I woke up with a sharp pain on my right ear and yet was all dressed up to work. In the midst of the crowd inside the LRT, I suddenly realized that I should not go to work at all. On one side I could hear the sharp noise from the railway, while on the other side the noise was so sharp that I could feel the pain stabbing into my ear. Despite the pain, I heard nothing. I got scared. I panicked. I quickly WhatsApped my colleagues and manager, informing them that I would be getting a sick leave on that day. So many thoughts were swarming inside my head that morning. What if I was late for medical consultation that I might become deaf? What if I became deaf because of something unknown that happened to my ear? Do I need to learn sign language? Is sign language difficult? Will I lose my job once I become handicapped?
Long story short, I had my MC after consulting the doctor nearby my workplace and then thrown to Gleneagles like a ball for specialist check-up (ear very sensitive you know), and got my medicine so I am currently half-deaf.
Anyway, this is my first time taking an MC after three months of work (I broke my record HAHAHA). I went to work despite falling sick twice ok! Hence, I was not really used to staying at home on weekdays. Thankfully I had fever because of my infected ear so I spent most of my day sleeping away.
During the time I was not sleeping though, I did a lot of thinking. A LOT. I let my mind ran around and wandered away. I was thinking:
1. I love my family and I am a nerd. Thus, I am surrounded with family-oriented nerds who happened to be my colleagues. I was expecting the super-open, slightly badass oil and gas players like those whom I met in the clubs in Miri back then. But then they are so family-oriented and they were such good boys (mama's boys)! I can't help thinking how adorable those little boys are sometimes (yes ALL the colleagues in my HSE Engineer department are males). The "you are surrounded by who you are" thing exists. LOL.
2. Contrary to popular belief, the Malays that I knew at my workplace were liberal and rational. One would have expect that they are so sensitive that everything must be halal, only their opinions are entitled and no one else's bla3, they think they are superior and other races/religions are not and they are radicals. Don't believe everything on media. Even though they love spicy food, sing Malay song all the time and often eat with hands as depicted on media, they know what is right and what is wrong. They know when to defy the norm with logic instead of going with the flow, especially those senior managers and heads. And please, speaking with them, eating spicy food with hands and karaoke-ing Malay songs with them do not make me a Malay. Likewise, them speaking Chinese (I have a few colleagues who spoke Chinese fluently, sometimes even more fluent than myself *embarrassed*) and expressing their attraction to Chinese people do not make them Chinese. To start living harmoniously, please get rid of the "don't leave your roots" mentality.
3. I hate KL road system and transport. When I got off the LRT station at Jelatek, there is no taxi stand or any place for waiting. I had to call MyTeksi and asked the taxi driver to pick me up at the main road. And the main road is a highway LEH!!! Please, please, Malaysians, please improve your own knowledge and skills. No wonder our ministers are huge mistakes.
4. Speaking of knowledge and skill, my deepest regret was not to study much harder during university days when I had the chance. I was so engrossed with the fact that "to secure a job in an MNC, you need to fulfill CGPA of 3.5 and able to demonstrate leadership skills". Yeah thanks, because of that I was so focused on trying to obtain a CGPA of 3.5 instead of obtaining the knowledge which is worth the 3.5 of CGPA. Up till today, I felt that my knowledge in engineering was inadequate. Implementing process safety in engineering design? How and what? Master control in all engineering designs so that we do not need to control the little things anymore? Then what if the master control breaks down and there is no redundancy? But isn't redundancy of the master control itself difficult to replicate and may be even more complex as well? What am I even thinking? And process integration, is RAPID considered process integration? Or not? By integrating everything into one space, have one considered how to manage all the wastes? Will managing waste costlier than using more energy to recycle waste? From one process to another? Won't that contribute more to carbon footprint? I WANT TO TAKE MASTERS DEGREE CAN KAH BUT I NO MONEY NOW HOW?
5. I mentioned earlier about "fullfill 3.5 CGPA and demonstrate leadership skills". Do you know that not having adequate leadership skills but scoring a CGPA of 4.00 can also secure you a job in an MNC technically? Well at least in my company, technical people are highly prized. It's not easy to be technically capable you see. I always admire those who are technically capable. They know many things and those solutions they suggested were not merely bullshitting, but were backed up with their knowledge and experience. No offence, but nowadays people are so engrossed with sharpening their presentation skills that they basically forgot about sharpening their technical knowledge and common sense. You cannot be a bookworm and sacrifice common sense, but at the same time you cannot be a good marketer and sacrifice knowledge. Even if you sound like a boring nerd, if the words you spoke make total sense, then you are an asset. Not creative in presenting your ideas? Make use of young interns or fresh graduates. Let them play with your solutions and ideas while presenting them in a most creative manner possible. That way, they can learn more about the technical knowledge while sharpening their creativity at the same time. What I'm trying to say is, it's okay to be a nerd. If you cannot speak like a lawyer but at the same time you have a brain of a professor, just let it be. I admire those who speak words of substances more than those who sounded super convincing and yet only bullshitting away.
6. I'm still at my crossroads of my career. What will I be in 10 years' time? Is this job the right job for me?
7. At what age should I start investing in property? And where? Bintulu? High likely I will be going to Bintulu (MLNG extension and because upstream definitely tak boleh pakai and also because I am a Sarawakian so MLNG prefers Sarawakian). Or Miri? Or Kuching? Or KL? But I don't like living in KL. Transport itself is a huge turn off already. Not to forget everything in KL is mega expensive. And please, doing spontaneous plans in KL is a BAD IDEA. But I am investing, not permanently living right. I haven't found a place where I actually want to stay there until I die so perhaps properties are only investments for me as at now. Maybe in a year's time? Maybe two?
8. So sad that I have to live life like a poor, thrifty auntie. LRT trip to work costs me RM2.80 one way; budget taxi queue at my condo area costs me RM1.50 one way. Everything multiply by two meaning I spent RM8.60 per day for transport. Previously I only spent RM7.00. RM1.60 increase per day is, a lot. I also want to save money for travels, property investments, retirement fund etc leh? Hence, I have no choice but to resort to cooking daily. Sad life it is. Not to mention how expensive groceries are nowadays. I spent an average of RM50 weekly on groceries (I only buy meat like once a month; itu pun chicken only).
9. Why is growing up so difficult? I should just find a rich man who already owns properties and stable financial status and marry him. But then my ego got better of me and I want to earn my own money and pay for my own bills. At least now I am paying for my own bills and managed to give some to my family.
10.I don't want my life to grow old so fast. Continue to give thrills to others and to feel the excitement in my life. Even after I'm 30.
11. How come I haven't been exercising?
That's all that I think of on a day's leave (sick leave mind you).
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