. I am told though that I should be thankful of whatever I have, hence I listed the things I have and should be thankful. Is that considered ego? Maybe I overdo it a little, but if I do not do so, I will feel small and I do not want that. Feeling small do not bring me anywhere. But being proud does. I need the pride to build up my confidence so that I am daring to try up something new and then succeed in life. I'm so pathetic, huh?

3) Loud and talkative
I know some people cannot stand my incessantly loud ramblings which sometimes sting their ears. Seriously, as me a question and I cannot shut up once I start answering it. Potential salesgirl, I know =p but to me, I find being loud and talkative brightens the atmosphere. If there would be someone to brighten the atmosphere, that person would be me! I have this inability to shut up my mouth once I start chattering and hey, I make shy people start talking. Isn't that a good thing? Err...okay...probably being talkative before exams is not a good idea. My apologies for that =X

4) Sarcasm
My sarcastic remarks can be pretty nasty and derogating at times. This is what we call wit. Okay brush perasan-ness aside. Apologies for that. But sometimes wittiness is a fine art, and learn to appreciate it. Then do it back to me. I don't mind. As long as the sarcasm isn't lame and stupid, I accept it. Although sometimes, I admit, make lame, sarcastic remarks which make people go ==""

5) Shallow
I am deeply attracted to tall men with dark stylish hair, sexy dark eyes, tanned skin, nicely-sculpted triceps and chocolate six-pack abs. Deep voice and masculinity appeals me greatly too. I mention iPhone and Tiffany's all the time. People think of me as shallow because of that. ROFLMAO-ness. Sure, I adore pretty things and will not buy something that is not pretty. Hello, that is being hypocrite. By judging me as shallow because of these (which you people conveniently are too, don't deny it), aren't you making yourselves one of the hypocrites? Firstly, let me define "shallow". Putting looks, materials and things on the surface above everything else. Like making friends with posh and loaded rather than individuals who are rich with moral values and principles. Like choosing an LV bag over guilty conscience. Like bribery lah, people choose money over righteousness. How many of you are NOT like that? In fact, most of the people here are shallow. They see things on the surface and choose things on the surface. There are only a few people in this world that are not shallow, and we greedy people are not one of them. So please, do not judge me, for judging defines who you are as a matter of fact. I am shallow, and I do not mind mixing with shallow people. Why hate me when you yourselves are shallow? What a joke!

I cannot find other reasons liao. If you can think of it, feel free to comment. I do not mind anonymous comments, because what I care is the content, not the identity. If you dare to show your identity, even better lah at least I know what you think of me.

Oh yeah for Reason (2). As I mentioned before there are two types of egoistic people. One is the one who bring themselves up and they think highly of themselves only, and the other one is the one who bring others down to bring themselves up. I personally do not like the latter. Want to be ego, bring yourself up enough already lah. Why need to bring others down? Bringing others down will not bring you up, because even if you manage to bring others down under, you are still stuck at square one. You are still that lousy. Want to build ego, first add in qualities which you think you can build your ego in. Improve yourself. That way, you are ahead of others liao.

But one thing for sure. I shall tone down my ego =) humility is what defines a truly successful person, for a person who easily gets satisfied with success will not have his trophy last long. I think I am confident enough in life already, so I do need the extra ego anymore. Slap me if I start to become perasan (unless it is a joke...if you can differentiate between humour and really being perasan).

p/s: I can't stop you from hating me, but I can always clarify myself. So don't misunderstand this post as something to stop people from hating me. As the saying goes, one can never please people around the world. People are free to hate me. But I do not like being hated for no reason without at least clarifying myself. So there.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Kuching Is Treating Me GOOD

I love the feeling of being home. Kuching is the place which I am most familiar with. I can even close my eyes and memorize all the roads. Proud of being a Kuchingite. Too bad I will not be working here because of my line of work =(

Went out with Ah Chen today, one of my besties. Apparently most of my friends are either having finals or honeymoon-ing elsewhere, hence I shall have dates with her (and mostly HER) during my two-week holidays here.

3-piece Ogival swimsuit...RM89.90 reasonable price...problem is I LOOK FAT ><
Meh. Tried a new pair of swimsuit today. I seriously look fat...eww...extra layer at my belly and my flabby arms, not to forget my huge thighs. Curve itu memang got...but those bothering extras just ruin my curves LAH!!! Shall go jogging every morning (hopefully I have the motivation to wake up at 6.30am EVERY MORNING) and gym every Friday. Probably some swimming sessions will do too. I have a HUGE problem here. Ah Chen does not lift weights. That would mean I need to find gym instructor liao. But Curtin gym instructors are either fat or ugly or pervertic (meh the last time I went into the gym office and renew my gym membership card I asked about some weight-lifting advice and they offered to train me...with a "weird" look...eww no). Students? I know my future housemate (housemate liao lah...I move in already) lift weights. But I am not close to him. Hrmm. Or I also know a junior who apparently has a super-hot body hahaha (in my opinion hot lah...). His body shows that he's good at managing his own body. Thing is, he told me HE NEVER TRAIN GIRLS BEFORE. Boleh harap kah? Hrrmm...I sure do not want to end up looking like She-Hulk, or looking like him. That would scare all my suitors away XD haha even with my plump physique I am surprised to have suitors bothering my inbox 24-7 (don't be jealous, it ain't a good thing to be because I have interest in none). Yeah, the reason why I don't usually give away my number, HENCE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE MY NUMBER, BE THANKFUL BECAUSE YOU'RE ON MY LIKE LIST. I AM A VERY PICKY PERSON HOR!!

Okay fuck those digression...anyway I want to build muscles to burn off fats and improve cardio. I know I mentioned before the priority for this is not high, but now it is high lor!! Firstly, for the beach getaway in August and secondly, for prom. I know people would be like, "No date for what worry?" Wrong. Because no date then I have to look at my very best. I want all the attention to be on me, ME AND ME. I have a bunch of friends what. And I am supporting my friends who are in Student Council what. Hence, need to look my best lor. How many times in life can I look my best? Prom is one of them, as you can see. I need to seriously be serious and make this as one of my priority okay??

Met up with my campusmates, Angelina, Eunice, Jia Yen, Kenny and Michele at Hui Sing. No pictures, like I said. Want my pictures, facebook then instagram. Not uploading here. Haha. Me so ewil.

Food tastes GOOD. Kuching food is soooo good and sooo cheap. Just tried Easy Drink Easy Go bubble tea and I am glad I ordered 30% sugar. Even with 30% sugar it is already sweet, imagine drinking full sugar? I'll sure die of diabetes man. For those who know me well, I do not like food that is too sweet. The feeling of having the sweetness overpowering the original taste and smell of the food or drink is just distasteful. Long story short. Sweetness in food or drinks need to be just right. A food or drink too sweet is just plain disgusting.

Okay. Off to bed feeling HAPPY. Jogging tomorrow morning. I'm seriously having a love-hate relationship with food.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

My Sister's Keeper

I READ A NOVEL. It's been a while since I read non-engineering books. Jodi Picoult my love =D somehow I managed to finish reading this within ONE DAY, despite all the packing and cleaning of my new room.

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult =)

I bet most who read this is not a reader of Jodi Picoult so it's okay for me to type the synopsis here. After all, the main thing of this post is about interpretation of the synopsis, not the synopsis itself.

This is a beautifully-written novel which is basically about the struggle and search of finding a true identity of a thirteen-year-old girl. She was a genetically-modified baby made to donate stem cells for her older sister, who was ill. For all these years she lived donating parts of the body without her consent and one day, she realized she had enough. From stem cells to granulocytes to kidney. No one wants to have her kidney cut off, of course. From there, she filed a lawsuit to have her body medically emancipated from her parents. After all the struggles, she had the emancipation but somehow she was involved in a car accident so she ended up donating the kidney to her older sister anyway.

The girl felt that she was born for her sister. The reason why her parents conceived her was to donate stem cells for her sister. And then, whenever her sister fell ill, she was always hospitalized along with her sister to donate different parts inside her body. Blood, cells (okay I feel pain as I type this). Imagine going through all the pain, without her consent. Her parents never asked her whether she wanted it or not; all that was running in their mind was to save their older sister. Sure, it is important to save the life of the sick as the older sister was sick and the younger one not. However, was it fair for the healthy to go through all the pain just to save the life of the sick? Was it fair to take away her body parts and then leaving her sick and hospitalized multiple times just to keep the older sister alive? And now, they were asking her to donate a kidney ALIVE. Imagine living life with only one kidney. Can still live, but it makes her no different from her sick sister, as both are living on one kidney. Was it fair for someone healthy to go through all this pain?

Even if she won the lawsuit and obtained the emancipation, she would have this dilemma. The decision made somewhat means she's killing her sister, indirectly. God did make her life for a purpose though, by twist of fate she was involved in an accident. That ended her dilemma as she would donate the kidney for her sister in the end. The kidney was the final gift from her with undivided love. Best thing is, the love was not one-sided. Her sick sister actually felt the pain she had to endure, and actually supported her to fight for her own body. She (sick sister) felt even more sick having to see her healthy sister going through all the pain, which she wasn't suppose to. She said, "I had enough". She wanted all these donation to stop and just let her die. Somehow, it did not end that way. The sister had her kidney and lived a normal life, and even wrote the epilogue in 2010.

If the older sister was not sick, she would not be conceived. Then she would not exist. But in a way the mother did admit she was selfish as she only make decisions which was best for her older daughter, not the younger one. She never asked the younger daughter whether she "wanted to do it" or not. She only assumed that the younger one was the extra piece of meat meant to cut and fed for the elder one.

But if the younger one was not born, will the older sister die? Based on the novel, there are some other ways, but those ways are higher at risk and are not definite. Conceiving a newborn baby and having the child to donate parts to the sick sibling is the best, by means having the highest chance of saving the sick sibling. But no one ever considered the feeling of the donor. If the donor is dead can understand. But all these were donated when the donor was alive and she could feel the pain all her life. The only person that actually considered the pain of the donor was the sick sister, who was also the patient. Ironically.

I could somewhat feel the struggle each side was feeling; the parents, the younger sister and the elder sister. The emotions depicted were beautiful, and heart-wrecking at the same time. One could actually feel the dilemma felt; the pain experienced; the feeling of being treated unfairly; the guilt of having one to go through all the pain when she doesn't even need to. All the mixtures of these feelings ultimately brought to one thing - LOVE. The love from the parents to the sick daughter. The love from the sick sister to the healthy sister. The love from the healthy sister to the sick sister. The love from the parents to the healthy sister. The love from the healthy daughter to the parents. If it was not love, the dilemma can never be solved. The love from the healthy sister to the sick sister ultimately conquers all. She donated the kidney before she died. It was because of this one quote:

"Only one thing's a constant. "Ten years from now," I say, "I'd like to be Kate's sister.""

FYI Kate's the sick sister. I have this habit of not mentioning names. Don't mind me.

All these actually questioned me about the ethics by medical officers regarding the decisions made which involves one life or the other. One such example is a Siamese twin, with one of them fatally ill. The surgeons faced a dilemma on whether to end the life of one of the twins so that the other one could live or not to do it at all, as it is considered murder (morally). There, I just stirred up yet another dilemma. Pandai betul me.

All in all, it is a beautiful novel worth reading =) and worth the money spent. RM35 ahhh.

p/s: My sentimental side is growing. 

Friday, June 15, 2012

Saya Pun Tidak Tahu Sudah (It's About Sunset By The Way)

That means "I myself do not know already" in BM. Gah. Plan to immerse myself with alcohol but told myself not to. I.am.quitting.drinking. Drank too much. Too much is not good. I vow to live healthily (except indulging myself in good food sometimes...hehe...food is good).

Seeing sunset at the beach photos taken by one of my friends in Kuching made me wish I can see the sunset and feel it as well. Wish I can run to the beach (I mean CLEAN beach not dirty disgusting beach with rubbish everywhere and polluted sea water) barefooted while enjoying the beautiful sunset. It would be better to walk into the sea barefooted and enjoy the warm sea water tingling on my skin. It would best to be blended with the sunset. You know what? Sunset on a beach is probably one of the most beautiful things happen in nature. And sadly, the most beautiful thing often happens in such a short span of time.

Life's like that. Good things often happen in our lives, but they only lasted for a moment. Yet, that moment is what we choose to remember. There are so many misfortunes in our lives that happen to us everyday, yet we choose to remember that one beautiful moment that happened ONCE and lasted for about less than...a minute? I know I make it as if it sounds so sad, but the same goes for sunset. There are so many things happening in a day, such as rain, sunshine, night time, storm and all, but yet we choose to remember the beautiful sunset. Sunset is most beautiful at the beach, not between skyscrapers. See? We're being selective again. It must be at the beach then only it is beautiful. Not between skyscrapers or in an industrial area. Wish I can go to Bali to watch sunset *dreams*.

Come to think of it, I missed the KK trip, meaning I cannot go to the beach. Sad much. Burned my air tickets because of one competition which I am not sure I can even make it or not. Sigh. Pretty much of a risk taker am I?

p/s: Never know my post can be so digressing; from tidak tahu to sunset and then KK trip. Very the funny I am.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Challenge Accepted

My fingers do not look like one, but I am a qualified pianist. A pianist who holds a Grade 8 certificate. Yet, I have stopped playing since 2007 (wow that's like 5 years) ever since I passed my Grade 8. Now don't get me wrong. I like piano a lot. It's just that I am not a person who is able to put stress and fun together at the same time. As piano examinations get tougher and tougher, I begin hating piano because I am merely playing for the sake of passing, not for the sake of leisure. Hence, I stopped playing.

The piano thing came back last year when I attended Uncle Johnny's cell group. Occasionally, I went to play piano at his house and exercise my stiff fingers. I need to warm up after taking such a long break. My roommate also tried to learn piano by her own attempt and managed to play a couple of songs. I, on the other hand, took piano lightly until one day, no one played piano for the cell group, and naturally, since I was the only one there, I had to play piano. Here comes the big problem.

I never play gospel piano chords before.

All this while I am trained to be a performer and played songs instead of playing chords to accompany songs. It was a challenge definitely, plus I had not touched piano for a long time. My knowledge for harmony and chords have somewhat gone rusty. At least I still remember I-IV-V (augmented) and V-I (perfect). Hehe.

This does not end there. Few weeks ago, a friend of mine invited me to attend an Anglican church service specially catered for students (mostly from Sabah...why...). I joined and the very next week I joined Uncle Johnny for lunch. We had a chat regarding the service and out of the blue I suddenly asked this question (until today I still do not know WHY ON EARTH WILL I ASK SUCH QUESTION ><):

"Uncle, do they need any pianist for the service?"

Oh my goodness. Why would I even ask such question? And coincidentally, the pianist, who is also the worship leader, will be graduating soon. Hence, there will be no pianist and they will need a pianist. Sounds like it is planned, huh? I asked for volunteer and they will be short of pianist soon. Look at how God works His wonders. I guess it is a calling, huh? For me to serve the church and God. I am not a really good singer so I need to have some other ways to praise Him. How? By utilizing the skill that I have learned for years, which is by playing piano.

Problem is, I never played chords before. I am so used and accustomed to performance style (melody + accompaniment; melody chords + accompaniment chords) that I am not used to play accompaniment on both hands. It is something totally new to me. Honestly. What if I screw up during the service like how I screwed up during the cell group (luckily most of them are nice so they do not mind)?

Oh well, I guess there is a reason for me to learn piano until Grade 8 and me suddenly wanting to be a volunteer. Serving God is a way of glorifying His name and His greatness, and it is a calling for me to do so. Serving Him is a way of thanking Him for saving me from despair for so many times. I realized that I am a much happier person now (thanks to Him definitely). I see world more positively, and there is no such thing as "no way out".

Okay, Jesus, challenge accepted. I will overcome this challenge, master gospel chords and serve You professionally and enthusiastically.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Dream December

I know this shall be a dream but hey, a dream is supposed to be part of our lives, right? And right now I am dreaming of my December holiday (of course I will be interning but I will not SERIOUSLY intern for the sake of interning but rather, intern for the sake of experience nia mah).

Here goes the timeline for what I have planned (hopefully it will happen...by winning 4D or Toto LOL):

Beginning of Dec - Japan for holiday and on 5 Dec I will be attending Big Bang Special Finale at Tokyo Dome yay!!! Of course, holiday around Tokyo, Saitama and the outskirts. If possible I hope I can travel around Saitama as well.

Somewhere in the middle - After Japan, straightaway go to Singapore to attend Zoukout. I have long known the existence but never attended it because of FINANCIAL CONSTRAINTS. As if my parents will sponsor me to go clubbing at the beach (no way they will sponsor me that and if I want to go, I have to buy lottery and WIN IT). Sad case, huh?

Christmas and Christmas Eve - What better plans to celebrate than with family members? =)

I think I need at least RM100k for all these crap.

Pardon me for being such a dreamer ehehe.

p/s: I want a new Gucci handbag *dreams again* and a pair of Escada shoes. Yayy!!! I know I am a shallow, materialistic bitch who love brand names. Yet, you do not see me with one, except for my Playboy glasses (they have already been discounted with 50%, which is student rate for goodness' sake) and my MNG hoodie which I seldom wear unless I'm in a super cold air-con room during finals. Reason? I'm too poor to even be a shallow, materialistic bitch who love brand names. But please, if anyone of us are given a chance (meaning money), we will love brand names. Surely not obsessed, but at least prefer it over something unknown right? Admit it. Don't start being a hypocrite by saying how people are being enslaved in the world of brand names and they themselves envy others who use it. Pui!!!

p/s/s: Sorry for the digressing rant. I shall sleep now. Nitez!!!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Ranting in the Morning

Waking up early at 7 something to catch a bus only to find out the library is occupied. Yeah..."occupied". By bags and files and even one pathetic piece of paper and a pen. Sometimes, to be honest, I feel like crumpling that piece of paper and took over the place instead. Have you people no common sense that if you people know you are leaving the place for not five minutes, but five HOURS, please let others who would like to make good use of the golden five hours to study on your spot? Sure, finders are keepers, but well you're not even using it, so please be considerate. I am sure you would not like to be treated the same way huh? How would you feel if I purchased your favourite item (assuming it's limited edition and that is the last piece in the shop) and then not using it at all? The same way I am feeling right now huh? Sigh. Have to resort to studying inside my room, which is a worst place to study. Why? Firstly, it is messy. Secondly, it has a bed, meaning temptation to sleep is always there. Thirdly, I have a roomie, meaning I have a company to play. Lastly, the place itself does not have this study environment, making me feeling further demotivated to study, especially if I am studying killer subject like Reaction Engineering.

Speaking of room, I am glad that I found a single room which has good lighting and has this conducive ambience to study. I am in my third year now, and the longer I study here, the more serious I will be in studies. I seriously need my own room, to study, to have full control of my own doings and to sleep. I cannot stand sleeping with lights on. It is truly disrupting my beauty sleep, and for people like me who do not fall asleep easily, sleep is crucial to me. Probably that is one of the reasons why my memory has been deteriorating lately. I need my normal biological clock back, like how I had adjusted it back home during the holidays. I want to live a normal, healthy life. I even make a vow to myself that I will not touch any clubbing or partying activities during my study period next semester. The only place where I will join any social activities are church activities, and that is if I have any time to spare. I am not a smart person and I seriously need to manage and discipline myself if I want to do well in studies. Sure, they say PR skills are important to get to the top, but it's pointless to reach the top if you do not even have the technical skills to back you up. And here is what I am doing now; balancing my social life and my academics at the same time. First class honours is definitely out of the question. I should probably just maintain my second upper honours' standard (unless I get smarter and end up getting first honours, which is definitely a bonus). 

Looking back my old blog posts just made me realized how bimbo-tic and foolish I sounded back then. Probably I was one as well. Seriously, there are so many things happening to me over the years, and these have changed me. The most recent incident was truly a wake-up call for me to stop being young and stupid. Of course, I would like to have fun still, but I will not be foolish again. I am now an adult, not a teenager. It is time for me to do things in an adult way.

Speaking of adult way, I heard from a friend recently that he had his wallet stolen from a friend. He found it out, yet nothing was done towards the culprit. If I were in his shoes, would I do the same thing or turn that friend of mine to the police station? For one, I am not as rich, and money is a big thing to me. Secondly, it is fair to have that culprit punished because if that friend ever considered me as a friend, he/she would have been finding me to discuss about the issue instead of stealing from me. Hello, stealing is not a small issue here. I would be flabbergasted if someone whom I trusted stole something from me. However, I heard a story from another friend of mine that people nowadays love things more than people. If we can treat our own belongings so preciously, and they are not even living things, why take people who are close to us for-granted? That story taken me aback and put me into deep thoughts. Deeper than thinking about Reaction Engineering (haha). Anyway, that victim friend of mine said he chose to forgive his culprit friend because he took Jesus as an example, as a role model. Fair enough. Forgiving is a beautiful thing. It is actually a way of letting go the pain you suffered, and another way of triumphing over the ones who hurt you. These friends are worth knowing. They taught me many stuff. Of course, I have other friends who taught me many new things throughout my growing up days, but if I were to list them out here, I doubt I can start studying my Reaction Engineering ever.

Nah. Why am I getting so philosophical over the years? It's a sign I'm getting OLD. I go around giving lectures about turning over a new leaf or being serious in life or some preachings or whatever good good moral things to my friends like crazy. I.am.so.old. Good thing though. That means I have grown up.

It is now raining, and I am so tempted to sleep back instead. Waiting for whatsapp hence I cannot sleep back. Whatsapp's being a bitch, probably because the line here is being a bitch as well. I am waiting for Grace's reply here and she isn't replying =( kan got 2 ticks there, meaning she received my message already.

## she replied my whatsapp already hehehe =p

Okay Reaction Engineering, here I come. And please be nice to me, as my IQ is not high enough to be able to reciprocate to every single one of your knowledge offered.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Study Week = Hell Week

I remembered there is this one 9gag thing which stated that most of the students (Engineering especially) studied the hell loads of one semester's worth of unit in just ONE WEEK. Yes I do believe that. This is because this is what I am doing right now.

Today is Tuesday. I started Fluid Mechanics yesterday, hoping I can finish by yesterday. NO. One day is NOT enough. I am stressed because I have to finish that one unit so that I can start off my Reaction Engineering tomorrow, which is my worst fear. How not to fear that subject? First of all, it is a 3rd year unit. Second of all, it is the toughest unit among all. Thirdly, there is no past year for that unit (there is actually, but there are no solutions, no answers, NOTHING). Meh. I better make full use of my lecturers next week ><

Thing is, there are so many things to study for Fluid Mechanics. Ah the Bernoulli equation. Ah the applications. Ah the whatever friction factor and drag force (which I haven't even look at it yet). I do not want to do badly for this semester again. Surely there HAS to be one semester which I do well right???

Thing is, my Process Heat Transfer is untouched. Oh holy crap. 

I wish the study week is 2 weeks instead of one. Sigh. I feel breathless right now. I.can't.breathe.

STUDY, I shall.

Fluid Mechanics, I shall finish you by today!!! Yes I can. Because I am going to do it now.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Testimony From a Christian Who Wants To Be a Good Christian Chemical Engineering Student

This was not some random ramblings like any other posts in my blog. This is what I have been thinking and feeling lately about my faith in Him and how He glorified my life. I felt like there is a need for me to testify this so that more people know the wonders God has done to us when we have faith in Him. Before I begin this post, I feel like there is one very important message to deliver to all Christians. Faith does not build up in just one day. Just because you attend this one mass, feeling impressed and then you think you have faith, you are wrong. Just because you go to church every Sundays and memorize every single word in the Bible and then you think you have faith, you are wrong too. This is because faith does not come from the outside. No one in this world can teach us how to have deep faith in God, except ourselves. Faith comes from within, and to have faith, we must first experience Him. How to experience Him? The answer is by allowing him into our lives.

My path in Christianity is not short, to be honest. I was born in a Buddhist family, with a Christian mother. I knew nothing about religion and I blindly followed what my father did, such as giving offerings and burning joss sticks. When I was small, I did not know what religion was. I only thought of it as some racial thing. Like in class, we are divided into Malays, Chinese, Indians and indigenous. The same goes for religion. Yeah, that was what I thought.

I was introduced into Christianity when I was nine, when my family tore apart and my mother began bringing my brother and I to the Anglican church. At that time, I thought of Christianity as a very beautiful and sacred religion. A beautiful cathedral to attend to every Sunday, while seeing those grown-ups receiving some white cookie dipped in wine. I would like to eat that too, I thought. But at that time I was not baptized yet, so all I can do was to receive blessings from the priests every Sunday. I attended Sunday schools and learned many nice origami skills (I forgot most of them today =X).The Sunday school teachers are very friendly and warm, and I make new friends there. I did not make many friends there though, as I was a very shy and reserved little girl back then.

I was baptized when I was ten. I felt very happy that time, because I felt that I was finally accepted into a family, a beautiful family. To them it was the Kingdom of Christ. To me it was a family. My father converted into a Christian too, but at a different church. He was brought in by a friend of his. He brought my entire family into that church. Somehow, I did not feel a sense of belonging there. These people there all talked about money, and how God's grace granted them financial blessings. I too heard stories of rich people getting richer and became corrupted. Although I was small, but I knew how corrupted people look like and act like already.

My family began breaking into pieces throughout my teenage years. There are a few times when I actually doubted God's existence and questioned his love for us. I was a baptized and a confirmed Christian (I had myself confirmed when I was fourteen), yet my family grew more and more apart each day. We seldom attended church after that because my father was busy making money and because of that we did not have transport. Thankfully, I was studying in a Catholic school so my Catholic friends somehow brought me into Christian gatherings and the monthly Friday morning mass. Once again, I felt the sense of belongings whenever I attended the mass and the gatherings. I also learned more and more words of God throughout my secondary years. However, my faith towards Him did not add up. I still question Him about the wrongful scenario in my life. How my family became broken, how I wish I was like others, who live luxurious life with no worries. At that time I hated my family and hated God for putting me into such family. Thinking back, I was actually hot-blooded and foolish that time. Hehe.

When I was selected into NS, I once again blamed God for being unfair to me. WHY ON EARTH SHOULD I, A FLABBY AND WEAK NON-ATHLETE BE CHOSEN TO ATTEND THIS SHITTY 3-MONTHS MILITARY CAMP??? To be honest, I actually cried after knowing I was selected for this shit programme. My parents encouraged me to go, partly because they want me to learn and partly want me to stay away from the broken family for a while. And off I went. And I did not regret it at all. Instead, I kind of enjoyed it and I made many new friends. The best thing is, I learned how to speak Chinese in the camp. Yeah, banana. I could not speak Chinese until I was eighteen.

I finished Form 5 with good results, and I did not thank God for that. This was because I ended up in Form 6, in another Catholic school which was just opposite my previous school.  For a year and a half I wasted my life playing away with my Form 6 mates. Sure, I studied, but I did not really put in much effort because I knew I could not go far with Form 6. The subjects were super difficult and I can only produce straight As with a miracle. My brother was so intelligent and yet he got only 2As, what more to say me, who was not as smart as him? Hence, part of me studied to get through STPM without getting terrible results, but part of me kind of give up because I might as well end up in local university anyway, so no need to bother trying so hard.

My STPM results were out and they were actually better than I expected. Sure, it was the first time I did not obtain straight As in national-level examination, but from that level of results obtained, it was actually pretty good. It was good enough to secure a government scholarship (though it was not what I want). Because of the scholarship I was able to be enrolled into a foreign private university instead of settling down onto public universities. Sure, I obtained a place in one of the top public universities (UPM, just so you know), but I was not offered the course I wanted. Therefore, I decided to reject the offer and enrolled into Curtin University instead. Thankfully, my results were good enough for direct entry without having to do foundation. Hehe. That I actually thanked God. I thought I will end up like shit but it turned out I will not end up that shitty after all.

During the 6-months break after STPM, I landed myself onto my first job, which was a retail assistant at Toys R Us at Parkson. I made friends with my multi-racial colleagues, and from there I realized they were also broken. I was thankful that despite having problems, I did not end up broken and messed up like them. Apparently, one of my colleagues got pregnant by a man and he was nowhere to be found. Until today I heard no news about them. It was too from this job I got to know someone who used to be so special to me. He opened up my ice-cold heart who did not believe in nice men and true love. I accepted him into my life and he loved me. I turned to love him a lot and began to be dependent on him.

My first semester in Curtin Miri was okay, except my boyfriend and I had misunderstandings and issues, partly due to long distance. I did not do so well in my first semester due to negligence and me being big-headed. My first relationship ended in Kuching right after I finished my finals and came back home. At that time, I felt like the whole world crumbled. Someone whom I gave all my heart to and whom I had faith in so much betrayed me and abandoned me. For the following year, which was last year (hehe), I became broken. I attended clubs and drank more often than I should and did. There was once when I wanted to give up on myself and decided to let someone destroy me. However, it was God's grace that I ended up in the hands of a trustworthy friend who did nothing to me at all. So, I was safe. I thanked God and that friend.

My year in 2011 was truly a messed-up year. Although my friends brought me to Christian camp and Christian gatherings, I was not strong enough to hold myself strong. I even met a good friend who gave us weekly bible study and taught us many words of God to be applied in real life. These were not enough to hold me strong. Instead, I made a mess out of myself; drink, drink and drink. But thankfully I was not dumb enough to lose myself. I drink, and at one point I kept on drinking to get drunk and made a fool out of myself. My poor friends had to witness my ugly side. My facade kept on tearing off, leaving me looking ugly and tired. Thankfully my results were not so messed up. Had overall distinction despite messing up my life, so not bad lah =p anyway, from there I realized my faith for Him was very little that time.

2011 ended, and 2012 came. I hoped that 2012 would be a great year for me. Sure enough, it is so far. I had this killer food poisoning during CNY which made me lost weight. I get to go to Brunei and Borneo Jazz (after so long). Studies was okay so far. Okay. The faith in Him slowly builds up. Just believe in Him and good things will come along. When sin, confess and ask for forgiveness. That way, I can sleep soundly every night and wake up feeling fresh. But there is one thing which made me believe that God had His eyes on me all this time. When I was celebrating my friend's birthday at a club not long ago, some ugly thing happened. At that time, I thought I would be ruined. I had no phone; I was cornered. Somehow, I managed to get out safe and untouched. Don't ask me how. It was an ugly experience. That made me seriously believed that God has been watching me all this while and prevented me from unwanted dangers. From there, I began to understand the meaning of faith. Because of my faith in Him, He protected me. I did not believe in Him because He protected me; He protected me because I believed in Him. Get the difference?

Because of that incident, I began thinking back of all the things that happened. How did I end up here. How did I ended up making real friends from different places in university and I can still be myself. How did I ended up getting a scholarship without being a burden to my family. How people were always so nice to me although I am not a nice person. How my mother survived one illness after another. My mother is a weak woman with a strong faith in God. She often prayed to Him to shower me in Jesus Christ's blood. Despite all the bad things that happened to her, she continuously prayed to God every morning and night without fail. This is faith. My mother may not be the most intelligent woman in the world, but she definitely has faith more than some of the most intelligent people in the world, and that is what makes her so loved and blessed by God.

I begin to believe the existence of God more and more each day. I remembered once a friend of mine asked me that how did I manage to see the world so innocently and believed that every person is good even though I had been hurt and let down so many times. I did not know that time, but now I know. The God, in the form of Holy Spirit was at my side at all times. Because of His presence, I did not stop believing in goodness in life and not giving up on people around. In every single person, there is always a good deep down inside. Believe this. Jesus believed that and that is why He is willing to sacrifice His life to save us. He did not give up on us.

Christianity is a beautiful religion. Now, I am not trying to belittle other religions (the reason why I do not touch other religions here), but rather, expressing my testimony on Christ here. I hope that He will continue glorifying my life and continue staying on my side.

So,

Never stop believing in Jesus. This is what I got from the Praise and Worship night which I went yesterday. Once we turn away from Him, that is when He is no longer by our side. From there, we stray away and become lost in darkness.

**phew!! What a long post.**