I had been to a few classrooms as a "teacher" and I saw different groups of friends and "outliers". The term "outlier" means the odd one out. The odd one out would mean those who belong to the neither of the group and is usually seen alone.
There are two possible types of the "outliers", which are the introverts and the socially awkward. How to differentiate those two?
Introvert - A reserved person by nature. Prefers to be alone even when being placed in crowds.
Socially awkward - A person who does not know how to mingle. May be an extrovert, but a failed one (that's harsh). Okay, in layman's terms, shy.
This is my page so I will somehow direct it back to me, myself and I. I belong to both. I am both an introvert and socially awkward at the same time. This has been happening since childhood. If given a chance, I would prefer daydreaming alone, drawing perverted comics, reading books or listening to music for hours. At first, during my younger days, I liked to tag along with my brother and played whatever he liked to play. I always went straight home after school and spent most of my days watching TV and playing with my toys alone. Well, the age gap between my brother and I are 5 years, so at that time, the age gap was rather big.
As I grew slightly older and entering my early teens, I began facing peer pressure. I moved to an all-girls' primary school. At first I liked to borrow books from the library and spent hours reading. But I watched some American teenage movies and read some American teenage books about popular girls in high school and how they were considered "successful" while those quiet, introverted and shy ones were considered as a "failure". Hence, I tried to get out from the comfort zone and TRIED to be more extroverted. I guess for my peers, I had my fair share of awkward moments due to my socially awkward nature.
I was lost throughout my teenage years trying to be someone whom I thought was right to be. Someone outgoing, extroverted and lively. I tried participating in clubs, hoping to be someone sociable and get rid of my reserved nature. I accepted social gathering invitations and tried my best to attend every single one, but those gatherings usually ended up leaving me lost in the sea of the crowd, and wishing I can get away from it. I was usually seen hanging out with a group of which I am comfortable with, but even then, I would somehow withdraw myself during the middle of the conversation because I was so tired of catching up. I just wanted to get out of the place and sleep.
Along the years, I got rid of my socially awkward nature, and was able to blend in with the crowd for the sake of socializing. But there were times (I think many of the times) I chose not to blend in at all. I chose to keep quiet and observe their conversation. It is not easy to break my ice, unless I choose to let you break it. I am still that awkward, but my awkwardness is due to the obligatory to keep up with the conversation with people I barely knew, just for the sake of socializing. I just thought it was the right thing to do in the society. Hence, no matter how tiring it was, I just muster my energy and try not to break the conversation.
Being a socially awkward introvert, I have a number of friends whom I am comfortable to talk to though. But even so, I have my own "I-just-want-to-stop-talking-to-you-even-though-I-like-you-my-dear-friend-please-leave-me-alone"moment. So for those who wondered if there was a moment of silence between those conversations, you all know why.
I like to catch up with people whenever I go to different places. That is because I do not always get to see them and I can talk more. Meaning there will be less chance of "silence". And the meeting usually happens only once. But truthfully, I prefer solo backpacking, if not because of my parents' concerns regarding my safety. Sien.
I have only a handful of those whom I am comfortable of sharing everything with, apart from writing. But I also have my own fear that they may get tired of my never-ending rants. I can never shut up once I see them. But it is okay, because they love to hear me talk and will think something goes wrong when I keep quiet. LOL! Funny thing is, I love sharing. Hence the never-ending sharings on social medias and blogs. However, I do not feel comfortable just sharing things to another person, or a group just like that. How meh?
A socially awkward introvert individual like me has joined TFM as a fellow and will be teaching a classroom full of students next year. I will have to face teachers, students, parents and even the management daily. I see it as a challenge to overcome my socially awkward nature, but being a naturally-born introvert, I foresee myself being tired daily. Maybe I will seclude myself in a room and sleep whole day long. My housemates knew that because I am always seen in the room.
But I will face a problem as a teacher next year. How to differentiate introverts and socially awkward students? Easier said than done. Balancing the extroverts, introverts and socially awkward are difficult. Here, I listed out one of the possible challenges during the fellowship already.
Done sharing. Via a computer, not a human being, which makes things whole lot easier. LOL!
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