Disclaimer: I post this not to shoot or point out anyone's fault in this matter. This is purely based on my own personal thoughts and pondering. Please do not accuse me of anything as it is not fair to have my own opinions being wronged.
It all began on one rainy first day of CNY. For those peers who know me well, I am usually busy on 2nd day of CNY onwards. My first day is usually empty, with relatives visiting my humble abode and then asking me about boyfriend and all (please let me go). Well, to make a change to my CNY this year, I decided to join my ex-colleagues (from my intern company) for a visiting. After all, I doubt I will be visiting them again next year (you know, if this year close then next year bo liao that kind of thing?), so just try out this new experience for once LAH.
Visited one of the colleagues' houses and stayed there for the entire afternoon. I can drink so I was fed with beer, vodka (pure and flavoured) and whisky (nah, cannot really remember to be honest, I can only remember there are many alcohol). I was then asked to drink, more, one shot after another. Happy + lots of food + lots of alcohol + cute dogs to see and to play with = cepat mabuk. Period.
Despite my drunkenness, I was conscious enough to realize the consequences of having possible guests seeing me drunk and torn and fumbling around. Hence, I asked my colleagues to NOT send me home, but rather, let me gain my consciousness (in about...15-20 minutes?). I think they have something else to rush, so they ended up sending me home. I know my limit as I was drunk before. I only needed some time before going home to not look that BAD. Alas, I was sent home and I was drunk in front of my aunt. Vomited in front of everyone. Gosh, the embarrassment. It was not the first time of me, I admit. I got drunk in front of many other people before, including the people I had wanted to impress. This is nothing compared to what I went through before. They were only my colleagues. Nothing more. I do not feel the need of impressing anyone. Honestly.
One night drunk and my parents began questioning my life in Miri. They began thinking of me as someone super wild who go to clubs every weeknights and neglecting my studies. "Oh, no wonder lah she cannot get HD. She must have led this kind of lifestyle there." "Omg, my daughter is drunk! What kind of people she usually mix with???" Then, soon the relatives began spreading the word all around.
It did not end there though. I kind of suspected my colleagues had been thinking bad about me as well after seeing how badly I drank and got drunk. They did not say it, but somehow or rather there was a pretty bad impression over there. Tried poking one of the colleagues (the only one who did not marry as I find him the safest to poke) and I got pretty bad responses. I do not like how people got so quick to judge a person based on ONE bad impression the person had make. They said it was no biggie, but somehow, the way my parents had said made me doubt their "no biggie" statement to be actually "real biggie but we just feel bad to say so". Sigh. Wish there are more people like me in this world who still like people even though they showed their ugliest side to public. I am not nice. I just constantly remind myself with the crumpled $20 story.
Seriously, it was I who got drunk. Why do those people who are related to me find it so amusing to spread it around and make such a big deal? I am a university student so I cannot drink? I am a girl so I cannot get drunk and make a idiotic fool out of myself? I mean, have I offended you people to say me like that? Why oh why?
Things got worse when my parents began questioning what kind of friends I had make in university. They began badmouthing my friends, which I do not like. Saying things which they did not do (okay, some did it though), and worst of all, they assumed that I did the same thing. I did not like how they see me. It all happened because of one, ONE freaking incident. Just because I did not score above 3.5 for my CGPA so you assumed I strayed around and became slutty party girl? I am really, really disappointed. I don't like the way they see me.
Maybe it is time for me to score 3.75 this time to shut them up? But again, I score not to prove to anyone, but myself. I do not have to prove anything right? I just do whatever I like as long as I know I am doing it right right?
This kind of reminded me of the profanity in speech issue I had back then last year. I am a Christian so using foul languages is prohibited. My own personal thought: If nothing I can do harm anyone, I shall not stop doing it. If you are uncomfortable doing so, at most I will not do it in front of you. To me it is like smoking. If you do not like someone to smoke in front of you, ask him to smoke somewhere else far away from you. If you are really concerned, there is nothing you can do unless he one day decides to stop smoking. The same goes for me and my profanity in speech. Unless I can finally figure out a better anger management and my patience has finally reached a satisfactory level, I cannot stop cursing whenever I get mad.
Okay, I think I better stop before I rant more and more. Long story short, I am not happy. Can't believe I typed one long essay just to say I am not happy. Damn loso ah me.
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