Experiencing Divorce

This scenario is entirely fictional but it is based on a true story of what is happening around us.

Have you ever feel that way when your parents just announce their decision to divorce and you are torn in between both of them? Choosing either one of them will not be good for you because you will lose either one of them.

Your father is an asshole who only knows how to dig into your piggy bank whenever he feels the need to splurge even though he already has more than what he needs. When you can no longer give him that much money, he will start exploiting whatever talent you have. If you are good at singing, he will make you go to every single pub to perform and yet all the pay will end up in his pocket. If you are good-looking, he will make you a prostitute and sell you off to as many rich tycoons and as many times as possible until the rich tycoons will start getting tired of you and asked your father whether he has anymore daughters or not. If you own a weird insurance of RM2.6bil (kononnya a gift from your father's friend) and you can only withdraw it when you are injured, your father will think of ways to take those amount of money (by injuring you) and then put it inside his personal account, and then said that it was a donation from his personal friend, which is to fund your education. Doesn't sound like someone whom you would like to stay with right?

That leaves you with your mother. Your mother kept convincing you to follow her by reasoning out all the bad things your father had done to you. Every day, she kept reminding you about how much of an asshole your father is. Following your mother sounds very convincing as she has a stable job, thus being able to support your needs. However, your mother's fund is pretty much limited as compared to your father, and she may not be able to support your tertiary education. Maybe she could, if she tried. Then, you heard rumours that your mother may not be as nice as you thought. Rumours about your mother's alleged affair with unknown man has been circulating around, and it sounded like your mother was trying to make your father looked very bad so that she could cover her affair and thus able to gain half of your father's property after the divorce. She may want to win you so that she could obtain the alimony. It may not be true, but the possibility is there.

This boils down to: Then who should you follow?

Maybe you should just get yourself adopted to someone else instead. Just a thought.

Haze and Pollution

"Pollution happened because human beings tried to play being God by creating magic using God's creations." Yes I came up with this quote.

The climate changes faster than me changing clothes. I know it's absurd but unfortunately, it is true. I don't even know what kind of weather can I expect anymore. Flood last month in Kuching and now it is very hot in KL. Not to mention how early the haze season came this year (I thought it was usually during August-ish?).

I truly detest going out to the city each day and ended up coming home all dirty and sticky. The city is so dirty that one would appreciate showers a lot.

I can't even write a long blog post because of the hot weather and the amount of haze I'm breathing in.

One Step At A Time

I have this pet peeve of revisiting scars. Some things should have just ended years ago.

I'm still trying to stand at my own two feet. Still adjusting to discover my true self. Still trying to resist picking the scabs of my wounds that should have been left as scars.

I still go to bed feeling empty, no matter how tired I was prior to heading to bed.

I still have doubts that I can be loved, and deserve to be truly loved. Somehow I always feel there is something that stops me from being loved.

Am I doomed to be content towards being single until the end of time?

I had a dream of writing a book upon finding my uttermost happiness. I had a dream of drawing out the sweetest feeling, sweeter than a candy once I tasted the bliss. I always believed that I could feel that way if I found my other half which brings happiness to another level. But slowly I have to learn to accept that there can be no one but myself to bring joy upon myself. 

Until then, I shall enjoy feeling happy from other ways possible.

Until then, I will always ask myself this one question: Is finding the right person who loves you deeply madly truly for who you are, naked inside out the uttermost happiness in your life?

I forgot when is the last time I ever smiled so sweetly I could feel the corners of my mouth near my ears.

Cool, blue emotions painting my soul despite the bright sunny day.