I am a writer of my life, thoughts and stories. I write the past, the present and the future. Writing and photography are some of the best ways to express my inner self.
School's starting next week (although I unoficially self-declare a one-week holiday, using Raya as an excuse). My post is related to that, even though it is not 100% related. Gah. I thought of not writing it, but I ended up writing it anyway. I think it is better for me to write because I still have one more year to graduation.
In my life so far, there are two people (a boy and a girl) who are not blood-related to me that were very close to me, and yet ended up stabbing me back and front. I lied if I said I don't give two fucks about these. I do. Because these two people were the ones whom I shared almost everything to. I will not write much about the boy because he is definitely out of my life and despite his attempts to get close to me (trying to follow me on Twitter, Instagram etc), I decided not to let him see anything about my current life. Our social circles are totally different so we will not have much chance to meet each other. But I have always wondered how will I react when I meet him someday? Will he be a stranger, or will I be polite enough to say "hi" to him? I do not know.
Digression. Anyway, I was talking about a girl. A girl whom I actually opened up to and shared my warmth with her. A girl whom we shared ups and downs together. A girl who called me a "sister" and who claimed to do everything for my good. I laughed when I recalled back those moments. They were in fact, not real.
In my life, I encountered two-faced people who smiled at you in front and went all friendly with you but bitched about you at the back. I do not really care about them apart from getting pissed for minutes because they are nothing but acquaintances. But for someone whom she claimed as "close friend" and then attempted backstabbing from behind, this actually made me questioned myself whether did she even regard me as a "friend" in the first place.
She had always said how much she cared for me but all I see was contradicting actions. Of how she often tried to down me in front of public and then subsequently bringing herself up, of how she had been selfish so many times to take care of herself and then leave me behind and then expect me to sacrifice for her. Yet I still give her chances after another, simply because she claimed herself to be a "nice girl who cares for her sister". Fine. I gave benefit of doubts.
I was not stupid enough not to know what she had told others behind my back. I knew many others were bitching about me behind my back. Sure, I was not a likeable person. There were many people who disliked me but never had the balls to tell it to my face. Some did though, and thanks to them I made self-reflections and to decide whether to change or not. Most of the time I did not change though because to me, if you don't like me don't show up in front of my face. Easy. Saves my time and energy dealing with people who dislike me. But what I dislike was that someone so close to you who claimed that she cared for you when in actual fact what she did clearly showed signs of hatred. Like I killed her family or something. There was always something against me, and when I was needed I will be used. If you have not liked me or anything, don't bother getting close to me even. Just tell me you hate me and then fuck off.
Why bother being a hypocrite and telling everyone how much you liked me and then stabbed me from behind?
How think your skin is to actually say you are a nice and straightforward person, only for me to find out malicious lies and hidden agendas about you?
How can you survive thinking you are kind-hearted when in actual fact you are not? The difference between a kind person and you is the "publicity". You tend to try to convince people you are being kind, whereas those truly kind ones (of thom I have actually witnessed), were being kind for the sake of being kind without even trying to convince people around them, including me. I have seen how my close friend from secondary school who was actually kind sacrificed her own time to clean up toilet in an asylum without convincing people around her that she was kind (if you read this blog, you know who you are :P). I have seen a friend who was genuinely devoted to helping people in need all the time without considering herself, and she was a year younger than me yet my senior (doubt she reads my blog ehehe). People have eyes and brains. They can see who is being genuine and who is being fake.
I admit, my close friends are not a lot, but at least I can tell when they are being true to me and are genuinely concerned about my doings. Those who genuinely cared for me, I treasured them like my teddy bears, farm animals and pets (funny how I associate my friends with animals =.=). It is more worth living to have a handful of genuine close friends than to have many but fake friends (used to have them; now we lost contact and I don't bother finding them and so do they).
Haha digressing again. Back to main post LAH! I know I am currently not ready to be friendly to her and said "hi", especially when I found out that I was a pawn to leap through her career. I disliked how she stepped on people and used them for her to climb up. And imagine that feeling when someone who claimed to be "close friend" actually had the intention to use you and therefore pretended to change and be nice to you (for someone who does not have a pretty face, she is considered a very good actress if she were to act on TV). I hate how she sees friendship as investment.
I hate how much she holds grudges over smallest things, as if these small things were reason enough to induce so much hatred on me. Take a few vegetables (by accident) makes me a SUPER EVIL DESPICABLE MEAN PERSON. Not teaching her in studies (because she didn't ask) whereas I taught others (because they asked) makes me a DESPICABLY MEAN BITCH. Taking one extra piece of egg makes me a SELFISH EVIL RUDE CRUEL BITCH.
**omg I cannot stop laughing after typing those out**
I hate how much she defends herself in everything she does instead of doing self-reflection on herself, of where she has gone wrong. And I hate whenever she was busted, she would quickly shifted the blame on someone else whom she also called as friends. Hypocrisy and cowardliness.
And I hate how much I have always given her chances and continued letting her into my life, despite being so toxic. I hate how little I love myself to consider her feelings above mine.
But not anymore. I shall not let any toxic person enter my life anymore.
Well for her, congrats for finding a new bunch of friends from your dancing club (I think any person who know me could have guessed who this person is by now). I like how my friends said how fast she found herself new friends, whereas they kept sticking to the same old circle of friends again and again. LOL! Deep, rich sarcasm indeed! Yeah yeah, those new friends of hers have cars to bring her out to play so she can use them all she want zzz...unlike me who have no cars and is currently controlling my alcohol intake which makes me a less interesting person in overall.
It's only one year babeh. One year and off I go.
Okay time to get ice-cream. It's so hot here ><
##UPDATE: Any posts that are derogatory towards her will be deleted. That is the last thing I shall do for her for the sake of our past friendship.
Justin Timberlake's "Mirrors" have been out for some time yet yet yet I only knew about it YESTERDAY when I heard it in Ezzah's car :'( it sounded a little boring and repetitive to be honest, but when, when you watched the video and understand the lyrics, it is actually one of the most beautiful songs written.
Let me put on an excerpt of the chorus to show you readers (if I have any haha) how beautiful it is ^^
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
I like how JT uses "mirror" as an imagery and "reflection" as a metaphor to describe the love of his life. Do you know why we often call our spouse "the other half"? This is because they complete each other. Two different individuals, who led different lives yet meet each other and complete each other, thus they become one. That's how the term "two becomes one" comes along.
I remembered in Genesis 2:24, the Bible quotes, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one." This is how God portrays marriage, which is an act of joining two individuals become one. Well, for those who took it literally, it literally means two people who lead different lives are now leading one life together. Still do not get the clear picture? Let me explain it in a more practical way. One man pursuing his career meets a woman who pursue her dreams. They eventually got married, made love and make their own family. Isn't that from pursuing their individual satisfaction to pursuing a family together? From two goals to one? Some may argue that they may not build a family together because they may not give birth to children. A family is a group of individuals living one life together, and a man and woman living a life together is also considered as a family even though it is just both of them.
Why is mirror and reflection a good symbol of "two become one"? In a mirror, there is the original at one dimension and the reflected image at the other side. They are two, because there are both original and reflection at the same time. However, they are also considered as one, because they are both from the same person. What differentiates the original and the reflection is that the reflection mirrors the acts from the original reversibly. This symbolizes the husband and the wife's ways of living their life together. They may be building a family together, which is a common goal, but the way they build the family may be different. This is what makes the husband and wife so unique and is beautifully represented with mirror and reflection.
JT mentioned about his other half reflecting himself. The most beautiful thing about the love of your life is that he or she will be the one who brings out who you really are, and get to see and know your real self the most. Just like looking into the mirror. If you want to know how you look like, you will of course look at the mirror right? The same goes for your "the one". The right person will let you see your own self, your reflection whenever you see him or her. You do not have to hide your real self when you see your other half, just like seeing the reflection in a mirror.
From the song, we can see that JT is over Britney Spears for SOOO LONG (for Britney-Justin fans, get over it and accept the fact that they moved on =.=). This is clearly depicted in the excerpt of the lyrics below.
Now you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are
He said goodbye to the old him, which was 10 years ago when he sang "Cry Me a River". That was the broken, devastated and angry Justin. But today, he is full of hope with his wife Jessica Biel and wanted to bring her home (as in spend his life with her at his home and literally bring her home of course). Oh well, this shows that people move on and no one will dwell with their past forever.
That is why I have always tell people around me that the guy I am looking for may be the total opposite of me yet have the common goal and view as I do. It is like a reflection of me - mirroring my movement yet in the opposite manner. OMG I FOUND THE RIGHT WAY TO DESCRIBE MY MR RIGHT! I want to find a reflection of me hahaha!
p/s: Welcome back, blogging. I miss writing so much. Not writing reports, but writing out my thoughts freely. I have never felt so free after so many weeks of writing answers and reports :')
Prologue: Finally I got my baby lappie back!!! I need to study for my Advanced HMT test and my Risk Management test next week, and I have to do my FYP (meeting my co-supervisor this Thursday, meaning I will have to do something beforehand). But firstly, I need to get things clear, especially regarding this 13th GE, which dismayed most Malaysians. Be prepared for a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG barrage of rants ahead.
I am generally not patriotic. I love Japanese food and culture, Korean trend and phones, America for being a land of dreams, Singapore's work ethics and European fashion and art. I even considered migration to other places such as Australia, Singapore or Canada. But I love my hometown, Kuching. Kuching is the place where I have spent two decades there. I think if you put me blindfolded in an area in Kuching, I can recognize it almost immediately. The food, the cheapish rate in everything, the friendly people (to be honest, Kuching has one of the friendliest people *points at myself proudly*) and the peaceful lifestyle. Everything is just so laid-back. Wherever I go, if I were to return someday, Kuching will be the place.
But I cannot deny that deep down inside, I like to call myself a Malaysian. I am the typical Malaysian Chinese girl that most people would stereotype to. The girl who received an education from a national school, who gets along with Malays, Chinese, Indians, Dayaks and those of mixed-blood and who speaks Manglish (typically fluent English with a distinct Malaysian accent and the additional "lah"s, "ma"s, "leh"s and "liao"s, just to name a few). The girl who loves Malaysian food, particularly spicy food such as kangkong belacan and nasi lemak with lots of sambal, and of course, other Malaysian food like crab with salted egg, mee mamak, roti john, laksa, kueh chap, belacan and bak kut teh, in addition of Kuching food like sio bee, kolo mee and Sarawak laksa, which is usually accompanied by a cup of teh tarik "peng", Milo "peng" or teh-C special (that is originated from Kuching by the way, which means three-layered tea). Omg I miss kueh chap and kolo mee with juicy minced pork and thinly-sliced char siew right now :'( anyway cut the digression. I call people around me "boss", "oi" and "eh", like a bawse (Malaysian style). I am a laid-back person who do not like to abide to rules, although I have occasional moodswing which makes me feel like being an obedient citizen (sangat Malaysian ni). And I am accustomed to Malay, Chinese and Indian food, of which most Chinese from other places such as Taiwan, PRC and Hong Kong cannot be accustomed as much. And lastly, I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH DURIANS!!!
That much being said, I would like to hope that I will have the desire to stay in Malaysia without having to look abroad for other opportunities, because government aside, Malaysia is actually one of the most beautiful places in the world. I remembered travelling to Singapore with my friend beginning of this year, and as polite as those fellow Singaporeans were, they were not very friendly as compared to Malaysians. That is what makes me proud being a Malaysian, because to me, Malaysian = friendly person. So, although I could not vote (because I was under le government's scholarship and they can actually trace back my votes), my family actually voted on my behalf. I was full of hope the moment the election started.
First issue was how Najib offered money and citizenship to immigrant workers to vote for Barisan National. I was disgusted at the idea of him belittling a citizenship to the extend of offering to an immigrant worker, just like that. If they obtained the citizenship so easily, then what does this makes us? Those who do not have a Bumiputera status were already treated as second-class citizens by the government despite being citizens, then if those immigrant workers were to be given citizenship just like, then immigrant workers > Malaysian Chinese + Indian citizens? What kind of logic is this? Of course, the energetic young Malaysians do not allow this to happen and they were there to become "ghostbusters". Catching the "ghost" voters, aka hantu pengacau.
This did not end there though. Evil people will be evil until the end. I shall not touch on that too much, as the thought of it utterly sickened me. What blasphemy pieces of sorcery of suddenly causing blackouts all over the place (the places where the opposition originally won) and then poof, new ballots came in. I could not believe how far the sick government would actually go just to secure their position. Ugh. Malaysia lost, because of this.
I know some of the angry Malaysians blamed the ignorant Sarawakians for contributing the victory to BN. But before we blame them, we should look at the bigger picture. Those Sarawakians who voted for BN live in the outskirts, in the rural areas, where media connectivity is scarce. As active as the young members of opposition party held their campaigns and manifestos, they somehow did not reach the ears and the eyes of the rural locals. Imagine those uneducated locals, who knew almost nothing about the corrupted outside world, were given RM500 and panadols each just to vote. For some ignorant people like them who did not know their land were stolen, RM500 was considered a lot to them. They did not know their stolen lands cost beyond RM500, and to be honest, being given RM500 after having RM500k land being stolen is like a slap on the face. But they did not realize that. Because they were not informed and educated about all these. Panadols are not good for health, sayang.
Look at this as a lesson learned. We can actually analyzed a few areas for improvement for a better Malaysia, during GE 14th, or even before that.
1) Many places that was originally won by the opposition but ended up having votes and victory stolen by BN were in west Malaysia and consist of young and educated voters. That means the younger generation of Malaysians were fully aware of the changes needed by the country. However, they missed the ignorant rural areas who do not know politics and their proper rights as a citizen. Those were the people whom every activist need to educate. No point educating educated people who already know what is corrupted Malaysia. Instead, focus on educating people who do not know what corruption and citizen's rights mean. People who do not know what have gone wrong, like the rural locals.
2) Now we know how far the dirty government will go just to win votes. More precaution steps need to be taken. Hantu voters? Try to prevent that from happening during the next election. Plan. Start planning from now. Blackout? Have volunteers bringing in torchlights. Extra ballots appearing? Make sure those extra ballots do not reach and if they do, throw them away (need volunteers also). And of course, mark those votes that have already been counted, so that recounting of votes will not happen.
3) Plan of ways to topple the corrupted officers. Justice prevails, not evil. Whatever bad things they did, surely they will not be able to wipe off their asses fully. Look keenly for those loopholes, and mercilessly condemn them to justice. These people need to be taught a lesson after living so many years of corrupted life. Like seriously.
4) Never give up. Instead, those campaigns and walks done need to be carried out even more, by even more people. Have more Malaysians united, and fight against the corrupted government together. Show the government that a nation is made up of its people, not a bunch of corrupted officials.
Who do we need, in this case?
a) Educators
b) Politicians
c) Lawyers
d) Engineers
e) Young adults who wants to contribute
I am sad that I am unable to do anything but to watch my country being swallowed. But this motivates me to study even harder so that I can earn more money, and at the same time gain more knowledge overseas (I don't trust Malaysia at current state to expand my career so sorry to say that I will not opt to work in Malaysia after I graduate) so that when I finally come back to Malaysia before GE 14th, I am able to contribute to win back Malaysia. Not by just votes, but by other means like knowledge, energy and money. Just remember that we all fight not only for ourselves, but also for our future generations who will take over us.
I wish I can write a manifesto on democracy and have it published and make sure every Malaysian, urban and rural, local and abroad, young and old to read these. I hope my words can someday be powerful enough to wake every Malaysian up and try their best to fight against the corrupted government.
I cannot expect Malaysia to be like Singapore, but at least let it be a peaceful and clean country with many opportunities. I want to grow old and retire in Kuching leh!
p/s: Once again, congrats Najib for making Malaysia a joke more than it already is. You are really a fail case.I truly feel like spitting at you and throwing slippers at you if not because I am a civilized person and you are not worth my saliva and my slippers.
p/s/s: It is ironic to see Malaysians fighting for democracy towards its own government even though it is an independent country. The late Tunku Abdul Rahman will cry in despair seeing his cause to fight for independence and democracy has flushed down the drain.
p/s/s/s: Mourning time over. Shall remove the black FB profile picture and replace it with my pretty-looking sunshine portrait. Be positive! Yeah, after all that has happened to me, I should start seeing positivity in everything. I am learning. I don't want to die being negative. No way man!
I foresee a horrible and tiring May. No? Disagree with me? Well, maybe for you May is a beautiful month, but NOT for me. Here, let me list out all the horrible things that will happen to me in May.
1) Advanced Test 2 and possibly 3. Meaning I will have to study. I mean, studying itself is not a big deal, but I just dislike studying. And ironically, I am studying despite the fact that I hate it. LOL irony can never be avoided in life.
2) Monetary issues. I kind of overspent my April allowance, and hence I have to save, save and save throughout May. April: Brunei trip, hairdo, welcoming party, weekly splurge on food (RM20++ on a meal wtf), stocking up daily necessities, paying off debts and bills). I guess I have to cook everyday and how I hate eating my own cooking. It does not taste that bad, but it reminds me how mediocre my cooking is as compared to my mom's, and therefore I miss my mom's cooking even more :'( I can see my poor bank account suffering like mad here. And I cannot touch my other batch of money because it is for my KL trip and to buy Note 2 (PINK!). And of course, I cannot spend so much in May. I guess I will have to limit to RM200-ish per month??? I will die man.
3) FYP. Had a super short meeting with my supervisor just because he is busy and I was late because of the stupid bus. He wanted me to complete a simulation before the semester ends wtf. That means throughout May I shall crash and burn my lappie with my Aspen HYSYS while sharpening my MATLAB skills at the same time. My Monday will be a free, good Monday only if I do not have to attend the weekly MATLAB lab at 1pm. Oh the agony. Life's like this. LOL.
4) No thrill. May will be a boring month. Except for Grace's birthday, which is only one day.
5) No more tuition free week. Stupid for them to put 4 study weeks, then 1 week break, then 2 study weeks, then 1 week break, then 6 weeks of study. This is preposterously ridiculous! Making us super lazy and demotivated at the first half of the semester then not giving us a break on the second half of the semester. I will die man. I do not know how to survive this semester.
I know, not another post on religion. But oh well, there are things which I think it is better for me to let out.
Today, I was accompanying my friends to settle their experimental safety report for their final year project. On the way, I met a lecturer whom I respect a lot. She suddenly seemed cool and distant, as compared with last time. She used to be close to me and used to be friendly with me, a lot. But now, it seems like we barely know each other at all. I am upset with this change as she is one of the lecturers whom I admire the most. She is beautiful, smart, tough, God-fearing and decent. All those of which I am the opposite of.
That left me thinking; was it because she thought of me as someone who does not really accept Christ in life that she no longer feels a sense of belonging with me? I know I look like some hypocrite Christian who wears a cross necklace yet goes out clubbing and wear sexy outfits and curse all the time. I seldom pray and go to church. But I keep saying that I have faith in God and all. Hardy har har this bitch is damn hypocrite. Seriously? There you good Christians go judging me. I dislike people judging me! How I define my faith in Christianity and in God is not up to you to decide, but to me. Even if the whole world questions my faith (that includes my parents), God will definitely know. I never question all of your faith, so stop questioning mine!
I have this issue running through my head for a very long time and it takes up a lot of courage for me to type this. This in truth involves most religion so I am actually prepared to be screwed, shot or dissed, whatever it is. Hence, read the disclaimer below before start shooting me thanks.
DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS ENTIRELY BASED ON MY OWN PERSONAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AND IT HAS NO INTENTION OF INSULTING OR HURTING ANYONE OR ANY RELIGION AT ALL. I UNDERSTAND THAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAS THEIR OWN BELIEF IN THEIR RELIGION AND I RESPECT THAT. IN FACT, IF I DO NOT RESPECT THE OTHERS' RELIGION, I WOULD HAVE ALREADY DISSED THEM LONG TIME AGO. I WILL NOT MAKE GIVE IN TO THEIR PRACTICE WHENEVER I AM WITH THEM.
Okay disclaimer typed out hehe. Here goes.
Religious discrimination hurts me. Even in my own religion. Well, I have always told my Muslim friends how I personally dislike them discriminating food by classifying them as "halal" and "non-halal" because at the end of the day, they are just food. I also dislike how they discriminate "dogs" and "pigs" as dirty because to me animals are the same. God do not create them to be discriminated. Omg dogs are sooooo adorable <3 p="">
Admit it. Everyone in this world sins. A Christian friend of mine told me every one of us are born with an ability to sin, which is called "wisdom". Because we know what is right and what is wrong, and we know what is temptation and what is sin, yet we often fall for it even though we already know simply because we are selfish. That is what makes our sins heavier. There is no such person who is 100% clean and sinless, because this world is so corrupted that it is nearly impossible not to sin in order to survive. I mean, all the ethical issues arise because people sin. People put themselves above everything else because they are selfish. People hurt each other because they enjoy it. Either that or because they want to survive.
Because of that, God had no choice but to create a human being out of himself, instead of from Adam's offspring, so that he will live a totally sinless life and then die while bearing all of our sins. The reason why Jesus Christ died so young (30++) is because he chose to sacrifice for us. He chose NOT to sin, but to die so that all the sins that we have will be shouldered by him upon his death. Jesus was born in a manger and was insulted and humiliated by people all his life, yet he never once gave in to temptation. Christians who believe in him should actually rejoice this because this is the rite of passage to Heaven, and rejoice his resurrection (Easter).
But look at what most Christians do today. They create so many restrictions and rules about "how to be a good Christian" i.e. dressing decently, praying frequently, zero profanity, no eating meat on Fridays, going to church regularly and all. I mean, it is not wrong to abide to the rules to show your faith in Christ. What is wrong is how you question other people's faith in Christianity and start judging them. I know, it will be better if I stop going to clubs and stop swearing. I live a life like a party animal (now seldom club though due to FYP). For the swearing part, I shall not repeat what I had posted.
I do not like how they set the standards of "faith" and then start judging those who do not follow the standards and then start condemning that they are going to hell and all. Hell yeah, just because I said "fuck you" does that mean I will go to hell? It is just a word. I do not mean any harm. It is not like those two words will actually cause death. And I see no reason why I should be condemned by not going to church often. I mean, compare me, a girl with 30% faith going to church every Sunday and questions the existence of Christ and a girl with 70% faith who seldom goes to church yet knows that Jesus is watching over us. We cannot just measure someone's faith by judging their exterior. Worse, we cannot discriminate them and act as if they are second class people. No. We are all Christians.
Another thing. I wish that people will not be divided because of difference in religion. I mean, we all have ONE ultimate God who rules it all. Maybe those who are polytheists believe in different gods, but above these gods there surely is one ruler right? And who better than the alpha and the omega God, who is "The One"? (Oh my goodness this reminds me of Morgan Freeman's role as God in Bruce Almighty :P). I really wish that there will be no more wars in the name of religion, because as far as I know, all religions (except satanism, and that is not a religion but a distorted belief) promote peace and goodwill. That I sincerely pray and hope.
One last thing. Everyone has their difference in faith in different religions. I do not like how people try their very best to convert someone else' religions and all. I mean, you have your own belief; he has his own and she has her own. Respect each other's religions and beliefs lah. We have one special gift from God, which is called "free will". We have freedom to choose whatever we wish to do, and I believe no single person in this world has the right to take away another person's free will, and that includes religious beliefs. Hence, please do not question my faith anymore and then judge me as whatever horrible person you all picture.
There I rant again. I miss my job as a part-time journalist sometimes. Maybe in the future, I will quit my job as an engineer and start my journalist job and end up getting Pullitzer award *dreams*. Why not? I express better by writing than calculating formulae and develop models.
Disclaimer: I post this not to shoot or point out anyone's fault in this matter. This is purely based on my own personal thoughts and pondering. Please do not accuse me of anything as it is not fair to have my own opinions being wronged.
It all began on one rainy first day of CNY. For those peers who know me well, I am usually busy on 2nd day of CNY onwards. My first day is usually empty, with relatives visiting my humble abode and then asking me about boyfriend and all (please let me go). Well, to make a change to my CNY this year, I decided to join my ex-colleagues (from my intern company) for a visiting. After all, I doubt I will be visiting them again next year (you know, if this year close then next year bo liao that kind of thing?), so just try out this new experience for once LAH.
Visited one of the colleagues' houses and stayed there for the entire afternoon. I can drink so I was fed with beer, vodka (pure and flavoured) and whisky (nah, cannot really remember to be honest, I can only remember there are many alcohol). I was then asked to drink, more, one shot after another. Happy + lots of food + lots of alcohol + cute dogs to see and to play with = cepat mabuk. Period.
Despite my drunkenness, I was conscious enough to realize the consequences of having possible guests seeing me drunk and torn and fumbling around. Hence, I asked my colleagues to NOT send me home, but rather, let me gain my consciousness (in about...15-20 minutes?). I think they have something else to rush, so they ended up sending me home. I know my limit as I was drunk before. I only needed some time before going home to not look that BAD. Alas, I was sent home and I was drunk in front of my aunt. Vomited in front of everyone. Gosh, the embarrassment. It was not the first time of me, I admit. I got drunk in front of many other people before, including the people I had wanted to impress. This is nothing compared to what I went through before. They were only my colleagues. Nothing more. I do not feel the need of impressing anyone. Honestly.
One night drunk and my parents began questioning my life in Miri. They began thinking of me as someone super wild who go to clubs every weeknights and neglecting my studies. "Oh, no wonder lah she cannot get HD. She must have led this kind of lifestyle there." "Omg, my daughter is drunk! What kind of people she usually mix with???" Then, soon the relatives began spreading the word all around.
It did not end there though. I kind of suspected my colleagues had been thinking bad about me as well after seeing how badly I drank and got drunk. They did not say it, but somehow or rather there was a pretty bad impression over there. Tried poking one of the colleagues (the only one who did not marry as I find him the safest to poke) and I got pretty bad responses. I do not like how people got so quick to judge a person based on ONE bad impression the person had make. They said it was no biggie, but somehow, the way my parents had said made me doubt their "no biggie" statement to be actually "real biggie but we just feel bad to say so". Sigh. Wish there are more people like me in this world who still like people even though they showed their ugliest side to public. I am not nice. I just constantly remind myself with the crumpled $20 story.
Seriously, it was I who got drunk. Why do those people who are related to me find it so amusing to spread it around and make such a big deal? I am a university student so I cannot drink? I am a girl so I cannot get drunk and make a idiotic fool out of myself? I mean, have I offended you people to say me like that? Why oh why?
Things got worse when my parents began questioning what kind of friends I had make in university. They began badmouthing my friends, which I do not like. Saying things which they did not do (okay, some did it though), and worst of all, they assumed that I did the same thing. I did not like how they see me. It all happened because of one, ONE freaking incident. Just because I did not score above 3.5 for my CGPA so you assumed I strayed around and became slutty party girl? I am really, really disappointed. I don't like the way they see me.
Maybe it is time for me to score 3.75 this time to shut them up? But again, I score not to prove to anyone, but myself. I do not have to prove anything right? I just do whatever I like as long as I know I am doing it right right?
This kind of reminded me of theprofanity in speech issue I had back then last year. I am a Christian so using foul languages is prohibited. My own personal thought: If nothing I can do harm anyone, I shall not stop doing it. If you are uncomfortable doing so, at most I will not do it in front of you. To me it is like smoking. If you do not like someone to smoke in front of you, ask him to smoke somewhere else far away from you. If you are really concerned, there is nothing you can do unless he one day decides to stop smoking. The same goes for me and my profanity in speech. Unless I can finally figure out a better anger management and my patience has finally reached a satisfactory level, I cannot stop cursing whenever I get mad.
Okay, I think I better stop before I rant more and more. Long story short, I am not happy. Can't believe I typed one long essay just to say I am not happy. Damn loso ah me.
I know I seem a little too late to make some resolution at this time. But this sudden idea hit me while I was having a shower (tmi, I know, but hey, people often get inspirations from the oddest places!).
Anyway, eat play love. Why eat play love?
Eat:
I have lived a good 22 years and have eaten many good and bad things. So, I have come to a solid decision to eat CLEAN and eat HAPPY. Eat clean by the means of eating healthily. Eat fresh food. Eat healthy food. How? One way. Cook. I know I always cook at the first half of the semester and then start "tapao"-ing at the second half of the semester. But I will try my best to eat as clean as possible. Eat happy? How to eat clean if I am not happy? Easy. Eat only the food I like. Do not waste my digestive system on something I do not like to eat. If I do not like the food, then do not touch it at all. Simple.
Play:
Leading the lifestyle I want. Challenging and risky lifestyle. Taking risks. Doing things I have never done before. One of the ways is to sign up for voluntary programme (I know I have been ranting about this since forever) and yeah, be part of the community programme. Better still, at run-down places like Thailand or Cambodia, because they really need manpower. Besides, I hope I can have more travelling opportunities, as I personally like travelling...A LOT. My furthest travel places so far are only Singapore and Brunei. I want more! To see different sides of the world and to experience different cultural shocks. I would also like to work part-time during my university years, since my study term for each semester has been extended.. Work more to gain priceless experience, other than earning cash. I will be surprised at the different kind of people I will meet at work. And one more thing. To join as many parties as possible (I will join Zouk 2013, I hope). And hopefully there is any Big Bang concert which I can join. Live young, party hard.
Love:
This is the simplest to do yet hardest to achieve. I have learned to love myself a lot ever since my previous break-up. To look prettier each time and to improve my tastes, be it fashion, food or lifestyle. I am well-known among my friends to have the "highest" standard of taste. My "appraisals" are always proven to be reliable (I am one proud girl yay!). Instead of saving every single dime, I plan to spend the money I have on me, myself and I to make myself as happy and pampered as possible. Selfish? I know. But if I do not love myself, who else will? I enjoy eating fine food, shopping for pretty things and travel to see beautiful sides of the world. Hence, I will do all these to make myself happy.
Another thing about love. Loving people who love me. I love everyone, but I particularly love those who love me and see me as someone who means something to them. I appreciate them, and by treating them like a part of me, this is how I love them. See? I love myself and others hor.
Anyway, if I were to do all these, what about my FYP, DP and grades?
Answer: I will not let my competitiveness die inside me. My perseverance and determination has run inside my blood. I play hard, but at the same time, I work hard as well. Hehe. Sleep is thus sacrificed. Never mind, as I am currently having LOTS of time to sleep.
I know this is a totally meaningless rant and excuse me for wasting your time, for I will be going off to waste my time as well. How? Watching Korean dramas yeah!!!
Eat, play, love. Enjoy life because we only live once! Dare to love, dare to live! Omgwtfbbqwatisthissuddenstringofsayings?
p/s: I need a part-time job in Miri! Forget the bs of not having time to study. I shall learn to manage my schedule by then.
Valentine's Day 2013 has arrived. Nothing much of a day to me, as I never get to celebrate with a partner (because I never had any partner or a date on that particular day LOL).
Anyway, my usual yearly rant on Valentine's will once again be posted, and this year is no exception. Of course, like any other young single girl, I would very much like to experience the feeling of having a special someone bringing me out, giving me rose and/or gift, having dinner together at preferably a romantic place and then ending it with a romantic kiss under the stars ;) well who knows my future boyfriend does not want to celebrate just because he thinks Valentine's Day is a cut-throat day. Hrmm.
To be honest, I would prefer having my own special Valentine's Day instead of having someone else fixing it for me. Why give in to those gimmicks and having my boyfriend to pay the hefty sum of hundreds of ringgits for something which he can get on other days at half the price? If he loves me to have the thought of spending money for me, I will show my love for him for helping him save the money. But of course, I will not show it until I see how much he loves me LAH. Hehehe.
At least I get to celebrate Valentine's Day with a group of friends tomorrow. Of course, not in the romantic way, but more of a friendly way ;) I know how to enjoy life okay! :D
I really pity those boyfriends who had to give in to the yearly "cut-throat" tradition just to please their dreamy girlfriends. I admit, I am dreamy, but as I age, I think I somewhat become more realistic. RM149 (sharing planet set) can buy me meals which worth one week okay! Okay lah, worth him one week of meals, since he will be the one paying.
I remembered my ideal Valentine changes from time to time:
Early teens: Rose, chocolates, dinner, movie, teddy bear
Late teens: Great dinner, rose, chocolates, gift
Over 21: Home-cooked meal (preferably my bf can cook), and passionate making-out sessions (feeling is priceless, but good food and gift can get anytime one ma).
Okay. I think I somewhat become more of a feeler than a thinker.
p/s: I want to purchase a GOOD perfume to use. I don't know why but this year I just have the urge of purchasing one.
I think by now, most Malaysians have known the issue regarding some forum in UUM. A debate, or more like an argument (one-sided, of course) between Bavani, a UUM student and Sharifah Zobra Jabeen, the chairperson of Suara Wanita 1Malaysia.
Never heard of it before? No worries, here is a video for your reference. Shall not talk about it as the video can speak for itself.
Sharifah looking hideous in this video *bitch mode on*
Seriously, when I watched this video, my reaction goes like this (in chronological order):
1) My eyes bulged out like a fish.
2) My mouth became distorted due to the stroke shock, or in layman's terms, sengeted.
3) A big WTF grew onto my forehead.
4) I smacked my forehead with my palm and it accidentally hit my face, hence the term facepalm.
5) I heard small voices calling out OMG.
6) It made my face turned red, thus making me feel embarrassed and not daring to show my face in public. In other words, malu betul.
Okay I know these are rather hyperbolic and lame, but I added in a touch of sarcasm into my statements to show how ASHAMED I AM.
Warning: A huge dose of SARCASM and MALICE ahead. Stop reading if you do not like reading malicious and sarcastic piece of essay.
Bavani is one brave woman to speak out her queries. Of course, since she is attending a forum. For those suckers in English, a forum is defined as a meeting or medium where ideas and views on a particular issue can be exchanged. Well, from the way she speaks out her queries and why is she daring to voice out inside a conference called a forum, we can assume that she has good English.
I shall highlight the issues raised by her, specially for those who are slow enough to catch up what she said:
1) Court ruling on Bersih (last year issue)
2) Questioning on free education in Malaysia (10 billion on education is like 5% compared to 200 billion budget allocated)
Youngster being a youngster will definitely get heated up as she continues speaking. I guess Bavani must be kind of pissed at why she is not enjoying the free education, judging from the way she voices out this issue.
All of a sudden, Sharifah Zobra Jabeen, or better labelled as Pah (easier ma), showed up and stole all the limelight. Not the good kind of limelight though. LOL.
Based on this video, I can only conclude that Pah is:
1) An attention seeker
2) Someone with bad English
3) Someone with a very low intelligence level
4) A hypocrite
5) A coward
1) An attention seeker
Bavani got heated up in her queries and everyone was clearly absorbed in what she has to bring up. Suddenly, Pah came up and incessantly uttered, "LISTEN", so that Bavani will listen to what she has to say. Then, because Bavani refused to stop and listen, she stole her mike so that she will be the only one speaking. Not attention seeker meh? Then the audience around (more on the audience later) clapped for her instead of Bavani. When she spoke, she spoke at an obvious louder volume than before. Not an attention seeker meh? Stealing Bavani's limelight and has herself shining on the spot (not for good reason though...like that also happy).
2) Someone with bad English
Why do I say she has bad English?
Firstly, it is obvious she wanted Bavani to stop. Her bad choice of words is shown with the word "LISTEN" instead of "STOP".
"Number one, when this is our programme, we allow you to speak. Number two, when I speak, you LISTEN." Then why is it called a "forum"? Shouldn't she be LISTENING what someone has to say in a forum? If everyone is expected to LISTEN and only SHE can SPEAK, then it should be called a TALK instead of a FORUM. Moron.
She defines RESPECT as coming up to Bavani and shook hands with her. English 101: Respect is defined as showing appreciation and regard for someone else's opinions, points, thoughts, culture and habits, just to name a few. When you cut off someone's opinion in a forum, you are already DISRESPECTING someone.
She labelled Ambiga as an "anarchist". Once again, English 101: An anarchist is defined as someone harmful who rebels the government. You see, those joining the Bersih rally consist of citizens who volunteered and they did not cause any harm at all. Instead, it is the police who sprayed tear gas and water hose to the people joining the rally. All they did were to walk around the city. These became harmful not because of Ambiga, but because of the police. How can Ambiga be an anarchist? The proper word is a "demonstrator", bitch.
She cited Bavani for "equating" Malaysia to other countries. No. Bavani is clearly "comparing" Malaysia to other countries which gives free education. Malaysia does not give free education, so how can Malaysia be equal to these countries?
Not to mention the countless grammatical mistakes *facepalm kao kao*.
Seriously, I feel like a grammar Nazi here zzz...my English isn't exactly up to the expert level, but I am able to pick up so many mistakes from there. Omg the goosebumps.
3) Someone with a very low intelligence level
Her notoriety is due to this. She is not stupid meh? Once again, let me highlight her stupidity which makes my 5-year-old nephew seem beyond smart in comparison.
As mentioned before, her terrible English. This shows how stupid she is not to be able to master a language.
She did not answer or rebut Bavani's queries. Instead of saying why free education should not be given in Malaysia (She can say that the government has other expenses to cover, such as scholarships, universities' facilities, health and other means of subsidy, such as smartphone and books, so why being greedy macam diberi betis mahu paha? See even I can debate better ah :P), she went on and say every animals have problems. Free education = animals' problems? I absolutely see no relation in those at all. How come I cannot see any relation at all? Either I am stupid or she is stupid. But I am not, so that means she is. *omgIamsoevilIknowright*
Insulting a student in a forum, when she knows she is clearly being videoed and she had 2300 pairs of eyes watching her. Being a chairperson of an organization who leads the forum, any person with common sense knows better than to ridicule a student. By ridicule, I mean shutting someone up, grabbing the mike away and started insulting the student. Any person with common sense will wait until the student stops talking and starts rebutting her points, with professionalism and respect. Don't know how? Watch a proper forum video or a debate video on YouTube. Forums can go aggressive, but not with that kind disrespect.
Showing a Muslim video in a hall full of multi-racial students. What makes things worse is that the video is totally not relevant to the forum at all, which is titled, "Seiringkah Mahasiswa Dengan Politik". And like I said before, a forum consists of two-way discussion, not a one-way communication.
4) A hypocrite
She asks for respect when she herself does not respect the students. She acts like a barbaric and yet claims that she holds a "degree" while Bavani only holds an "O Level". Does that mean a degree holder does not need to respect someone with lower education level? She called Bavani rude when she grabbed her mike away just to stop her from speaking. She held a forum when she only wanted a one-way communication.
5) A coward
From the way she stops Bavani from speaking any further and cutting off her queries, it is shown that Pah is afraid. To further covering up things, she mentioned winning Galaxy Note. Sorry, I do not want a Galaxy Note from her. I would rather sign up a package and get myself a Note 2. Yay! Muahahahahaha!!! (Yeah, I know not relevant...excuse me for the digression :P).
Seriously, someone as terrible as her is no use being left alive in this world to ruin a nation. However, how can she still survive in a political field despite all the shit she has done? From the video, we can see the students attending the forum clapping and cheering out loud to whatever Bavani and her said. It was as if they had no opinions of their own at all. They are basically opinionless, or pak turut. If everyone in this nation do not have backbone, how can they rule the nation???
It saddens me to see students blindly clap for any particular statement made, poisonous or not. Metaphorically, it is as if they are being fed with whatever it is given, toxic or not, then swallowing them all without even tasting them. I know I grew up in a suppressing environment, where only the elderly are allowed to speak. Whenever I started to question anything, their answer would always be, "I am older than you so you should obey. Because I am older, I am always right. No buts." and I was made a puppet which takes in anything given, good or bad. Whatever was being taught in class, I was taught to accept it without thinking whether it makes sense or not. Because I was taught to pass an examination, because by passing an examination I am one step closer to achievements. That is why the statement "Any questions?" is basically just for show because students are trained to accept anything without queries since small. It is like a culture in Malaysia. Sadly, I belonged to one of these categories.
I used to be a very expressive and straightforward person who likes to ask and to argue. But parents, teachers and other adults all suppressed me to become an introverted person. I was being kept in a shell and was taught only to follow others' footsteps, with no questions asked. Years later, as I reached my late teens, I experienced quite a number of misfortunes which left me with various questions. For example, I scored so well during my SPM and why am I not offered any opportunities overseas? I saved money and I have quite a fair amount of money in my bank (meaning I am rich), but why am I not happy? I often listen to what people say and be patient with people, yet why do people still do not want to get closer to me? Yeah, and all these other queries.
After getting my STPM result, I realized that I cannot just follow what others have said and decided to give myself a few options instead. I ended up enrolling in Curtin University in Chemical Engineering under a JPA scholarship. This is a choice I have made, instead of studying Psychology in Monash (a more reputable university compared to Monash and a more happening lifestyle in KL compared to Miri) or studying Material Science in UPM (reputable local university, so a probable higher recognition). But no, I chose Chemical Engineering in Curtin. Why? Because of the prospect of the course based on the researches I have made (rather than listening to others who kept telling me chemical engineering is useless and difficult), and its professional degree (ego, I know). But it is my choice and I have to bear the consequences. So yeah.
I have been living on my own in my university years and started to build up opinions of my own. I learn to express my own opinions and thoughts verbally instead of expressing them all in my lonely blog. I learn to speak up what I want because to me, I will not get it unless I ask for it. Just as the Bible said, ask, and you shall receive. I agree. How would anyone know what you want if you do not ask for it? But of course, asking alone is no use if you do not work hard for it.
I am happy of who I am today. From an introverted (okaylah, I am still an introvert though) and timid person who keeps all thoughts to myself, I am now a more confident and outspoken person who knows how to work my way to get what I want. Most importantly, I know what I want.
I guess this kind of attitude is what most Asians, especially Malaysians lack of. We should learn to be daring to agree and disagree. Never mind if we are wrong. Who knows our opinion may be an inspiration to some BIG project in the future.
p/s: Although we should be daring to voice out opinions, of course, we have to be careful what to say and what NOT to say. Anything which can hurt someone's feelings should not be brought up. Well, after all, the power to decide what to voice out and what NOT to voice out depends on oneself. No one, but you yourself.
An independent, strong-willed woman who can solve most problems on her own, if she can. If not, then she is independent enough to seek for the right people to help her.
An intelligent woman with lots of wisdom that helps her in life. It may not be calculus, but at least being smart enough to watch her own back.
A woman who has total freedom to pursue the career she wants. The career may not be her hobby, but at least it is great enough for her to achieve greater heights.
A woman who is financially-independent. She has freedom to spend whatever she wants on anything without having any constraints or boundaries.
A woman who has found a life partner not because she needs him, but because she wants him. Of course, the life partner has to be LOYAL, HONEST and HARDWORKING above everything else.
A woman who can juggle between career and personal life. She is a beautiful, loving mother of her children who owns a superior career.
A woman who does not have to sell herself out to let others know what is she capable of, but a woman whose inner beauty outshines even in the greatest darkness.
A woman who wakes up feeling fresh and sleeps feeling light and peaceful, with hopes of seeing tomorrow.
A woman who may not be the most beautiful in the world, but she has the most beautiful glow, smile, frown, etc in the eyes of her life partner. I find this more rewarding compared to having 100 men ogling me for sex, but not love.
A woman who is capable of looking good regardless of age, hairstyle, clothes and makeup or sans makeup.
A woman who finds pleasure in simple things in life.
Lastly, a healthy woman. Without a healthy body and mind, she is unable to become those above.
Yeah, I know. I do not achieve my resolutions (I did some though but oh well). Never mind. Just follow the tradition to jot down some generic resolutions (and probably adding on some new ones as well).
1) Lose weight (as usual, I always succeed but it always fail once semester ends).
2) Look prettier and more stylish (I have look better year after year, but I just cannot afford looking pretty everyday. True not?)
3) Earning more HDs. Yeah sure, sounds kiasu, but if I am not kiasu now, when will I be? I have been slacking off for the past two years (last semester doesn't count because I worked my ass off and it SOMEWHAT paid off). But let me get more HDs to pull up my CGPA. I want to land on a high-salary job and have good prospect.
4) Take part in voluntary work. I think Cambodia is a famous place for voluntary work. People go to Cambodia because most people go there. In fact, I prefer going to places which requires more help yet less people go to such as Vietnam or Laos, but for my safety, I think I will stick to Cambodia. Why? Rotary International has one base there. At least I know who to look for in Cambodia. I do not want to travel for goodwill in a totally foreign place and end up being trafficked elsewhere and being mutilated and raped mercilessly. You know the news of high-spirited volunteers who traveled overseas to help those in need and ended up kidnapped by human traffickers. No. I love myself.
5) Make a change in my look. I want to look different before I graduate. You know, engineer is a professional job, hence one must look professional. I think there is rare, if none engineers with neon pink hair and overly-done makeup. I want to try doing that for once before I graduate.
6) This one is bonus. Finding a companion. Male companion. Difficult, but I wish I can find. Gentle, loving and loyal are the basics. Of course, I prefer him to be tall, handsome, has nice body, being able to carry heavy me (seriously I do not understand why am I so heavy) and smart. He may not need to be rich, but he must not be lazy and immature.
7) Be happy everyday, especially before I sleep. Hopefully I can achieve this throughout the year.
8) Take part in competition. I want to do that before I graduate. Yes!
Okay. That is all I can think of for now. Can't be bothered to think anymore as I want to take a nap after gobbling up chicken pie. Oh the fatness. Ah the bliss. Omg. I am a pig.
My mom used to dress me up like a Barbie doll LOL.
In my teens:
Something like that...you get the picture lah.
In my late teens:
Hoodie was in fashion :D
My not-so-nice figure probably prohibited me from dressing up slutty and fashionable. I was not the type of person who puts in effort in dressing up unless it was Chinese New Year.
Now now though. In my early 20s, I started to learn the art of make-up and dressing up nicely. Though I am still learning LAH.
Slutty fashion. Useful for clubbing.
Yeah, I look slutty. I lost weight and start dressing up slutty. Proof? Here is a slutty-looking me. Not being a slut though no worries. I don't want to end up catching some STD no-no.
Not exactly slutty but oh well, you get what I mean :)
Neh, I don't dress like that all the time LAH. At times I dress casual as well.
My favourite: Shorts :D they're short and comfortable. Yay!
Jeans. They are still in fashion no matter what when it comes to casual wear. Heee.
I know my style will still change. I know there will be a more mature fashion coming when I start to work. Bur I can't wait to explore more fashion before I start off my "professional" career which prohibits me from dying bright colours and putting on lots of make-up.
I just received an offer letter from X-Fab a few days ago. Gosh, after months of suspense, impatient phone calls to respective HR for each company, asking for help here and there and hearing one friends after another receiving an offer but not me, I finally received an offer!
I will be working in X-Fab, under Environmental, Health and Safety (EHS) department. Not something which I expected like process design, synthesis and integration, since I am taking Chemical Engineering, but it is something totally different and challenging, of which I will have to start from scratch. And EHS is an important department to work at, especially when some manufacturing companies do not manage effluents properly. I am working in a wafer manufacturing company, where the disposal of waste has to be properly handled. Totally a different experience, but I guess I am all geared up for it.
Pay is standard at RM500 per month. Nothing much to complain or to brag. I am glad though that I have a fellow coursemate Michele who will be interning with me, although different department. Well, at least this gives a consolation that I will have someone to lunch with me (unless she decides to drive home, which is impossible because the lunch break is so short).
One stupid thing happened, which I think most people would experience it. The moment I accepted X-Fab, all other companies offered me. One attractive offer was from Dayang though. Sadly, I had to reject it because I want to intern at home. Sorry Dayang, you're a step too late. And even if I were to intern at Dayang, I will still have to deal with transportation problem. Sigh.
But one thing which I am glad most is I will be doing FYP next semester because I already secured myself a spot for internship. If I managed to pass all subjects this semester, then I can proceed to FYP and DP. Oh yessss!!!!!
Home. I can't wait to sleep on my own bed. I can't wait to taste home cooked food. I can't wait to breathe the clean air of Kuching once more. I can't wait to indulge myself a huge bowl of laksa, accompanied with a glass of teh-c peng special (Kuching one tastes better than Miri mah). Nyumm~!!! Most of all, I can't wait to see my family and friends once more.
Finally, exams are over. I am as free as a bird...for now. Until I begin my internship somewhere in November. My last resort would be Shah Alam, which is inconvenient in terms of transport and accommodation. Sigh.
I am interested in one thing which every human being will definitely get themselves entangled into no matter what. Promises. You see, typically people make promises for two things. Firstly, to gain trust from someone else and secondly, to give assurance to someone so that they will trust you, which brings back to the first reason. Ah the redundancy. Anyway, you all know that people break their promises all the time, and when a promise is broken, the trust is also broken into half. Some people thus think that why do we even need to make a promise, which will end up being broken? Broken promises leads to broken trust, and for some cases, broken heart.
Let me give you a scenario of which promises are important, even if it is broken. A single father works as a construction worker. Long working hours and low pay. He single-handedly raised his only son, who meant the world to him. His son, a typical child growing up in a school surrounded by friends who have normal family that are able to give them the things they want. Feeling envious, he wished he could have that too. There is only one thing though, that this son wants all this while. A birthday celebration with his father. **okay I know I am talking about birthday celebration because my birthday just passed a few days ago but still, it can be part of the scenario in our lives** His father promised him a meal at McDonald's and a birthday cake, and most importantly, having his father by his side on his birthday. However, his father often could not make it because of his irregular working hours. He was torn apart by dilemma of choosing to fulfill his promise to his son or to earn more money for the day so that he could buy his son a better present for making up the broken promises. You know construction workers are paid by day and if they do not work on that day, then it is too bad. The father often celebrated belated birthdays with a new toy and a birthday cake for the son. But the most important thing, which is the celebration with the father himself is not there.
Most people would say that if the father could not fulfill his promise to celebrate his birthday with his son, then why even making the promise at the first place? The promise made by the father shows how much he loved his son to want to try his best to give him whatever he wants. The son may be upset every year, but when he saw how much his father made up by buying toys and birthday cake (although belated), he would understand that his father could not afford to lose his job, because he was the only breadwinner of the family. That job was the only source of income for the family. As the son grew up, he would understand that the promise made by his father was to show his intentions to give him what he wants on his birthday. Disappointment was there, but the love of the father to his son was there as well.
I guess most of us here can see the picture now. A promise is not just to gain trust.On the outside, it is to gain trust and to give someone a sense of security. But what makes a promise valuable is the intention carried within the promise. The intention for someone to take the risk of disappointing the other half by making a promise so that he could give someone the things desired. Marriage is the same thing. It is an oath, which too is a form of promise. We all very well know that marriage do not necessarily means happy ending, but when both people get married, that means they are willing to take risk of getting a divorce and suffering from a rocky marriage. They are willing to do so because they want to show to each other that they want to be with each other so much that they will risk all the unwanted circumstances in a marriage. That is why there is a saying which says that marriage is not just a piece of certificate. No. It is a promise made by each other.
Let us now imagine a world without promises. Then the people around us will not know what we really want and how much do we really care for them. In layman's terms, we call it "half-cooked". You want to buy a meal for someone but you do not promise that person. How would that other person take it as? He will not be sure whether you really want to buy a meal for that person. As a result, he will not set a confirmed appointment and he will then attend something else other than a meal with you. Because you never promised him. And if there is no promise, there is no assurance as well.
The reason why people created contracts and all is because people are so insecure about each other that they need a definite, concrete promise, black and white in the form of law and contract so that they can secure whatever they want. But none of these would have happened if people are truly sincere with each other at the first place. It all comes back to sincerity, of why people make promises.
I guess I have ranted enough already. Sloth time. Ah the holiday.
Yeah, I know. I have three assignments at hand; two of which were to be submitted tomorrow and the other one submitted on Wednesday, although I make sure it is completed by Tuesday. I have to settle my internet bills on Wednesday and start studying for my finals, which is only a week after. Ahhh stressed much!!!
I decided to take an hour break off and start keeping myself updated with news around. This led me into blogging about Amanda Todd, a Canadian teen who committed suicide a month before her birthday. Of course, her suicide left her mother devastated and utterly upset. Her daughter was gone...forever. She had a terrible life when she was still young, and now her life ended this way. She ended her life to end the pain. However, she did not want her death to be in vain. Hence, the video of her was made and spread around the internet for awareness.
The video indeed caused awareness and many feedback. Sadly, there were negative comments as well, bashing done by the bullies. It is as if they did not want to let her go even after she died.
I shall not go through the details of the story as the video explains it all. Kind of redundant to explain things that have already been stated so clearly in the video. What I am going to write here is all about my thoughts and opinions on this bully, which I believe most people who have a warm, beating heart would agree. Yes, I mean mostly.
Firstly, I know people would say that all these would not have started if she had not FLASHED in front of the webcam at the very first place. Yeah, if she did not flash, people would not stalk her, ridicule her, strip off her dignity and self-esteem, and then those cyber-bullies would not take advantage of this situation to bully her and torture her emotions even more. Take note that Amanda Todd was only 12 when she flashed. And why would she even flash at the first place? She was given baits such as flattery and sweet talks. Being a young growing early teen who doesn't know how to differentiate sincere praises and mock flattery, she thought people actually called her beautiful, which caused her to flash her tits. How on earth would she know that those people wanted to circulate her nude photos around? She was not a psychic. She was not careful. Pointing an accusing finger at her mother? I am sure the people would have said that mothers should be more careful at monitoring her daughter's actions at this tender age. We can never stop this from happening. Stalkers and lurkers are everywhere. It is only a matter of luck whether you met stalkers or not. Some girls who have a good, decent life were kidnapped by human trafficking while travelling abroad. Was the girls' travelling mate to be blamed because they were not careful? No. When those traffickers want things to happen, they will make sure it happens. The same goes for those cyber stalkers. It was just tough luck.
The accusing finger would have been the society who judged and condemned Amanda. Sure, her nude photos were circulated around her school. They called her a porn star and all. Judging can never be controlled because everyone has their own mentality. But what gives them the right to condemn her and start shunning her? What gives them the right to call her names and strip off her self-esteem? She was already tricked into stripping to the internet, why strip off her self-esteem even more? I am sure that if the society gives her more support and do not give in to the stalkers, the stalkers' threat will not work on Amanda. Ignore those photos. They could be photoshopped; we all never know. Worse, just enjoy the beautiful growing boobs and that's it. Why need to contribute and make the stalker's plan a success? It is because of them that the stalkers managed to blackmail Amanda and made her give in to his threats.
Amanda was really unlucky to have met some bullies who had no other life. Those bullies should be the one shunned by the society, not her. The guy friend took advantage of her vulnerability and hooked up with her, causing the jealous girlfriend to get even with her. The girlfriend used her tarnished image as a point to ruin her, beat her up, ridicule her and scarred her. Even after all the beatings they still would not want to let her go. Scary to think how some people have lost their hearts.
To be honest, once a person got bullied, the self-esteem went down the drain totally. What they need is not to find the culprit or someone to point an accusing finger to, but rather, a pillar of support from the society. You can actually what a community of people can do to one person. She will not be a victim of the cuber bully if people actually lent her a hand of support instead of condemning her.
Therefore, I urge you all who is reading this (although I doubt there will be many readers here not to actually put some stranger down whenever you see anything online, but rather, give support to them. They may be victims of bullies, we never knew. If you see a video of someone doing stupid, do not leave comments calling them slut or what. If you see any of your acquaintances' photos nude, do not start judging that person. The photos may either be photoshopped or being taken without permission. Even if they really strip willingly, do not judge them or start calling them names. You can never imagine the emotional injuries they will face just because of one simple thing you did to them.
Sure, victims have a choice of doing something else back then to avoid being bullied. However, all of us here too have a choice of lending a support to victims instead of pointing an accusing finger to whoever concerned. Like her. She wants support. Did you read the last line in the video? She said she needs someone. Who is the someone? Someone who does not judge a person but rather gives support because the someone has empathy. The someone can actually feels what a person needs.
By the way, here is the video I have been ranting about just now.
She used her story as a voice to warn those people out there what cyber bullies can do and what caused cyber bullies to be able to bully someone. What caused someone to be vulnerable to cyber bullies and stalkers. I am sure everyone knows that answer by now.
Okay. It is rather a short post because I have more assignments than I thought :( sigh. Lifeless me.
I love writing. I remembered back then in high school, I used to have this cute notebook which was filled with short stories. Those short stories were normally inspired by video games, animes, movies, colours, articles I read, news or even daily life. Sometimes, these small small things can give me a story to write. Sad to say that I do not have anymore chance to do so, except in my blog. It is even sadder to say that my inspiration is dying simply because I no longer have any life. My life revolves around university, labs, simulation, tests, formulae, calculations, reports, researches, journals, instant noodles, oily takeaway food, junk food, bed and examination halls. Long story short. I have no life. It is sadder to say that my summer holidays will be spent on internship. Oh God speaking of internship, I have not received any offer letter yet. Why??? It is already October and I still haven't find any job yet. Damn sad. I have done my best and now I am keeping my fingers crossed. My results are not that bad, and in fact I know people whose results are not as good yet are able to obtain a spot for internship. You know what that means? Luck is what you need. I need luck.
I do not know whether to be thankful or not. I spent an average of seventy-two hours waking up doing some shitty simulation and just as I was 75% done, the dateline was extended to next week. Luckily there are still space for improvement. But good also. More time for me to study for my PMT. I am retaking it simply because I passed out. Awesomeness. I need to be thankful to the lecturer though for allowing me to retake the test. Well, this time I have to appreciate this second chance and do well for this test!!! 25% baby!!!
Right now, I have three things of which I need to accomplish.
1) Finish all assignments on time excellently without wearing myself out.
2) Doing well for my finals.
3) Getting a good placement at a good company for my internship.
Sound so lifeless, huh?
Well, this is the time when good food comes along as a great company!!! I have been taking McDonalds for these past few days that I do not have time to indulge into better food. I want Kent's Garden lamb chop!!! Omg the deliciousness of the food!!! Come to think of it I am hungry.
No pichas sowwee. Want more pictures find me on Instagram here, at Webstagram. Have been dumping most of my pictures in there. **Side note: I do not approve strangers though, unless that stranger appears harmless and is interesting. No to stalkers. I had bad experiences with them =.=
p/s: I miss hot steaming bowl of laksa, right now.
August is a terrible month for me. Like seriously.
6/8/12 - Submission of Open Day proposal
7/8/12 - Presentation for PSD
8/8/12 - ARYLA briefing
10/8/12 - Chem E Car competition (OMG THE BIG DAY!!!)
11/8/12 - NACES essay submission
14/8/12 - PPE Test 1
16/8/12 - PPE assignment 2 due, submission of Club Renewal proposal
17/8/12 - PSD assignment 1 due, ARYLA camp
18/8/12 - ARYLA camp
19/8/12 - ARYLA camp
20/8/12 - ARYLA camp
24/8/12 - PMT mid-term
26/8/12 - Hua's surprise b'day celebration at Damai + beachwear photoshoot for the party
**hello please do not forget I still need to STUDY despite my busy schedule. Consistency is the only way to do well in finals (this is UNIVERSITY, not SPM).
Sometimes, I asked myself this: Was I the one who brought upon all these? Hectic lifestyle with a maximum sleeping hours of five per day.
THAT WAS THE REASON WHY I WANTED TO LOSE WEIGHT FAST LAST MONTH!!!Looking at my tight deadlines and schedule for this month, my diet will definitely yo-yo from a bar of Snickers to three servings of rice. Worst, I will have very scarce amount of free time to exercise and lose weight. About eating habits, when I am stressed or doing something that requires racking of brains, I EAT to make sure my brain keeps moving. So expect a chubby Jessie in swimwear in Damai, I shall say ==""
I know I have always want to live healthily because a peaceful mind comes from a healthy body. Seeing how Seohyun lives truly inspire me. But seriously, it is hard to keep a healthy lifestyle when you have this crazy kind of schedule. Say goodbye to hourglass figure. Say goodbye to improved stamina (I almost reached to a stage where I can last longer while doing cardio compared to usual and now because I have not hitting the cardio gym for one week I am back to square one). I am weak ma. Easily get rusty.
I am not trying to give an excuse or what. I know I still look great despite the fact that I am chubby. Confidence, baby. Thing is, I do not want to do anything that damages my body and my mind. Take last night for example. I am happy to sip a glass of pina colada but not happy to drink bottles of beer. I don't mind drinking beer while chilling at the beach, but if possible I would prefer cocktails. Besides, beer and cocktails are equally fattening, so why settle for something which does not make me any happier? Meh. Long story short, I gained weight after eating bak kut teh, pizza and drinking tons of beer last night. Shockingly fast.
I should stop ranting and start finding information regarding reactor network synthesis for my PSD presentation. Meh.
I dislike Chemical Engineering more and more as I continue studying, but I do not wish to quit halfway after holding on for so far already.
A friend of mine is right about me. I cannot lose weight unless I hire a personal trainer who monitors my diet and my workout, who manages my schedule to fit in an hour or two of exercise and advises me on my diet. Meh. I have the willpower, but I am tired. Way tired. Tired of having to juggle with both stress in my brain and me stressing to lose weight despite the schedule. I am tired with the dilemma. God why do I even agree for bikini thing? Okay I admit it is just an excuse. My main reason is to lose weight and get out of my comfort zone of staying plump. I know I will look greater and healthier if I lose weight and keep fit. Imagine the fun of taking part in sports activities. I have always wanted to but my weak physical state and my slow reflexes somehow stopped me and killed my enthusiasm towards sports. I like playing futsal. I used to play with my brother when we were young. I enjoy badminton too. Used to play a lot of that with friends. I like swimming. It makes me feel like a fish. Basketball is nice too, but I get injured more than I score because I am heavy and slow and cannot throw far simply because my arms are weak.
Point is, if I can someday break my comfort zone and become a more athletic (ok lah, not necessarily an athlete but at least healthier and fitter than now). Then I can take part in sports and can help people instead of bringing them down.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...................wish I joined tae-kwon-do with friends when I was in secondary school.
Wish I am taking media or journalism course. Or at least some commerce-related courses. Then my life would be so much better. Engineering do not earn as much as an entrepreneur, so why bother racking so much of my brain cells and four dreading years only to work in outskirts and earn only a few thousand dollars per month? =(
Something happened tonight. A friend of mine went around borrowing money to settle off the debt of her boyfriend. She cried when asking for money for me. She told me she could not hold on any longer, when she had to resort to borrowing money around from her friends. I reprimanded the boyfriend because I could not stand seeing how he treated her. I do not like gamblers, and I do not like how he treated her. Thing is, after we left, he scolded my friend, saying she told me about both of their stuff. Saying how she made him lose face. Dude, your face has already been gone if your girlfriend called you up middle of the night to borrow a lump sum of money.
I never like gamblers. I told her to think properly before starting a relationship with gamblers. If not because of this friend of mine I would not even borrow my money to a gambler. I myself very well know that if I were to borrow a gambler money, he will settle off his debt and then gamble again. That is like encouraging him to gamble more instead of quit gambling. But I had to pay, because I do not like seeing my friend begging around asking for money. To be honest, I do not like borrowing money unless that person has no money to eat or whatsoever emergency, and debt to me is not emergency. It is something which you brought upon yourself.
I thought this friend of mine was finally able to be in a steady relationship, was finally able to be with a nice guy who treats her right. Nothing goes smooth sailing though. First, she was entangled with a selfish playboy, which caused her to live a messed-up life until she found this one, and then this one treated her not right. It's a long way for her to find happiness, huh?
In a way I am thankful to God I am no longer entangled in relationships, nor do I feel any pain because of relationships or love. I learned the hard way to start loving myself before loving others, or having a crush onto someone. I am happy with my life currently, and the only things that I have to worry are:
1) Chem-E Car (at the right track but still worry)
2) Cover letter and submission of CV to companies (hopefully I can be accepted into internships...stressed much)
3) Academics (sigh, all so difficult and two coursework-related units...I attended lectures for ONLY THREE DAYS and I am already worn out)
4) ARYLA (of course worry because it is a big event)
5) Losing weight regime (2kg gone; 5 kg to go)
Nah. Lazy want to type cover letter. Need to go for jogging tomorrow. I am so happy I lost 2kg yay!!!
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