Last night, I had a Google Hangout Session with the TFM people and I found that in Sarawak, I will be posted somewhere 2 hours drive away from Kuching. Well, that means no boat ride to school for me, but these places will still be rural areas. I requested for rural areas from TFM because I would like to get out from the comfort zone. However, I felt a tinge of sadness inside my heart. My life for a quarter century has always been like this:
Kuching (where I grew up until pre-university days) -> Miri (university days) -> somewhere ulu in Sarawak at Kuching/Samarahan region (first 2 years of work)
So tentatively, I spent a quarter century in Sarawak throughout my life. So much for adventure huh? I already tasted my first bitter disappointment when I was enrolled in Form 6 despite my competitive SPM results. I ended up spending my pre-university days opposite my high school for two good years. I lost motivation in studies, because I thought that I would end up studying at local university anyway. There goes my adventurous life abroad.
I was relieved that I will be enrolled in a private university instead of a public university, because that would means less restriction and more exposure towards diversity. Bad news is that my university is only an hour flight away, in the same state. I spent my four good years in Miri, Sarawak, of which the culture and lifestyle is very much like Kuching. It was as if I never moved out at all. However, I was glad that I lived on my own and learned to be independent, and proved that I was capable of being independent. University life is where I searched for my own true self, and I am glad I am on my way to searching who I really am and where do I belong.
Hence, I entered TFM for a further self-search, because I would want to be part of the "contributing to the mankind" thing. I wanted to get out of yet another comfort zone, and at first, I wanted to be placed in the West Malaysia. But it was found that the education in Sarawak was one of the worst in Malaysia, and I thought that I might as well work in Sarawak, and work at Kapit division places. The more ulu places I go, the further I can fly. That was what I thought. It turns out that I will still end up in Kuching, and while most people are happy for me, deep down inside I was expecting yet another adventure outside home. I would still end up nearby home at the end of the day, and I will feel restricted.
I have always want to stay for a few years at a place where the culture and the people are different from here, so that I can experience something different before coming back home and appreciate. Living at a foreign country for a few years is different from travelling you see. You only travel to live at tourist spots, not living like a local. Damn I should have applied for student exchange back then >< but who knows right, another adventure is awaiting me. The only way to console myself is that adventures happens everywhere, not necessarily abroad but it can happen within my hometown as well. Lol.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Teaching not Just for Malaysia, but for Myself
I am sure most people know that I have been selected for Teach for Malaysia and will be the first batch to be sent to Sarawak. And I am sure people around have been speculating whether I will be sent to Kapit or not ever since my outburst to Facebook. Lol. Well, the TFM lady called me and mentioned that the ROS (Rancangan Orientasi Sekolah, also known as School Orientation Program) will either be held in Kuching or Kapit, and high likely it will be in Kapit. Lol.
Before I continue ranting about my possible placement to Kapit and how can I survive rural life, first of all I would like to answer a few questions that have been pointed out on me.
1) Study so hard as engineer, why in the end become teacher?
Firstly, let's put it this way. I am not a teacher. In fact, I have never considered teacher as my lifetime profession and it will not be. That I am absolutely sure. I see myself more as an education engineer - to change lives of students. How on earth do I change the students' lives, when all I do is to teach? This is when I have to be creative and open-minded to bring the students to improve their studies and at the same time be a better person. Teachers only teach students; I improve the students' lives. The difference between me and a typical engineer is that they deal with machines and softwares while I deal with living things with brains - students.
2) There are so many ways of leaving an impact, but why choose TFM?
Yes, there are. In fact, the TFM interviewer mentioned that I could have continued being an engineer and at the same time getting involved in voluntary works. But if you are truly dedicated to leave an impact on the students' lives, part-time voluntary work is not enough. This requires full time and commitment, of which TFM could give me. Two full years of commitment, time and energy is what I can offer for the students. As a normal human being, I will always prioritize. Hence, if I were to become an engineer, I would be bound to the commitments (family, debts, loan) so much that I will not give up my source of income to do voluntary work. I will work just for the sake of fulfilling my commitments and earning money. Gone is the purpose of living life with meaning. As the saying goes, once you start it, continue doing it until the end. Thus, TFM.
3) Aren't you worried of starting over after 2 years of commitment to TFM? You will be competing with the fresh graduates within your field, and you will be 27 by then!
Of course I have thought of that. I may even be worried that I cannot catch up in my own engineering field and will be discarded. But then again, we live in the present, not the future. The future is so uncertain that it can only be carved by our present doings. Hence, live in the present and do things which make me happy, and for sure will not regret for life. My idealistic nature can be a pain in the ass sometimes for those hardcore realists.
4) What if you got posted into rural areas?
If I were to join TFM only to request to teach nearby my home, then that defeats the purpose of TFM at the very first place. Sure, there are problematic urban schools, but the most prominent schools with very low proficiency are mostly from rural schools, with very little exposure to the world. I know it may be as bad as not having internet, having to travel by boat and even having transport inconvenience to obtain daily needs. Think of it this way. I am getting out of my comfort zone to push myself beyond my limits. I have been living fairly comfortably for so many years now (not exactly comfortable, but more comfortable than a major fraction of Sarawakians). It is time for me to share my comfort with them and at the same time having them to share their life with me. Who knows, they end up teaching me more. Things may go the other way round and I end up as an even better individual than I am now. Besides, I can at least tell my future children that I used to ride a boat to school everyday to teach.
5) Won't your parents object?
At first, they definitely objected my decision when I told them I would be flying back to Kuching to attend the final interview for TFM. Study so hard, RM4k engineer salary don't want, but go become teacher instead with salary of RM2.5k. I understand that they need my help financially at some point of life. I seem selfish to work as a teacher at rural areas instead of becoming an engineer and earn more money to help my family. But at the end of the day, it is my happiness that matters to them, and they will definitely support me at the end of the day. My dad even told me how is Kapit, and my mom accompanied me for baju kurung shopping. Their concern though, is my placement as they prefer me to be placed nearby home instead, while I prefer to go deep inside Sarawak.
I guess that is all for the questions and I have answered every single one of them.
Resume ranting.
I heard from people saying that I have to travel by boat to Kapit from Sibu because it is located across the river. Horror. Imagine moving around the boat daily to and fro. I think it will be very tiring for me. Besides, there is no line at Kapit, so communication will be difficult. Sucks for those experiencing LDR. But if people broke up because one of them is placed at Kapit and they do not communicate everyday, then the relationship is not worth it at all. As for me, I can imagine myself travelling to school by boat, teaching the local students at great difficulty due to communication and their lack of interest in studying, and then frustrated and get tired at the end of the day. I also can imagine myself staying up late just to plan the lessons for the students.
But I know deep down inside that at the end of the day, everything will be paid off. If this is a calling for me, I will answer it by taking part in TFM. Teach the students who need me. Share with them the meaning of education and life. And what matters the most is, it makes me happy. Period.
Before I continue ranting about my possible placement to Kapit and how can I survive rural life, first of all I would like to answer a few questions that have been pointed out on me.
1) Study so hard as engineer, why in the end become teacher?
Firstly, let's put it this way. I am not a teacher. In fact, I have never considered teacher as my lifetime profession and it will not be. That I am absolutely sure. I see myself more as an education engineer - to change lives of students. How on earth do I change the students' lives, when all I do is to teach? This is when I have to be creative and open-minded to bring the students to improve their studies and at the same time be a better person. Teachers only teach students; I improve the students' lives. The difference between me and a typical engineer is that they deal with machines and softwares while I deal with living things with brains - students.
2) There are so many ways of leaving an impact, but why choose TFM?
Yes, there are. In fact, the TFM interviewer mentioned that I could have continued being an engineer and at the same time getting involved in voluntary works. But if you are truly dedicated to leave an impact on the students' lives, part-time voluntary work is not enough. This requires full time and commitment, of which TFM could give me. Two full years of commitment, time and energy is what I can offer for the students. As a normal human being, I will always prioritize. Hence, if I were to become an engineer, I would be bound to the commitments (family, debts, loan) so much that I will not give up my source of income to do voluntary work. I will work just for the sake of fulfilling my commitments and earning money. Gone is the purpose of living life with meaning. As the saying goes, once you start it, continue doing it until the end. Thus, TFM.
3) Aren't you worried of starting over after 2 years of commitment to TFM? You will be competing with the fresh graduates within your field, and you will be 27 by then!
Of course I have thought of that. I may even be worried that I cannot catch up in my own engineering field and will be discarded. But then again, we live in the present, not the future. The future is so uncertain that it can only be carved by our present doings. Hence, live in the present and do things which make me happy, and for sure will not regret for life. My idealistic nature can be a pain in the ass sometimes for those hardcore realists.
4) What if you got posted into rural areas?
If I were to join TFM only to request to teach nearby my home, then that defeats the purpose of TFM at the very first place. Sure, there are problematic urban schools, but the most prominent schools with very low proficiency are mostly from rural schools, with very little exposure to the world. I know it may be as bad as not having internet, having to travel by boat and even having transport inconvenience to obtain daily needs. Think of it this way. I am getting out of my comfort zone to push myself beyond my limits. I have been living fairly comfortably for so many years now (not exactly comfortable, but more comfortable than a major fraction of Sarawakians). It is time for me to share my comfort with them and at the same time having them to share their life with me. Who knows, they end up teaching me more. Things may go the other way round and I end up as an even better individual than I am now. Besides, I can at least tell my future children that I used to ride a boat to school everyday to teach.
5) Won't your parents object?
At first, they definitely objected my decision when I told them I would be flying back to Kuching to attend the final interview for TFM. Study so hard, RM4k engineer salary don't want, but go become teacher instead with salary of RM2.5k. I understand that they need my help financially at some point of life. I seem selfish to work as a teacher at rural areas instead of becoming an engineer and earn more money to help my family. But at the end of the day, it is my happiness that matters to them, and they will definitely support me at the end of the day. My dad even told me how is Kapit, and my mom accompanied me for baju kurung shopping. Their concern though, is my placement as they prefer me to be placed nearby home instead, while I prefer to go deep inside Sarawak.
I guess that is all for the questions and I have answered every single one of them.
Resume ranting.
I heard from people saying that I have to travel by boat to Kapit from Sibu because it is located across the river. Horror. Imagine moving around the boat daily to and fro. I think it will be very tiring for me. Besides, there is no line at Kapit, so communication will be difficult. Sucks for those experiencing LDR. But if people broke up because one of them is placed at Kapit and they do not communicate everyday, then the relationship is not worth it at all. As for me, I can imagine myself travelling to school by boat, teaching the local students at great difficulty due to communication and their lack of interest in studying, and then frustrated and get tired at the end of the day. I also can imagine myself staying up late just to plan the lessons for the students.
But I know deep down inside that at the end of the day, everything will be paid off. If this is a calling for me, I will answer it by taking part in TFM. Teach the students who need me. Share with them the meaning of education and life. And what matters the most is, it makes me happy. Period.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Homesick
Just called home and had a conversation with my mother.
My brother and my father are at home. All are home except me. I am stuck here in Senadin. Damn you assignments and FYP.
I miss home, so much, right now.
The feeling of missing home is the worst when you are all alone inside your house, typing assignments while staring blankly at the laptop in front of you. I feel lonely. I have no one to talk to at night. I know, I usually am alone in my room during study time, but this, my housemates all have left and I am all alone here. Looking at Instagram pictures of hometown food makes me miss home even more. Screw social media I know, but still, even without all those pictures, I still miss my mom's cooking.
I miss getting fat at home. I miss driving my mom out for shopping. I miss the little kids inside my home. I miss hanging out with friends. I miss shopping with friends. I miss the eating marathon in Kuching, because food is so much cheaper back home! The price of the food in Kuching is only a fraction of the price of the food in Miri. Sigh. Miri's claypot chicken rice costs RM7, and it is so little?? Kuching's one of the best claypot chicken rice (Thompson Corner ah) costs RM6, and the portion is so much bigger and tastier. Look, I am not belittling Miri here, but I am just missing the taste of food at hometown. Some may prefer the taste of food in Miri. But I prefer the ones in Kuching.
I am so going to ask my housemates to tapao sio bee for me :P at least I get a taste of home. Sigh. It is like KL people missing their mamak food, and Ipoh people missing their nga choi kai.
Okay resume typing assignments. Bye blog.
My brother and my father are at home. All are home except me. I am stuck here in Senadin. Damn you assignments and FYP.
I miss home, so much, right now.
The feeling of missing home is the worst when you are all alone inside your house, typing assignments while staring blankly at the laptop in front of you. I feel lonely. I have no one to talk to at night. I know, I usually am alone in my room during study time, but this, my housemates all have left and I am all alone here. Looking at Instagram pictures of hometown food makes me miss home even more. Screw social media I know, but still, even without all those pictures, I still miss my mom's cooking.
I miss getting fat at home. I miss driving my mom out for shopping. I miss the little kids inside my home. I miss hanging out with friends. I miss shopping with friends. I miss the eating marathon in Kuching, because food is so much cheaper back home! The price of the food in Kuching is only a fraction of the price of the food in Miri. Sigh. Miri's claypot chicken rice costs RM7, and it is so little?? Kuching's one of the best claypot chicken rice (Thompson Corner ah) costs RM6, and the portion is so much bigger and tastier. Look, I am not belittling Miri here, but I am just missing the taste of food at hometown. Some may prefer the taste of food in Miri. But I prefer the ones in Kuching.
I am so going to ask my housemates to tapao sio bee for me :P at least I get a taste of home. Sigh. It is like KL people missing their mamak food, and Ipoh people missing their nga choi kai.
Okay resume typing assignments. Bye blog.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Spring Cleaning and Walking Forward
I know. I am too free to actually clean up my blog. I filtered most of my past posts which clearly exposes my vulnerability. I was such a little kid back then to jolt everything down onto this blog whenever I feel down. The posts which especially showed my pain while going through post-breakup syndromes were read, and then deleted. Not because I want to avoid it. I move on already. If I have not move on, how do I even dare to read my past posts, let alone delete it bravely and confidently? I deleted them because I do not want any random stranger to see my past vulnerabilities (and hopefully not in the future as I will limit types of posts I will write).
Looking back, I had my share of foolish and immature things I did back in the past. The stupidest things I had done were during my post-breakup period. I even gave my blog password to my ex so that he could write me love posts for me to read. Lol. Of course, I changed it afterwards and never let him invade my own personal space. Yes, I learned that even in relationships, one must learn to save some personal space for oneself, in the name of privacy and protection.
I used to portray a strong and confident facade in order to hide my past insecurities, which often caused people to mistake me as being arrogant. All my past insecurities were written onto this loyal blog, and when I read back, I could not recognize the person I used to be. To be honest, try to ask my close high school friends who I used to be and who I am today. We are totally different, so different that I could not recognize the old me. Probably I was in the process of self-searching. I was a teenager after all.
I like the current me. Yes, I do. I have not completed the self-searching journey, but I can say I have searched 80% of the inner me. Through experiences, through hardship, through disappointments, through tough love from genuine friends (note: GENUINE friends who accept you despite your flaws) and of course, I must give credit to God. My journey in life is arranged by Him, because He knows better than I do.
I am actually more confident today. MUCH more confident. I dare to voice out my opinions and defend them, as odd as they sound. I dare to be weird, because somewhere in this world people will like my quirky antics. I used to believe that I worth a lot because I have many suitors, but now I know I was totally wrong. My self-worth is not determined by how many suitors pursued me or even had a stalker (gives me creep until now whenever I think of it), but rather, it is determined by myself and not anyone else. YOU alone know how much you are worth, not anyone else. That much I know. If I think I am awesome, then I am awesome and then people will start thinking I am awesome too. Well, I am awesome. People cannot get enough of me. People feel like slapping me because of my perasan-ness at times, but at the end of the day, they still love me.
I am moving on, and deleting my past insecurities is one of the ways. Sure, people may say that I am a coward by deleting it. But I beg to differ that. I am courageous enough to read my past posts before deleting it, shows that I am ready to move on and no longer look back. No one looks at the back when they walk to the front. They only feel the need of looking back when they realized they have left something behind. I have not leave anything behind, so I do not need to look back. Walao sound so confident ehh :P and besides, why should I let the public dig out my past insecurities, which only me and selected few should know?
I am done ranting.
Looking back, I had my share of foolish and immature things I did back in the past. The stupidest things I had done were during my post-breakup period. I even gave my blog password to my ex so that he could write me love posts for me to read. Lol. Of course, I changed it afterwards and never let him invade my own personal space. Yes, I learned that even in relationships, one must learn to save some personal space for oneself, in the name of privacy and protection.
I used to portray a strong and confident facade in order to hide my past insecurities, which often caused people to mistake me as being arrogant. All my past insecurities were written onto this loyal blog, and when I read back, I could not recognize the person I used to be. To be honest, try to ask my close high school friends who I used to be and who I am today. We are totally different, so different that I could not recognize the old me. Probably I was in the process of self-searching. I was a teenager after all.
I like the current me. Yes, I do. I have not completed the self-searching journey, but I can say I have searched 80% of the inner me. Through experiences, through hardship, through disappointments, through tough love from genuine friends (note: GENUINE friends who accept you despite your flaws) and of course, I must give credit to God. My journey in life is arranged by Him, because He knows better than I do.
I am actually more confident today. MUCH more confident. I dare to voice out my opinions and defend them, as odd as they sound. I dare to be weird, because somewhere in this world people will like my quirky antics. I used to believe that I worth a lot because I have many suitors, but now I know I was totally wrong. My self-worth is not determined by how many suitors pursued me or even had a stalker (gives me creep until now whenever I think of it), but rather, it is determined by myself and not anyone else. YOU alone know how much you are worth, not anyone else. That much I know. If I think I am awesome, then I am awesome and then people will start thinking I am awesome too. Well, I am awesome. People cannot get enough of me. People feel like slapping me because of my perasan-ness at times, but at the end of the day, they still love me.
I am moving on, and deleting my past insecurities is one of the ways. Sure, people may say that I am a coward by deleting it. But I beg to differ that. I am courageous enough to read my past posts before deleting it, shows that I am ready to move on and no longer look back. No one looks at the back when they walk to the front. They only feel the need of looking back when they realized they have left something behind. I have not leave anything behind, so I do not need to look back. Walao sound so confident ehh :P and besides, why should I let the public dig out my past insecurities, which only me and selected few should know?
I am done ranting.
I'll Try My Best
**this is my 2010 post and I seriously do not know how this end up here. But anyway, here goes. Contemplated on deleting this or not but I decided not to in the end.
Somehow, I felt like I tasted shit inside my mouth. For some reason I'm obsessed with the word "kanasai". Heh. Bad influence for the baby if I kept on mentioning kns in front of him =.=
Well, it took me a lot of courage to type all these out. I just need to let it all out, say goodbye and move on. Not worth dwelling over something that has been already broken and no longer be saved.
It's over, it's a past and it's no longer worth thinking about. When I think back rationally it is partly my fault all these shit happened. There is one time I wished I could turn back time and change everything. Then maybe these shit will not happen. However, what he did was totally wrong and I can never accept it. He broke his promise. I foolishly ate his sweet talks and his empty promises while treated me like a fool when I was in Miri. Maybe some girls could, but not me. NO, as much as I love him, I can never accept this. I can accept anything but this.
I really thank Lord for letting me see all these while it is not too late. It's better to be sad now than to feel sorry later. If it goes on, I am afraid I could not turn back. I am grateful that everything ended, well, not the way I want, but still, it ends here. Maybe we're just not meant to be, and he's not strong enough to fight for our relationship. He chose to let it fall apart; he chose to betray me, which shows he was not meant to spend his lifetime with me.
As much as I am angry towards him, I guess I should find myself some time to cool myself down. To think through everything. After all, we had our good times together. I will try my best to move on and to be strong. Not worth wasting my tears for someone who does not treasure me and this relationship right? However, I will try my best to forgive him. One day. But not now. I really need time to forgive.
For "him"(if he EVEN reads this blog):
I wish you and the girl happiness in your new-found relationship. She is willing to go against all odds to be with you, even if it means hurting me. But I doubt she cares anyway. Here. I paved a way so that both of you can go official. Whatever you do, you feel and you think from now on has nothing to do with me at all.
Somehow, I felt like I tasted shit inside my mouth. For some reason I'm obsessed with the word "kanasai". Heh. Bad influence for the baby if I kept on mentioning kns in front of him =.=
Well, it took me a lot of courage to type all these out. I just need to let it all out, say goodbye and move on. Not worth dwelling over something that has been already broken and no longer be saved.
It's over, it's a past and it's no longer worth thinking about. When I think back rationally it is partly my fault all these shit happened. There is one time I wished I could turn back time and change everything. Then maybe these shit will not happen. However, what he did was totally wrong and I can never accept it. He broke his promise. I foolishly ate his sweet talks and his empty promises while treated me like a fool when I was in Miri. Maybe some girls could, but not me. NO, as much as I love him, I can never accept this. I can accept anything but this.
I really thank Lord for letting me see all these while it is not too late. It's better to be sad now than to feel sorry later. If it goes on, I am afraid I could not turn back. I am grateful that everything ended, well, not the way I want, but still, it ends here. Maybe we're just not meant to be, and he's not strong enough to fight for our relationship. He chose to let it fall apart; he chose to betray me, which shows he was not meant to spend his lifetime with me.
As much as I am angry towards him, I guess I should find myself some time to cool myself down. To think through everything. After all, we had our good times together. I will try my best to move on and to be strong. Not worth wasting my tears for someone who does not treasure me and this relationship right? However, I will try my best to forgive him. One day. But not now. I really need time to forgive.
For "him"(if he EVEN reads this blog):
I wish you and the girl happiness in your new-found relationship. She is willing to go against all odds to be with you, even if it means hurting me. But I doubt she cares anyway. Here. I paved a way so that both of you can go official. Whatever you do, you feel and you think from now on has nothing to do with me at all.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Ill and Still Writing
Today is Saturday, and I am down with sore throat and slight fever. I lost my lovely high-pitch voice! :( it was a pity, because my loud and powerful soprano-ish voice is gone. I think I am not even reaching tenor. Probably a baritone???
I glanced through my emails and am amazed that how my previous emails have arrived to today's. From ssssygirl_dahotchick@hotmail.com, sw3et_personal@hotmail.com to finally jess.tbl@gmail.com. What on earth was I thinking back then? Lol. But I dare say I was not the only one! All sorts of cutesy and fancy-flowerish names came out on emails back then in high school. I was lucky to have my sw3et_personal being hacked, hence using jess.tbl@gmail.com onwards as my official email. Anything feel free to email me there kay? :)
Update: MH370 flight is hijacked, according to sources. I personally do not care what happened to the plane and the whereabouts. All I am concerned is that every single one, if not all of the passengers and crew are alive and in one piece. Whether there is any hijacking or runaway or literally vanishing into another dimension, what matters the most is that they are all alive. Think of the families who worry about them everyday. Let's just hope the hijackers do not harm any single lives there.
Okay, rants aside.
I had a conversation with a lovely friend about her relationship with her long-term boyfriend and her parent's approval. They are of the same race and religion, and they are currently experiencing LDR. Her mother did not approve her dating in college, and she had to go out all the way to make her relationship work. They are one sweet couple, and I sincerely hope they can get married and have beautiful babies. I am sure her baby will be as beautiful as her.
I understand that in the olden days, the children's wedding solely depends on the parents, or the grandparents. This is because to them, marriage is a bond between two families, and the parents will of course choose families that benefit them. That being said, their children are like bridges to link two families. That is why you see rich marry the rich and poor marry the poor. Birds of the same feather flock together. Because of that, the social status exists and are divided into different groups/castes/layers.
However, in today's modern society, children are well-equipped with individualism and their own unique vision of who and what they want to be. That of course, includes the type of person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. So why do parents still want to interfere with the children's choice of life partners? I heard a friend who wanted to marry a girl of different race got an immediate disapproval from his mother. They eventually got married at ROM, without any ceremony because his mother did not give them any blessing. They had a son now, and till today, his mother still do not accept her as her daughter-in-law.
It is a sad thing. As much as we individuals like to choose our own partner, but our parents' blessing is still very much important to us. Having parents' blessing over marriage is like having some elders to be happy for our choice of life partner and our choice of path taken. Hence, I hope that when we become parents someday, give freedom for our children to choose their partners of their own. However, if our sons chose a girl who is obviously a gold digger, just make sure that the girl do not dig so much of his money. What to do right, he loves her so much not to be able to see her real face. Because gold diggers are usually very beautiful and attractive.
I glanced through my emails and am amazed that how my previous emails have arrived to today's. From ssssygirl_dahotchick@hotmail.com, sw3et_personal@hotmail.com to finally jess.tbl@gmail.com. What on earth was I thinking back then? Lol. But I dare say I was not the only one! All sorts of cutesy and fancy-flowerish names came out on emails back then in high school. I was lucky to have my sw3et_personal being hacked, hence using jess.tbl@gmail.com onwards as my official email. Anything feel free to email me there kay? :)
Update: MH370 flight is hijacked, according to sources. I personally do not care what happened to the plane and the whereabouts. All I am concerned is that every single one, if not all of the passengers and crew are alive and in one piece. Whether there is any hijacking or runaway or literally vanishing into another dimension, what matters the most is that they are all alive. Think of the families who worry about them everyday. Let's just hope the hijackers do not harm any single lives there.
Okay, rants aside.
I had a conversation with a lovely friend about her relationship with her long-term boyfriend and her parent's approval. They are of the same race and religion, and they are currently experiencing LDR. Her mother did not approve her dating in college, and she had to go out all the way to make her relationship work. They are one sweet couple, and I sincerely hope they can get married and have beautiful babies. I am sure her baby will be as beautiful as her.
I understand that in the olden days, the children's wedding solely depends on the parents, or the grandparents. This is because to them, marriage is a bond between two families, and the parents will of course choose families that benefit them. That being said, their children are like bridges to link two families. That is why you see rich marry the rich and poor marry the poor. Birds of the same feather flock together. Because of that, the social status exists and are divided into different groups/castes/layers.
However, in today's modern society, children are well-equipped with individualism and their own unique vision of who and what they want to be. That of course, includes the type of person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. So why do parents still want to interfere with the children's choice of life partners? I heard a friend who wanted to marry a girl of different race got an immediate disapproval from his mother. They eventually got married at ROM, without any ceremony because his mother did not give them any blessing. They had a son now, and till today, his mother still do not accept her as her daughter-in-law.
It is a sad thing. As much as we individuals like to choose our own partner, but our parents' blessing is still very much important to us. Having parents' blessing over marriage is like having some elders to be happy for our choice of life partner and our choice of path taken. Hence, I hope that when we become parents someday, give freedom for our children to choose their partners of their own. However, if our sons chose a girl who is obviously a gold digger, just make sure that the girl do not dig so much of his money. What to do right, he loves her so much not to be able to see her real face. Because gold diggers are usually very beautiful and attractive.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Feminism and Sexual Harrassment
A few days ago, my friend shared this video on the problems that occurred in this male-dominating society. The video clearly depicts how women are suppressed sexually and had to succumbed to taking faults despite it is NOT their fault at all.
I thought of writing this post for a very, very long time. My latest physical sexual harassment encounter was during the soft opening ceremony at The Library in Kuching. Some bastard just grabbed my ass and put his finger through my asshole and left. When I wanted to find out who was that, it was pretty darn difficult, because he was wearing jeans and black T-shirt. I was shocked that I almost cried on the spot. Someone actually dared to harass a girl at the opening ceremony. I had thought of either causing a turmoil out of it to find out the molester, or to let it die down and cry silently inside. Like what most female in today's society, I chose the latter. Most of my friends are female, and as pissed as they are, we have no male counterparts to actually man up and find out the molester. I, like most women, often succumbed to seclusion and chose to be oppressed. So what if I lodge a police report? Like the video, they will say "no proof", "no witness" and "absurd statement" as it happened during a soft opening, not in clubs.
But the more I think of it, the more I felt displeased. Why should I be the one suffering from this fucked-up sexual harassment thing? Why should I be told to "dress more decently next time" or "be careful" instead of telling the bastard to "stop disrespecting women"? It is not like I literally flashed my ass to him and asked him to grab it. I was just partying with my girlfriends that night. What gave him the right to grab my ass just like that? What gave him the right to disrespect women and treat them as sexual objects?
A friend tried to console me by saying, "At least this shows you are attractive." I replied by saying this experience is degrading my value, not the other way round. I being attractive is one thing, but I allowing him to grab my ass is another thing. There are two different things, and they should NOT be put together at all. If I am attractive to him, why can't he grow a pair and approach me and ask for my number? I would at least appreciate that rather than him harassing me in the name of me being "attractive". Bullshit. Rubbish. Molesters do not care whether you are attractive or not. They just see you as an object for them to fulfill their sexual desires.
Verbal abuse is also common in this fucked up society. I do not usually face such problems in Kuching as I have my own car and often visit places that have low chance of meeting those bastards, i.e. shopping malls, hotels, cafes and restaurants. These things occasionally happen, but I can always run to my car and drive off. However, in Senadin, Miri, I often face this kind of problem. I am innocently crossing the road to the shoplots to buy myself lunch, and I often get some rude whistles and names by those bastards. Some men even tried to grab me along the road while riding motorcycles. Those people who have said I care too much and think too much when I complained to them CLEARLY do not know what does respecting women means. What have I done to deserve such treatment by them? Being called amoi cutie saya suka punggung u out loud on the street is NOT NICE AT ALL. Rather than asking me to ignore them, why not ask them to stop doing these to me and all the other innocent women? It'll be a different story though if those women flashed themselves to them deliberately, or wear lingeries outside the house. That is like a red flag for them to ask to be harassed. But me? I only wear shorts and singlet/T-shirt. That does not spell "come and fuck me". Fuck you all for those who ask me to wear long pants and long sleeve shirt to walk around my neighbourhood nearby just to buy dinner. Don't blame me for wearing clothes that are comfortable, but blame those bastards for not able to respect women.
I really hope the society will soon wake up and realize that the mentality of asking women "not to get raped" is wrong. It will never stop if we ask women to hide themselves in the cocoon to avoid getting raped. Instead, we should start instilling the thought of asking men "not to rape". By stopping the cause of rape cases, which are obviously men, then we can reduce the rape cases altogether, if not completely eradicate it. Unless of course, women deliberately flashed their private parts right in front of those men and ended up getting raped. That, to me, is truly them asking to get raped.
I seriously do not want to get harassed anymore, physically or verbally :(
I thought of writing this post for a very, very long time. My latest physical sexual harassment encounter was during the soft opening ceremony at The Library in Kuching. Some bastard just grabbed my ass and put his finger through my asshole and left. When I wanted to find out who was that, it was pretty darn difficult, because he was wearing jeans and black T-shirt. I was shocked that I almost cried on the spot. Someone actually dared to harass a girl at the opening ceremony. I had thought of either causing a turmoil out of it to find out the molester, or to let it die down and cry silently inside. Like what most female in today's society, I chose the latter. Most of my friends are female, and as pissed as they are, we have no male counterparts to actually man up and find out the molester. I, like most women, often succumbed to seclusion and chose to be oppressed. So what if I lodge a police report? Like the video, they will say "no proof", "no witness" and "absurd statement" as it happened during a soft opening, not in clubs.
But the more I think of it, the more I felt displeased. Why should I be the one suffering from this fucked-up sexual harassment thing? Why should I be told to "dress more decently next time" or "be careful" instead of telling the bastard to "stop disrespecting women"? It is not like I literally flashed my ass to him and asked him to grab it. I was just partying with my girlfriends that night. What gave him the right to grab my ass just like that? What gave him the right to disrespect women and treat them as sexual objects?
A friend tried to console me by saying, "At least this shows you are attractive." I replied by saying this experience is degrading my value, not the other way round. I being attractive is one thing, but I allowing him to grab my ass is another thing. There are two different things, and they should NOT be put together at all. If I am attractive to him, why can't he grow a pair and approach me and ask for my number? I would at least appreciate that rather than him harassing me in the name of me being "attractive". Bullshit. Rubbish. Molesters do not care whether you are attractive or not. They just see you as an object for them to fulfill their sexual desires.
Verbal abuse is also common in this fucked up society. I do not usually face such problems in Kuching as I have my own car and often visit places that have low chance of meeting those bastards, i.e. shopping malls, hotels, cafes and restaurants. These things occasionally happen, but I can always run to my car and drive off. However, in Senadin, Miri, I often face this kind of problem. I am innocently crossing the road to the shoplots to buy myself lunch, and I often get some rude whistles and names by those bastards. Some men even tried to grab me along the road while riding motorcycles. Those people who have said I care too much and think too much when I complained to them CLEARLY do not know what does respecting women means. What have I done to deserve such treatment by them? Being called amoi cutie saya suka punggung u out loud on the street is NOT NICE AT ALL. Rather than asking me to ignore them, why not ask them to stop doing these to me and all the other innocent women? It'll be a different story though if those women flashed themselves to them deliberately, or wear lingeries outside the house. That is like a red flag for them to ask to be harassed. But me? I only wear shorts and singlet/T-shirt. That does not spell "come and fuck me". Fuck you all for those who ask me to wear long pants and long sleeve shirt to walk around my neighbourhood nearby just to buy dinner. Don't blame me for wearing clothes that are comfortable, but blame those bastards for not able to respect women.
I really hope the society will soon wake up and realize that the mentality of asking women "not to get raped" is wrong. It will never stop if we ask women to hide themselves in the cocoon to avoid getting raped. Instead, we should start instilling the thought of asking men "not to rape". By stopping the cause of rape cases, which are obviously men, then we can reduce the rape cases altogether, if not completely eradicate it. Unless of course, women deliberately flashed their private parts right in front of those men and ended up getting raped. That, to me, is truly them asking to get raped.
I seriously do not want to get harassed anymore, physically or verbally :(
Monday, January 27, 2014
CNY-Body
Hello! As we all know CNY is around the corner and that only means one thing. WEIGHT GAIN! I have been gaining weight, for an embarrassing increase of 4-5kg ever since I came back home >< let the pictures speak for themselves:
Okay. My point of this post is not to cry over my weight gain or to encourage people to lose weight like hell. No we must not do so. Not when we seem desperate to do so.
I mean it is not wrong to be skinny. Some people are just born skinny. I know a few friends who still stay skinny no matter how much they eat. I am not going to post their photos because of privacy policy, so I decided to post celebrities who are famous for huge appetite yet managed to stay slim (not like I know there are a lot of celebrities who are like that but here goes).
1. Im Yoona (SNSD member)
Yoona's famous for being a HUGE eater and yet still maintains her skinny physique. She is one of those girls who are truly lucky to be able to eat as much as she can and yet still stay skinny. Genetics, people so don't go starving yourselves to look like her. I, for one, know that I can never look like her, especially the legs. OH THE LEGS.
My legs are actually longer than my peers, but because of its thick size, they appear short whenever I was photographed solo. I know no one is perfect, but at the same time it can be extremely annoying. Some of my peers who are shorter than me look tall because of their thin legs. Now you see how much a pair of legs play a role in your life, in terms of vanity. LOL. I am still grateful with my legs LAH, though not proud of it. There, I am just being honest.
2. Blake Lively
Gossip Girl fans will definitely know Blake. What some of them may not know is that Blake has higher-than-usual metabolism and can stay skinny despite eating A LOT.
Jealous much? You can try getting involved in scandalous issues and handle them; these require energy and can make you skinny eventually. Yes, I know that is lame. I AM ENVIOUS MAH.
Lol I cannot think of any other celebrities. Let's not count Rosie Huntington-Whiteley because she works out A LOT, despite eating like a man.
Point is, for those who are conscious over their body shape, good luck in controlling. If you have found a way to resist abundant beers, juicy bak gua (I hate bak gua personally but it's majority's favourite so yeah) and keropok, keropok and KEROPOK during CNY visiting, do let me know. It is rude to not eat the guests' food just for the sake of "controlling". Those hosts will think, "Why during CNY? Normal times no time to diet meh?" Anyway, my family did not buy many cookies this year because most of our guests are adults who are conscious about their diet, so we decided not to waste money on those and spent more on clothes (YES). What about the prosperous CNY eve's dinner? The 8-10 course meals are enough to make you feel fat for a few days. Tell me how you want to resist those? It's a once a year thing. Unless you come out with healthy CNY eve's dishes, you Chinese are doomed to get fat. That includes me.
As for those who eat first, and then complain after that, think of ways to lose weight. Don't do stupid stuff like going all anorexic, taking slimming medicines and drastic starvation because you will end up looking worse. I have never been there, but I have seen some and none of them ended up any good. Basic rule: Slow and steady. Eat clean and exercise regularly. Slow but permanently effective. And if you can never get the body like Yoona or Blake, accept the progress. Be proud of your own body. You work hard on it, you get the body you deserve.
For those who are still skeptical about being proud of your own body which do not look like Yoona's even after workout, check out this girl's Instagram. She may not own a supermodel's body, but at least she is getting the body she deserves after all the workout. We need more people like her!
For those lucky bitches who can stay skinny even after binging during CNY period, be thankful and don't do anything stupid to your body. You yourself know very well you look good and many girls envy you, so stay that way.
For those unluckier ones like me who will permanently have bigger body frame and/or exaggerating curvy figure and/or bigger-than-ideal legs, be thankful that you have a perfect set of body, although the society does not regard yours as ideal. Be different! Be unique! Even if 9 out of 10 boys say you are big-sized and heavy and they prefer petite women, still be proud. Fuck those boys! Your body is meant to please your own vanity, not theirs. And more importantly, choose the type of clothes that best suits and fits you, not those closest to ideal (size ZERO/XS). You may wear size L and still look as gorgeous, if not more as compared to a size zero supermodel.
Let me show you an example of myself who is extremely comfortable with my own body despite being far from ideal.
Confidence >> Society standards :)
Okay bye.
 |
| Chubby face. Ahhh all the good fatty food run to my face! |
 |
| The obvious proof of weight gain. Look at those flabby arms! |
I mean it is not wrong to be skinny. Some people are just born skinny. I know a few friends who still stay skinny no matter how much they eat. I am not going to post their photos because of privacy policy, so I decided to post celebrities who are famous for huge appetite yet managed to stay slim (not like I know there are a lot of celebrities who are like that but here goes).
1. Im Yoona (SNSD member)
 |
| I choose this picture mainly (and probably the only reason) because of the LEGSOH THE LEGS. I CAN NEVER HAVE SUCH LEGS IN A MILLION YEARS. BLAME THE GENES. |
 |
| Genetics. Oh well be thankful I have two legs to walk and run. |
2. Blake Lively
Gossip Girl fans will definitely know Blake. What some of them may not know is that Blake has higher-than-usual metabolism and can stay skinny despite eating A LOT.
 |
| I found bikini pictures but decided not to put them because who wears bikini during CNY? |
Lol I cannot think of any other celebrities. Let's not count Rosie Huntington-Whiteley because she works out A LOT, despite eating like a man.
Point is, for those who are conscious over their body shape, good luck in controlling. If you have found a way to resist abundant beers, juicy bak gua (I hate bak gua personally but it's majority's favourite so yeah) and keropok, keropok and KEROPOK during CNY visiting, do let me know. It is rude to not eat the guests' food just for the sake of "controlling". Those hosts will think, "Why during CNY? Normal times no time to diet meh?" Anyway, my family did not buy many cookies this year because most of our guests are adults who are conscious about their diet, so we decided not to waste money on those and spent more on clothes (YES). What about the prosperous CNY eve's dinner? The 8-10 course meals are enough to make you feel fat for a few days. Tell me how you want to resist those? It's a once a year thing. Unless you come out with healthy CNY eve's dishes, you Chinese are doomed to get fat. That includes me.
As for those who eat first, and then complain after that, think of ways to lose weight. Don't do stupid stuff like going all anorexic, taking slimming medicines and drastic starvation because you will end up looking worse. I have never been there, but I have seen some and none of them ended up any good. Basic rule: Slow and steady. Eat clean and exercise regularly. Slow but permanently effective. And if you can never get the body like Yoona or Blake, accept the progress. Be proud of your own body. You work hard on it, you get the body you deserve.
For those who are still skeptical about being proud of your own body which do not look like Yoona's even after workout, check out this girl's Instagram. She may not own a supermodel's body, but at least she is getting the body she deserves after all the workout. We need more people like her!
For those lucky bitches who can stay skinny even after binging during CNY period, be thankful and don't do anything stupid to your body. You yourself know very well you look good and many girls envy you, so stay that way.
For those unluckier ones like me who will permanently have bigger body frame and/or exaggerating curvy figure and/or bigger-than-ideal legs, be thankful that you have a perfect set of body, although the society does not regard yours as ideal. Be different! Be unique! Even if 9 out of 10 boys say you are big-sized and heavy and they prefer petite women, still be proud. Fuck those boys! Your body is meant to please your own vanity, not theirs. And more importantly, choose the type of clothes that best suits and fits you, not those closest to ideal (size ZERO/XS). You may wear size L and still look as gorgeous, if not more as compared to a size zero supermodel.
Let me show you an example of myself who is extremely comfortable with my own body despite being far from ideal.
 |
| Cropped my poor friend away in the name of PRIVACY |
Okay bye.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Nothing Wrong to be a Shallow Woman
Disclaimer:
Whatever I have typed has no right or wrong. Everything is solely based on my own opinion (well, of course since this is my blog), and any ideas and comments can be shared. Ideas and opinions EXCEPT DEROGATORY comments.
Consider this scenario:
Betty and Martin were high school friends. Betty was a bespectacled girl with braces and is often seen with a ponytail. She is definitely well-known not by her looks, but by her grades and her leadership skills. Betty was the student council president in her school. Sounds like an average-looking girl who is impressive on the inside, huh? Feminists would definitely be happy for Martin to date a girl like Betty. However, it turns out that Martin is attempting to court Felicia instead of Betty. Felicia, a beautiful, five foot seven blonde with slender figure and flawless complexion, is undoubtedly attractive in the eyes of many men. Felicia, other than being beautiful and fashionable, has nothing else being outstanding, unlike Betty. Of course, Martin and Felicia ended up dating, while Betty was biting her lips at the other end.
Feminists will definitely be outraged with Martin's choice. Why pick a girl who is more concerned about Chanel rather than chemistry? A girl like Betty would be a better choice to have a substantial conversation with rather than Felicia. What does she know? She knows nothing about politics. She is ignorant about the knowledge of Obama being the first black president. She does not care why Blue Label tasted better than Red Label. She only knows that cocktail makes her high. But in truth, it is Felicia being so shallow and superficial that makes guys like Martin so attracted to her. And so many girls choose to be like Felicia, rather than Betty.
Okay, those confused feminists will go like, WHY???
Firstly, let me define a shallow woman.
A shallow woman is a woman (of course) who is more concerned about the exterior, of what can be seen above everything else. Looks, wealth and fame. These can be seen, and can be obtained.
A typical shallow woman looks something like this:
The reasons for looking like this:
1) Brings up the status. Well, this society is superficial itself. First impression counts, and to make a very good first impression, you have to look trendy. Imagine going to an interview or meeting a client with a second-hand blouse bought from Sunday market and shoes from streets. Will those people, whom you will meet for the first time think, "Aiya looks doesn't matter one lah. Who knows she is a super intelligent girl with an IQ of 200." No, no, no, they do not think like that at all. To them, if we do not dress to impress them, they will not be convinced that they are impressed themselves. It is all about first impression. I know, why waste money (few hundreds, or even thousands of dollars) just to impress someone?
Which leads to the second point, which is...
2) Self-satisfaction. In layman's terms, vanity lor. Women are vain, and what better way to satisfy their vanity than to look beautiful and fashionable? Don't you dare to disagree that you will have your confidence increased when you look better. That will be a hypocritical statement. Even those messy women with disheveled hair (assuming she has super high confidence in herself) will also feel better once she takes a proper bath and is properly dressed, in proper fashion and brand names.
3) Determining their choices. Have you ever seen women indirectly (or directly for some) showing off their latest nail art, shoes and jewelry? They compare to see whose one was better. Once again, feminists will say what is the point comparing material with empty but monetary values? Lol. I shall say it is for the sake of fulfilling one's security to ensure that those women have good taste. By comparing, they are assured and reaffirmed that they indeed have good taste in beautiful things. You will feel better making right choices right? Making right choices is important. If someone does not know how to choose shoes that complement herself the most, how sure is she that she can find the right man that shows most of her best qualities? Choices made are very important, and how someone makes a choice determines the what kind of life she chooses to have. Make sense?
Yes, it is undeniable that the main reason for shallow women to be so appealing is just for entertainment. People love shallow women because they are so good to look at. Simple. You see those Facebook posts and Instagram photos that garnered many likes? A few of them were real, artistic photography made my professional photographer using DSLR. Most of them were superficial, shallow photos of makeups, nail art, fashion, selfie and beautiful food photos. And one more thing. Partying lifestyle. Everything is so superficial. Yet people love seeing it. People enjoy seeing this kind of lifestyle. People wish they can live like this. Looking beautiful and partying like the world ends tomorrow. Because deep down inside, this is what majority of this world wants. They study like a nerd and earn tons of cash just to be shallow and live like a shallow person. To be rich, beautiful and famous.
No matter at which point of life, everyone wants to live like that. It is only a matter of time when you will start this.
I read Jane Austen's books and my favourite one is Emma, and it has always been Emma. It used to be Pride and Prejudice, but I changed my mind once I read Emma. Anyway, digression aside, Emma too was the typical shallow girl who match made people based on exterior values. She too was attracted with Frank because of looks. Yet at the end of the day, Emma somehow found her way to Knightley, a man who is not her type at all. Lol.
Point is, it is okay to be shallow. Because that is who we are. Do not have to act all deep and intense (unless you are really like that), because that only makes you a hypocrite. Majority of the people in this world are shallow people. Just embrace it, and see where it brings you.
p/s: Shallow is not to be confused with bimbo. Shallow women can be very intelligent as well. It is just that they choose to see life based on exterior values, rather than looking into deeper depth of life. Bimbo, on the other hand, cannot see anything at all because they are unintelligent themselves.
p/s/s: I shall end this blog post with another typical shallow picture of me. Hehe.
Whatever I have typed has no right or wrong. Everything is solely based on my own opinion (well, of course since this is my blog), and any ideas and comments can be shared. Ideas and opinions EXCEPT DEROGATORY comments.
Consider this scenario:
Betty and Martin were high school friends. Betty was a bespectacled girl with braces and is often seen with a ponytail. She is definitely well-known not by her looks, but by her grades and her leadership skills. Betty was the student council president in her school. Sounds like an average-looking girl who is impressive on the inside, huh? Feminists would definitely be happy for Martin to date a girl like Betty. However, it turns out that Martin is attempting to court Felicia instead of Betty. Felicia, a beautiful, five foot seven blonde with slender figure and flawless complexion, is undoubtedly attractive in the eyes of many men. Felicia, other than being beautiful and fashionable, has nothing else being outstanding, unlike Betty. Of course, Martin and Felicia ended up dating, while Betty was biting her lips at the other end.
Feminists will definitely be outraged with Martin's choice. Why pick a girl who is more concerned about Chanel rather than chemistry? A girl like Betty would be a better choice to have a substantial conversation with rather than Felicia. What does she know? She knows nothing about politics. She is ignorant about the knowledge of Obama being the first black president. She does not care why Blue Label tasted better than Red Label. She only knows that cocktail makes her high. But in truth, it is Felicia being so shallow and superficial that makes guys like Martin so attracted to her. And so many girls choose to be like Felicia, rather than Betty.
Okay, those confused feminists will go like, WHY???
Firstly, let me define a shallow woman.
A shallow woman is a woman (of course) who is more concerned about the exterior, of what can be seen above everything else. Looks, wealth and fame. These can be seen, and can be obtained.
A typical shallow woman looks something like this:
 |
| Hair done at Alan Salon using L'Oreal products. Sunglasses from Topshop, dress from Zara and belt from MNG. A typical shallow woman normally aim for fashion and brand name onto her body. The more, the better. |
1) Brings up the status. Well, this society is superficial itself. First impression counts, and to make a very good first impression, you have to look trendy. Imagine going to an interview or meeting a client with a second-hand blouse bought from Sunday market and shoes from streets. Will those people, whom you will meet for the first time think, "Aiya looks doesn't matter one lah. Who knows she is a super intelligent girl with an IQ of 200." No, no, no, they do not think like that at all. To them, if we do not dress to impress them, they will not be convinced that they are impressed themselves. It is all about first impression. I know, why waste money (few hundreds, or even thousands of dollars) just to impress someone?
Which leads to the second point, which is...
2) Self-satisfaction. In layman's terms, vanity lor. Women are vain, and what better way to satisfy their vanity than to look beautiful and fashionable? Don't you dare to disagree that you will have your confidence increased when you look better. That will be a hypocritical statement. Even those messy women with disheveled hair (assuming she has super high confidence in herself) will also feel better once she takes a proper bath and is properly dressed, in proper fashion and brand names.
3) Determining their choices. Have you ever seen women indirectly (or directly for some) showing off their latest nail art, shoes and jewelry? They compare to see whose one was better. Once again, feminists will say what is the point comparing material with empty but monetary values? Lol. I shall say it is for the sake of fulfilling one's security to ensure that those women have good taste. By comparing, they are assured and reaffirmed that they indeed have good taste in beautiful things. You will feel better making right choices right? Making right choices is important. If someone does not know how to choose shoes that complement herself the most, how sure is she that she can find the right man that shows most of her best qualities? Choices made are very important, and how someone makes a choice determines the what kind of life she chooses to have. Make sense?
Yes, it is undeniable that the main reason for shallow women to be so appealing is just for entertainment. People love shallow women because they are so good to look at. Simple. You see those Facebook posts and Instagram photos that garnered many likes? A few of them were real, artistic photography made my professional photographer using DSLR. Most of them were superficial, shallow photos of makeups, nail art, fashion, selfie and beautiful food photos. And one more thing. Partying lifestyle. Everything is so superficial. Yet people love seeing it. People enjoy seeing this kind of lifestyle. People wish they can live like this. Looking beautiful and partying like the world ends tomorrow. Because deep down inside, this is what majority of this world wants. They study like a nerd and earn tons of cash just to be shallow and live like a shallow person. To be rich, beautiful and famous.
No matter at which point of life, everyone wants to live like that. It is only a matter of time when you will start this.
I read Jane Austen's books and my favourite one is Emma, and it has always been Emma. It used to be Pride and Prejudice, but I changed my mind once I read Emma. Anyway, digression aside, Emma too was the typical shallow girl who match made people based on exterior values. She too was attracted with Frank because of looks. Yet at the end of the day, Emma somehow found her way to Knightley, a man who is not her type at all. Lol.
Point is, it is okay to be shallow. Because that is who we are. Do not have to act all deep and intense (unless you are really like that), because that only makes you a hypocrite. Majority of the people in this world are shallow people. Just embrace it, and see where it brings you.
p/s: Shallow is not to be confused with bimbo. Shallow women can be very intelligent as well. It is just that they choose to see life based on exterior values, rather than looking into deeper depth of life. Bimbo, on the other hand, cannot see anything at all because they are unintelligent themselves.
p/s/s: I shall end this blog post with another typical shallow picture of me. Hehe.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Inspired To Make Mistakes
Welcome back, blog. It has been a while. Assignments, exams, exams. I finally have time to watch series, and at the same time I have time to sleep. However, until now, I find no inspiration to write anything. Hence, this blog post serves as my strong attempt to revive my dead blog. I am inspired by the articles I have read about the great escape and also the series "Breaking Bad".
Born in a traditional Chinese family with conservative Asian culture, I have always been taught to avoid making mistakes. Once you have done a mistake, you can no longer be saved. To them, mistakes is like opening a Pandora's box - once you open it, there is no turning back. Ever since small, I was taught to score well in academics and be an achiever in school. I am not exactly a top achiever, but I achieved quite a number of things to be labelled as a good student.
I remembered when I was small, I used to talk a lot and give weirdest ideas and opinions. My opinions however, can be pretty blunt and will offend people. Hence, my family have always taught me not to express my opinions. I am taught to obey, and if I do not, I will be punished for it. I had always try to question to oppose their rules, and as a result, I often get some beatings. Because of that, I have grown up to be non-expressive and always hide my own desires and opinions so as to please others. This is because, I was afraid if I do so, I will be labelled as "mistake".
University life, however, have changed me. I learned to make decisions on my own and express my desire. From there, I actually learned that engineering is not my cup of tea at all and I find no absolute passion in designing, as compared to writing and studying human psychology. I met a few awesome people who actually gave me courage to pursue my own self and finding individuality in myself. How do I do that? By making mistakes, of course.
Mistakes come from choices. Each one of us have choices to make, and every choice has some probability for mistakes to happen. Take me as an example. I could have chosen to study Psychology in Monash, but instead I took the scholarship to study engineering in Curtin. It was definitely a mistake. I have no interest or passion in studying something as dry as calculus and transport phenomena. I sometimes wondered how did I even survive chemical engineering. Things would be different though, if I took psychology, which is my passion. But I have made a mistake, and what can I do? Cry over spilt milk? I made a choice because I thought it was the right thing to do, only to find out that it was a mistake. Getting stuck in an outskirt for 4 years studying a course I dislike sounds very depressing. But, what if we make the mistakes turn into something right instead? Sure, engineering is a depressing degree (not to all, but for me at least), and at most I can only bag a 2nd Upper Hon from it. But, to look at it at a brighter point of view, I can actually make money out of it. And engineering actually sharpens my problem-solving skills. I actually think faster outside the box whenever it comes to solving problems in real-life situation. And engineering actually teaches me to become a bridge between sociology and science. Knowledge is useless unless we apply it. That is what I learned from engineering.
To make mistakes however, one must be daring enough to take a step forward. I find out that most Asians are taught to avoid mistakes so much that most of the time, they often opt for the safest option. I find this rather conflicting with my teammates for Design Project as I argued to do something outstanding, yet they argued back that it is better to opt for the safe side so that the marks can be secured. I had to follow on because it was majority so yeah. However, deep down inside, I would like to be something out of the ordinary, because since I am doing a course which is not my interest at the first place, I might as well do something different, my way, to make the fullest out of it. If not I will be wasting my life forcing myself to do things I do not like, and as if studying the course I do not like is not enough already. I do not regret the decision to play safe though, because at the end of the day, we are only undergraduates who are still learning.
I seriously want to blame the CGPA requirement in companies for making us square students (no offence, but everyone who is like this has to admit this) who follow all the rules and textbooks just to pass. Ironically, I am one of them who do it, because I am afraid to fail and repeat the subjects. I am afraid to get terminated from the university, because I do not have any confidence to outshine other than a university degree. I depend too much on a university degree to determine my future. Then again, this is another mistake that I have done.
I always admire those teenagers in western television on how far they are willing to let go just to pursue their dreams. They leave their homes, they leave their education and they leave their bounds just to make their dreams come true. Becoming a model, an actress, a singer, a photographer, a volunteer, a musician, a cook, an owner of a shop, a mechanic, anything. They may undergo many difficulties along the way, and realized that they have made a wrong choice, which is also a mistake, but what do they get at the end of the day? Experience. Experience can never be bought with money. Experience can never be gotten back with time. That is why going to jail is the worst punishment ever, because it is wasting the time they have to obtain experience.
Making mistakes is what shapes an individual. Because of the mistakes I have done in the past, I am what I am today. Blunt and straightforward, paranoid, calculative, selfish and a coward. Yet, I know I will have soft spot for everything (of which my friends often said I will easily be taken advantage of). I still stick to being who I am, and continue making mistakes, because each mistake leads to an experience which will somehow change my life, if not myself. I am already like this, so my personality will bring me this kind of experience. What if I am daring enough to change myself? Surely the experience will be different right? Should I try? Hehe.
However, making mistakes too can permanently change someone's life, and the person itself. Some mistakes that have been done is too severe that they find no way to turn back. Like murdering someone. Once they started murdering a person, they will be traumatized by the fact that they took away someone's life just like that. Because of that, they began to feel comfortable taking away another person's life. This eventually lead them into becoming a psychotic murderer. This kind of mistake is what no one wants to make. But I believe that the cause of this mistake is always something unwanted and they are being suppressed until they have no more choice left except to make that kind of mistake, to avoid being suppressed.
My religion, which is Christianity, emphasizes on forgiveness. Jesus is willing to die so that all of us are given a second chance to live a clean, sinless life. How? By bearing all of our sins onto His shoulders. But how many second chances can we get in our lives? Sometimes we miss many good things in our life simply because we either let it go, or we made the other choice which is a mistake. That, I am sure is the primary reason why people are so afraid of making mistakes. Because they believe there is no second chances. But imagine most people in this world are willing to forgive, and to give another chance to one another. Surely this place will be a better place to live right? It is sad though that by human nature, majority will abuse the second chance given. Because they know they have the second chance, which in Christianity, is the forgiveness by God through Jesus' sacrifice, hence they began sinning deliberately and then asking for forgiveness at church. This kind of mistake is the worst kind of mistake, because by doing so it causes them to be labelled as hypocrite.
I can go on ranting about mistakes, but I am now feeling famished because it is dinner time, so I shall stop here. Probably I will continue about mistakes in the next post, if I feel like doing so.
p/s: It feels good writing after stopping for a long time :)
Born in a traditional Chinese family with conservative Asian culture, I have always been taught to avoid making mistakes. Once you have done a mistake, you can no longer be saved. To them, mistakes is like opening a Pandora's box - once you open it, there is no turning back. Ever since small, I was taught to score well in academics and be an achiever in school. I am not exactly a top achiever, but I achieved quite a number of things to be labelled as a good student.
I remembered when I was small, I used to talk a lot and give weirdest ideas and opinions. My opinions however, can be pretty blunt and will offend people. Hence, my family have always taught me not to express my opinions. I am taught to obey, and if I do not, I will be punished for it. I had always try to question to oppose their rules, and as a result, I often get some beatings. Because of that, I have grown up to be non-expressive and always hide my own desires and opinions so as to please others. This is because, I was afraid if I do so, I will be labelled as "mistake".
University life, however, have changed me. I learned to make decisions on my own and express my desire. From there, I actually learned that engineering is not my cup of tea at all and I find no absolute passion in designing, as compared to writing and studying human psychology. I met a few awesome people who actually gave me courage to pursue my own self and finding individuality in myself. How do I do that? By making mistakes, of course.
Mistakes come from choices. Each one of us have choices to make, and every choice has some probability for mistakes to happen. Take me as an example. I could have chosen to study Psychology in Monash, but instead I took the scholarship to study engineering in Curtin. It was definitely a mistake. I have no interest or passion in studying something as dry as calculus and transport phenomena. I sometimes wondered how did I even survive chemical engineering. Things would be different though, if I took psychology, which is my passion. But I have made a mistake, and what can I do? Cry over spilt milk? I made a choice because I thought it was the right thing to do, only to find out that it was a mistake. Getting stuck in an outskirt for 4 years studying a course I dislike sounds very depressing. But, what if we make the mistakes turn into something right instead? Sure, engineering is a depressing degree (not to all, but for me at least), and at most I can only bag a 2nd Upper Hon from it. But, to look at it at a brighter point of view, I can actually make money out of it. And engineering actually sharpens my problem-solving skills. I actually think faster outside the box whenever it comes to solving problems in real-life situation. And engineering actually teaches me to become a bridge between sociology and science. Knowledge is useless unless we apply it. That is what I learned from engineering.
To make mistakes however, one must be daring enough to take a step forward. I find out that most Asians are taught to avoid mistakes so much that most of the time, they often opt for the safest option. I find this rather conflicting with my teammates for Design Project as I argued to do something outstanding, yet they argued back that it is better to opt for the safe side so that the marks can be secured. I had to follow on because it was majority so yeah. However, deep down inside, I would like to be something out of the ordinary, because since I am doing a course which is not my interest at the first place, I might as well do something different, my way, to make the fullest out of it. If not I will be wasting my life forcing myself to do things I do not like, and as if studying the course I do not like is not enough already. I do not regret the decision to play safe though, because at the end of the day, we are only undergraduates who are still learning.
I seriously want to blame the CGPA requirement in companies for making us square students (no offence, but everyone who is like this has to admit this) who follow all the rules and textbooks just to pass. Ironically, I am one of them who do it, because I am afraid to fail and repeat the subjects. I am afraid to get terminated from the university, because I do not have any confidence to outshine other than a university degree. I depend too much on a university degree to determine my future. Then again, this is another mistake that I have done.
I always admire those teenagers in western television on how far they are willing to let go just to pursue their dreams. They leave their homes, they leave their education and they leave their bounds just to make their dreams come true. Becoming a model, an actress, a singer, a photographer, a volunteer, a musician, a cook, an owner of a shop, a mechanic, anything. They may undergo many difficulties along the way, and realized that they have made a wrong choice, which is also a mistake, but what do they get at the end of the day? Experience. Experience can never be bought with money. Experience can never be gotten back with time. That is why going to jail is the worst punishment ever, because it is wasting the time they have to obtain experience.
Making mistakes is what shapes an individual. Because of the mistakes I have done in the past, I am what I am today. Blunt and straightforward, paranoid, calculative, selfish and a coward. Yet, I know I will have soft spot for everything (of which my friends often said I will easily be taken advantage of). I still stick to being who I am, and continue making mistakes, because each mistake leads to an experience which will somehow change my life, if not myself. I am already like this, so my personality will bring me this kind of experience. What if I am daring enough to change myself? Surely the experience will be different right? Should I try? Hehe.
However, making mistakes too can permanently change someone's life, and the person itself. Some mistakes that have been done is too severe that they find no way to turn back. Like murdering someone. Once they started murdering a person, they will be traumatized by the fact that they took away someone's life just like that. Because of that, they began to feel comfortable taking away another person's life. This eventually lead them into becoming a psychotic murderer. This kind of mistake is what no one wants to make. But I believe that the cause of this mistake is always something unwanted and they are being suppressed until they have no more choice left except to make that kind of mistake, to avoid being suppressed.
My religion, which is Christianity, emphasizes on forgiveness. Jesus is willing to die so that all of us are given a second chance to live a clean, sinless life. How? By bearing all of our sins onto His shoulders. But how many second chances can we get in our lives? Sometimes we miss many good things in our life simply because we either let it go, or we made the other choice which is a mistake. That, I am sure is the primary reason why people are so afraid of making mistakes. Because they believe there is no second chances. But imagine most people in this world are willing to forgive, and to give another chance to one another. Surely this place will be a better place to live right? It is sad though that by human nature, majority will abuse the second chance given. Because they know they have the second chance, which in Christianity, is the forgiveness by God through Jesus' sacrifice, hence they began sinning deliberately and then asking for forgiveness at church. This kind of mistake is the worst kind of mistake, because by doing so it causes them to be labelled as hypocrite.
I can go on ranting about mistakes, but I am now feeling famished because it is dinner time, so I shall stop here. Probably I will continue about mistakes in the next post, if I feel like doing so.
p/s: It feels good writing after stopping for a long time :)
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Makes me Happy
I am a hopelessly romantic dreamer and I am not easily happy, it seems. Yet at the same time I realized there are many things that can just make me happy. Lol.
Good food makes me happy. That's for sure. I eat anything as long as they are delicious and are not exotic meat. Of course, they must be clean and not diarrhea-guarantee :P
Shopping makes me happy. I love shopping for lovely goods.
Dressing up makes me happy. I like looking pretty. I don't mind going through an extra mile to look prettier than I usually look. That's why I try to look as plain as possible, like a plain Jane, so that when I actually dress up, I will look much prettier than usual.
Spa makes me happy. It feels good to be massaged, pampered and relaxed.
Working hard and then getting the results I expected makes me happy. It feels good to know that my investment pays off.
A warm home makes me happy. Nothing feels better than to find a place to lean back to after a tiring day.
Mother's homecooked food makes me happy. A taste of home is nowhere to be found other than, home.
Jewelries make me happy. I like pretty, shiny things to mix and match with.
Perfumes make me happy. I like smelling lovely scent. And I like to smell like one.
Wine makes me happy. I like the feeling wine to flow into my head.
Coffee makes me happy. A strong coffee with a strong aroma calms me and at the same time excites me. How contradicting can it be?
Flowers make me happy. I like to see beautiful flowers blossoming to become the most beautiful plant ever.
Music makes me happy. Music is the sole purpose of life. Without music, our life will be colourless. I can actually spend hours listening to music only.
Stuffed animals make me happy. The warm, soft thing to cuddle to sleep makes me sleep better. Too bad I have none here.
Hug makes me happy. It feels good to be wrapped around in arms. I feel more assured, safer and warmer.
Kiss makes me happy. It is a beautiful sign of affection, a warm, wet contact with one another to show love.
Driving makes me happy. It actually releases stress along the road. Hehe.
Sleeping makes me happy. I can dream and separate myself from this harsh reality.
I guess that's it for now. I am lazy, Gah.
Good food makes me happy. That's for sure. I eat anything as long as they are delicious and are not exotic meat. Of course, they must be clean and not diarrhea-guarantee :P
Shopping makes me happy. I love shopping for lovely goods.
Dressing up makes me happy. I like looking pretty. I don't mind going through an extra mile to look prettier than I usually look. That's why I try to look as plain as possible, like a plain Jane, so that when I actually dress up, I will look much prettier than usual.
Spa makes me happy. It feels good to be massaged, pampered and relaxed.
Working hard and then getting the results I expected makes me happy. It feels good to know that my investment pays off.
A warm home makes me happy. Nothing feels better than to find a place to lean back to after a tiring day.
Mother's homecooked food makes me happy. A taste of home is nowhere to be found other than, home.
Jewelries make me happy. I like pretty, shiny things to mix and match with.
Perfumes make me happy. I like smelling lovely scent. And I like to smell like one.
Wine makes me happy. I like the feeling wine to flow into my head.
Coffee makes me happy. A strong coffee with a strong aroma calms me and at the same time excites me. How contradicting can it be?
Flowers make me happy. I like to see beautiful flowers blossoming to become the most beautiful plant ever.
Music makes me happy. Music is the sole purpose of life. Without music, our life will be colourless. I can actually spend hours listening to music only.
Stuffed animals make me happy. The warm, soft thing to cuddle to sleep makes me sleep better. Too bad I have none here.
Hug makes me happy. It feels good to be wrapped around in arms. I feel more assured, safer and warmer.
Kiss makes me happy. It is a beautiful sign of affection, a warm, wet contact with one another to show love.
Driving makes me happy. It actually releases stress along the road. Hehe.
Sleeping makes me happy. I can dream and separate myself from this harsh reality.
I guess that's it for now. I am lazy, Gah.
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
Harsh Truth
A friend once said, "Why not you just love him unconditionally without asking for anything in return? Seriously, if you even consider anything, that is no longer unconditional."
I answered, "Why, won't that make the other person awkward, especially when he has NO feelings for you at all?"
I just find the need to type this fucking shit out. Embrace it. This world is selfish on its own. The love unconditionally only exists if the other person also has feelings for you and is willing to accept your love. If the other person does not want to accept, then what is the point? It is like throwing salt into sea water. Pointless and waste of salt. We do not live in fairy tales okay?
Welcome to adulthood. To me, our hypocrisy increases as we grow up. What attracts the other person is in fact, the packaging. People like beautiful, gorgeous women, with some secrets and mystery hidden beneath the pretty face. The deeper they try to dig in, the more it is for them to find out. Like a beautiful gift wrapped in lovely gift wrapper. I am sure no one will be appealed with a present wrapped inside newspaper right? Because that is what I normally do.
I naively believed that as long as I was sincere and be my real self, then everything will be fine. People will eventually accept me for who I am. No, I am wrong. People do take notice of the packaging. There is a reason why every gift is nicely-wrapped. There is a reason why people even sell gift boxes. Packaging is THAT important.
Whoever created the story that as long as you sincerely love someone, someday you will be appreciated is clearly bullshitting. I never see that coming. No.
But look at the bright side lah. At least I am a good friend. I deserve a "best friend" award. Lol.
p/s: I know this post sounds bitter. But it is a reflection of how I felt at that time. So please don't judge or speculate. I appreciate that a lot.
I answered, "Why, won't that make the other person awkward, especially when he has NO feelings for you at all?"
I just find the need to type this fucking shit out. Embrace it. This world is selfish on its own. The love unconditionally only exists if the other person also has feelings for you and is willing to accept your love. If the other person does not want to accept, then what is the point? It is like throwing salt into sea water. Pointless and waste of salt. We do not live in fairy tales okay?
Welcome to adulthood. To me, our hypocrisy increases as we grow up. What attracts the other person is in fact, the packaging. People like beautiful, gorgeous women, with some secrets and mystery hidden beneath the pretty face. The deeper they try to dig in, the more it is for them to find out. Like a beautiful gift wrapped in lovely gift wrapper. I am sure no one will be appealed with a present wrapped inside newspaper right? Because that is what I normally do.
I naively believed that as long as I was sincere and be my real self, then everything will be fine. People will eventually accept me for who I am. No, I am wrong. People do take notice of the packaging. There is a reason why every gift is nicely-wrapped. There is a reason why people even sell gift boxes. Packaging is THAT important.
Whoever created the story that as long as you sincerely love someone, someday you will be appreciated is clearly bullshitting. I never see that coming. No.
But look at the bright side lah. At least I am a good friend. I deserve a "best friend" award. Lol.
p/s: I know this post sounds bitter. But it is a reflection of how I felt at that time. So please don't judge or speculate. I appreciate that a lot.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Like What???
This is my first time blogging from my Note 3. I blogged here because my lappie is in my friend's house. And I would like to try blogging from a phone. However, this will be a short post though. At least longer than Twitter la. Haha.
I sometimes wish I can just don't give two fucks about everything. Why, am I causing defamation or something? If yes, come over and sue me la! One girl unhappy I shamed her (kinda but no) so persuaded me to shame him as well to make things even. I admit it is immature of her to do and I did justify but imagine someone bugging you about it like a small kid asking for sweets. Fuck la I was stressed with my own thing so I just did it to shut her up. Only in a group chat, where everyone already knew about it. Not fb. Not even instagram.
It is my fault for not posting with your consent. But try to look at how bad I have done before accussing me for defamation la. Were there any damage done on your reputation? No. Suddenly call me just to scold me, then merajuk and all? Not like I posted a photo of you naked or what. And I got accused as if I have done the biggest mistake in the world!
If that "victim" happens to read this, well this is my blog aka my page so I have the entity to post how I feel. And I think this act is not considered as defamation because no names are mentioned and it is mainly on how I feel. Well unless the victim kantoi la.
I am tired of handling people. Why can't I just be myself freely?
I need some sleep. Seriously. Imagine 24 continuous hours of no sleep tqvm.
I sometimes wish I can just don't give two fucks about everything. Why, am I causing defamation or something? If yes, come over and sue me la! One girl unhappy I shamed her (kinda but no) so persuaded me to shame him as well to make things even. I admit it is immature of her to do and I did justify but imagine someone bugging you about it like a small kid asking for sweets. Fuck la I was stressed with my own thing so I just did it to shut her up. Only in a group chat, where everyone already knew about it. Not fb. Not even instagram.
It is my fault for not posting with your consent. But try to look at how bad I have done before accussing me for defamation la. Were there any damage done on your reputation? No. Suddenly call me just to scold me, then merajuk and all? Not like I posted a photo of you naked or what. And I got accused as if I have done the biggest mistake in the world!
If that "victim" happens to read this, well this is my blog aka my page so I have the entity to post how I feel. And I think this act is not considered as defamation because no names are mentioned and it is mainly on how I feel. Well unless the victim kantoi la.
I am tired of handling people. Why can't I just be myself freely?
I need some sleep. Seriously. Imagine 24 continuous hours of no sleep tqvm.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
SEX LOVE or LOVE SEX? You Decide :)
##DISCLAIMER: If you are uncomfortable talking about sex or are below 18, feel free to skip this post. Otherwise, read at your own risk :P
I remembered when I was in my teens, the word "sex" was a taboo word. Anything related to sexuality will immediately be censored in my mouth. Well, I am in an all-girls' convent school, so can't really blame me. I only got the first taste of sexual conversation when I was 18 (conveniently when I became legal, huh?) and I never felt so awkward before in my life. Those terms such as "blowjob" and "doggy-style" sounds innocent and yet dirty at the same time. It is so intriguing that I googled it and ended up blushing after looking at the meaning.
Yes, welcome to this blog post about sex, sex and sex. I was exposed to sexual conversations so much that it now sounds like a normal conversation to me. Not that I am proud of it, but hey, eventually we all (most of us I mean) will end up engaging in sex one day, and some may already do but just keep quiet. I can go on about this sexual post forever but I shall focus on only two things today. Firstly, on the addiction towards sex and whether or not it is love.
To be honest, I do not get the big deal on sex. There are so many people out there that are just addicted to sex. They talk about sex, they crave for sex, they are willing to lose themselves for sex, degrade themselves or sex and they make sex seems like the most valuable satisfaction in this globe. I know I have no say because I do not have any practical experience, but I really do wonder why is it so addictive. Men cheat on their wives because they think with their penis instead of their head. Women complained about how men can be so bad on bed until the men question their own ego. The dominating species are willing to pay to sex the submissive species. Even men had sex with animals. The addiction is scary, if you look at it at the big picture.
Is it the hormone that make people go haywire whenever there is sex involved? If yes, then does it make lust a worse vice as compared to gluttony? I know my biggest craving is food, and I do get cranky if I cannot eat what I crave for. But is sex the same thing as well? Is that why porn exist? I do not object the idea of porn for men to release sexual tension, but I am against the idea of objectifying human beings as sex objects in the name of views. Perhaps that is the reason some movies like to add in unnecessary sex scenes. To increase viewership. Lol. But it is pretty much unnecessary, especially if there is some climax and then suddenly sex scenes come in. Potong stim habis =.= eh seriously if I want to be horny I would have watched porn instead of an action movie right? In the midst of an adrenaline suddenly you see naked couple making out. You will feel the same way as I do right? Unless you are horny 24/7 then I have no comment.
Okay I have enough questioning the sex addiction thing. Let's go to the next topic, which will be interesting in my opinion. Can sex be equated with love, or vice versa, or both? In my humble opinion, sex is a type of bond and connection created between a man and a woman to profess their deep love for each other. As our own body is so sacred and private, the pleasure shall then be shared between those whom we love the most. That's why a man who have sex with a woman without her consent is called rape. This is simply because she does not love that man at all and is not willing to share her body with him. I mean logically thinking, if you love someone you will share every precious thing you have with that someone right? Money, house, and in this case, your own body. This is why a man and a woman who love each other so much having sex is called "making love". Cherishing each other's bodies with love and passion like there is no tomorrow. Lol. That is how I see sex, excuse me *blush*.
Yet, there are so many people in this world who are able to have sex without the love. It is like the addiction I mentioned above. They can just have sex with someone they just met and then with no strings attached afterwards. Is it that they are lonely that they search within sex to fill up their emptiness deep down inside? Or is it they try to find emotional attachment through sex? Either way, my advice for these people is to nourish their own lives first if they want to fill up their lives :) then when their life is fully-nourished, they will realize that they do not need loveless sex to be satisfied. Sex should be preserved for someone special, not merely being exercised as an activity. Lol.
Sex has its ugly side as well, especially the aftermath of it. Sexual victims especially are the saddest case. They are being objectified by men (and in some cases women) to fill up their emptiness and fulfill their perverted satisfaction, leaving them traumatized and ashamed. Trafficked sex slaves are said to have emotional and psychological trauma which may cost them a lifetime. They will feel dirty, worthless and used up. I hope there are more people who can actually help them to get up because their paths are still long. There is a reason why they survived the torture after all, right? ^^
I remembered when I was in my teens, the word "sex" was a taboo word. Anything related to sexuality will immediately be censored in my mouth. Well, I am in an all-girls' convent school, so can't really blame me. I only got the first taste of sexual conversation when I was 18 (conveniently when I became legal, huh?) and I never felt so awkward before in my life. Those terms such as "blowjob" and "doggy-style" sounds innocent and yet dirty at the same time. It is so intriguing that I googled it and ended up blushing after looking at the meaning.
Yes, welcome to this blog post about sex, sex and sex. I was exposed to sexual conversations so much that it now sounds like a normal conversation to me. Not that I am proud of it, but hey, eventually we all (most of us I mean) will end up engaging in sex one day, and some may already do but just keep quiet. I can go on about this sexual post forever but I shall focus on only two things today. Firstly, on the addiction towards sex and whether or not it is love.
To be honest, I do not get the big deal on sex. There are so many people out there that are just addicted to sex. They talk about sex, they crave for sex, they are willing to lose themselves for sex, degrade themselves or sex and they make sex seems like the most valuable satisfaction in this globe. I know I have no say because I do not have any practical experience, but I really do wonder why is it so addictive. Men cheat on their wives because they think with their penis instead of their head. Women complained about how men can be so bad on bed until the men question their own ego. The dominating species are willing to pay to sex the submissive species. Even men had sex with animals. The addiction is scary, if you look at it at the big picture.
Is it the hormone that make people go haywire whenever there is sex involved? If yes, then does it make lust a worse vice as compared to gluttony? I know my biggest craving is food, and I do get cranky if I cannot eat what I crave for. But is sex the same thing as well? Is that why porn exist? I do not object the idea of porn for men to release sexual tension, but I am against the idea of objectifying human beings as sex objects in the name of views. Perhaps that is the reason some movies like to add in unnecessary sex scenes. To increase viewership. Lol. But it is pretty much unnecessary, especially if there is some climax and then suddenly sex scenes come in. Potong stim habis =.= eh seriously if I want to be horny I would have watched porn instead of an action movie right? In the midst of an adrenaline suddenly you see naked couple making out. You will feel the same way as I do right? Unless you are horny 24/7 then I have no comment.
Okay I have enough questioning the sex addiction thing. Let's go to the next topic, which will be interesting in my opinion. Can sex be equated with love, or vice versa, or both? In my humble opinion, sex is a type of bond and connection created between a man and a woman to profess their deep love for each other. As our own body is so sacred and private, the pleasure shall then be shared between those whom we love the most. That's why a man who have sex with a woman without her consent is called rape. This is simply because she does not love that man at all and is not willing to share her body with him. I mean logically thinking, if you love someone you will share every precious thing you have with that someone right? Money, house, and in this case, your own body. This is why a man and a woman who love each other so much having sex is called "making love". Cherishing each other's bodies with love and passion like there is no tomorrow. Lol. That is how I see sex, excuse me *blush*.
Yet, there are so many people in this world who are able to have sex without the love. It is like the addiction I mentioned above. They can just have sex with someone they just met and then with no strings attached afterwards. Is it that they are lonely that they search within sex to fill up their emptiness deep down inside? Or is it they try to find emotional attachment through sex? Either way, my advice for these people is to nourish their own lives first if they want to fill up their lives :) then when their life is fully-nourished, they will realize that they do not need loveless sex to be satisfied. Sex should be preserved for someone special, not merely being exercised as an activity. Lol.
Sex has its ugly side as well, especially the aftermath of it. Sexual victims especially are the saddest case. They are being objectified by men (and in some cases women) to fill up their emptiness and fulfill their perverted satisfaction, leaving them traumatized and ashamed. Trafficked sex slaves are said to have emotional and psychological trauma which may cost them a lifetime. They will feel dirty, worthless and used up. I hope there are more people who can actually help them to get up because their paths are still long. There is a reason why they survived the torture after all, right? ^^
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Ask.Love.Give.Receive.
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| Love is you. Period. |
I have so many questions in mind about love that I want to post all of them here.
How to define love?
How to know when we are in love?
What is the difference between in love and to love?
Is love a matter of choice, or it is beyond control?
Is it possible to fall in love with someone without realizing?
Friendship comes before love, or vice versa?
Love creates happiness, or vice versa?
Is there such thing called "right time to love"?
Should we chase after one love knowing that we will be apart?
That's all for now. Confirm I have more questions than these but nah, lazy to post all.
They say love is a game. Play it right and we will have it. The thing is, I suck totally at playing. Firstly, I do not get hints. I will be totally oblivious towards it until people come to me and tell me. Then I get freaked out. If I like him then good lah. If I don't like him then bad lah. Lol. I do not like the idea of love being a game though. Isn't love supposed to be a genuine thing, which should be given and shared all the time? Why do loving someone has to be a game and then planning strategies, here and there? I honestly tell you (from what I have seen) that love obtained by playing hard and lots of planning will somewhat tires you out. Because you will have to keep thinking of ways to keep the partner. Just give your love naturally and only work on maintaining the love you have. Simplest, yet hardest at the same time. Why?
This is because not everyone is lucky to find someone whom they are able to love and at the same time someone who loves them. Mutual affection. Two people may be able to get together because of understanding, work, friendship, meetings, clubs, activities and religion. But if both are solely together simply because of mutual affection, which makes them want to love each other at the same time, that is like hitting a jackpot. If you have found someone like that, do not let that person go. Love knows no boundaries. I know I sound unrealistic saying so, but at the end of the day, happiness does not depend on reality. It depends on ourselves.
You will eventually know who you will want to spend your rest of your life with. There is something about that person that makes you want to get to know that person more. And when you find out the bad things that person has done, somehow you are able to forgive that person and accept the flaws. You are happy whenever you see that person. No matter how bad your day is, seeing that someone just lifts part of your bad feelings away, if not all. That person will be the last person you think of before going to bed. You will wonder whether that person is doing fine or not. If you are shy, you will not call and ask. But if you are daring, then good lah. It is a beautiful feeling. But it depends whether you are daring enough to open up your heart and receive it. Or give.
Your lover is a partner who shares his/her life with you. Your lover is your best friend who knows you inside out and yet accepts your flaws. Your lover is a giver who will provide you anything so that you will be happy. Your lover is a receiver who expects happiness from you because of the strong love towards you. At the same time, you can be your lover's partner whom you share your life with (family, friends, work life, trouble, success, joy). You can (or if are, even better) be your lover's best friend who will always be there for your lover despite the past and flaws. You can give your lover all your love and make sure he or she can feel it. You can learn to receive your lover's love for you because every lover hopes that his or her love reaches the other half.
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| Very true. |
A friend once told me that same things will keep occurring in my life unless I make changes on it. I know I will have to stop being a coward and to have low confidence on myself. I know I should learn to open up my heart rather than keeping it in a save. Ironically, le ex was the one who told me not to keep my heart into a save. Lol. Maybe it is a sign that I should really have faith in myself and see what my love can do to another person's life. Maybe my love can change someone's life, I never know.
Just love myself and eventually someone who loves me will come along. This I shall believe :)
Because God never fails to shower His love to me, thus sending someone who loves me to me. Amen.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Vulnerability
I write this post mainly for myself , but for those clueless women out there who lack confidence as much as I do, feel free to read this and feel better after that :)
I know in every woman's dream, there will be her other significant half holding her hand and finish up the life journey together. For those feminists who claim that they do not need men in their lives, stop living in denial. Deep down inside, every woman wants to find love to fulfill inner desire, nourishment and emptiness in her soul.
I once believed in that dream that I found the one. Despite being a far cry from my typical man I will have crush on (don't try to guess that type thank you), I believed that I was totally in love and will spend the rest of my life with that man. However, things did not end as pretty as I thought. It turned out pretty ugly, and even though I was already over him, the scars remained. There were little things that triggered the sweet memories, which will be followed by the bitter memories, which came with the betrayal. If you are curious, he is currently happy with his girlfriend, but at the same time dwelt over me. No, not really healthy here.
It is not easy for me to type all these. I made a mistake. The thing that stopped me from walking forward was that I was unable to get up totally from the mistake I had made after so long. Three years. I had friends asking me why am I still single and all (even my mother). They thought I was not over him. Wrong. I am over him, and even if one day he came to me and asked me back, I will not go back anymore. But it is the fact that I could not get rid of the scars that stopped me from stepping forward. The fear of making the same mistake with the next man. The fear of not being able to give as much love to the next man after giving so much to the previous one. The fear of betrayal. The fear of him judging me for what I did. The fear of him unable to accept me after knowing more of me. The fear of losing myself on the way so as to please him.
Most important of all, the fear of not being good enough for him. I am not beautiful and definitely far from being gentle. I am extremely emotional, which is the total opposite of a logical and practical typical man. And at the same time, I will always need some space for myself, and I am afraid I am unable to allocate space for him all the time. I am very selfish, and if he has to put up to my selfishness all my life, we will end up quarreling and that will eventually destroy our relationship.
My friend said that if I were unable to get up after so long, I will need a helping hand from a Good Samaritan so that I can have faith in myself, in relationships and in love again. Thing is, it is not easy to find that Good Samaritan who will lend a helping and loving hand. I know there are many guys who go over to you and tell you they fall in love with you or like you a lot without knowing who you truly are. They like you for the looks and how you portray yourself to be. They are unable to see your inner self because they are too blinded with your appearance. What happens if they see your inner, broken self? Will they truly understand your feeling? Or they can pretend to understand your feeling just to have you, and once they do, they do not care any longer? Or they are just simply...lonely? Desperate? No, Good Samaritans are not easy to find.
A Good Samaritan is a guy who is able to penetrate into my inner self, sees them and yet still accepts me for who I am. He will be the one who genuinely understands my pain and sorrow, so the best bet for this Good Samaritan is someone who went through the same pain as I did. Someone who understands the feeling of lost love, of faith that has faded and hope as high as mountains practically vanished in matter of seconds. If a guy loves me but do not understands my pain, he will keep telling me to move on, move on, quit being stupid, why not see the one in front of you and then gets jealous for no reason. Then we will start quarreling. Make sense? And the only person who can gets you out of the fire must be the one who survived the fire itself, because he is the only one who knows how to get out of the fire. But I guess finding this kind of guy is like finding pea in grains of rice, huh?
I am a messed up individual to the fact that I doubt myself sometimes. I know people have always say that for someone to love you I must learn to love myself first. I am loving myself. But the thing is, there are things which I cannot do on my own. I am not strong enough to get up fully, even after so long. I do not have a high confidence, of which most of my friends get irritated with hehe. But at the same time, I have high ego. See how complex and messed up I am? A guy who can handle this complex personality and thoughts of mine is truly a Good Samaritan, which I think is rather difficult to even find, let alone come to me.
But even though things are difficult, I should not lose faith and hope, like what my friends said. Once I give up on myself, that's it. My friends have not given up on me, so why should I give up on myself? I have love myself more for knowing how to prioritize things better now, rather than being more of a people pleaser. I appreciate my friends who have always root for me and cherish me. They are the ones who dare to tell me where my flaws are so that I can improve myself better. To be a better person so that I will live a better life. To be a better person so that I can be more worthy of the Good Samaritan who will hold my hand someday.
I have learned to appreciate myself more than before. Even though I am not beautiful, I can always dress up nicely and look at my very best. This, to boost up confidence. At least I try my best looking my best. I am not gentle, but I am funny at the same time. I make people around me laugh for my quirky antics. My annoying loud voice somehow creates a happening atmosphere. I cherish these gifts of mine which brings others to joy. Although my blunt remarks are somewhat painful, people who truly understand me and care for me will know that my remarks mean no harm, and are more to letting them know what exactly happen. I have this knack for knowing what people think and seeing through most people's personality. It is scarily accurate, yet most of the time I often overlook them. Hahaha. How I see myself can sometimes be correct or wrong, no?
There is a saying which goes," Birds of the same feather flock together". In layman's terms, you attract what you are. So if you want to be with someone you want, firstly improve yourself to be like him/her. Not changing who you are, but try to take up his/her good qualities. But most importantly, accept who you are first. Everything comes after that :)
p/s: For girls who lose faith in themselves, look at the mirror and list out the good things you have. If you cannot find it, drag your close friends and ask them to list them out for you. Along the way you will somehow be able to list them out yourselves ^^
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| Tulips - signifying perfect love :) |
I once believed in that dream that I found the one. Despite being a far cry from my typical man I will have crush on (don't try to guess that type thank you), I believed that I was totally in love and will spend the rest of my life with that man. However, things did not end as pretty as I thought. It turned out pretty ugly, and even though I was already over him, the scars remained. There were little things that triggered the sweet memories, which will be followed by the bitter memories, which came with the betrayal. If you are curious, he is currently happy with his girlfriend, but at the same time dwelt over me. No, not really healthy here.
It is not easy for me to type all these. I made a mistake. The thing that stopped me from walking forward was that I was unable to get up totally from the mistake I had made after so long. Three years. I had friends asking me why am I still single and all (even my mother). They thought I was not over him. Wrong. I am over him, and even if one day he came to me and asked me back, I will not go back anymore. But it is the fact that I could not get rid of the scars that stopped me from stepping forward. The fear of making the same mistake with the next man. The fear of not being able to give as much love to the next man after giving so much to the previous one. The fear of betrayal. The fear of him judging me for what I did. The fear of him unable to accept me after knowing more of me. The fear of losing myself on the way so as to please him.
Most important of all, the fear of not being good enough for him. I am not beautiful and definitely far from being gentle. I am extremely emotional, which is the total opposite of a logical and practical typical man. And at the same time, I will always need some space for myself, and I am afraid I am unable to allocate space for him all the time. I am very selfish, and if he has to put up to my selfishness all my life, we will end up quarreling and that will eventually destroy our relationship.
 |
| Holding hands is the very first step of relationships, not kisses or caresses other parts of the body |
A Good Samaritan is a guy who is able to penetrate into my inner self, sees them and yet still accepts me for who I am. He will be the one who genuinely understands my pain and sorrow, so the best bet for this Good Samaritan is someone who went through the same pain as I did. Someone who understands the feeling of lost love, of faith that has faded and hope as high as mountains practically vanished in matter of seconds. If a guy loves me but do not understands my pain, he will keep telling me to move on, move on, quit being stupid, why not see the one in front of you and then gets jealous for no reason. Then we will start quarreling. Make sense? And the only person who can gets you out of the fire must be the one who survived the fire itself, because he is the only one who knows how to get out of the fire. But I guess finding this kind of guy is like finding pea in grains of rice, huh?
I am a messed up individual to the fact that I doubt myself sometimes. I know people have always say that for someone to love you I must learn to love myself first. I am loving myself. But the thing is, there are things which I cannot do on my own. I am not strong enough to get up fully, even after so long. I do not have a high confidence, of which most of my friends get irritated with hehe. But at the same time, I have high ego. See how complex and messed up I am? A guy who can handle this complex personality and thoughts of mine is truly a Good Samaritan, which I think is rather difficult to even find, let alone come to me.
But even though things are difficult, I should not lose faith and hope, like what my friends said. Once I give up on myself, that's it. My friends have not given up on me, so why should I give up on myself? I have love myself more for knowing how to prioritize things better now, rather than being more of a people pleaser. I appreciate my friends who have always root for me and cherish me. They are the ones who dare to tell me where my flaws are so that I can improve myself better. To be a better person so that I will live a better life. To be a better person so that I can be more worthy of the Good Samaritan who will hold my hand someday.
I have learned to appreciate myself more than before. Even though I am not beautiful, I can always dress up nicely and look at my very best. This, to boost up confidence. At least I try my best looking my best. I am not gentle, but I am funny at the same time. I make people around me laugh for my quirky antics. My annoying loud voice somehow creates a happening atmosphere. I cherish these gifts of mine which brings others to joy. Although my blunt remarks are somewhat painful, people who truly understand me and care for me will know that my remarks mean no harm, and are more to letting them know what exactly happen. I have this knack for knowing what people think and seeing through most people's personality. It is scarily accurate, yet most of the time I often overlook them. Hahaha. How I see myself can sometimes be correct or wrong, no?
There is a saying which goes," Birds of the same feather flock together". In layman's terms, you attract what you are. So if you want to be with someone you want, firstly improve yourself to be like him/her. Not changing who you are, but try to take up his/her good qualities. But most importantly, accept who you are first. Everything comes after that :)
p/s: For girls who lose faith in themselves, look at the mirror and list out the good things you have. If you cannot find it, drag your close friends and ask them to list them out for you. Along the way you will somehow be able to list them out yourselves ^^
Monday, August 19, 2013
One of Those Days...
"Sometimes,
it's not the most catastrophic misfortune that makes us collapse, but
rather, the collection of little things happened altogether." - Jessie Tan, 2013. Hehehe.
If you had a good day today, please do not read this because it is full of depressing feelings being jumbled up altogether here. It may be the fact that I am stressing with Design Project lately, hence this post.
There were the times when I actually looked back upon my life so far and honestly speaking, about 70% of my time (until today) were not lived the way I really want. I always tried my best to make others happy, forgetting that I need to be happy as well. This often happens until when I finally realized I do not get what I want and I end up getting what I do not want, I will then let loose and blame the world for being unfair. Sometimes I may not know what I want, but there are times when I know what I want and yet I know I can never live that life. For example, experiencing the life as a university student in a foreign country while trying my best to adapt to cultural and surrounding's shock. I can never live that life again no matter how many times I wish for it.
I lost myself and succumbed to peer pressure, mental pressure and family needs. I spent so much time making people around me smile until I will forget how to smile for myself. I will spend so much time doing some task until I forget to eat and when I finally realized, that is when I collapse. But I cannot blame anyone but myself, because this is the choice I made. Because I feel my worth only when I can make someone happy. Because when others make me happy, I will tend to feel obliged to make them happier than myself. Only then I will be even happier. But I will get exhausted in the process. This is because I am only a normal human being who will also have my own selfish needs. I am no saint, as we all can see. I too have my own desires and needs. Then when I finally remembered how to be selfish, I will then get frustrated on why the hell did I forget how to make myself happy. From there, I will then start hating myself for making myself so worthless. Then it goes on and on. Unending complexity.
Is it the fact that I do not know what I truly want in my life yet?
Is it the fact that I am not satisfied with what I have, and perhaps greedy enough to ask for more?
Or is it the fact that I know what I want deep down inside, but at the same time I am resisting it because of my responsibility I have to bear all my life?
Seriously, I often wonder to myself. Am I truly happy?
Only God knows. And I hope He will give me what's best for me. Because only He knows what is the best for me, probably some time before I finally realize what is actually best for me. Hey, it often happens. Lol.
Had a good time ranting :) I feel better now.
If you had a good day today, please do not read this because it is full of depressing feelings being jumbled up altogether here. It may be the fact that I am stressing with Design Project lately, hence this post.
There were the times when I actually looked back upon my life so far and honestly speaking, about 70% of my time (until today) were not lived the way I really want. I always tried my best to make others happy, forgetting that I need to be happy as well. This often happens until when I finally realized I do not get what I want and I end up getting what I do not want, I will then let loose and blame the world for being unfair. Sometimes I may not know what I want, but there are times when I know what I want and yet I know I can never live that life. For example, experiencing the life as a university student in a foreign country while trying my best to adapt to cultural and surrounding's shock. I can never live that life again no matter how many times I wish for it.
I lost myself and succumbed to peer pressure, mental pressure and family needs. I spent so much time making people around me smile until I will forget how to smile for myself. I will spend so much time doing some task until I forget to eat and when I finally realized, that is when I collapse. But I cannot blame anyone but myself, because this is the choice I made. Because I feel my worth only when I can make someone happy. Because when others make me happy, I will tend to feel obliged to make them happier than myself. Only then I will be even happier. But I will get exhausted in the process. This is because I am only a normal human being who will also have my own selfish needs. I am no saint, as we all can see. I too have my own desires and needs. Then when I finally remembered how to be selfish, I will then get frustrated on why the hell did I forget how to make myself happy. From there, I will then start hating myself for making myself so worthless. Then it goes on and on. Unending complexity.
Is it the fact that I do not know what I truly want in my life yet?
Is it the fact that I am not satisfied with what I have, and perhaps greedy enough to ask for more?
Or is it the fact that I know what I want deep down inside, but at the same time I am resisting it because of my responsibility I have to bear all my life?
Seriously, I often wonder to myself. Am I truly happy?
Only God knows. And I hope He will give me what's best for me. Because only He knows what is the best for me, probably some time before I finally realize what is actually best for me. Hey, it often happens. Lol.
Had a good time ranting :) I feel better now.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Of Miri, Design Project and 宅女
To be honest, this post does not serve any purpose except for any update, in case someone who reads my blog thinks I am dead or something. Lol. I don't blog regularly because this is, after all, something to be done only when I feel like it. So one cannot expect me to blog all the time. Ah yes, this blog is written from Miri by the way. I am back in Miri, and I have yet to see anyone except for my fellow housemates. Lol.
Arrived Miri, unpacked, napped, had dinner, and then switched on laptop. Surfing the net, watching videos, reading articles, and then it came to a realization that I HAVE NOT PROPERLY STARTED DESIGN PROJECT. OMG I AM ONE WEEK LATE AND I AM SO CLUELESS AND I AM IN A DILEMMA AT THE SAME TIME AND HERE I AM CONTEMPLATING WITH MYSELF WHETHER TO ASK LECTURER OR NOT. HAIYAH. Okay rant done. Got the most reputable lecturer who is known for being anal and professional at the same time as my advisor for design project. Lol. Seriously, sometimes I wonder whether the unit coordinator for DP is Hokkien. Design Project 499 = Design Project See Kao Kao. Lol. My mind is not in my best shape lol. And why am I even writing this?
It is Saturday night and I am at home in front of laptop. Sounds so 宅女, huh? I somehow miss my 宅女 life. Back home, I seldom get the chance to actually laze on the bed. I always get called to go out by friends and my family, and if I say no, they will persuade me and make sure I say yes. It's like NO YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME DO YOU NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE? How to not go? :( I keep going out and spend money like water. Being a 宅女 is better in such a way that I can actually save money. Lol that's my main concern, as I have KK trip to look forward to and I still have to change my phone. My current phone is going crazy and it will die anytime soon. Funny thing is, people will laugh whenever I tell them I prefer being a 宅女 =.=
Soon, there will be no 宅女 life. I will spend most of the time in lab doing the dreaded DP and will complain, complain and in the end cry. Lol.
Arrived Miri, unpacked, napped, had dinner, and then switched on laptop. Surfing the net, watching videos, reading articles, and then it came to a realization that I HAVE NOT PROPERLY STARTED DESIGN PROJECT. OMG I AM ONE WEEK LATE AND I AM SO CLUELESS AND I AM IN A DILEMMA AT THE SAME TIME AND HERE I AM CONTEMPLATING WITH MYSELF WHETHER TO ASK LECTURER OR NOT. HAIYAH. Okay rant done. Got the most reputable lecturer who is known for being anal and professional at the same time as my advisor for design project. Lol. Seriously, sometimes I wonder whether the unit coordinator for DP is Hokkien. Design Project 499 = Design Project See Kao Kao. Lol. My mind is not in my best shape lol. And why am I even writing this?
It is Saturday night and I am at home in front of laptop. Sounds so 宅女, huh? I somehow miss my 宅女 life. Back home, I seldom get the chance to actually laze on the bed. I always get called to go out by friends and my family, and if I say no, they will persuade me and make sure I say yes. It's like NO YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME DO YOU NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE? How to not go? :( I keep going out and spend money like water. Being a 宅女 is better in such a way that I can actually save money. Lol that's my main concern, as I have KK trip to look forward to and I still have to change my phone. My current phone is going crazy and it will die anytime soon. Funny thing is, people will laugh whenever I tell them I prefer being a 宅女 =.=
Soon, there will be no 宅女 life. I will spend most of the time in lab doing the dreaded DP and will complain, complain and in the end cry. Lol.
Sunday, August 04, 2013
Secrets to Skin Care (My Unorthodox Method)
Skin care products. I bet most of the women will spend minimum of 10%
of their monthly wages on their skin. They either go to facial salon,
or buy tons of skincare products. 9 out of 10 does that. I, on the other
hand, belong to the minority. I am a lazy person when it comes to
regular skincare. That explains why my skincare that I bought lasted me
for years! In fact, I even consider skincare routine a waste of time,
particularly when I am stressed. The only must-have skincare I have is a
lip balm, because my lips get dry easily when the weather is very hot.
Oh ya, not to forget the sun lotion, because UV rays are harmful. BB cream too is essential for face and neck for protection against harsh environment.
One vital way of skin care is what we take for our body on the inside, that is for sure. I, however, do not take supplements and medicines for skin care. That is not only costly for someone impoverished like me, but is also a waste of money. I can buy myself lots of meals with that amount of money!
Wasting no time, here is what I normally take that I believe gives me great skin care. I am not exactly sure about how they benefit to our skin, but I will not post this if not because of the research done. And to be honest, I only find out its benefit recently after I searched from the internet.
1) Fish
I love fish! Its meat is smooth and it is healthy. It too, is a non-fattening type of meat. Between meat and fish, I would definitely go for fish <3>
Here is the link of the fish benefits. Lazy to rewrite. Fish oil too is good for skin. The Omega-3 and 6 in the fish oil are the anti-aging elements for our skin. Take that, and we will not grow old so soon.
2) Pork (fatty ones)
Pork is undeniably one of my favourite meat. To me, chicken is the safe meat, while pork is the risky meat. Chicken can be cooked in any way, but pork, if properly cooked, definitely reigns supreme! I have long known that the pork fat contains collagen, which prolongs youth. This explains why I look 18 when I am 23 this year! Okay, perasan-ness aside, here is the link as a proof! Here too is one of my favourite parts of pork which contains COLLAGEN.
3) Milk
I have been drinking milk on the day I was born until today. Even today, I still drink milk like a little kid. I heard of this myth saying that drinking lots of milk make you as fair as milk. It is true. Not only that, it also moisturizes skin with some protein, and at the same time giving it some glow. Best magic potion for skin? Milk LAH. Anyways, here is the link, of which I am lazy to retype here. If you are lactose intolerant, the alternative is that you bath with milk. It works. But of course, nothing beats taking something inside your body which will last longer than having it directly contacted with skin, which will not be totally absorbed into your skin.
4) Eggs
From poached eggs to scrambled eggs, I love them all. The only egg which I will not eat is century egg, because its texture is so rubbery (weird Chinese). In most of my cooking, I will put egg in everything. My peers are well-informed that I love eggs, and I must have eggs whenever possible. Between pork and eggs, I will go for eggs. I am serious. Anyway, rants aside, here is the link.
5) Water
I do not need any proof to show that water is beneficial for skin. Common sense, we drink lots of water, we get rid of the toxins in our body (including the skin), thus getting cleaner, healthier skin. Cleaner skin = less acne. Besides, lack of water in our body means lack of moisture, and many women out there spent hundreds on moisturizers which need to be applied outside the skin, when we can actually drink water into our body to replenish moisture in our skin! Water is damn cheap, if not free. I guess if every woman thinks like me, the beauty product companies will go bankrupt =.=
6) Ribena and fruit juice
The things that Ribena and fruit juice have in common is Vitamin C. Vitamin C is well-known for its antioxidant properties, clearing of complexion and aiding the production of collagen. I don't think I need to elaborate how Vitamin C is so beneficial to our skin, so I will enclose it with a link here. But one thing for sure is that, Vitamin C is a water-soluble vitamin, so if we use skin care products that contain Vitamin C, it may not be absorbed that easily into our skin. What better ways of getting Vitamin C absorbed than to constantly take it? And nothing beats natural sources of Vitamin C (Ribena is made of blackcurrant juice, which contains Vitamin C, so yeah).
Apart from all these, my food intake is usually unhealthy food. But, but, but, but, I will make sure I take CLEAN food when I return to Miri. I will cook and practice clean eating, and work out. Not to lose weight, but for my health. Healthy life = happy body :D
p/s: If there is any missing information regarding the skin benefits from the food mentioned above, please let me know. Thank you very much!
One vital way of skin care is what we take for our body on the inside, that is for sure. I, however, do not take supplements and medicines for skin care. That is not only costly for someone impoverished like me, but is also a waste of money. I can buy myself lots of meals with that amount of money!
Wasting no time, here is what I normally take that I believe gives me great skin care. I am not exactly sure about how they benefit to our skin, but I will not post this if not because of the research done. And to be honest, I only find out its benefit recently after I searched from the internet.
1) Fish
I love fish! Its meat is smooth and it is healthy. It too, is a non-fattening type of meat. Between meat and fish, I would definitely go for fish <3>
Here is the link of the fish benefits. Lazy to rewrite. Fish oil too is good for skin. The Omega-3 and 6 in the fish oil are the anti-aging elements for our skin. Take that, and we will not grow old so soon.
2) Pork (fatty ones)
Pork is undeniably one of my favourite meat. To me, chicken is the safe meat, while pork is the risky meat. Chicken can be cooked in any way, but pork, if properly cooked, definitely reigns supreme! I have long known that the pork fat contains collagen, which prolongs youth. This explains why I look 18 when I am 23 this year! Okay, perasan-ness aside, here is the link as a proof! Here too is one of my favourite parts of pork which contains COLLAGEN.
3) Milk
I have been drinking milk on the day I was born until today. Even today, I still drink milk like a little kid. I heard of this myth saying that drinking lots of milk make you as fair as milk. It is true. Not only that, it also moisturizes skin with some protein, and at the same time giving it some glow. Best magic potion for skin? Milk LAH. Anyways, here is the link, of which I am lazy to retype here. If you are lactose intolerant, the alternative is that you bath with milk. It works. But of course, nothing beats taking something inside your body which will last longer than having it directly contacted with skin, which will not be totally absorbed into your skin.
4) Eggs
From poached eggs to scrambled eggs, I love them all. The only egg which I will not eat is century egg, because its texture is so rubbery (weird Chinese). In most of my cooking, I will put egg in everything. My peers are well-informed that I love eggs, and I must have eggs whenever possible. Between pork and eggs, I will go for eggs. I am serious. Anyway, rants aside, here is the link.
5) Water
I do not need any proof to show that water is beneficial for skin. Common sense, we drink lots of water, we get rid of the toxins in our body (including the skin), thus getting cleaner, healthier skin. Cleaner skin = less acne. Besides, lack of water in our body means lack of moisture, and many women out there spent hundreds on moisturizers which need to be applied outside the skin, when we can actually drink water into our body to replenish moisture in our skin! Water is damn cheap, if not free. I guess if every woman thinks like me, the beauty product companies will go bankrupt =.=
6) Ribena and fruit juice
The things that Ribena and fruit juice have in common is Vitamin C. Vitamin C is well-known for its antioxidant properties, clearing of complexion and aiding the production of collagen. I don't think I need to elaborate how Vitamin C is so beneficial to our skin, so I will enclose it with a link here. But one thing for sure is that, Vitamin C is a water-soluble vitamin, so if we use skin care products that contain Vitamin C, it may not be absorbed that easily into our skin. What better ways of getting Vitamin C absorbed than to constantly take it? And nothing beats natural sources of Vitamin C (Ribena is made of blackcurrant juice, which contains Vitamin C, so yeah).
Apart from all these, my food intake is usually unhealthy food. But, but, but, but, I will make sure I take CLEAN food when I return to Miri. I will cook and practice clean eating, and work out. Not to lose weight, but for my health. Healthy life = happy body :D
p/s: If there is any missing information regarding the skin benefits from the food mentioned above, please let me know. Thank you very much!
Friday, August 02, 2013
Crystal Clear Point
After the "letting-out" post that I had published few days ago, suddenly my blog had so many views. This society is seriously ill. I posted my thoughts and views and I personally thought they were good posts, yet these posts do not gain as much views as that particular post. I guess that's why Xiaxue's blog has been so popular (to be honest I enjoyed reading her post about bashing someone as well brohohohoho).
I know there are several critics that have gathered among readers who did not witness things between us:
1) I am so shameless and cruel. Post such stuff to badmouth others on my page wor! It is public domain after all, if people read and then hate someone then how?
2) I am so immature to post such personal stuff on my public blog. Why can't I just keep it to private? Have I not thought of the other person's feelings (and reputation in my humble opinion)?
I cannot please everyone in this world, and pleasing myself is my main priority, hence, I WILL NOT DELETE THAT BLOG POST. That post is meant for me to act as a reminder not to accept any toxic people in my life. There are some toxic people whom I cannot avoid, but if there are ones whom I can cut off, I am actually doing myself a big favour. I am the type of person that let people step on me so that they will feel happy, and I find that ridiculously cruel to myself, even to the point that it has taken its toll to my body. I accept too many toxic from toxic people that I am starting to get toxic inside my body as well. I can never avoid the ones that are blood-related because blood is thicker than water. But if they are not blood-related to me and I find myself not obliged to sacrifice for their goodwill, why not cut them off completely?
Now cutting off is the hard part, especially when they have been part of your life for some time. The reason why I used to linger with my ex for quite some time was because I could not cut him off completely. Because of that, I suffered a great deal emotionally and spiritually. Cutting off is like removing a part of your body that has been affected with tumour. It hurts, but it heals. More importantly, it requires courage for the surgery. And that blog post acts as my milestone to remind myself not to accept any toxic people that will do me harm.
Therefore, I am here to tell those readers who have read that blog post (that's A LOT WEH; sick society I shall repeat) that all the hurtful things that she did to me does not affect anyone else. You do not know her, so you do not have the right to judge her. That blog post was entirely about me and how I felt about her. That was why I put that title of not mentioning anything if there is nothing nice to say is because I do not want any negative comments about anyone, me or her. As much as I dislike her and regard her as toxic, I do not hope that people will start judging her because of one post. One man's meat is another man's poison. (Well, unless those who read my blog have seen the scenes and truly know what was going on, then different story altogether la :P)
p/s: For her, I just want to say that no one has the right to decide whose ass was bitten by karma or what (I know I have been cursed like that A LOT by her).
p/s/s: Shall deal with bitter stares and cold shoulder for one more year. I have so many things to shoulder leh :(
p/s/s/s: Once again, any derogatory comments about her will be deleted.
I know there are several critics that have gathered among readers who did not witness things between us:
1) I am so shameless and cruel. Post such stuff to badmouth others on my page wor! It is public domain after all, if people read and then hate someone then how?
2) I am so immature to post such personal stuff on my public blog. Why can't I just keep it to private? Have I not thought of the other person's feelings (and reputation in my humble opinion)?
I cannot please everyone in this world, and pleasing myself is my main priority, hence, I WILL NOT DELETE THAT BLOG POST. That post is meant for me to act as a reminder not to accept any toxic people in my life. There are some toxic people whom I cannot avoid, but if there are ones whom I can cut off, I am actually doing myself a big favour. I am the type of person that let people step on me so that they will feel happy, and I find that ridiculously cruel to myself, even to the point that it has taken its toll to my body. I accept too many toxic from toxic people that I am starting to get toxic inside my body as well. I can never avoid the ones that are blood-related because blood is thicker than water. But if they are not blood-related to me and I find myself not obliged to sacrifice for their goodwill, why not cut them off completely?
Now cutting off is the hard part, especially when they have been part of your life for some time. The reason why I used to linger with my ex for quite some time was because I could not cut him off completely. Because of that, I suffered a great deal emotionally and spiritually. Cutting off is like removing a part of your body that has been affected with tumour. It hurts, but it heals. More importantly, it requires courage for the surgery. And that blog post acts as my milestone to remind myself not to accept any toxic people that will do me harm.
Therefore, I am here to tell those readers who have read that blog post (that's A LOT WEH; sick society I shall repeat) that all the hurtful things that she did to me does not affect anyone else. You do not know her, so you do not have the right to judge her. That blog post was entirely about me and how I felt about her. That was why I put that title of not mentioning anything if there is nothing nice to say is because I do not want any negative comments about anyone, me or her. As much as I dislike her and regard her as toxic, I do not hope that people will start judging her because of one post. One man's meat is another man's poison. (Well, unless those who read my blog have seen the scenes and truly know what was going on, then different story altogether la :P)
p/s: For her, I just want to say that no one has the right to decide whose ass was bitten by karma or what (I know I have been cursed like that A LOT by her).
p/s/s: Shall deal with bitter stares and cold shoulder for one more year. I have so many things to shoulder leh :(
p/s/s/s: Once again, any derogatory comments about her will be deleted.
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