I Wonder

It's been a while since I last touched this deserted blog of mine. I know most of my posts seem rather emotional or sentimental or whatsoever. I know it very well, for being emotional and sentimental are my nature, and I cannot change it, can I?

Okay, so finals have ended in a sweet way (thank God I can attempt most questions for my last paper despite extremely last-minute revision). And ironically, the end of finals marks the beginning of my legal days. Guess how I spent my legal days? Dozing off, of course. Well, I guess my dream to get a chronograph watch for my birthday present (I have this instant liking towards this Swatch chronograph watch) is impossible to achieve. Meh. Blame me for not being pretty enough to have anyone to give it to me. LOL. Nah, just kidding.

Here I am stuck in this suburb in Miri doing research for absolutely FREE. Of course I am disappointed not to be able to obtain the RM1000 funding. But I am okay with it because I am onoy a 2nd year student and they would of course prefer to give the money away to some senior year students as they have more knowledge prior to research compared to mine. Never mind, no sour grapes. I am positive =D In a way, it is good doing research as it helps me in my final year. It'll be a priceless experience doing some research with very little knowledge I'm currently having. I mean, it is like building a castle with only some bricks and a shovel and sand. No cement. I'll have to find ways to build with no further knowledge at all. Now isn't this interesting??? =D FYI I am doing simulation and modelling research on conserving resources. Hahaha!!!

One thing. I am BROKE. I am in dire need of cash right now as it is the end of semester and I still have one month to stay. OMG.

Truth to be told, I miss home. I miss my bed, my mom's cooking, my dogs, the children, and of course, my FAMILY and FRIENDS. I miss how Kuching is WAY better than Miri. Sigh. I could have been pampered at home now instead of getting stuck here.

Getting stuck here made me think of some of the things which I should not think of. I mean, promiscuous guy is not some person whom I should fall for. Even I myself do not have any idea why I would even fall for this kind of guy. All I can do is to care for him. Hopefully he will mature and understands his responsibility in life instead of throwing it away by wasting his time away. Hopefully he'll love himself more, as he was the one who asked me to love myself. I don't know. Somehow I felt the warmth and gentleness, but then again, NO.

Gah. If only I can take my feelings as something which I can just take out from my heart and wrap it inside a box and then bury it somewhere far. Of course, when I do that, I hope he will not be able to find it.

Let's just hope he will not read this blog of mine (definitely though, as if he's so free to read this blog of mine).

I guess this post sums up my current state =)