Malaysia 916

I am born in Kuching, Sarawak. Sarawak is one of the states in Malaysia. However, somehow most of the Sarawakians do not feel connected to the Peninsular Malaysians. It is as if Sarawak and the Peninsular Malaysia are two totally different worlds. Before we get into thia argument, let's not forget that in Peninsular Malaysia itself we have Kelantan, the only state which has totally different cultures and lifestyle compared to the rest. So we cannot really say that everyone in Peninsular is the same.

What I like the most about Kuching ia that in every coffee shop, or what we call kopitiam, there is at least a Malay stall and an Indian stall. You can see the local Sarawakians, Malays and Chinese eating together under one roof. It happens almost on a daily basis. I do not know much about the Peninsular since I only went to KL like twice.

Why can't Malaysia in general, while retaining their cultures, stop dividing among one another? Why bother separating West and East? Is it because of the immigration issue whenever a Peninsular Malaysian enters Sarawak and Sabah? Is it because the people in Peninsular often got informed that people in Sarawak and Sabah still lives on trees? I, truthfully as a Sarawakian am insulted whenever any Peninsular Malaysian made such remarks. Politically wise, most of the resources in Sarawak and Sabah were given to the Federal. Then again, not every state in Peninsular gets to enjoy the benefits. Let us not forget that apart from KL, JB and Penang, the rest of the states are not as developed, and some even told me that Kuching is more developed than their state capitals.

What I am trying to say here is that we as Malaysians should stop the "unfair" and "divided" mentality. These are what cause racism. We must remember despite our origins and our roots, we are born in this country, which is our home. Therefore, we are Malaysians, regardless of being Malay, Chinese, Iban, Indian, Bidayuh or Kadazan. I dislike ticking any form which requires our race details. What about those from mixed heritage? They are forced to choose only one race because of this "divided" mentality by the government itself. It is so tiring to explain that you are a Malay but you are mixed with Chinese blood. Or you are Chinese but your mother is an Iban. Or you are an Indian who has some Chinese in your bloodline somewhere. Why can't you just say you are of mixed heritage and yet you are Malaysian? I find it much easier lo. I mean, I am a pure Chinese so I never get to suffer this problem but I have quite a number of friends of mixed heritage, and I often saw them introducing themselves as mentioned above.

I am joining Teach for Malaysia, and the schools that I am going to teach in Sarawak consist of students who are local. A Chinese with no knowledge of Bahasa Sarawak is going to teach the students who know very little English. But what makes me teach them even though we come from different background and are of different races? I got rid of the "divided" mentality. We are all human, regardless of race. I remembered a Hong Kong movie scene of an Indian who had a crush on a Hong Kongite female and he was accused as a rapist. He then proceeded to cut his own arm and showed them the colour of the blood he bled. He was saying (in Cantonese la), "We all shed the same blood, which is red. Why do you discriminate me just becsuse of my skin? I am not an alien!" That statement somehow made me vow not to be racist, because we are all the same. Different skin colour but all have the same blood colour.

To create a better Malaysia, one very important rule is not to be racist and divided. It has always been an issue since forever, and even Sarawak and Sabah holds a petition of pulling out from Malaysia. To be honest, it is not the nation that is at fault, but rather, the improper governing. We need a better government for a better nation, and for that we need to stay united. But first of all, please ditch the "divided" mentality, which is the mother of racism.

I hope one day I do not need to fly to Peninsular Malaysia with a passport as a foreigner. And of course I hope Sarawak will be more developed and a better treatment can be given to both Sarawak and Sabah. Teach for Malaysia entering Sarawak to eradicate education inequality is already a very big step to me.

I know I bore the readers with my rant. Hence, I shall put a couple of my selfie pictures. These pictures are me wishing all Malaysian readers Happy Malaysia Day! Wish for a better nation! It has so much potential there, with so many bright minds and plentiful resources.

Story of a Socially Awkward Introvert

I had been to a few classrooms as a "teacher" and I saw different groups of friends and "outliers". The term "outlier" means the odd one out. The odd one out would mean those who belong to the neither of the group and is usually seen alone.

There are two possible types of the "outliers", which are the introverts and the socially awkward. How to differentiate those two?

Introvert - A reserved person by nature. Prefers to be alone even when being placed in crowds.
Socially awkward - A person who does not know how to mingle. May be an extrovert, but a failed one (that's harsh). Okay, in layman's terms, shy.

This is my page so I will somehow direct it back to me, myself and I. I belong to both. I am both an introvert and socially awkward at the same time. This has been happening since childhood. If given a chance, I would prefer daydreaming alone, drawing perverted comics, reading books or listening to music for hours. At first, during my younger days, I liked to tag along with my brother and played whatever he liked to play. I always went straight home after school and spent most of my days watching TV and playing with my toys alone. Well, the age gap between my brother and I are 5 years, so at that time, the age gap was rather big.

As I grew slightly older and entering my early teens, I began facing peer pressure. I moved to an all-girls' primary school. At first I liked to borrow books from the library and spent hours reading. But I watched some American teenage movies and read some American teenage books about popular girls in high school and how they were considered "successful" while those quiet, introverted and shy ones were considered as a "failure". Hence, I tried to get out from the comfort zone and TRIED to be more extroverted. I guess for my peers, I had my fair share of awkward moments due to my socially awkward nature.

I was lost throughout my teenage years trying to be someone whom I thought was right to be. Someone outgoing, extroverted and lively. I tried participating in clubs, hoping to be someone sociable and get rid of my reserved nature. I accepted social gathering invitations and tried my best to attend every single one, but those gatherings usually ended up leaving me lost in the sea of the crowd, and wishing I can get away from it. I was usually seen hanging out with a group of which I am comfortable with, but even then, I would somehow withdraw myself during the middle of the conversation because I was so tired of catching up. I just wanted to get out of the place and sleep.

Along the years, I got rid of my socially awkward nature, and was able to blend in with the crowd for the sake of socializing. But there were times (I think many of the times) I chose not to blend in at all. I chose to keep quiet and observe their conversation. It is not easy to break my ice, unless I choose to let you break it. I am still that awkward, but my awkwardness is due to the obligatory to keep up with the conversation with people I barely knew, just for the sake of socializing. I just thought it was the right thing to do in the society. Hence, no matter how tiring it was, I just muster my energy and try not to break the conversation.

Being a socially awkward introvert, I have a number of friends whom I am comfortable to talk to though. But even so, I have my own "I-just-want-to-stop-talking-to-you-even-though-I-like-you-my-dear-friend-please-leave-me-alone"moment. So for those who wondered if there was a moment of silence between those conversations, you all know why.

I like to catch up with people whenever I go to different places. That is because I do not always get to see them and I can talk more. Meaning there will be less chance of "silence". And the meeting usually happens only once. But truthfully, I prefer solo backpacking, if not because of my parents' concerns regarding my safety. Sien.

I have only a handful of those whom I am comfortable of sharing everything with, apart from writing. But I also have my own fear that they may get tired of my never-ending rants. I can never shut up once I see them. But it is okay, because they love to hear me talk and will think something goes wrong when I keep quiet. LOL! Funny thing is, I love sharing. Hence the never-ending sharings on social medias and blogs. However, I do not feel comfortable just sharing things to another person, or a group just like that. How meh?

A socially awkward introvert individual like me has joined TFM as a fellow and will be teaching a classroom full of students next year. I will have to face teachers, students, parents and even the management daily. I see it as a challenge to overcome my socially awkward nature, but being a naturally-born introvert, I foresee myself being tired daily. Maybe I will seclude myself in a room and sleep whole day long. My housemates knew that because I am always seen in the room.

But I will face a problem as a teacher next year. How to differentiate introverts and socially awkward students? Easier said than done. Balancing the extroverts, introverts and socially awkward are difficult. Here, I listed out one of the possible challenges during the fellowship already.

Done sharing. Via a computer, not a human being, which makes things whole lot easier. LOL!

Teenage First Crush Confession

It's embarrassing for me to actually type this, but here goes. Other than excessive boredom, I would also like to exercise my writing skills and learn how to express myself better. I suck because I just can't express myself well. What's past is the past, and what matters now is the present.

Rewind to several years back, I had a taste of my first crush. I was 15 back then, and for someone who do not normally go to tuition and co-curricular activities, my social circle revolves around my classmates, who are all girls. Hence, when I was enrolled into a BM tuition class, I get to know a few boys from other schools. I met my ex-tuitionmate who was the typical kind of guy I like: Tall, good-looking (for me lah), gentlemen and seems nice. At that time, I only had my first taste of Friendster and I actually just got to know some boys via social media rather than by face. Hence, by knowing him in person, and he seems so good, it is natural for girls who reached puberty like me to have a crush on him.

Well, crush being a crush, it was obviously unrequited. I was extremely awkward in socializing back then, so I had difficulty expressing myself. I had some confidence issues as well, because during Form 1 and 2, I was quite thin back then but I started gaining massive weight in Form 3. Maybe I was not pretty enough for him, or so I thought. Besides, I heard stories of him not coming out of the closet further infuriated my inner feminine ego. Unable to express my disappointment due to unrequited crush and such rumours circulating around, I began taking part in accusing him of being "pondan", "sida" and "gay". And one of the most embarrassing things I ever did was to chase after his car in my delicate baju kurung school uniform and apologized to him. Of course, I hoped that he would somehow see some "uniqueness" in me, just like those Taiwanese idol dramas (obviously I watched too much dramas back then) and started to like me.

He never did.

I remembered I cried when he sent me a LOOOONNNNGGGGG message of him expressing his disappointment of me spreading things about him, when I was just spreading things that were already been spread. Me being me, I then continued having this on-off crush on him until the end of Form 5. That was when I found out about my hardcore loyalty towards a guy, thus making a conclusion that any guy who ended up with me is an extremely lucky man because I can be THAT loyal. Coincidentally, we were at the same tuition class again in Form 5. I remembered being shy and awkward enough to embarrass myself in one situation. Here goes:

One day, my ex-crush was having a flu, and he wanted to ask for tissue. He asked from one of my friends, but she did not have it. She asked from another friend of mine, and of course they needed to pass the tissue to him.

I remembered him calling me, but because I was clouded with this "crush" thing, so I thought I was hallucinating. Until my friends in front told me that he was calling me. No big deal la though, it was just to pass some stuff. Till now, my friends often made fun of me thinking that I was hallucinating when he called me. Yes, I was that much of a socially awkward freak.

Well, of course, after that, I had my fair share of unrequited crushes and at the same time causing another fair share of men to have their crushes (on me) unrequited. But then again, I could not help laughing at myself whenever I thought back of this funny incident. I used to think that it was embarrassing, but now I think it is pretty damn funny.

I am still socially awkward today, just so you all know. That is why I prefer writing down my feelings rather than expressing by mouth or action. #malu