Thursday, February 21, 2013

Judgmental People

Disclaimer: I post this not to shoot or point out anyone's fault in this matter. This is purely based on my own personal thoughts and pondering. Please do not accuse me of anything as it is not fair to have my own opinions being wronged. 

It all began on one rainy first day of CNY. For those peers who know me well, I am usually busy on 2nd day of CNY onwards. My first day is usually empty, with relatives visiting my humble abode and then asking me about boyfriend and all (please let me go). Well, to make a change to my CNY this year, I decided to join my ex-colleagues (from my intern company) for a visiting. After all, I doubt I will be visiting them again next year (you know, if this year close then next year bo liao that kind of thing?), so just try out this new experience for once LAH.

Visited one of the colleagues' houses and stayed there for the entire afternoon. I can drink so I was fed with beer, vodka (pure and flavoured) and whisky (nah, cannot really remember to be honest, I can only remember there are many alcohol). I was then asked to drink, more, one shot after another. Happy + lots of food + lots of alcohol + cute dogs to see and to play with = cepat mabuk. Period.

Despite my drunkenness, I was conscious enough to realize the consequences of having possible guests seeing me drunk and torn and fumbling around. Hence, I asked my colleagues to NOT send me home, but rather, let me gain my consciousness (in about...15-20 minutes?). I think they have something else to rush, so they ended up sending me home. I know my limit as I was drunk before. I only needed some time before going home to not look that BAD. Alas, I was sent home and I was drunk in front of my aunt. Vomited in front of everyone. Gosh, the embarrassment. It was not the first time of me, I admit. I got drunk in front of many other people before, including the people I had wanted to impress. This is nothing compared to what I went through before. They were only my colleagues. Nothing more. I do not feel the need of impressing anyone. Honestly.

One night drunk and my parents began questioning my life in Miri. They began thinking of me as someone super wild who go to clubs every weeknights and neglecting my studies. "Oh, no wonder lah she cannot get HD. She must have led this kind of lifestyle there." "Omg, my daughter is drunk! What kind of people she usually mix with???" Then, soon the relatives began spreading the word all around.

It did not end there though. I kind of suspected my colleagues had been thinking bad about me as well after seeing how badly I drank and got drunk. They did not say it, but somehow or rather there was a pretty bad impression over there. Tried poking one of the colleagues (the only one who did not marry as I find him the safest to poke) and I got pretty bad responses. I do not like how people got so quick to judge a person based on ONE bad impression the person had make. They said it was no biggie, but somehow, the way my parents had said made me doubt their "no biggie" statement to be actually "real biggie but we just feel bad to say so". Sigh. Wish there are more people like me in this world who still like people even though they showed their ugliest side to public. I am not nice. I just constantly remind myself with the crumpled $20 story.

Seriously, it was I who got drunk. Why do those people who are related to me find it so amusing to spread it around and make such a big deal? I am a university student so I cannot drink? I am a girl so I cannot get drunk and make a idiotic fool out of myself? I mean, have I offended you people to say me like that? Why oh why?

Things got worse when my parents began questioning what kind of friends I had make in university. They began badmouthing my friends, which I do not like. Saying things which they did not do (okay, some did it though), and worst of all, they assumed that I did the same thing. I did not like how they see me. It all happened because of one, ONE freaking incident. Just because I did not score above 3.5 for my CGPA so you assumed I strayed around and became slutty party girl? I am really, really disappointed. I don't like the way they see me.

Maybe it is time for me to score 3.75 this time to shut them up? But again, I score not to prove to anyone, but myself. I do not have to prove anything right? I just do whatever I like as long as I know I am doing it right right?

This kind of reminded me of the profanity in speech issue I had back then last year. I am a Christian so using foul languages is prohibited. My own personal thought: If nothing I can do harm anyone, I shall not stop doing it. If you are uncomfortable doing so, at most I will not do it in front of you. To me it is like smoking. If you do not like someone to smoke in front of you, ask him to smoke somewhere else far away from you. If you are really concerned, there is nothing you can do unless he one day decides to stop smoking. The same goes for me and my profanity in speech. Unless I can finally figure out a better anger management and my patience has finally reached a satisfactory level, I cannot stop cursing whenever I get mad.

Okay, I think I better stop before I rant more and more. Long story short, I am not happy. Can't believe I typed one long essay just to say I am not happy. Damn loso ah me.

Monday, February 18, 2013

CNY Resolution for 2013: Eat, Play, Love

I know I seem a little too late to make some resolution at this time. But this sudden idea hit me while I was having a shower (tmi, I know, but hey, people often get inspirations from the oddest places!).

Anyway, eat play love. Why eat play love?

Eat:
I have lived a good 22 years and have eaten many good and bad things. So, I have come to a solid decision to eat CLEAN and eat HAPPY. Eat clean by the means of eating healthily. Eat fresh food. Eat healthy food. How? One way. Cook. I know I always cook at the first half of the semester and then start "tapao"-ing at the second half of the semester. But I will try my best to eat as clean as possible. Eat happy? How to eat clean if I am not happy? Easy. Eat only the food I like. Do not waste my digestive system on something I do not like to eat. If I do not like the food, then do not touch it at all. Simple.

Play:
Leading the lifestyle I want. Challenging and risky lifestyle. Taking risks. Doing things I have never done before. One of the ways is to sign up for voluntary programme (I know I have been ranting about this since forever) and yeah, be part of the community programme. Better still, at run-down places like Thailand or Cambodia, because they really need manpower. Besides, I hope I can have more travelling opportunities, as I personally like travelling...A LOT. My furthest travel places so far are only Singapore and Brunei. I want more! To see different sides of the world and to experience different cultural shocks. I would also like to work part-time during my university years, since my study term for each semester has been extended.. Work more to gain priceless experience, other than earning cash. I will be surprised at the different kind of people I will meet at work. And one more thing. To join as many parties as possible (I will join Zouk 2013, I hope). And hopefully there is any Big Bang concert which I can join. Live young, party hard.

Love:
This is the simplest to do yet hardest to achieve. I have learned to love myself a lot ever since my previous break-up. To look prettier each time and to improve my tastes, be it fashion, food or lifestyle. I am well-known among my friends to have the "highest" standard of taste. My "appraisals" are always proven to be reliable (I am one proud girl yay!). Instead of saving every single dime, I plan to spend the money I have on me, myself and I to make myself as happy and pampered as possible. Selfish? I know. But if I do not love myself, who else will? I enjoy eating fine food, shopping for pretty things and travel to see beautiful sides of the world. Hence, I will do all these to make myself happy.
Another thing about love. Loving people who love me. I love everyone, but I particularly love those who love me and see me as someone who means something to them. I appreciate them, and by treating them like a part of me, this is how I love them. See? I love myself and others hor.

Anyway, if I were to do all these, what about my FYP, DP and grades?

Answer: I will not let my competitiveness die inside me. My perseverance and  determination has run inside my blood. I play hard, but at the same time, I work hard as well. Hehe. Sleep is thus sacrificed. Never mind, as I am currently having LOTS of time to sleep.

I know this is a totally meaningless rant and excuse me for wasting your time, for I will be going off to waste my time as well. How? Watching Korean dramas yeah!!!

Eat, play, love. Enjoy life because we only live once! Dare to love, dare to live! Omgwtfbbqwatisthissuddenstringofsayings?

p/s: I need a part-time job in Miri! Forget the bs of not having time to study. I shall learn to manage my schedule by then.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Valentine 2013 Rant

Valentine's Day 2013 has arrived. Nothing much of a day to me, as I never get to celebrate with a partner (because I never had any partner or a date on that particular day LOL).

Anyway, my usual yearly rant on Valentine's will once again be posted, and this year is no exception. Of course, like any other young single girl, I would very much like to experience the feeling of having a special someone bringing me out, giving me rose and/or gift, having dinner together at preferably a romantic place and then ending it with a romantic kiss under the stars ;) well who knows my future boyfriend does not want to celebrate just because he thinks Valentine's Day is a cut-throat day. Hrmm.

To be honest, I would prefer having my own special Valentine's Day instead of having someone else fixing it for me. Why give in to those gimmicks and having my boyfriend to pay the hefty sum of hundreds of ringgits for something which he can get on other days at half the price? If he loves me to have the thought of spending money for me, I will show my love for him for helping him save the money. But of course, I will not show it until I see how much he loves me LAH. Hehehe.

At least I get to celebrate Valentine's Day with a group of friends tomorrow. Of course, not in the romantic way, but more of a friendly way ;) I know how to enjoy life okay! :D

I really pity those boyfriends who had to give in to the yearly "cut-throat" tradition just to please their dreamy girlfriends. I admit, I am dreamy, but as I age, I think I somewhat become more realistic. RM149 (sharing planet set) can buy me meals which worth one week okay! Okay lah, worth him one week of meals, since he will be the one paying.

I remembered my ideal Valentine changes from time to time:

Early teens: Rose, chocolates, dinner, movie, teddy bear
Late teens: Great dinner, rose, chocolates, gift
Over 21: Home-cooked meal (preferably my bf can cook), and passionate making-out sessions (feeling is priceless, but good food and gift can get anytime one ma).

Okay. I think I somewhat become more of a feeler than a thinker.

p/s: I want to purchase a GOOD perfume to use. I don't know why but this year I just have the urge of purchasing one.