Vulgar and Crude

Disclaimer: This post is mainly based on my own thoughts and the main purpose is for clarification. If anyone finds this post offensive, you may choose NOT to read it.

I decided to do this post not for those who remarked me about the incident, but to be honest for myself. I need to clarify myself so that I can study in peace by avoiding further remarks. I have Fluid Mechanics test this coming Friday and my progress is very slow, so to speak.

Anyway, how on earth did I end up writing this post? It all started a few hours back when I finished my one and only lecture of the day (only ONE. Yipee!!!). After breakie + lunch, I decided to go to library to study, thinking since it's not near finals and it's not even 12pm yet there SHOULD be at least one vacant spot for me to study (sincerely hoping).

When I arrived, heck (a form of expressing annoyance for me, not hell), there are no places for me. If you think the library's full of people, you're wrong. The library itself is not full, although occupied. Instead, the library is actually occupied by non-living things such as bags, pencil cases and even a file, just to name a few. I am NOT going to study in a noisy cafeteria or common ground so my only alternative would be hostel. And the thing is I have to go back home under the heavy rain without an umbrella (yea my fault for forgetting it).

Being a hot-blooded young adult, I Tweetdecked my expression of frustration and annoyance with a series of vulgar languages (mainly consist of human body parts). As a result, I get bombarded by not one, but several friends who expressed utter disgust and disrespect, and one even touched the religious aspect (that I cannot ignore so bo pien have to clarify liao).

Respect their decision lo and tone down my language by reposting it, I thought. Hence, I did that. But I need some clarification. PROPER clarification. If not I cannot study in peace. If I don't study properly and flunked my test, how am I suppose to explain to my family who put on high hopes on me, even though I frequently disappointed them one time after another?

Firstly, I admit, I use vulgar language A LOT. Due to peer influence and stress, stress and stress (many things I stress...my life ain't easy...you don't really know me so don't start judging thanks), I would need some anger management. Scolding in vulgar language lo...just some phrase like "fuck this shit" or "fucking (something) makes me frustrated" or "internet's being a bitch mcb". I know it seems ridiculously stupid to scold our own body parts so that we feel better, but it sounded vulgar and rough, and admit it, one feels better after scolding out those. Because it sounds "cho" (rough in Hokkien). Instead of "fuck this shit this stupid lanjiao lorry knocked my car", you said, "this huge lorry knocked my car into pieces and I am so angry right now", which one releases your anger more? Well, it would be better for someone to scold out and then forget about it than keeping the grudge right? To be honest, I will forget about the library thing a few hours after cursing if not because people were constantly criticizing me about it. It's better than me not scolding, and then continuously remembering the selfish people in the library and even considered stealing their bags. Morally speaking, one would prefer the first option right? And besides, me scolding foul languages will not bring any harm to anyone, huh? It's not like those people who left their belongings at the library inconsiderately will become dogs and get raped for real just because I said fuck you bitches. If it really happens, then I would be totally amazed with my lidah masin lo XD

Secondly, (this is a sensitive issue and I hate to type this but I need to clarify so hence) I use foul languages, but so far, I never recall cursing using God's name. One of the Ten Commandments speaks:

Do not use God's name in vain.

Hence, I tried not to, no matter how angry I am. I know some people who immediately cursed God and Jesus whenever misfortunes happen, and I thought, "Why curse them? These happened not because of them." I know vulgar language itself is not right to begin with because it involves cursing your own body or whatsoever (there are some I don't use such as son of a bitch or knn because it involves scolding the wrongdoer's mother). If it's about tarnishing the image of God and Christianity by not watching my language, it is at my wrong and I am not afraid to admit that. But surely, I find that I do not do anything that harm God's name or cursing them. Why should I deserve such condemnation because I scold the misfortune with addition of crude words? It's as if I am backing Jesus and turning to the devil. I am a believer of Christ, and as lasap as I look (I drink, I party at clubs, I seldom go to church nowadays, I don't pray before I eat and I eat meat on Fridays), I strongly believe in God and try my best to obey the Ten Commandments. If I am unable to obey (for example, I lied), I will feel dirty and guilty. And why should I put my back on Jesus? He just answered my most recent prayer about my friend's father who was badly injured and according to my friend, he was at verge of death. I just prayed that yesterday at church and today my friend posted on Facebook saying that his father was in a good rate of recovery. To whom should I thank? The doctor, God and those who helped me prayed for him of course!!! I dislike people belittling my faith and my views on Christianity simply because I use foul languages to scold when I am angry. Don't judge me, as I said before.

If anyone find me using foul languages disrecpectful towards myself, my family and God and specially reprimanding me because I am a Christian and I am educated, please don't. I use foul language because I am short-tempered and need a quickest way to vent out my anger. Those who are close to me should know how hot-tempered I am and right now I am trying my best not to kick the walls or smash stuff but instead by merely saying a few "cho" words. Unless there is another quick and fast way to release my anger and immediately forgetting it afterwards, I have no choice but to resort to scolding body parts and female dogs.

By the way, there is one person who was special for once reprimanded me for using vulgar languages. He mentioned that he had high respect for me because of my intelligence, my confidence and me having my own distinct thoughts. But he told me he lost respect for me because I said "fuck this shit" and "fuck you, bitch". I had thought of toning down myself, for him. But the thing is, if I stopped scolding foul languages, will that make me a better person? The answer is no. If I constantly lie or sleep around, then someone came to me and said I should stop this because it will make me a better person, then it is a different story. Just because I use vulgar language doesn't mean I am not a nice person. Just because I use vulgar language doesn't mean I am murderous and cruel. It's how I portray myself, and considering how shamelessly I posted my own ugly pictures on Facebook, I guess one would say I do not really care about my own image. It is the personality that matters, not the image.

So, I end this ridiculously long post by saying I shall tone down my vulgarity but that doesn't mean I will totally stop scolding. I find this the quickest way to let go of grudges and releasing my anger (just that I will tone down LAH), unless someone suggested me a better alternative of venting out my anger. (Please don't suggest prayer because I am afraid I may curse while praying, and prayers are best done when I am sure I will not curse or swear).

p/s: Can't believe I used up one freaking hour to type this post. Okay. Substitute fucking with freaking. Yay!!! Toning down step one done. Happy now?

Curtin Awards Doctor of Letters to Rosmah

Warning: This is going to be a SUPER LOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG post so grab a cup of iced coffee or iced Milo (in case you're caffeine intolerant, which is a waste because caffeine is AWESOME) and probably some snacks before reading this.

Okay, just so you know, recently Curtin has just awarded Rosmah an Honorary Doctorate, or more precisely, Doctor of Letters (an honorary title for someone who contributes to society). For those who's oblivious about general knowledge or whatsover, this seems like a good news. Hey! A Prime Minister's wife received the title Dr (FYI it's NOT PhD) from an Australian University. Surely she will be more respected by public, or either that, the university will gain a higher reputation. Not every university gets to award a politician (or related to the politician) in a university.

Unfortunately, things are not as good as it seems. Curtin graduates, for the first time, felt disgusted to attend their graduation. There was an uproar caused by Malaysian students in Curtin University. People began spitting out spiteful remarks on Rosmah's newly-obtained titles (First Lady of Malaysia and the Doctor title itself). Soon, they moved to Curtin University. They bashed Curtin University mercilessly until the entire Facebook page was flooded. Of course, there will be some chiak-pa-bo-su-cho (bored) passer-bys who joined in the "fun" and bashed Curtin as well.

Well, how did Rosmah retaliated these critics? She stated that they might be jealous of her achievements. Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Bullshit. But it makes sense for Curtin graduates or even those currently studying in Curtin. Meh. I am one of them (but I am not jealous, it's just that I felt disgusted). Why jealous? I knew my hardworking and capable seniors who graduated or graduating soon will be conferred a degree with Honours. They worked hard, sacrificing their sleeping hours and probably health and leisure time for a degree with Honours. The total time spent were four years minimum, and it was only a degree. As for PhD holders (my fellow lecturers), they dedicated so much time and effort to complete their research for years and of course deserved the Doctor title. But someone who has done nothing to the university, nor putting in any effort to deserve the Doctor title just obtained it a few days ago, thus ultimately putting a disgrace to all those degrees, Masters and PhDs awarded to the alumni. What do all those hard work and effort mean to all of them, if someone who doesn't even know how to speak proper English and clamied that Japan was not green enough, thus causing an earthquake could just buy it so easily? Well, if not buy then what? The art of seduction? Definitely not, as she doesn't have the looks nor the body, and with the fluffy wig on her head, it was definitely a turn-off to all male on planet (quoted by a friend of mine, 2012).

Well, okay, according to Curtin, she was awarded because of her contribution to early childhood education under the program Permata. In accordance to Curtin, currently there are about 600 Permata childhood centres all over the country. From those posts I have read on Curtin University's wall (no link, they deleted all the posts), Permata was a government-funded program. For this program, she was allocated with RM100 million in 2010, and in 2011, the amount was increased by RM11 million. And whose money was that? The government money aka the hardworking taxpayers' money. It was unimaginable to see our hard-earn money spent probably about 1/10 (I assume this, it's not a fact) to Permata and the rest to luxury goods, Botox injection and jeweleries. Thing is, did Curtin make a thorough background check on the program itself? This is because I have heard that Permata program was unsafe in one of the posts on Curtin University facebook page. For more information you may google it; I am lazy to actually find the link itself. I have lots more to say. Obviously they don't, because of the fact that they stated the 600 Permata childhood centres. By common sense, it is impossible to build 600 kindergarten in such a small country. Even KFC (don't touch the fight scene issue, please) has around 445++ outlets throughout Malaysia. Logically speaking (this is purely based on my thoughts so please don't say I simply give wrong information if I am wrong), no one can build up to 600 kindergarten within less than five years. I bet Curtin University divided the amount of money without thinking the rate of development. If 600 kindergarten can be built in Malaysia that fast, then why do Malaysia show such SLOW development rate today? I am sure Curtin is smarter to know more than this. It is obvious that the Permata program was just a cover-up behind the real "business" going on between them.

Well, obviously, Curtin students and graduates are very displeased with this scenario. It not only disgusted them to think they are actually associated with a corrupted woman, but also put their effort in obtaining degree/Masters/PhD to a waste. This somewhat degraded their value of their degree/Masters/PhD because since a doctorate title can easily be bought, then what do their degree/PhD mean? What would people out there think of the graduates? They graduated because of money? I, for one, am one of those who felt that myself. All my effort and my sleepless nights (and I'm still in second year) cannot be compared to someone who has tons of hard cash (from the poor citizens who faithfully paid tax every year).

What I don't like though, are the passer-bys that I have mentioned earlier who have nothing else better to do. Curtin graduates and students have the every right to protest and to speak out their mind, because they were the ones involved. As for the passer-bys, of course it was best for them to butt off but if they were to speak out too (freedom of speech), they should speak out something that helps to make situation better. Either do that or shut up. But no. Some brainless idiots ridiculed themselves by posting nonsense such as "Chicken University", "I am the employer and I will never hire employees from Curtin anymore" and "Yuck! Curtin Pui!" when they are not even the students. For those who posted insulting remarks, congrats. You just proved yourself to be a lifeless person who possessed a single-digit IQ. As for the employer remark thing, you just proved yourself to be the stupidest boss ever. Stereotyping will not get your business/firm anywhere, love. You just missed out many potentially capable employees because you judge them by the university they attended. Only a smart employer chooses his future employees based on interviews and how they presented themselves. One may be a degree holder from Harvard, but who knows he stammered while speaking and panicked when facing difficulties in real working life. Idiots nowadays...

Sadly, all we Curtin students can do is to swallow all these shit. Curtin will never revoke the award given. The reason is simple. It was because Rosmah is not just an ordinary woman. She is PM's wife. Well, some people might think that since it is an independent Australian university, they had the right not to revoke it. The sad thing is, things are not as simple as it seems. We Malaysians must not forget that there is a Curtin campus in Malaysia. Miri, to be precise. My campus. The campus which served extremely costly and oily food. The campus where a rape case just happened not long ago. The campus with terrible student services. The campus with terrible ICT services. The "prestigious private" campus which does not even have a swimming pool. The campus with terrible bus shuttle timetable and often short of buses. The campus with an extremely small library that can never find a place to seat due to lack of seats. Ah, the digression. Anyway, imagine Curtin revoked the title away. This would cause her to bear an ultimate shame of holding a doctorate title for a few days only. LOL. What will happen to the campus in Miri? Hard to obtain government loan or subsidy. Probably Curtin will be closed down (hey it's not impossible) and I will have no university by then. They too are in a dilemma. Cannot blame them.

Anyways, how do I take this shame/disgrace/disgust?

My first option: Looking for options to transfer. If Curtin can do that to Rosmah, there is a huge possibility that they did it to many other people before, now and even after. Call me a person full of pride, but if you were me, you would do the same right? I already had many bad impression on Curtin, but this by far was the worst. I really felt disgusted studying in a university which has such low creditability. I'll still be studying in Curtin while searching for other universities.

Last option: In case I cannot transfer because of scholarship/troublesome/rejected by other uni, then I would just continue studying and graduate in Curtin (definitely NOT transferring to Perth anymore). I will just study properly and obtain a degree at my best and when looking for jobs, I'll impress the employers with soft skills, work capability and intelligence. After all, like I mentioned before, a smart employer sees those mentioned above, not the university you graduated from. Ahhhhhh....I shall use this to comfort myself.......hahahaha XD

For Curtin students, if you are unable to transfer like me, just use this last option mentioned above as a motivation =)

For Curtin graduates, no fret. You ought to celebrate your hard-earned degree/Masters/PhD. You don't have to prove to anyone about your capability as you are the one who knows best =)

For those passer-bys, GET A LIFE!!!

##Update: A petition has been set up to revoke Rosmah's title. And as much as those people out there had said and requested to revoke the title, the petition came up to 739 only (up till now). So I guess people do not really care, huh? Big words but no actions made. *facepalm*

###Update: No one remembers this shit anymore. Hence, case closed. I will continue studying but the intention to transfer to Bentley campus totally died down. Hehe.

Judging

"Judging does not define those being judged; it defines those who judge."

I come to like this saying. It is indeed true, for every person's story, there is no one else who knows it except the person who actually experiences it. The story told by the first person is the most accurate, but not the story told by the third person. This is because the story told by the third person is mostly based on the third person's point of view, instead of the first person who experienced it. Hence, one cannot really trust the third person's story, unless the person is a narrator who narrates fictions. Since every person in this world is different, hence every story told by every third person differs by their perspective.

Let me narrate this example for a clearer view. A woman of my age (I am twenty-two this year for your information) bringing two children of ages one and three respectively to a grocery store. The first witness of this incident may thought that the woman had two children at a very tender age. Meanwhile, the second witness of this incident may not think so. Instead, that person may thought of her as a sister instead of a mother of these two children. Well, who knows? The third witness may not agree with the first and the second witness, and thought of her as the babysitter instead. The fourth witness may thought of her as a social worker. The fifth witness, with its own perspective, may thought that the woman was kidnapping those two and bringing them to grocery. Well, the possibility is endless. But do these possibilities really tell the relationship between the woman and the children? No. Instead, it reflected what kind of person are the respective witnesses. Why? Since everyone is different, and nobody other than the woman knows the true story behind the incident, so all they can do is to assume, and then based on their own way of thinking, they judge.

The thing that I want to bring out today is not only about judging, but also how wrong it is. To be frank, every third person of every story has no right to judge, unless they fully know the story of the first person in the story. It is human nature not to put themselves into others' shoes but to judge simply based on their way of thinking. Sad, but true. They are not aware that they are in no position to judge the first person of the story, because they do not experience it at all. They are just witnesses.

Why do I say it is wrong to judge? Judging often leads to another thing, which is gossiping. Gossips eventually lead to rumours, which mostly tarnish one person's namesake, or more often, speaks out a person's personality not based on themselves, but based on the mouths of other people. It is a sad thing to see so many celebrities' reputation being depraved for nothing, because of the stories made up by the paparazzi. And whose fault is it to be blamed? The paparazzi, but not entirely, because they are just earning a living.

Then who should we put an accusing finger to? Has anyone studied economics? The basic of economics is "There is supply only when there is demand". Just like prostitution (I know it is a terrible example but hey, it is the oldest profession in the world, and sad to say it is still standing strong), the rumour-turned-news all started from the dirty thoughts of the readers of the magazine. It is sad to say that most readers often seek out for negative rumours regarding the celebrities. And where do all these come from? Judgement, of course.It all comes back to judgement. Just because a celebrity wears a bareback turtleneck which shows her cleavage, that does not mean she is a slut. Just because HyunA played sexy (terribly sexy) roles in music videos, particularly Trouble Maker and Bubble Pop, that does not mean she is cheap and skanky. Just because a woman aged 22 is bringing two young children into a grocery store does not mean she is their mother. And lots more.

Hence, for every witness, when you see a woman bringing two children to a grocery store, do not judge, which will be followed by story telling to another person, which will eventually become a rumour and thus ruining her reputation. No one but her knows the true story. Instead, with no judgement in your head, start be a kind neighbour and go help her. She not only brings children, she also has to carry groceries. Show your kindness to your neighbours instead of judging.

p/s: It has been a while since I last wrote an essay. Have I gone rusty? LOL.

I Wonder

It's been a while since I last touched this deserted blog of mine. I know most of my posts seem rather emotional or sentimental or whatsoever. I know it very well, for being emotional and sentimental are my nature, and I cannot change it, can I?

Okay, so finals have ended in a sweet way (thank God I can attempt most questions for my last paper despite extremely last-minute revision). And ironically, the end of finals marks the beginning of my legal days. Guess how I spent my legal days? Dozing off, of course. Well, I guess my dream to get a chronograph watch for my birthday present (I have this instant liking towards this Swatch chronograph watch) is impossible to achieve. Meh. Blame me for not being pretty enough to have anyone to give it to me. LOL. Nah, just kidding.

Here I am stuck in this suburb in Miri doing research for absolutely FREE. Of course I am disappointed not to be able to obtain the RM1000 funding. But I am okay with it because I am onoy a 2nd year student and they would of course prefer to give the money away to some senior year students as they have more knowledge prior to research compared to mine. Never mind, no sour grapes. I am positive =D In a way, it is good doing research as it helps me in my final year. It'll be a priceless experience doing some research with very little knowledge I'm currently having. I mean, it is like building a castle with only some bricks and a shovel and sand. No cement. I'll have to find ways to build with no further knowledge at all. Now isn't this interesting??? =D FYI I am doing simulation and modelling research on conserving resources. Hahaha!!!

One thing. I am BROKE. I am in dire need of cash right now as it is the end of semester and I still have one month to stay. OMG.

Truth to be told, I miss home. I miss my bed, my mom's cooking, my dogs, the children, and of course, my FAMILY and FRIENDS. I miss how Kuching is WAY better than Miri. Sigh. I could have been pampered at home now instead of getting stuck here.

Getting stuck here made me think of some of the things which I should not think of. I mean, promiscuous guy is not some person whom I should fall for. Even I myself do not have any idea why I would even fall for this kind of guy. All I can do is to care for him. Hopefully he will mature and understands his responsibility in life instead of throwing it away by wasting his time away. Hopefully he'll love himself more, as he was the one who asked me to love myself. I don't know. Somehow I felt the warmth and gentleness, but then again, NO.

Gah. If only I can take my feelings as something which I can just take out from my heart and wrap it inside a box and then bury it somewhere far. Of course, when I do that, I hope he will not be able to find it.

Let's just hope he will not read this blog of mine (definitely though, as if he's so free to read this blog of mine).

I guess this post sums up my current state =)

A Letter To My Future Boyfriend/Husband

Dear you,

If you someday get to be my boyfriend, I hope you will come across reading my blog. I have told my friends that if I were to get married to you, I do not need a diamond ring (if you want to give me CAN). All I need is a simple ring engraved with "ILY". This is because I'll put you above me. I was involved in a relationship before and I knew how did I love someone. It kind of failed which kind of made me hurt and upset, but now no more. I was hurt for a period of time because of the broken relationship. I even lost myself.

Guess what? I met someone who actually lifted the pain away from me and I stopped feeling hurt thanks to that someone. I had this liking towards this someone and in fact I even thought that I had fallen in love to him. But it was one-sided so I guess I should forget about it. Never mind. Anyway I should thank him somehow (there'll be a chance).

I am currently comfortable being single but if you are to enter my life I hope these are the things you can do to me:

1) Be loyal.
2) Never lie.
3) Make me feel secure, so that I can trust you wholeheartedly.
4) Love me and allow me to love you.
5) Allow me to be myself and don't try to change me.

These five things may seem simple but most men cannot do all 5 of these. But I hope when we someday meet and you read this you're prepared to do all these 5 things for me. It's because once you enter my life I'll give up my freedom for you, and freedom means a lot to me.

Anyway, if you were to be mine, the primary reason is because of your heart. Probably your looks attract me, but it's your heart that makes me give mine to you.

p/s: Whoever you are, please don't laugh when you read this!!! This is one freaking random letter okay? ==

Regards.

Top 5 Signs You're a Full-time University Student

1) Irregular sleeping hours
You sleep at 11am and wake up at 1pm. You then stay up all night and sleep in the morning. Wait, you have night class. Gah. Sleep in the afternoon. Morning class the next day, yet assignments piling. Sleep for one or two hours first, then continue doing assignments. In short, your biological clock will never be fixed unless you're having semester break.

2) Irregular eating hours
You have a breakfast as early as 7 or as late as 10. You either skip lunch or have your lunch as late as 3pm. You either have early dinner around 5 something or late dinner around 8 something.

3) Assignments complain; Clubbing no complain
You have an assignment due tomorrow, hence causing you to stay up until 3am. You complain. You went to clubbing with friends all night long until the sun rises, and you have an 8am class the next day. You do not complain.

4) You begin to talk dirty
In high school, if anyone happened to say something dirty, people will give you some disapproving stares. In university, if you squeal or try avoiding talking something dirty, people will give you some disapproving stares. Come on. It's a university, which students are mostly 18 and above. Even girls are discussing openly about their virginity with their male campusmates.

5) You feel as if there are too many things to handle
Well, of course. In high school, people help us complete our tasks. Here, we are given tasks to complete all on our own. To begin with, you need to seek for help. Minimal help is given, and you think that they're very selfish. You need to start managing your own expenses, time, assignments, schedules and the list goes on and on and on. If you still find your lifestyle relaxing, well, it's probably because you still have this high school mentality that things will just go shazam and poof! It's solved. No.

LOL. That's it for now.

All The Best For Tomorrow

For starters, this is for my beloved Eugenia Foo XD wish you all the best of luck for your ACCA!!! I know how tough your ACCA is and that is why you'll definitely need the luck. Remember if you passed every paper you'll "share" your happiness and joy with us *hint* *hint* though I am positively sure you can pull them through. I have faith in you, girl! =) we'll celebrate at Delizze yea XD and of course not forgetting my acquaintances who are taking ACCA too. Amelia, Damien, and whoever I miss out.

Nextly, for my CAT friends Ah Leng, Kelvin and Stephen (wow I have a few CAT friends all in the same batch, in terms of taking the same papers). Wish you people all the best and pass with flying colours =D aiya CAT can pass onelah...and in case there are any potential M'sian Prize Winner or World Prize Winner (you know who you are), all the best!!! Hopefully I can congratulate someone who won a prize. (P.S.: Kelvin you owe me RM3=p )

After that, Jing Fen's turn. All the best for your STPM =D can get excellent good good results one XD and of course, all the best to those who took STPM last year. I very well knew how tough STPM was. If possible, try to score a 4 flat, since last year there was almost none (got but I think only one? And he/she's not a Science student). Science student, don't let us down score a 4 flat XD

21st February's a good date for the release of results, I hope.

First Move

Had this inspiration while slurping my grass jelly milk tea purchased from Eastmoore's bubble tea shop.

Yesterday, Amy, Genia and I had our final visiting at Alex's house. Long story short: He cooks unique spaghetti (unique as in Asian-ish style...I mean, who puts GINGER into pasta sauce??? Not bad though ^^) and he owns a CUUUTE pup namely Kobe. Lol.

On the way home, we hung out at Sunny Hill for banana split. Yeah, I'm lazy to upload pictures because the outing is not the main point of this post. It's what Genia said that motivated me. Lol.

Usually the one who makes the first move is the winner. The one courting the other person will end up having the one courted fallen deeper compared to the one who courts. (Foo, 2011)

Thus, I realize something. I have to make the FIRST MOVE. If there is anyone who is willing to take the initiative, that person's gonna be ME. Why? I want to end up having it falling head over heels for me and thus I am the WINNER HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! It will not let me go and forever yearning for my love. Meh. Smart planleh? So clever =p

Okay HD, listen to this. I officially declare to take the first move and court you until I graduate. You may not accept me, but I will try my best until you have to accept me every semester just because you are moved and touched by my diligence, effort and hard work that I have put just to make you accept me every semester. I will spend more time on my effort to win you and I know I will. During the graduation I will propose to you and you will accept me as the FIRST in your heart, mind and soul. The final outcome shall be our eternally happy ending together after the proposal and like what Genia said, you will fall head over heels for me until I will forever be FIRST to you as long as I live =)

P.S.: HD here has bilingual meaning =p

Walao. So damn motivating.

Okaylah. I'll upload a few photos to spice things up. Here goes:



Kobe, you're cute. Too bad you're NAUGHTY. Check out the pee he left at the upper left side of the photo =p



Genia, the one who inspired me to write this post ;)



Amy and I. Not relevant, but nevermind. Let this photo be the finale for this post =p

HD, hope you read this!!! You're the first for me to make the first move to.

P.S.S.: I owe thanks to my campus junior William. He first came up with this "court-and-proposal" scheme for the sake of studying motivation =p

Happy

What an awesome way to begin my 2011 =DDD I'm too happy for words. I'm soooo happy for them! An awesome beginning to see my friends being happy and it makes me happy as well =D

Me happy!!!!! ^^

Changing FB Profile Pic

I am sure the readers of this pathetic blog are Facebook users. I am sure those Facebook users have heard of the plea for Violence Against Children by changing profile pictures to cartoon characters of their own childhood. I personally am rather sceptical with this plea because small kids do not have their own Facebook profile so I see no point doing so. For me VAC is to be done practically rather than doing something like this. It does not signify anything. It is different from shaving head bald to support cancer kids or wearing a red ribbon to raise awareness against HIV. However, I give in to this plea anyway. I mean, cartoons are cute, so why not? Hence, this is my current profile pic:



Wth why mine's Sailormoon...lol...

Just now I heard a news about this plea which was actually a fraud set up by pedophiles to attract children so that they'll add those sick pedophiles. Then, those pedophiles will start tracking down their preys. In my personal opinion, this plea is not a fraud, just that it has been misused by damn-creative-betul pedophiles for their own benefits.

Just imagine:

When the plea was executed,

Pedophile A: Waseh! They so drastic carry out plea to support Violence Against Children. But I like to sodomise little children bo.
Pedophile B: Yaloh. When I see those little children cry in pain my erection's getting active I get all excited.
Pedophile A: Aiyah. Spoil our hiao seh-kia mood only.
Pedophile B: No, it may be a great advantage to us!
Pedophile A: Whyleh?
Pedophile B: We pretend we support their plea lor. We put up super cute cute cartoon character as our profile pic. When those innocent children saw our uber-cute profile pic, confirm they want to add us one!
Pedophile A: Yahor! Then once they're our friends we can slow slow eat them until we are full!!!!!

But this fraud was rather nonsensical. You see, firstly, small children, as intelligent as they are, they are still under their parents' control. Our parents have always taught us not to simply talk to strangers when we were still kids. I am sure the parents will do the same to the children. How can the children simply accept or add strangers just for the cartoon character when they have eyes watching them? Secondly, pedophiles are not so stupid to use this plea to trap their prey. Obviously this idea is not going to work because it is very rare for children to own their own Facebook profile. Blind dates may work when it comes to scheming, but not this. Lastly, it is just my hunch that this fraud thing is not valid. But my hunch is usually accurate.

Hence, I shall stick to my cartoon profile picture (well, at least until I acquire a new hairstyle).

Affair Behind Each Other's Spouse

There are two main things that bring wreck to a blissful marriage, affair and divorce. Both are somehow interconnected, although at times people divorce not because of an affair. However, these two things are not to be taken lightly because once a marriage is wrecked, the family is broken too as well. In the end, who suffer? The kids are the ones who suffer.

Let me begin with the affair. When a man and a woman got married, they started off living a blissful life as lovebirds. Honeymoons, adventures together, making love, you name them, they do them all. However, as time passes by, both parties lose passion inside their heart, probably due to negligence and both taking each other for-granted. When the passion inside their heart died, they will no longer have the interest to make love with each other. That was when the loneliness inside their heart began. Hence, either party started seeking for the new spark from someone else, and that was how the affair began. Be it physically or emotionally, it is still an affair. His or her heart is no longer with the spouse, but with the third person. This is definitely one thing that wrecks a marriage.

Another thing that caused this affair was due to regrets. Why? For some people, the person they marry may not be the person whom they love the most, or probably even have feelings for at all. Due to some reasons, they could not be with the one they love so they moved on and married someone else. However, they just could not get rid off their old flame. By chance, they collided with their old flame and if the old flame too has feelings for them, the affair began, which ended up hurting the innocent spouse.

From there, there are two things people should take note for a blissful marriage:

1. Marry someone whom you love the most and who loves you the most (mutual)
Why? If you marry someone knowing his or her heart does not belong to you, true love can never be made. Sure, there will be a blissful family, but as time passes by, you can never see the genuine sparkle in your spouse's eyes, simply because you who live with him or her, is not the one whom he or she loves the most. On the other hand, if you marry someone else just for the sake of moving on, yet there is still some bits of your ex-lover inside your heart, you will never be happy. There will always be regrets inside until you're old. Okay, assuming there is no divorce. You'll still feel that you're living with a man or woman, but not the one you love the most. There still is the emptiness inside your heart.

2. Make wonders in your marriage, if possible daily
Many couple ended up with affair and divorce simply because they take passion and intimacy for-granted. No, no, no, no, no, this must not happen at all. No matter how busy you are, at least spend some few minutes sending e-mails or text messages assuring you're doing fine and you miss him or her. It'll be better if it's a phone call. If he or she is stressed, do not leave him or her alone. Instead, let him or her know you're always there to encourage him. Simple actions such as a good luck lunchbox or a hearty breakfast to start off the rough day will do. After all, it is the thought that matters right? When both parties are connected by heart daily, it is nearly impossible for the third person to intrude between them.

It's been a while since I wrote a sensible post without having my emotions affected. No, this is purely based on thoughts and not emotions, just like my old blog posts.

Glad to say I'm getting over my pain day after day =) but the love is still there, and most probably will always be there =)

Year 1 Sem 1 Officially Ends

Yep. Just finished my Engineering Mechanics 100 a few hours ago. I thought my form 6 knowledge was somehow sufficient but this paper proved me wrong. Seems easy but one tiny mistake and I'm done. Worst of all for some reason I seem like I don't know how to do every question although I know what the question wants. In short, I'm finished.

Never mind. No use crying over spilled milk. If I really fail Mechanics *choi* I'll have to find Joshua and beg and beg and BEG him to pass me =p nah just kidding. If I fail tough luck I have to repeat this unit. I won't fail right? Come on! Be optimistic. Won't fail one lah...hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

Flying back to Cat City this Thursday =) for some reason I do not look forward to coming back as much as before. Maybe the anticipation kind of wore off thanks to the finals? Hrmm...anyway, I am glad to announce that I am FUREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! Free's the proper word.

Can't wait to taste Laksa. The only thing I'll miss about Miri food is the 3-layed teh-C peng (they used wheatgrass as syrup instead of the dark-coloured thing (palm sugar aka gula melaka).

I miss my bed =)

Pride and Prejudice

I have great affection onto 18th century English romance. To date, I watched Sense and Sensibility, Shakespeare in Love, Being Jane, Pride and Prejudice, Casanova (Heath Ledger *sob*), Nicholas Nickeby and so on. Sweeney Todd contained a little bit of romance (Todd's love for his late wife and his daughter Johanna; Mrs Lovett willing to do anything for Todd), though the emphasis was more on bloodbath and meat pies (that movie somehow made me skipped shepherd's pie or beef pie).

Anyway, my favourite was Pride and Prejudice. To me, it is a beautiful story about romance despite the different social status, as it was heavily emphasized during that era. Thank God this feudal crap no longer exists. I know there are several characters involved when it comes to romance, but I focus more on Mr Darcy and Elizabeth (after all, they were the main characters of this story). Both started off with pride (Mr Darcy) and prejudice (Elizabeth) due to different social status. But time is capable of showing the truth about each other and how love develops between two individuals of different background. As time goes by, Elizabeth learned that Darcy was not what she thought who he was at first impression, since action spoke louder than words. At the same time, Darcy's affection for Elizabeth grew stronger, although he did mention that she was not at all the type of woman that he should fall in love with (I can smell the stench of ego here...eww).

There are both parts which I like best.

Firstly, the conversation between Elizabeth and Mr Bennet. I like the way she expressed her love for Darcy, which showed that her prejudice towards him totally faded. Besides, Mr Bennet is an AWESOME father ^^

Elizabeth and Mr Bennet are still together. Mr Bennet has heard of Darcy’s involvement in the marriage of Lydia and Mr Wickham.

MR BENNET:
Good Lord! I must pay him back.

ELIZABETH:
No, you mustn’t tell anyone. He wouldn’t want it. We misjudged him, Papa, me more than anyone – in every way, not just in this matter. I’ve been nonsensical. He’s been a fool, about Jane, about so many other things, but then so have I. You see, he and I are… he and I are so similar. We’re both so stubborn. Papa…

Mr Bennet, along with Lizzy, is starting to cry.

MR BENNET:
(Laughs) You really do love him, don’t you.

ELIZABETH:
Very much.

MR BENNET:
I cannot believe that anyone can deserve you, but it seems I am overruled. So, I heartily give my consent.

They hug.

MR BENNET:
I could not have parted with you, my Lizzy, to anyone less worthy.

Elizabeth leaves.

MR BENNET:
If any young men come for Mary or Kitty then for Heaven’s sake send them in. I am quite at my leisure.

The other part which I like best is the ending part, where both Darcy and Elizabeth, as newlyweds, were sitting beside the lake at Pemberley at night.



Dialogues by the way:

MR DARCY:
How are you this evening, my dear?

ELIZABETH:
Very well. Only, I wish you would not call me ‘my dear.’

MR DARCY:
Why?

ELIZABETH:
‘Cause it’s what my father always calls my mother when he’s cross about something.

MR DARCY:
What endearments am I allowed?

ELIZABETH:
Well, let me think. ‘Lizzy’ for every day. ‘My pearl’ for Sundays, and ‘Goddess Divine,’ but only on very special occasions.

MR DARCY:
And what shall I call you when I’m cross? Mrs Darcy?

ELIZABETH:
No. No. You may only call me ‘Mrs Darcy’ when you are completely, perfectly and incandescently happy.

MR DARCY:
But how are you this evening, Mrs Darcy? Mrs Darcy. Mrs Darcy. Mrs Darcy.

As you can see, Darcy, once stoic and cold, changed once he met Elizabeth. A guy who used to be cold and arrogant showed his affection in a most tender and warmest way. The kisses showed his uttermost joy for able to marry the woman whom he loved the most. It is a way of showing how much he appreciated her, and how deep was his love for her. Kiss is after all, an expression of affection. I see no reason why can it be seen as a form of sexuality. It is one of the most beautiful gifts a person can give to another. After all, these lips one has is not for everyone. So, for those who thinks that it is oversexed, get a life!

I'm so tempted to download Pride and Prejudice and watched it over and over again but I have presentation script to prepare. After that, off to bed =)

This Is...An "Art"

Had a day out with my housemate Lee Ping. We went to Bintang, of course (there's no other place to go in Miri). Not much clothes to buy...never mind I'll buy some more in Kuching =D

This lovely work of art is what I saw when I answered the call of nature in Bintang's loo.


"Nice" handwriting...must be expelled from school one no chance to show off their beautiful writing that's why need to resort to toilet door so that those who happened to pee maybe someone from Lembaga Peperiksaan Malaysia.

Well, too bad I'm not someone from LPM. Impossible they target MPM because Form 6 students won't do that(I'm ex-sixth former, hence must not tarnish my own reputation=p). I'm only a university student who happen to loathe unpleasant sights, especially when I'm in my own zen. Imaginelah, your bladder is about to burst and you finally let everything out, feeling relieved in toilet. Then suddenly right in front of you got FUCK YOU PONDAN with super no-standard-don't-know-what-the-hell-punya-language. Luckily I did not pee right to the door(though I see no reason how can I even do that =p).

You doing that who suffers the most? Not those who happens to pee in toilet, but those who HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE DOOR(though I am sure no one will be THAT nice to clean it up). If there is someone who's truly civic-conscious to clean up that door I will salute you and treat you McDonalds =) I'm serious. Mark my words.

P.S. I HATE CAMPUS WOK.

Why?


Kononnya chicken chop and chips.........RM5 bloody hell.......

I was like huh? Seriously, I said that right in front of the auntie.

Me: Huh????? Apa ini?????
Campus wok auntie: Ini chicken chop and fries.
Me: Eh......RM5 ke???
Campus wok auntie: RM3 untuk fries, RM2 untuk ayam.
Me: Wah! (took out the extremely-heavy RM5 note out from my wallet and reluctantly handed it to the auntie, who accepted it with uttermost delight =.=""")

Man I'm broke...........

Search for Intimacy

I find it rather interesting to share. Enjoy =)

Dr. Henry Brandt, in the Collegiate Challenge magazine, said that there is a syndrome, a pattern, when couples come to him. They say, "At first, sex was exciting. Then I started feeling funny about myself, and then I started feeling funny about my partner. We argued and fought and finally we broke up. Now we are enemies."

This syndrome is what I call the morning-after syndrome. We wake up and find that intimacy is not really there. The sexual relationship does not satisfy us anymore, and what we end up with is not what we really wanted in the first place. All you have is two self-centred people seeking self-satisfaction. The elements of genuine love and intimacy cannot be obtained "instantly," and you find yourself in an unbalanced state, searching for harmony.

Each of us has five significant parts in our lives. We have the physical, the emotional, the mental, the social, and the spiritual. All five of these parts are designed to work together in harmony. In our search for intimacy we want the solution today, or yesterday. One of our problems is that we want "instant" gratification. When the need for intimacy in a relationship is not met, we look for an "instant" solution. Where do we look? Physical, mental, social, emotional or spiritual? It's the physical. It is easier to be physically intimate with someone than to be intimate in any of the other four areas. You can become physically intimate with a person of the opposite sex in an hour, or half-hour -- it just depends upon the urge! But you soon discover that sex may only be a temporary relief for a superficial desire. There is a much deeper need that is still unmet.

What do you do when the thrill wears off and the more you have sex, the less you like it? We rationalise it by saying, "We are in love. No, I mean really in love." But we still find ourselves feeling guilty and unsatisfied. On campuses all across America I see men and women searching for intimacy, going from one relationship to another hoping, "This time will be it. This time I am going to find a relationship that will last."

I believe that what we really want is not sex. What we really want is intimacy.

What is Intimacy?

Today, the word intimacy has taken on sexual connotations. But it is much more than that. It includes all the different dimensions of our lives -- yes, the physical, but also the social, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects as well. Intimacy really means total life sharing. And haven't we all had the desire at one time or another for closeness, for oneness, for sharing our life with someone totally?

Marshall Hodge wrote a book called Your Fear of Love. In it he says, "We long for moments of expressions of love, closeness and tenderness, but frequently, at the critical point, we often draw back. We are afraid of closeness. We are afraid of love." Later in the same book Hodge states, "The closer you come to somebody, the greater potential there is for pain." It is the fear of pain that often drives us away from finding true intimacy.

I was giving a series of lectures at a university in southern Illinois. After one of the meetings, a woman came up to me and said, "I have to talk to you about my boyfriend problems." We sat down, and she began telling me her troubles. After a few moments, she made this statement: "I am now taking steps never to get hurt again." I said to her, "In other words, you are taking steps never to love again." She had thought I misunderstood, so she continued. "No, that's not what I am saying. I just don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want pain in my life." I said, "That's right, you don't want love in your life." You see, there is no such thing as "painless love." The closer we come to somebody, the greater potential there is for pain.

I would estimate that you (and around 100 percent of the population) would say you have been hurt in a relationship before. The question is, how do you handle that hurt? In order to camouflage the pain, a lot of us give people what I call the "double-sign." We say to a person, "Look, I want you to come closer to me. I want to love and be loved . . . but wait a minute, I've been hurt before. No, I don't want to talk about these subjects. I don't want to hear those things." We build walls around our hearts to protect us from anyone on the outside getting in to hurt us. But that same wall which keeps people out, keeps us stuck inside. The result? Loneliness sets in and true intimacy and love become impossible.

What is Love?

Love is more than emotions, and it is much more than a good feeling. But our society has taken what God has said about love, sex and intimacy and changed it into simply emotions and feelings. God describes love in great detail in the Bible, especially in the Book of First Corinthians, chapter 13. So that you catch the full weight of God's definition of love, let me present verses four through seven (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) to you this way. How much would it meet your needs if a person loved you as God says we should be loved:

• if this person responded to you with patience, kindness, and was not envious of you?
• if this person was not boastful or proud?
• how about if this person wasn't rude toward you or self-seeking or easily angered?
• what if this person didn't keep a record of your wrongs?
• how about if they refused to be deceitful, but always were truthful with you?
• what if this person protected you, trusted you, always hoped for your good, and persevered through conflicts with you?

This is how God defines the love He wants us to experience in relationships. You'll notice that this kind of love is "other-person" focused. It is giving, rather than self-seeking. And there's the problem. Who can live up to this?

For us to experience this kind of love in relationships we need to first experience God's love for us. You can't consistently demonstrate this kind of love toward someone if you've never experienced being loved in this way. God, who knows you, who knows everything about you, loves you perfectly.

God tells us through the ancient prophet, Jeremiah, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; and I have drawn you unto Myself" (Jeremiah 31:3). So God's love for you is never going to change.

God loved us so much that He allowed for Jesus Christ to be crucified (an ancient form of execution) for our sins so that we might be made clean. We read in the Bible, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3: 16). When we turn to God and accept His forgiveness, then we begin to experience His love.

God tells us, "If we confess our sin He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:19). Not only does God forgive our sins, but He forgets them and cleanses us.

God continues to love us no matter what. Often, relationships end when something in them is altered, such as a damaging accident or the loss of financial position. But God's love is not based on our physical appearance or who or what we are.

As you can see, God's view of love is totally different from what society tells us love is. Can you imagine a relationship with this kind of love? God simply tells us that His forgiveness and love is ours for the asking. It is His gift to us. But if we refuse the gift, we are the ones who cut ourselves off from finding true fulfilment, true intimacy and true purpose in life.

The Answer

God's love provides the answer. All we have to do is respond in faith and commitment. The Bible says about Jesus: "That as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those that believe on His name" (John 1:12). God sent His only Son, Jesus, to die in our place. But that is not where the story ends. Three days later, Jesus rose from the dead. As God, He is alive today and wants to put His love in your heart. Once you accept Him, you will be amazed at what He can do in your life and in your relationships.

The Bible tells us, "He who believes in the Son (Jesus Christ) has eternal life, but he who does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him" (John 3:36). What God wants for us is to have life, not only for today, but for eternity. If we choose to reject Him, then we have chosen sin's consequence which is death and eternal separation from Him.

It is the reception of Jesus Christ, receiving Him into our lives and trusting in Him, that brings our lives into balance. Faith in God unleashes the forgiveness of God. No more hiding, and no more going our own way. He is right there with us. We have peace with Him. After we place our faith and dependence on Him, He takes up residence within our lives and we have intimacy with Him. His forgiveness is there to cleanse us from the deepest sin, the deepest self-centredness, the deepest problem or struggle we ever had or will have.

Intimacy That Satisfies

Throughout the Bible, God's attitude toward sex is very clear. God has reserved sex for marriage and marriage only. Not because He wants to make us miserable, but because He wants to protect our hearts. He wants to build a security base for us, so that when we enter into a marriage, its intimacy can be based upon the security of God's love and wisdom.

When we entrust ourselves to Jesus Christ, He gives us new love and new power day by day. This is where the intimacy we are looking for is satisfied. God gives us a love that will not give up, and will not stop with the growing years and the changing times. His love can bring two people together, with Him at the centre of that union. In a dating relationship, as you grow together, not only spiritually, but socially, mentally and emotionally, you are able to have an honest, caring and intimate relationship which is fulfillingand exciting! And when the relationship comes along which culminates in marriage, the sexual union can only enhance the foundation that has been established.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Prayer is talking with God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. The following is a suggested prayer: "Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Saviour and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of my life and make me the kind of person You want me to be."

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? If it does, pray this prayer right now. Placing your faith in Christ will result in His coming into your life as He has promised. This will begin a relationship with Him that will grow more intimate as you come to know Him better. And with Him at its centre, your life will take on a whole new dimension -- a spiritual one -- bringing more harmony and fulfilment to all of your relationships.

What One Gets Is Not Always What One Initially Wants

I wanted to further my studies in America since form 3. Harvard or MIT has always been stuck onto my mouth and my classmates got sick and tired of it. They labelled me as "Harvard girl". Lol. And where do I end up? Curtin. Not in Australia, not Perth. Miri. Humble Miri.

I had always hoped for an education in the States. I want to be immersed in their diverse cultures. To me, America is a place where I can do whatever I want without having people to say because it's a place where one can chase their dreams. And my initial dream was to be a psychologist, to study human behaviour, to help every single human being by making them a better person. Sounds so noble, I know. But of course, partly because psychologists are well-paid in America. I like to get in touch with human beings, to get close to them, to know things about them, to help them the best as I can. Yeah, that's how I get my "kepo-ness" in schools. But people never fail to find me whenever they have trouble and I never fail to listen to their troubles. In fact, I remember everything they told me. I love psychology, and I do not deny that I still love it today. Harsh reality forced me to drop it. Why? In Malaysia, psychology graduates end up as counsellors and are not well-paid. I'm realistic. Money makes the world go round, and I'm penniless. I need MONEY. I want MONEY. I LOVE MONEY. I LOATHE POVERTY!!!!!

Never mind. Find other alternative. I still have other interest. Engineering. I love creating and shaping the future. I love improving things because I find our current world lacks many things. During KH I always always write down tons of problems and ways to solve it, and that's part of the engineer's instinct. Haha. Never mind. Engineers are well-paid. And the job is interesting as well. And teamwork is involved, which means I need to keep in touch with human beings and not just machines. Most of all, it is fun, fun and FUN. Challenging as well. For someone stupid and blur like me, I need to face many challenges to make me stronger. And challenges is what makes life FUN. Yeah~!!! Dare to disagree? *glares*

Form 6, I'm taking a step forward into physics stream. In class my classmates can always hear me saying Chemical Engineering. Lol. I want to further it in US, UK or Australia. But I did not pursue because I play, play and play. If I were to work much harder and to study more than to play then probably I can pave my way to obtaining a Shell scholarship. But no, dreams are shattered just because I'm penniless. Penniless to take IELTS, SAT tests and TOEFL. Wtf?!! Going to these coveted countries to obtain a piece of paper with logos and stamps need MONEY~!!!!! Hate it. Why do poor people are always excluded from these privileges??? Seriously.

I am grateful that I landed onto a job and has been working for six months. This stopped me from worrying like hell. Hell yeah, anyone who knows me well knows that I am a "deep" thinker whose mind can always float to elsewhere and think about heaps and heaps of rubbish. Sigh. But working, in a way, changed me quite a bit. I get to see different types of people. Nice people makes my job easier. They listens to what I have to say and let me help them get what they want. They know I am sincere to help them (by choosing products which are of old stocks or only left one). The not-nice ones make my job difficult. They ask questions after questions, complains one thing after another, and worst, shouts at me in public. Hell yeah, they shouted at me and spat out vulgar words to me. Nah, the executives and supervisors knew me well so they sided me. Customers sided me as well *glints*. If I'm not wrong I won't have to be scared of what others say about me. People see, people judge. And remember, people are NOT stupid. They have brains.

Okay, I'm out of topic now. Anyways, I obtained my result like what I said earlier and get into the university like I mentioned in my earlier post. Lazy to repeat. It is not what I initially want. I did not get to fly overseas even.

Nevertheless, I am grateful I am given a scholarship. If not, I confirm cannot further my studies. Maybe I'll just continue working at Toys R Us with a basic earning of RM700 per month and count stupid stocks and settle stupid stocks every month and bear with stupid bosses and customers. Terrible. Or I have to go to UPM to do a Bachelor of Science Majoring in Material Science and cannot be a chemical engineer. I am thankful I am able to pursue my ambition. I can still studyi chemical engineering, yay! I'm in an Australian university with 3 months summer break from December until February. I can still celebrate CNY. NYAHAHAHA~!!!! Red packets, ban lak, tai di....money money money:p

Nineteen days before I fly.

By the way I love today's weather. Saves air-con bills XP

Random Post

This post is inspired by a Christian session I had this morning(which partly contributes to my sore throat, flu and slight fever).

I'm not repeating what has been said this morning, but this post is actually directed to someone. Lol. Seriously.

First of all, if you want to be loved, let yourself be loved. Open up, let the ones who love you love you. Never doubt others' love towards you, and accept the love with an open heart. If they're being nice to you, just accept it and appreciate it. Do not feel debted; they are willing to do so. Let them feel appreciated. It's not like they will always have the chance to love you, do they?

I dislike this scenario(though I sometimes am one of them):

Friend A : The food is nice, eh?
Friend B : Sure, sure. Of course.
Friend A : (asks the food stall owner) Taukeh, how much altogether ah?
Stall owner: RM110. I discount already.
Friend B : Come, I chia you. Give me the bill please.
Friend A : Aiya no needlah...I pay for this meallah...
Friend B : Never mind. Don't have to feel indebted.
Friend A : No need no need. I pay.
Friend B : I paylah...only small amount of money. You treat me as friend or not?
Friend A : Aiya very paisehleh...you pay for me...never mindlah I paylah...
Friend B : I say I pay!
Friend A : I pay!
Friend B : !!!
Friend A : !!!
Stall owner: Aiya calm down.
Friend A and Friend B : SHUT UP!!!

Is there any benefit by doing that? No right? If Friend B insists on wanting to treat you, just let him be. It's not lie he'll always have the chance to treat you. Let him love you and be nice to you. You can always do that to him also.

One more thing. There's no such thing as "indebted" or "buat baik dibalas baik" when you're loving someone. By doing so you will not love those who does not love you. So erase those oxymoronic words and phrases up there from your mind. I'm the type that dislikes people to feel indebted or paiseh with me.

Just love with no regrets, and let yourself be loved. More importantly, appreciate those who love you=)

Whitney can finally run. She runs faster than usual. She's back to her hyper mode=D And she's happier than before. I love her!!!

Praise the Lord!!!

Reply Post for Amy

I read Amy's blog yesterday about her post which disagrees with people leaving form 6 and referring them as "cowards" and "spoilt brats". I'm one of those whom she meant, so of courselah I terasa. I disagree with her posts strongly and here are the reasons why I seriously disagree. Mind you, the things which I am about to write later are based on logical thoughts and not emotionally(though I admit, part of me wants to leave form 6 due to personal reasons:p).

As you can see, many decided to leave form 6 because they find themselves not able to cope with it. That is why many ex-form 5s are so desperate to enter colleges and obtain scholarships so that they do not have to study form 6. I even remembered some of my ex-classmates saying, "I mati pun tak mau study form 6!!!" Gosh, form 6 must be really tough. I myself did not know until I studied form 6. Yes, it is tough. I have yet known Chemistry standard, but since I have to read 3 freakingly thick branches of Chem books, which are Physical Chem, Inorganic Chem and Organic Chem within 17 months(or shorter), whereas A Levels only read 2 books, A and As Levels in 18 months. Do not forget, Mathematics T, Physics, PA and MUET. For physics, it is already tough as we are only learning the SI units, dimensions and deriving equations for the first topic, and yet the whole class is complaining how tough it is already. For bio students, haha...worse. Have to devour 25 long chapers in 17 months(or shorter).

Stop ranting Jessie and get to the main point! The thing is, you can see how tough form 6 is. If one truly cannot cope with it, why force yourself? No use forcing yourself studying something which you yourself cannot even handle. You are not happy; your brain is not happy; you score terrible marks in exams and your teachers are not happy; your parents see your terrible marks and they're not happy. Who is happy in this case??? Why bother being so egoistic to struggle when you already know you cannot struggle anymore?

One more thing which I have to remind all science students. In mathematics, we learn problem solving. Imagine yourself doing a tough maths question and you're either stuck halfway or obtain the wrong answer. Will you still use the same method which you have used earlier to solve the question, knowing that the method is already wrong? Okay, fine, you might be careless. What if you're not careless and the method is truly wrong? Will you still persevere with the same method until you find the correct answer? In mathematics, problem solving is the main thing. If one method doesn't work, use the other method until you find the right answer, rather than getting stuck using the same method over and over again. This method won't work for mathematics. The same goes in real life. If you aleady know it's useless to go on, might as well uit and find a new way right? Otherwise, if you still go on flunking, you'll not only waste your youth, time, money and of course, family members' hopes towards you. It's the process of achieving which will bring us to success, so make sure you be smart and find out the right process.

Form 6 is good for preparing for pre-u. I slightly disagree. Although form 6 is considered a pre-u, we still live our life as a high school student. We are still spoonfed, when compared to proper college students who self-study and are emphasized based on researches rather than memorizing strategies. I have a friend who is doing ICPU, and he said that he was totally exposed to researches and self study. result? Disciplined and independent. Just remember, once you step into the university, you're all on your own. No guidelines even.

About the three days thingy, for me, it's better to quit sooner because you'll miss great oppurtunities as you hesitate. Three days might be too early, but still, imagine studying for half year and then suddenly realize that science and form 6 is just not your type. It is too tough and you have absolutely no interest in it. Boom! You've just wasted half year, whereas you can actually be spending half year pursuing the course you're interested. Remember, wasting three days is better than wasting half a year.

One more thing. You're wrong about local uni thingy. People opt for form 6 to get a place in a local uni. It's an alternative pre-u to enter local uni other than matriculation. Otherwise, for what they study form 6? Those who want to get a place in a local uni will definitely NOT quit form 6, unless for those who preferred private colleges. About rich and spoilt people, if they are truly rich and spoilt, they will NOT even study at all in the first place. If they're rich, they do not have to worry. However, those who are truly mature will realize that those money they're having now do not belong to them. therefore, they'll work hard and try their best to be successful. It's not whether you're rich or poor which determines your attitude towards studies, but rather, the way you think.

Haha...lazy to say more. Good news for Amy though. I might stay in form 6 as I still hesitate about my business career. So, for now, I'll stay in form 6 while trying to apply a place in Swinburne. If I get a place, then I'll consider transferring, depending on my performance in school. If I think I can cope, then I'll go on. If I truly cannot cope, then welcome to the corporate world, and New York City is the center of the corporate world. I'll give myself one more month, which is within June.

Bluekk!!!

JPA Interview

Two days ago, I went for the oh-so-prestigious JPA interview. (Haha I purposely post 2 days later because I want to hear everyone's experiences 1st before posting my own).

I woke up fresh and energetic, mind, body and soul all ready for the interview. I anticipated some questions regarding current affairs. I looked at my wardrobe and tried my best to find something formal. Man, my clothes are mostly T-shirts and pants. In the end, I found a dress which can be buttoned(i['m not sure whether it's a dress or a skirt...too bad no picture of it). But it was too short so I had to wear pants inside and I looked weird...

I arrived at the place at 7.45am and went into the waiting room at 8.15am. Yay! It's not April Fool after all!!! I'm really called for an interview!!! Me, Anne-Marie and Amalina talked for 1 hour and a half while waiting or our turn. At first, I was expecting a one-on-one interview, followed by group but when I saw the first group walking into the panel room, I was relieved. Now I feel more like waiting for my turn in a clinic rather than waiting for my turn to be interviewed.

One thing to worry. BM. When the 1st group walked out from the 1st panel (fyi, I'm in 1st panel), I asked them about the languages used and they replied, "We all speak BM". I was like, shit! Although I had spoken BM in NS for 3 months, but my BM did not improve the slightest bit. I was rather worried and began flustering.

Then, finally, it's my group's turn to enter the waiting room. I get to know a Kolej Abdillah girl who applied medicine and she's a total contrast to me. She badly wished the whole interview was in BM while I was the total opposite.

It's 9.45am and the time has come. The moment of judgement. There were four of us in the panel: Song Ee Rong(law), one Highian(quantity surveying), Fatimah(medicine) and yours truly. Ee Rong was the first to intro and he talked about gaming! The panel seemed interested with his stories about his games and lol. Then there goes this Highian who started with BM and went on ranting until the panel stopped him and asked him to converse in English instead. Then Fatimah spoke in English and in the end, yours truly. I kept my intro short and simple, focusing on how important is education to me. However, after the intro, I remembered one thing.
Shoot! I forgot to tell him which course I choose and how can I contribute to my country after gaining the knowledge overseas!!! I'm finished!!!Then, the panel judges gave us a topic entitled, "Rising Oil Prices Is A Threat To Malaysian Economy". Of course, since he mentioned it in English, of course I jolted down the notes in Englishlah.

Ee Rong started his discussion first in English, then the Highian, who thought "a threat" as "attract" and somehow screwed up because he contradicted his points, Fatimah, who did okay. They all spoke English.

After that, the panel judges looked at me and said, "Peningkatan harga minyak merupakan satu ancaman kepada ekonomi Malaysia. Adakah anda bersetuju dengan petikan ini?"

Me, still half-blur, asked the judge, "Excuse me, can I answer that in English?" (Damn, what a stupid question!).

Then he said, "Tidak boleh. Kerana bahasa Inggeris awak sudah sangat bagus. Jadi awak mesti jawab dalam bahasa Melayu."

Shit.

I looked at the notes I had brainstormed within these three minutes. They were all in English. Fluent English.

Fuck!

Fine. If BM's what you want, then I'll answer in BM. However, my BM sucks and I constantly paused to find the appropriate words in BM. So, it's not only bahasa baku, but cacated bahasa baku. Then, he argued with me and of course, I retaliated in BM(damn it's had to retaliate in BM) and everyone somehow followed me;p

Good luck to all JPA scholars but of course, hopefully I obtain the scholarship(although I know the chance is very little).

Really, I'm fooled by the panel. On April Fool. Me alone some more!!!

Sigh.