I'll Try My Best

 **this is my 2010 post and I seriously do not know how this end up here. But anyway, here goes. Contemplated on deleting this or not but I decided not to in the end.

Somehow, I felt like I tasted shit inside my mouth. For some reason I'm obsessed with the word "kanasai". Heh. Bad influence for the baby if I kept on mentioning kns in front of him =.=

Well, it took me a lot of courage to type all these out. I just need to let it all out, say goodbye and move on. Not worth dwelling over something that has been already broken and no longer be saved.

It's over, it's a past and it's no longer worth thinking about. When I think back rationally it is partly my fault all these shit happened. There is one time I wished I could turn back time and change everything. Then maybe these shit will not happen. However, what he did was totally wrong and I can never accept it. He broke his promise. I foolishly ate his sweet talks and his empty promises while treated me like a fool when I was in Miri. Maybe some girls could, but not me. NO, as much as I love him, I can never accept this. I can accept anything but this.

I really thank Lord for letting me see all these while it is not too late. It's better to be sad now than to feel sorry later. If it goes on, I am afraid I could not turn back. I am grateful that everything ended, well, not the way I want, but still, it ends here. Maybe we're just not meant to be, and he's not strong enough to fight for our relationship. He chose to let it fall apart; he chose to betray me, which shows he was not meant to spend his lifetime with me.

As much as I am angry towards him, I guess I should find myself some time to cool myself down. To think through everything. After all, we had our good times together. I will try my best to move on and to be strong. Not worth wasting my tears for someone who does not treasure me and this relationship right? However, I will try my best to forgive him. One day. But not now. I really need time to forgive.

For "him"(if he EVEN reads this blog):
I wish you and the girl happiness in your new-found relationship. She is willing to go against all odds to be with you, even if it means hurting me. But I doubt she cares anyway. Here. I paved a way so that both of you can go official. Whatever you do, you feel and you think from now on has nothing to do with me at all.